


I Will Remember You

by Genie60



Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Lost Love, Marriage, Presumed Dead, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2018-12-12 06:20:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 91,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11731260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: Suppose Demelza went fishing again after Jeremy is born and never came home?  Supposed she was lost at sea, presumed dead by all except Ross?  His head tells him she's gone but his heart says something else.  And suppose Demelza is alive, in another country with no idea who she is?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> From a long Twitter discussion/brainstorming session with @Shiparker. The seed is hers, I'm just helping to make it grow.

“Prudie!”

The voice bellowed from the library and carried through the house.  The few guests that remained turned towards each other, suddenly uncomfortable at the atmosphere. The memorial service was more than solemn; it was morbid.  The lack of an actual person to eulogize and bury made the ceremony seem incomplete.  The widower sat in the first pew with his cousin, who held his infant son.  He did not have the desire to look at him because he was a reminder of his wife.  The services were hurried along so that those gathered could move to Nampara to continue mourning as was a tradition.  After an hour or so, few stayed as it was clear Ross Poldark didn’t want anyone around to console him for there is no consolation.  The love of his life, his soul mate, the one person who was his constant and that had never let him down, was gone.  That’s what he was told and was forced to believe. Yet a part of him felt like she was still alive.  Somewhere.  She was still lurking in his mind and his heart, unable to reach him.  He didn’t know why. Call it instinct or intuition. Most people around him called it denial.  Weeks of searching for her after the oars of the boat washed up on the beach of Nampara Cove proved futile and he was told to accept the fact that Demelza was dead. 

Today, as he sat in church and listened to sermons and hymns, he could not resign himself to the fact that she was not coming back.  He wouldn’t until he saw it with his own eyes.  For now, he talked himself into thinking she was lost somewhere but not dead.  He wouldn’t even say the word.  When the time came for him to lead the congregation out of the chapel, Ross stood, carrying his hat while Prudie and Verity walked behind him carrying Jeremy.  His other cousin, Francis followed with Ross’s one time love, Elizabeth, walking with their heads down, somber and silently weeping.   Ross, however, had no tears. At least not for the public.  That was not to say that every night since the search was abandoned to find Demelza, he didn’t lie in their bed and sob.  He made sure to do muffle the sound in her pillow which still held the scent of her hair. Demelza always had the aura of flowers, freshly baked bread, and the sea. Always the sea.  It was the one place she felt at home and now it was the place that took her.

Ross was slumped in the chair behind his desk, playing with the frayed ribbon he found on her dressing table a few days after the accident.  It was one he had given her years before that she wore on their first visit to Trenwith.  That seemed like a lifetime ago.  So much had passed since then and now here he was alone once more.  He never thought he’d be in this position for the second time.  He cursed the God that they prayed to earlier for doing this to him yet again.  First Julia; his beloved, innocent daughter.  And now Demelza. 

He looked at his empty glass and called again for someone.

“PRUDIE! Fetch me the rum!”

As the room echoed he remembered how he used to call for Demelza in the same way during her early days at Nampara. She came as a child, dirty, starving, but without any resentment to her plight.  Garrick was always close at her heels, never leaving her side, not even the day she went missing. From that first day, she brought a light and hope to his life that he didn’t know he needed.  She had seamlessly grown into his heart, taking up residence one piece at a time. Before long she held all of it in her hand so by the night she came to him in that blasted dress, when he took her for the first time, he gave to her as much as she gave to him.  They were equals and there was no going back from there.  Ross didn’t know it was love, true, real and abiding, until months after they were married.   

Ross grew impatient waiting for Prudie to bring him what he asked for so he rummaged through the library for a bottle of anything at this point. He knew that Demelza kept a decanter of brandy hidden in here during the days when Jud was still working for them.  He just didn’t know where.  He rifled through the book shelves, moving old journals and papers in search of the liquor. Before he realized it he found himself standing in front of his father’s chest.  Ross looked down, a chill running through him because he knew if he opened it what he would find inside.  He was shaking now but needed to see it.  Crouching down, he lifted the lid of the old trunk and as expected, the first thing he saw was a hint of blue.  He pushed it up and there, lying on top was the blue dress Demelza wore the night that changed everything.  A part of him wanted to shred the silk until it lost all semblance that it was ever a dress.  The other part of him, the part that loved the women who had worn it, wanted to hold on to, never to let it go.  Not able to do either, he slammed the lid down and resumed his search for alcohol.

His back was to the door when he heard it open and close.

“Finally.  Just put it down on the desk and leave me alone,” he said not bothering to look who it was.

“No Ross.  I think you need to talk,” said a soft feminine voice.

Ross turned around slowly, his eyes red rimmed as he saw his cousin Verity, standing there with a dark green bottle of the rum he called for.  He didn’t move towards her, instead of returning to the desk chair and taking a seat again.  Verity watched her cousin as sat down, closing his eyes and leaning his head back.  She walked to the desk, picked up his glass and filled it with the amber liquid.  Placing it back in front of her, she said nothing but did take a seat across from him in one of the other chairs, folding her hands in her lap. 

“Verity,” he whispered.

“My dear, please let me get you something to eat,” his cousin said leaning forward to get his attention.

“No.  I don’t want to go back out there and face anyone.  I can’t after what I’ve done,” he said, gulping down the brandy.

“Done?  You’ve done nothing Ross,” Verity said.

He let out a harsh laugh and nodded the glass still at his mouth.

“That’s exactly right! I did nothing! I didn’t look for her long enough! I gave up! I believed everyone who said she’s dead!  To me, she’s not dead!  She’s not!”

Ross was shouting but Verity did nothing to stop him.  He needed to let out the anger and pain that had been guiding him since Demelza’s disappearance.

“Ross,” she started to say.

“Don’t Verity. Don’t tell me it’s going to be alright. Don’t tell me I’ll get over it in time.  Just don’t. Because right now I don’t think anything will be alright ever again.”

Verity watched him, fighting the urge to go over and take him into her arms.  She knew her cousin long enough to know when to back away. This was one of those times.  Nothing she said was going to do any good once he’s set his mind to something.

“The worst part of this Verity is that she left without knowing how much I love her.  I love her Verity. With all my soul and she doesn’t know,” he said, his voice breaking.

“She did know Ross.”

Ross looked up at her when she used the past tense.  Searching his cousin’s face, he saw that she believed Demelza was gone too.

“You’re like them aren’t you? You believe she’s dead too, don’t you?”  He sounded accusatory but Verity held her ground.

“Ross, my dear, I don’t want to but we must accept that she’s been gone a long time. If she were going to be found, it would have happened already.  Please, you shouldn’t hold on to false hope,” Verity said, now walking over to him.

“I can’t Verity. I can’t believe it.  I can’t and won’t think that Demelza left me,” he said.

“Ross, she didn’t leave you. She had an accident; a terrible, unfortunate accident.  No one could foresee that happening,” she explained.

“I should have.  I should have known that she was back to taking the boat out,” he responded

“Demelza had a mind of her own.  You couldn’t change that. And in truth, you wouldn’t change that, would you?”

Lifting his head again, one hand on the glass, the other in Verity’s, Ross looked at her and knew she was right. The Demelza he brought home and fell in love with was an independent woman who, even if he begged, would do what she wanted if she thought it best.  Nothing he said would have stopped her but that didn’t make it better. 

“No. I wouldn’t have changed her.  What I would change is the fact that I never told her that.  Any of it,” he said.

Suddenly, Ross pushed Verity away and walked around the desk, past her, past the trunk, leaving the alcohol and memories behind for now. He had reached the door and hesitated before opening it.

“Is everyone still here?” he asked.

“No.  Just Dwight.  He wanted to stay and make sure you were alright and he wanted to check on Jeremy,” Verity said.

As if just remembering he had a son, he closed his eyes. Jeremy.  The child he hadn’t wanted that Demelza was sure was a sign of a new beginning.  With her gone, how was he going to raise his son as she would have wanted? 

“Is Jeremy alright?”

“Yes, Ross.  He’s too young to know anything.”

“He’s lucky.”

“Is he Ross?”

“Yes.  Because he won’t remember the pain of this time,” Ross said.

Verity knew what Ross meant but was forgetting one thing.

“That might be true.  He won’t remember that.  Yet is he lucky to grow up without a mother? To not know what an amazing woman Demelza was?  You must tell him,” Verity said.

A new wave of sadness and loss ran through him which spurred him to leave.  Without looking back he exited the library determined to get away.  Ross couldn’t think of that now for to relate to Jeremy what Demelza was like would mean he’d have to accept that she was gone.  He needed to get some air and get away from Nampara.  He didn’t bother to take his coat or hat opting instead to brave the weather in just his waistcoat.  Heading outside he stood in the yard, not quite sure which direction to go in.  He needed to talk to Demelza.  If today was a true funeral Ross could go to the churchyard, stand over her newly dug grave and mourn. But there was no plot and there would be no real headstone as there was no Demelza.  Struck with a thought, Ross knew where he could find Demelza to talk to.  Trekking through the back of the house he headed towards the place where he knew he’d feel her.  He soon found himself on the same beach that he’d scoured months ago searching for her.

Ross stood on the end of the sand, the tide barely coming to his feet. The foam of each wave left a film as it receded as if they were memories.  Looking out, Ross imagined his wife fighting these same waves in a struggle to save herself and come back to shore.  Visions of her soaked to the bone, her hair heavy and dank against her body were as clear as if he were watching the scene play out in front of him.  He had these seems thoughts each night since she had gone missing. And each night he found himself wading out to the water to reach her, always missing her.  Just as he reached what he thought was Demelza, the boat and the woman sank under the dark waters.  Ross often woke up calling her name.  As he stood there now he heard someone doing the same thing. Yelling for Demelza.  He realized it was his voice he heard.

“DEMELZA!”

He walked up and down the shore, calling for her, believing if he yelled loud enough, the wind would carry his plea to her and she’d emerge from the sea like Aphrodite. 

“DEMELZA!  Where are you?! Why did you leave me?!”

The breath left him as the sea air filled his lungs forcing him to drop to his knees in the sand.  He hung his head, gasping, as he ran his hands through his hair.  He felt something in his fist when he saw he still held Demelza’s hair ribbon. Pulling it through his fingers he remembered the last time he saw her.  She hadn’t given him any clue that morning that she was going out in the boat even though he knew they could use the extra supplies with such as scant larder.  If he knew when he left for the mine that she wasn’t going to be waiting for him when he returned, he might have done things differently.  He’d have given her a kiss and held her just one more minute.  He’d have told her how grateful he was that she was his wife and that what he thought was second best in the beginning of their lives together, was actually _the_ best he could have wished for.  He’d have told her that meeting her that day at Redruth Fair was the luckiest thing that ever happened to him and he hoped she didn’t regret the fact that she married a less than prosperous man.  He’d have said all that before asking her not to go out in the boat without him.  That way when the sea swept her away, he could have gone with her so he wasn’t left alone to cope.

Ross looked down and saw his hands were wet from the tears he didn’t realize were falling, the ribbon twisted around his knuckles.  He pulled it tighter, hoping the pain would alleviate some of what his heart felt.  He closed his eyes and tugged as he felt his fingers go numb.  The stinging was a welcome relief to the ache in his chest. He was focused on that when he heard barking in the distance.  For an instance he expected, no hoped, that when he looked up he would see Demelza with Garrick close behind.  Raising his head slowly, he opened his eyes and saw Garrick but he was alone.  No wild red hair to be found. Once again the reality set in that she was no longer here.

He didn’t move but let the dog come to him.  As much as Garrick was a thorn in Ross’s side when he first came, he was now a connection to Demelza.  He called the dog to his side and rubbed his face in his fur, not quite knowing what he was hoping to smell.  The wind had turned and the sky turned dark, as a storm loomed in the distance.  Ross wondered if this is what happened that day of the accident. Was Demelza out in fine weather and without warning, got swept up in a sudden squall? He didn’t know why he kept torturing himself with ‘what if’s’ and ‘if only’.  There was nothing he could do about what happened.  Ross stayed motionless for a few minutes more, avoiding the inevitable trek back to the house.  As he sat there, the wind whipping around him, he heard a tune in the air.  He knew it had to be his imagination or he was dreaming again. 

“This has to stop,” he cried to no one.  “Please, Demelza, if you’re out there, please come home.  I can’t do this without you.  I don’t want to do this without you.” 

Garrick nipped at Ross, clearly wanting him to go.  He glanced down at the dog and decided he couldn’t avoid home any longer.  Standing up on shaky legs, Ross took another look out to sea and wondered where she was.  Where did the currents take her? Was she scared and did she call for him?  Or did it happen quickly and painlessly, so that she had no time to think of it?  He had thought of joining her when he first came down today for he had nothing to live for.  Jeremy, he thought. There was still Jeremy to consider.  Verity was right on that score; Jeremy needed him, however much he could give of himself when his heart was empty. 

He retraced his steps back to Nampara, entering through the front door this time, not minding that he was tracking sand into the house.  Demelza wasn’t there to scold him or Garrick.  Ross walked into the parlor, void of any mourners for which he was grateful.  The decanters of liquor were still out and availed himself of more brandy. He saw the crystal bottle filled with the burgundy liquid that was his wife’s favorite.  Without knowing why, Ross picked it up, removed the stopper and inhaled; the sweetness of the port was just another reminder of Demelza.  Gulping down his drink, he looked around the room as each site held some memory of her.  Her imprint was left in every corner, from the spinet to the various vases that she filled daily with flowers.

“Ross?”

Verity came in, with Jeremy in her arms.  Ross turned towards her, downing the last of his drink.  Putting the glass down, he walked towards her and took his son in his arms.  Moving the blanket out of the way, he took in his features. The dark hair and eyes were his but there was something gentle and soft in Jeremy’s face that was a reflection of Demelza. 

Ross sat down on the bench and cradled the sleeping child, occasionally brushing his cheek with his finger.

“How do I do this Verity?  How do I go on living a life when the soul of my life is gone?  Why should I?” he asked tearfully.

Joining him on the seat, Verity looked at her cousin and had no words that would make what happened easier to deal with.

“I don’t know my dear. But you must.  Not only for Jeremy but for your sake as well. You know that Demelza would not want you to wallow in grief but to go on.  It’s what you would have wished she do if the trial had ended differently isn’t it?”

Transferring his gaze from his son to his cousin, Ross tried to comprehend what she was saying. He knew logically she was right, but emotionally he wasn’t so sure.  

“I know she would.  I’m not as strong as she was, Verity.”

“Then you’ll have to find that strength in yourself, Ross. It’s there.  I’m sure of it. As was Demelza,” Verity said.

“You seem to have more confidence in me that I do.”

“That’s because I see you the way she did.  Believe in yourself, Ross. Just as Demelza did.”

He nodded and looked back down at his son.  For his sake, if no one else, he would try and be a better man and make a life just as everyone told him to. But his heart still held a part aside for the woman who was no longer here.  For the woman that he believed was out there, waiting for him to find her.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The bar maid with the fiery red hair and temper to match fought off the attentions of yet another drunken patron of the Le Coq Rouge.  In the few months she had been here, she had more propositions than she could deal with. And she was not interested in any of them.  She wasn’t sure why but a part of her held back as though she knew her heart lay elsewhere.  Yet she did not know where or for whom.  They called her Sally but she knew that wasn’t her name.  She had no idea what her name was or where she came from.  She just knew that she belonged to someone, somewhere. 

And she wondered if they would ever meet again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sally" starts to wonder about her past and why she is having recurring dreams with the face a familiar stranger. Back in Cornwall, Ross is coming to terms with his life without Demelza until an old friend makes him an offer that he can't seem to refuse.

The tall young red headed woman lay on her bed in the small room above the Le Coq Rouge, absently rubbing the thin gold band on her finger.  She twisted it, first one way and then the other, as if the motion would unwind her mind and release the memories she knew were trapped in there.  What she didn’t understand was _why_ she couldn’t remember.  Had something bad happened in her past that she didn’t want to remember it?  Or was it simply a case of her mind taking a break from the past and when it felt ready, would bring back the life she left behind? 

She rolled on to her side, bringing her knees up to her chest in an attempt to find some comfort.  As she curled her arms around her torso, a flash of another set of strong arms, wrapped around her waist, pulling her close flew through her mind.  Looking down at her finger again was the symbol of a marriage and a husband that might be somewhere.  Closing her eyes she thought she could see someone but then nothing was there.  There were nights where she swore she heard a baby crying as she slept. Sometimes she would wake up looking for the source of the sound and finding nothing would go back into a fitful sleep.  And then the sounds gave way to a shadowed face.  The only thing she could see in her dream was a pair of warm, brown eyes. They seemed to see right through her, shaking the young woman to the core, resulting in her waking up in a cold sweat. The visions had started after her rescue from the turbulent sea waters where she traveled on the smuggler’s ship which brought her here.  The same kind of chill ran through her now, forcing her to shift onto her back, her eyes still closed. She recalled her voyage here and thought maybe the arms belonged to the men who plucked her from the water.   Details of that day were still foggy at best but she knew that if she had not been found, she’d be dead.

Sally, for that, was the name her savior gave her, would be forever grateful to Mr. Trencrom and his ship for passing by as she floundered in the water. She lay in the bottom of her small rowboat, passed out after trying to make her way back to shore with no luck.  The elements played against her as the tide pulled her out rather than drew her into shore as she rowed with all she had.  By the time the ship reached her, Sally had been at sea at least a day, possibly more, leaving her body aching and her head fuzzy. On the large ship called “The One and All”, the crew respected her presence but only after Mr. Trencrom threatened them with being thrown overboard if they acted any differently. She didn’t know why she trusted this man but she appreciated his kindness.

For a week or so she remained in the hold, trying to regain her strength and her memory. She was wracked with fever and hypothermia from being exposed to the elements.  Her skin was puckered and her lungs sore from struggling for breath as she tried rowing to shore.  Everyday Trencrom would come to check on her, asking her if she remembered anything. One day she found herself humming absently as she walked around the small cabin she was moved to.  She didn’t know that Mr. Trencrom had come upon her and watched her from the door.  She also didn’t know how or why she started singing when she couldn’t even remember her name let alone a song. Yet it seemed to give her solace.  It was because of this that Trencrom gave her the name Sally; a variation of Scylla, one of the sirens of the sea.  Sally was touched as this gruff man took the time and seemed to care enough about her to give her a name so that she wouldn’t be just some flotsam from the sea. As she became more at ease on the smuggling boat she’d find herself humming as she fell asleep, tears falling down her cheeks. And every night she hoped that when she woke up she’d remember who she was.  It was this notion that stayed with her as she trudged through the days and which she focused on once again this morning as she saw the sun appear. The time for reflecting was over as Sally realized she needed to get to work.  

Rising from the bed, she put on her corset and smoothed her skirt before tying a scarf around her wild curls, pulling them off her face.  As she brought her hand down from her head, her eyes again were drawn to the ring and she wondered why she didn’t just take it off.  However, the one time she tried, she got as far as her knuckle and couldn’t remove it the rest of the way. Not because it wouldn’t slip off but because her heart told her to leave it alone.  Putting that thought aside, Sally headed downstairs to Le Coq Rouge to start her day’s work.  It was not always the most pleasant place to be but it kept her mind busy and made the days pass quicker.  This was another thing she had to thank Trencrom for: this job.  When the ship arrived in Roscoff, he brought her ashore and into the establishment of a friend.  Initially, it was secure a room for her to stay since she couldn’t keep traveling on the boat while Trencrom made his runs. The owner, Jacques Clisson, was agreeable as long as she paid her way.  That led to her becoming another barmaid for Trencroms’s friend in exchange for room and board.  She resisted at first but then realized there was nothing else for her to do.  Sally also hoped that being settled, if you could call it that, might allow her to relax and remember who she was.

She walked into the dark pub, the room already inhabited by some regulars.   The patrons of this establishment were mostly locals and passersby who were part of ‘the trade” also known as smuggling.  Trencrom was part of the latter crew but having been in the business and coming to Roscoff for years he could be considered a local.  Sally walked past the men quickly to avoid eye contact.  Doing otherwise could give an impression of being interested in something more than just a friendship.  Finding an apron, Sally was wiping a table, humming the same tune when Jacques Clisson, came up behind her.

“Cherie, you are like a bird, singing all the time.  What is that song?” he asked as his hands worked their way up and down her back.

Wriggling to get away from his grasp, the tall red head tried to answer. 

“I don’t know.  It just comes to me,” she said softly.  

Turning back to her work she ignored his presence hoping he would leave her alone.  Unfortunately, that was not to be.  Clisson sidled up to her, the scent of day old brandy and sweat permeating her nostrils making her nauseous.  His dirty hands touched her again, spinning her around to face him, his face coming close to her.  He rubbed his cheek against hers as he moved to whisper in her ear.

“Maybe sometimes you can sing just for me, cherie.  You know a private performance?” he said in a low voice. 

His hand slid up her arm, prompting Sally to do all she could to keep from visibly shivering.  Again she closed her eyes to the vision of this man trying to seduce her and replaced it with the blurry face of another with warm brown eyes.

“I don’t think that would be very proper,” Sally said, fighting the urge to slap him.

She knew that she had to play along to a degree if she wanted to keep this job but she had no intention of letting Clisson or any man taking advantage of her.  Sally stealthily moved around him to work at the next table when she heard a voice come from the doorway.

“Clisson!” the man called. 

Both Sally and her employer turned around to see Mr. Trencrom standing a few feet away from them, a scowl on his face.  Clisson stepped forward as he gave a backward glance to Sally, snorting his disapproval.  He knew that Trencrom had a soft spot for this little red headed bird but that didn’t mean that Clisson needed to follow his orders. This was still his establishment.  He was about to say something to that effect to his visitor when Trencrom spoke first.

“You’re not paying too much attention to my muse are you?” Trencrom warned.

Clisson backed down from starting a fight and smiled at Trencrom.

“No my friend.  I was just telling Mademoiselle Sally how glad I am that she is working for me,” Clisson said. 

He gave Sally a sideway glance warning her not to say anything more but Trencrom knew better and walked towards the young girl to verify that.

“Is that what he said?” Trencrom asked Sally.

Looking past the seaman to the Frenchman she nodded.

“Yes, Mr. Trencrom,” she said.

Satisfied with her answer, for the time being, Trencrom let it go but turned back to Clisson and spoke.

“Glad to hear it.  Now, how about some rum for your old friend?”

Clisson gave Sally the okay to serve their mutual acquaintance before going back to his other customers.  She brought the bottle and a glass and with another glance at Clisson took a seat at the table as well.

“How are you doing my little siren?” Trencrom asked her.

She gave him a sad smile and gazed down at her hands, once more drawn to the ring on her finger.

“I’m managing,” she replied.

Trencrom took a sip of his rum while he searched her face.  He could tell that something was bothering his little mermaid other than the attentions of Clisson.  During her time on his boat, the concern was for her well being rather than who she was.  Now, as he saw her in some kind of inner conflict he could tell that she was beginning to wonder about where she came from. 

“What is it, Sally?  Clearly, something is worrying you.”

Sally looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears that surprisingly moved Trencrom.  He was not usually an emotional man, but there was something about this frail looking young woman that made him forget that he was a hard boiled smuggler with no family of his own. 

“I’ve been having dreams, Mr. Trencrom,” she started.

“Dreams?  What is troublesome about that?”

Trencrom took another swill of rum as he waited for her to explain.

“Nothing most of the time. But these dreams, they feel like a message or something,” she said.

She was becoming agitated. Trencrom glanced about the room where he could see that Clisson was not happy with his best worker taking time off to talk.  The bar owner started to approach the table when Trencrom rose.  Clisson ignored the old sailor and spoke directly to Sally.

“Time you got back to work, cherie.  Customers are waiting for you,” he said, grabbing her arm to pull her up.

Trencrom put his hand on Clisson’s to stop him from manhandling Sally.

“Your customers are just fine Clisson. I haven’t seen Sally in weeks and I would like some time alone with her.  I think you can handle things,” he said looking at the scare amount of patrons in the pub. 

There were a few tables with regulars but hardly busy enough to drag Sally away.

Clisson huffed at the impertinence of his old friend but knew it was useless to fight him. This bird had gotten under the sailor’s skin and Clisson would just have to be patient. For now. 

“Fine, my friend.  But I don’t pay her to socialize with you.  Only the paying customers,” Clisson spit out.

Taking some coins from his pocket, Trencrom placed them on the table with a clang. He looked up at Clisson who proceeded to take the money before leaving the two of them.  Trencrom sat back down and leaned back in his chair waiting for Sally to speak again.

 “What could they mean Mr. Trencrom?  These dreams.  I sometimes think they are trying to tell me where I came from and who I am,” she said.

“Exactly what are you dreaming of?”

“You’ll think me mad, I’m sure,” she replied.

“Try me.  You forget I’ve been around the world.  I’ve seen many things.  Not much can surprise me anymore,” Trencrom said.

Sally sat back and tried to gather her thoughts to explain.

“I keep hearing a baby cry.  And seeing the shadow of a man.  But when I try to remember who or what it is, nothing comes to me,” she said. 

She paused before going on. “Mr. Trencrom, where did you find me?”

The old sailor had to think back to where he picked her up.

“I can’t recall exactly but it was off Cornwall.  Near a place called Nampara Cove,” he answered.

The name of the place had a ring of familiarity to it but again, she couldn’t narrow down the specifics. Yet she was sure she’d heard it before.

“Nampara Cove?  Is that where you are from?” she asked Trencrom.

“No. But I have had business dealings there for years.  Stop by on occasion when the opportunities come,” he replied.

“Did you ever hear of someone missing?”

Sally was beginning to get upset. It was as if each new bit of information was supposed to make sense but they didn’t. Everything was still just pieces with no connection between them. The frustration grew making her angry at herself for not knowing more. Trencrom could see this but had no answers for her.

“No. Like I mentioned, I’m not around the area long enough to hear gossip. Usually, I’m trying to avoid being noticed,” he said with a smirk making Sally smile as well.

“Sorry.  I just keep thinking that someone out there knows who I am,” she said.

“I’m sure they do,” Trencrom agreed.

“Then why haven’t they come looking for me?  Did I do something awful to make them glad I was gone?”

Trencrom felt for her but had to agree that by now someone should have been out to find her. 

“That ring on your finger means that someone loved you once, my little mermaid.  Perhaps they just haven’t found a way to search for you.”

Being as diplomatic as possible, Trencrom tried to ease her fears and sense of being alone.

“Maybe they don’t love me anymore,” she said with tears coming now.

“I doubt that. Anyone who would put a ring on your finger has to love you. They’d be a fool to just let you go,” he said.

“Seems they did,” she said standing up. “I have to get back to work.  If you hear anything in your travels will you please let me know?”

Trencrom rose as well and put his hands on her shoulders.

“You can count on it.  I will be making a trip that way next week so I’ll keep an ear to the ground for any news.”

Sally’s face broke into a grin, a feeling of hope washing over her.

“Thank you.  Thank you for everything.  I’d be dead if it weren’t for you,”” she said as she gave him a hug.

Trencrom was not used to this kind of affection and didn’t know how to respond.  He tentatively put his arms around the slight woman and gave her a hug in return. 

“Well, it’s bad luck for sailors to pass mermaids in the sea.  I had to save you,” he said.

“If I were a mermaid, I’d be a better swimmer to find my way home,” she fired back.

The old man watched as she sashayed back to work, now on a mission to help her find her past. 

*~*~*~*~*

Ross Poldark was in his mine office going over the week's earnings when he heard a ruckus outside.  Putting down the quill he followed the noise and came upon one of his workers in a tussle with someone he didn’t immediately recognize.  As he got closer the sound of the stranger’s voice got clearer and he knew who it was.  A shadow from his past that he had hoped not to see again.

“Tholly Tregirls. What brings you here? Especially what brings you to Wheal Grace?” Ross asked as he stood over the man now lying on the ground, gasping for breath.

“Young Cap’n!” the older man said, standing up and brushing himself off. 

He pulled Ross into a hug which the younger man returned.  Tholly was an old friend of Ross’s father:  smuggler, rogue and sometimes pirate.  The scars on his face and the loss of his hand held as souvenirs of his life at sea and beyond.

“I thought you were dead Tholly,” Ross said.

“It’ll take more than losing me hand to stop me.  And what about you young Cap’n? Picking up where your father left off?”

“Hardly.”

Ross’s face darkened as he remembered what his life was like now and what was missing from it. He started walked away from the mine, the old salt following him.

“Still getting in trouble young Cap’n?”

“Not the kind you’re used to,” Ross responded.

“Well, maybe it’s time you and I went on another jaunt.  Maybe you’ve been down in the ground too long and you need some time out in the wild again,” Tholly offered.

Ross looked at the man as if he were crazy.  The last thing he needed was to go off on a jaunt leaving his mine, his farm, and his motherless child. 

“Tholly I have responsibilities.  People depend on me.  I can’t just up and leave,” Ross argued.

“From what I can see you’re stuck in a rut, my boy.  A change of scene might do you good,” Tholly replied.

They had reached the cliffs above the mine and looked out at the sea.  Even though Tholly was with him Ross felt alone without Demelza there. The cliffs were their place.  It was where she told him she belonged at Nampara; it was where they said goodbye to Julia and where he told her he’d found his star in her.  So many memories of a woman he thought would always be by his side.  He learned that nothing was certain and that life needed to be grasped as it happened.  Ross turned to look at Tholly who had been staring at him this whole time.

“Something is troubling you young Cap’n.  What is it?” Tholly asked.

“Nothing. Except sometimes you’re never prepared for what life throws at you,” he answered.

“You’ve never been this depressing.  Where is the young Cap’n I used to know?”

“Long gone.  Thanks to a red headed woman who changed me,” Ross said quietly.

“And where is she now? Left you for someone else?” Tholly joked not realizing what he was saying.

“I’ve only just lost my wife, Tholly.  I don’t see how I can just leave my son to go traipsing around the sea with you!”

Tholly was confused.  He hadn’t heard the tale of Demelza’s death so had no idea that his joke opened a very fresh wound.

“She left. But not for someone. Actually, she’s supposedly dead,” he said bitterly.

“Dead? Sorry to hear that young Cap’n,” Tholly said.

“So I’ve been told.”

Tholly was not sure what the young Poldark meant.

“Do you not know?” he asked Ross.

“Ironically she was lost at sea a few months ago,” Ross explained. “We never found her body and I don’t believe she’s dead.”

Tholly watched the face of the young Cap’n as it remembered the loss.  Now he knew that the best thing for the lad was to get away. 

“Well, then I think you should consider coming with me.  Your father’s old friend Trencrom is coming through to make a run and I’m going with him for my own…business.  A change of scenery would do you good.”

Ross turned to look at Tholly, convinced that the man was mad.  Could he just pick up and leave for no good reason for God knows how long?

“Where is Trencrom running now?  I thought he was out of the business,” Ross said.

“He’s got a new route that has been quite profitable. You might find something interesting on the trip,” Tholly said.

Taking the offer under consideration Ross couldn’t deny that he was tempted to get away from Cornwall for a bit.  There was Jeremy to consider of course but Verity and Prudie could take care of him for a time.  He wasn’t much use to his son in the state he was in now so he might as well leave him to people who would better tend to him.

“What is this route?”

Tholly smiled knowing that he would have his old traveling companion back again.

“Roscoff.”

Ross felt a chill run up his spine at the mention of that town in France but he had no idea why.  Without a second thought, he gave Tholly his answer.

“Fine.  I’ll go to Roscoff. Who knows what I’ll find there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in this next chapter but my focus diverted by my other works. Striving for more regular updates. Hope you'll stay for the ride...
> 
> Thank you to all who are reading, sharing, commenting and supporting this work.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross leaves Cornwall hoping to find some peace of mind. And "Sally" begins to feel and remember things that she can't explain.

As it turned out, Ross did not leave with Tholly on his next jaunt. That was delayed due to a turn in the weather and Trencrom’s extended stay in Roscoff to finish other business. This was actually a fortunate turn of events as Jeremy was taken ill.  Dwight diagnosed it as a cold that had settled in his chest but it sent a wave of panic through Ross nonetheless.  He was assured that it was not fatal and with some tonics, warmth, and rest he would recover without issue.  Since Julia’s death Ross was fearful of the worst. Without Demelza around to be the voice of reason and sense he panicked. It also made her absence even more apparent and the loss he felt was more severe.

The emptiness went beyond the blank space in the bed next to him where her body should be. It went to the little things. He missed her helping with his boots when he came home weary from the mine.  He missed her sitting next to him as he went over the mine accounts while she sewed or read.  He missed the sight of flowers in various rooms of the house because no one else had the same love of flora that she did. He missed the smells coming from the kitchen signaling that she was doing the cooking and not Prudie. He missed the sound of her voice, with lingering traces of her Cornish accent that he found so endearing and so Demelza. He missed hearing the voice when she called out ‘Judas’ as they made love and he filled her over and over until they both reached a joint ecstasy that went beyond the physical. He missed her singing whether it was while she did chores, or played with Garrick or cared for Jeremy. Her soft voice carrying tunes only she knew that filled the air of Nampara with joy. But mostly he just missed her. Demelza filled his soul in ways he never knew existed and which he was sure he would never know again.

Ross was sitting next to Jeremy’s bed, watching his son sleep, his breathing raspy and shallow. Every so often Ross would lay his hand on the child’s chest hoping it would ease his discomfort. It was as he was leaning over, caressing his child that an overwhelming sense of sorrow passed through him.

“Where are you Demelza? I can't do this without you.  Jeremy needs his mother and me—I just need you. I don’t know how to do what you do.  Please help me.”

It was a plea he didn’t realize he was speaking aloud until he saw Jeremy stir from his slumber and start to whimper. The boy started to fuss so Ross picked him up holding him close to his chest hoping it was enough to soothe him. Jeremy nuzzled his neck reminding Ross of another.

_‘You know what to do Ross. Just go with your heart’_

Looking over his shoulder at the door, Ross expected to see Dwight or Prudie but no one was there.

“What the devil?” he said to himself.

_‘You’re a good father Ross. Believe that’_

He heard the voice again and he could swear it sounded like Demelza. Not only that, he was sure he detected the scent of violets in the room and yet there had been no cuttings since she was gone.

“This is mad. Or I’m finally going mad. It can’t be anything more than that.  That must be it.”

Without thinking he started humming the tune Demelza first sang to him all those Christmas’s ago. Miraculously, his son seemed to be lulled back to sleep as Ross gently rocked him.  Ross didn’t question it but continued until he was sure Jeremy was fully asleep. He then kissed him gently, made sure he was sufficiently covered and left him.  Ross paused at the doorway and looked around the room, searching for a sign that Demelza was still here.  Finding and hearing nothing, he went downstairs but left the door open to listen for his son should he wake again. The love he had for his son was growing with the absence of his wife; the bond between them becoming stronger. His heart knew that something was missing and it ached.  The proposition presented by Tholly to run away to France seemed like a solution to this problem.  But could he live with the fact that he was running away? Again?  He went to war in America to escape trial or possible hanging and lost what he thought was his true love.  He ran away from that loss by throwing himself and his meager savings into a mine, avoiding the pain of that lost love, taken from him without his knowledge or consent.  In Ross’s mind, the losses that plagued him: Elizabeth, Julia, his mine and now Demelza, were unfair and seemed to serve no purpose. 

He walked absent minded into the parlor and found Tholly sitting at the table with a man he could vaguely remember as Trencrom. Ross had only met the latter once but that was enough to leave an impression.  Trencrom’s stature was very much like Tholly’s but better dressed. This obviously came from his earnings in the trade which Ross knew about from his father’s dealings in smuggling all those years ago when he was a young lad.  He had tried to partake in it as well but soon grew bored of the hide and seek game that came with it.  Ross crossed the room to pull out another bottle of rum, courtesy of Trencrom’s business before joining the men at the table.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” he said pouring a glass and refilling theirs.

Tholly took it greedily while Trencrom leaned back in his chair and took in the young Poldark.  He looked like his father, Joshua but there was an air of wariness, even sadness around him. Joshua was reckless and selfish, who after his wife died, thought only of himself and not a lick about his young son. And there was something about Ross that seemed guarded, distant.

“Well young Cap’n, Trencrom here is ready to make a run to France.  Are ‘ee still ready to join us?”

Ross looked between the two men as he took a sip of his rum.  Tholly smiled, his one good eye crinkling towards him.  Trencrom said nothing.

“When are you planning on leaving?” Ross asked.

“If the weather holds, the end of the week,” Trencrom answered.

Mulling this over, Ross was torn.  Part of him dearly wanted to get away; to clear his head and come to terms with the loss of Demelza.  He needed to deal with it so these feelings of her still being alive that haunted him both day and night would end.  He couldn’t go on living like this at least for Jeremy’s sake.  And Jeremy was the one reason he wouldn’t go.  The thought of leaving his son filled him with extreme guilt even though he knew the child would be fine. Tholly saw his hesitation but believed that taking this trip would be good for him. 

“Listen young Cap’n, I know that you be hurting about the loss of your missus, but you can’t sit around here mourning her forever,” Tholly said.

Trencrom looked at Ross as he did not know about Demelza.

“What happened to your wife, Poldark?” Trencrom asked.

Ross glanced at the man, then stood up and walked around the room to stand by the fire.

“Ironically she was lost at sea,” he said.

Trencrom looked to Tholly for an explanation who offered nothing. He wanted to know because something about how Poldark’s wife was lost intrigued him.  And sounded vaguely familiar.

“How’s that Captain? Was she on a journey?” Trencrom asked.

“No.  Let’s just say she made a reckless decision and now…we are all paying for it,” Ross answered as he turned around.  “Let’s not talk any more of this.  About the trip to France…”

Trencrom said nothing but felt the hair on the back of his neck rise.  Something about the way Poldark’s wife died had him thinking about his little muse back in Roscoff.  The similarity about finding her at sea and his wife being lost at sea was uncanny. But surely his mermaid would remember being married to someone of the caliber of Ross Poldark.  Setting the coincidence aside, he turned his attention back to the conversation going on around him.

“Have you decided captain?” Tholly asked.

Ross exchanged looks with his old friend and the new one.  What harm could it do to go with them?

“Let me see about getting my affairs in order.  I have to make arrangements for the care of my son as well as my mine. Give me a few days.”

The men stood and shook his hand.

“Sounds like a plan Captain,” Trencrom said. 

Nodding in agreement, he led the men out and watched as they rode away.  Once they were out of eyesight, Ross went back into the house and told Prudie is was taking a walk, asking her to look after Jeremy.   Taking his coat but not his hat he started out across the field, not quite sure where he was going. Thoughts of leaving Nampara and Cornwall with Tholly and Trencrom were tempting. Demelza has been gone for months and yet he couldn’t use the word ‘dead’ with those men.  It just would not come. Yet he couldn’t keep spending day after day thinking that she would miraculously appear out of the sea like Aphrodite on a shell. She was gone and he must learn to make a life without her for himself and most importantly for his Jeremy. 

People keep telling him to move on so why can’t he?  It’s as if by keeping her memory alive and saying her name she will answer it and thus ease any guilt he felt for letting this happen.  Or was it that he wanted to ease the resentment he felt towards Demelza every time he thought about her foolish decision to go out in the boat, to begin with.  So maybe he should go on a jaunt as Tholly said.  He was single.  No, he wasn’t. He corrected the silent thought. He’s a widower.  There he said it, if only in his head. He was a widower with a child. He couldn’t live like a monk forever but he felt no interest in women or love.  He was convinced he never would again and funnily enough, he didn’t care.  Ross found himself on the path to Dwight’s cottage when he saw a rider in the distance.  Not needing to get closer he recognized the horse right away as belonging to Elizabeth. The last thing he wanted was an encounter with her but as there was no way to avoid her without jumping over the edge, he stood to one side as she approached.

“Ross,” she called sweetly as the reigned the horse to a stop.

“Elizabeth? What are you doing on this path? Isn’t it out of the way from Trenwith?” Ross asked.

She sat stiffly on the beast, expecting Ross to offer a hand to help her down.  Seeing none coming, Elizabeth stayed put.

“So how are you getting on? Have things settled down for you?” she asked.  A smile graced her face, that for the first time, Ross found annoying. He was not in the mood for games and for some reason felt her concern was phony.   

“Is Nampara returning back to normal? “

Ross dearly fought the urge to lash out at her but knowing Elizabeth as he did he knew that in her mind, what happened was just a nuisance and should be put aside to get on with life.  He also knew that she never had a thought that was deeper than her own comfort.  What surprised him was the fact that he didn’t see that when he was courting her before he left for the war.  Then he saw her demeanor as full of life.  Now he saw it as shallow and callous, much like the other young women of her status.  Sadly he now understood how Francis might stray.  There was only so much conversation one could have about parties and fashion.  Even though she was a devoted mother, Elizabeth could not seem to think of another person.  It was all about Elizabeth.  Except now, Ross got the feeling that she was trying to make it all about him and her.

“Normal Elizabeth?  Have you seriously just said that? I lost my wife! Nothing will ever be normal again! Do you understand that?” he said practically shouting into the wind that had started to swirl around them.

“Ross, of course, I never meant that Demelza’s demise would be easy but surely you know that in the long run you will get over it and want to start a new life,” she said casually.

He took a breath before speaking because he knew if he didn’t he would say something that he would regret. 

“Elizabeth this isn’t some disappointment like not finding a vein of copper.  This is my wife! Demelza was my life. She was the **_love_** of my life and if you can’t understand why getting over it isn’t an option right now, then perhaps you and I shouldn’t see each other for the time being.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have things to attend to,” Ross said as he walked away from her.

“Ross!” she called. 

Turning around to look at her, he saw that what he said meant nothing and the smile on her face remained.

“If you find you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call on me,” she said.

Ross wanted to laugh at her but her pathetic attempt at seduction was sad and so he let the comment pass without a response.  He nodded instead and walked away.  Reaching Dwight’s house he knocked, still reeling from Elizabeth’s proposal. Did she seriously think he would go to her for any sort of aid? Especially the type it was clear she was offering? Did she have no respect for him, Demelza, Francis, even herself?   She was more deluded than he.   The door opened and Dwight invited him in.

“Is Jeremy alright?” Dwight asked.

He motioned for Ross to take a seat and he joined him, taking a place opposite him at the table.  Dwight put a glass in front of him and was ready to pour him a drink when Ross shook his head.  Surprised, the doctor put the bottle down and waited for his friend to speak.

“What is it, Ross? Something is definitely bothering you,” he said.

Lifting his head, Ross looked and his friend and smiled a sad smile.

“I miss her so much Dwight. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this kind of pain.  It’s worse than anything I’ve ever felt before. Even getting wounded was no comparison to this.  Will it ever ease?”

Ross’s voice was full of emotions that threatened to spill over.  For the first time, Dwight had no words of wisdom to ease his suffering. Mourning the death of someone needed work its way through a person. In Ross’s case, what made it worse was the fact that Ross still had not accepted the fact that Demelza truly was dead and was not coming back.  If he could get his friend to that stage, then possibly the healing could start.

“I wish I could tell you, my friend. But the first stage in any kind of healing is to accept what’s happened first.  You haven’t allowed that yet Ross.  You must come to terms with the fact that Demelza is not returning,” Dwight said.

Dwight watched as  Ross closed his eyes, willing himself to do what Dwight said and that was to admit Demelza was dead.

“I can’t do that Dwight,” he said.

“Why Ross?  It’s been months.  Surely you realize there is no way she survived,” Dwight reasoned.

“I don’t know that.  Part of me thinks and feels she is somewhere. I know it’s not logical but I’m not dealing with logic. I’m dealing with my heart. And what the heart wants is for Demelza to be alive,” Ross argued.

“But you can’t go on like this. It’s not good for you or Jeremy.”

“I know. Which is why I’m going away,” he said.

Dwight’s eyes widened. 

“What do you mean going away? You’re leaving Cornwall and your son?”

“Only for a short while.  I need to get away from Nampara. Everything there reminds me of Demelza, including Jeremy.  I need to distance myself from all of that so that I can come back and try and start a life without her. Does that make sense?”

Ross now took the bottle Dwight left on the table and not wasting a glass, swilled from it. Dwight watched his friend and knew that trying to get him to change his mind was useless.

“Yes, it makes sense. But running away from a place will not let you run away from your memories.”

“I know. But I have to do something Dwight. I’m no use to anyone the way I am now. And I won’t be gone long.”

“Where are you going?” Dwight asked as he poured himself a drink.

“With some friends of my fathers. To Roscoff.”

Dwight knew what he meant.

“Smugglers?”

“Yes.”

“Just be careful my friend.  We don’t need to lose you as well,” Dwight said.

Ross stood up and walked towards the door but was stopped by Dwight who gave him a hug.

“Will you check in on Jeremy for me?”Ross asked.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.  I will try and write but don’t promise anything,” he said with a smirk.

“I know. Just take care of yourself.”

“I will.”

With that, the men parted and Ross left, leaving Dwight to wonder if his friend wasn’t deliberately going on a suicide mission.

*~*~*~*~*

‘The One and All’ left Cornwall a week after Ross told Tholly and Trencrom that he would accompany them on their next trip to Roscoff.  He had asked Verity and Prudie to look after Jeremy and left the mine in the capable hands of Henshawe and Zacky.  Francis had offered to help as well but after Ross’s run-in with Elizabeth, something told him to keep the Trenwith Poldarks at arm’s length for now.   He took just a ditty bag which contained a change of clothes, a flask and something else: one of Demelza’s hair ribbons.  It was a bright green one that she wore frequently and for some reason, he felt the need to take with him. He didn’t know why but knew it was something he needed with him.  Sitting in the small cabin, he took out the strip of satin and wove it through his fingers, the silky feel reminding him of her hair.  Suddenly, Ross felt claustrophobic and decided to go up on deck. He climbed the narrow stairs and emerged in the dark night with just the moon and stars to illuminate his way.

Standing by the rail, Ross took the ribbon out of his pocket and idly played with it. He inhaled deeply, eyes closed and did something he hadn’t done in years.  He prayed.  Or rather he made a plea to a god he wasn’t sure existed.

“I don’t know why you feel the need to keep throwing things my way. Perhaps you feel I should be punished.  Perhaps you feel I should be tested; to earn the good things life might have to offer.  I admit that I’ve not always made the wisest decisions. Nor have I treated people as they should be treated. But the one thing I know I did do was learn how to love.  I loved my daughter, even though she was only on this earth for a short time. I love my son.  But most importantly, I love my wife.  I know you’ve taken her from me for whatever reason, but I will not speak of her in the past tense.  For I will always love her.  And if by some divine twist of fate I could see her again, I would tell her this until she got sick of hearing my voice. So if you do exist, let me tell you I will do whatever you want to bring her back to me.  For the deepest part of my soul tells me she is not dead.  No one else may believe it. My friends and family think I’ve lost my mind but my heart tells me something else.  And I think you know it too.”

He finished and again found his cheeks wet with tears. He leaned over the rail, watching the waves that were made as the boat moved through the water.  The water seemed to hypnotize him so he didn’t hear the footsteps come up beside him. 

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?”

Ross turned towards the voice and saw Trencrom standing next to him, a pipe in his mouth, smirk on his face.  Ross returned the look while his fingers still played with the soft material.

“Yes.  I’ve never seen the north star shine so bright,” Ross said.

“Why that’s not the north star boy,” Trencrom said.

Confused Ross gazed up at the sky trying to figure out what the sailor was talking about.

“What is it then?” he asked.

Using his pipe as a pointer, he lifted his hand and aimed it at the constellation in question.

“It’s called Sirius.  The brightest star in the sky,” Trencrom explained.

“Sirius?  I’ve never heard of it,” Ross replied looked up in the same direction.

“Well, maybe you know it by its common name. The Dogstar.”

Gazing directly at the star, Ross felt a shiver go down his spine yet he didn’t know why.

“The Dogstar? Really?” he asked.

“Yup.  What’s got into you boy? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Trencrom said.  He too felt a shift in the air as the discussion went on and wondered why.

“Not necessarily.  It’s just that the name of that star reminded me of my wife,” he said.

“Your wife?  How’s that?”

Now Trencrom was curious about this young Poldark and what shadow followed him onto this boat.

“Not many people know that I met her at a dogfight.  And she’s been my star ever since.”

Trencrom felt a wave of sympathy for this young man who seemed lost and grasping for something.

“Really?  Maybe this is a sign lad,” he said.

“A sign?” Ross asked.

“Yes.  Sending you a sign that she’ll be overhead watching you but that life goes on.”

“Since when did a smuggler become a philosopher?”

“Just call it old salt wisdom.  Come, you should get some rest. Never know what the morning will bring,”

Trencrom said as he started to walk back to the cabins. He stood at the passageway, glancing back at Ross.

Ross didn’t notice because he was staring up at the sky and his new favorite star.

“Where are you, my love? Are you up there shining down on me, sending me your love?  Is this a sign? Or is this just one more thing that will convince people I’m mad.”

Ross rubbed his eyes as Trencrom watched and wondered just what the real story was about Poldark’s wife.  He would have to ask Tholly when he got the chance but for now, he left the young captain alone.

“If you can hear me, my love, come home.  Come home Demelza,” Ross whispered.  He then kissed the ribbon and put it back in his pocket before going back to his cabin.

*~*~*~*~*

In a darkened room in Roscoff, the young woman called Sally woke with a start from her fitful sleep as she was sure she heard the echo of a name. Yet she couldn’t clearly understand it. This was just one more piece of an incomplete puzzle that for the past week kept coming her way.  The past few nights found her dreaming of the same crying child and faceless man except now they slowly began to take a more definite shape in her mind.  The child was a boy in her dream, still small enough for a cradle but with wide eyes that seemed to be looking at her, needing something.  As for the man, his countenance was transforming from a mere shadow and a set of warm brown eyes. Now there was also dark, unruly hair which fell over his forehead and was almost a match for her own wild tresses.  When he looked at her in her dreams he smiled, crookedly at first with just the left corner of his mouth curling up before broadening to fill his whole face.  The first time she saw that in her dreams, she woke up with her heart pounding and a need growing in her that she couldn’t explain.  Her body appeared to crave this person who had no name but who, for some reason, had taken root in her subconscious.  This led to sleepless nights of tossing and yearning. 

Now she was awake again. This time because of something she thought she heard but which was probably just her imagination working over time.  Knowing that sleep was not to be had, she pulled the cover from the bed, wrapped it around her body and went to look out the window. The brightness of the moon and stars lit the room as if she had filled it with candles.  She took a seat on the sill and looked up at the night sky.  It was as black as ink which made the white constellations stand out even more.  Her eyes traveled from the moon to the stars and back again before they focused on one in particular. She didn’t know anything about the skies but she was drawn to this one star as it seemed to be shining right at her.  It was so bright she held her hand up to eyes as a shield but could not stop looking. A chill came over her prompting her to pull her knees up she wrapped her arms and the blanket tighter around herself.

As she did, she felt rather than heard a whisper next to her ear.  It was that name again.  A name she thought she should know but couldn’t identify.  It was not the one people called her but another.  The voice she heard saying it was warm and as she closed her eyes the faceless man appeared.  It was he who was saying the name.  Her mind focused on his lips as they formed the words she thought she heard. Holding her breath she willed it to come again.  And again she heard the same thing.

_‘Demelza, come home.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and commenting. And for being patient as this one comes together. Patience will be a virtue for this one. Seems I say that about all my fics.....


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross arrives in Roscoff hoping to forget. Sally is going about her business trying to remember. Will their paths finally cross?

The three weary travelers entered Le Coq Rouge with just a few things on their minds: food, drink and a bed. The trip from England had been rough with turbulent seas and winds that almost threw them off course.  The more experienced of the trio were used to this kind of travel. It was the younger man who found the adventure less than enjoyable. What was supposed to be a jaunt to help him forget his troubles turned into one that made him miss home even more.

The men found a table in the corner of the bar, dropping their bags on the floor. Presently the owner greeted his old friend.

“Trencrom, good to see you again. I see you’ve brought companions with you this time,” he said nodding towards Tholly and Ross.

“Yes.  And we are bone tired.  Have you rooms to let for the next week or so?”

“Of course. I’ll just have one of the girls prepare them. In the meantime would you like some food and something to drink?”

“You read my mind.”

Clisson went to the back where the men heard him giving orders to someone, they assumed was one of his workers.  They also heard a young woman’s voice respond to which Ross felt a sudden chill. The female voice seemed to reach something in him.  It was light and airy, unlike the women who had surrounded him lately.  If he didn’t think people would call him crazy he’d say it reminded him of Demelza. Thoughts of her crossed his mind when least expected, taking him into the past.

“Ross?  Ross!” Tholly called his name bringing him back.

“Sorry did you say something?” Ross answered clearly distracted.

“Where did you go young cap’n?” he asked.

“Go?  Nowhere. Just thinking,” Ross said.

“Of your wife again?” Tholly asked.

“Yes.”

“Well, maybe we can help you forget her for a bit.  There are plenty of French beauties around to avail yourself of. Take your pick,” Tholly said.

Ross looked around the room and did see plenty of women of all shapes, sizes, and coloring but none that ignited anything in him. Most men would jump at the chance for physical contact. To Ross, he found it distasteful. Since meeting Demelza, sex had taken on a different meaning. While the physical act itself was always satisfying it was the emotional connection that made it completely fulfilling. He wondered if he would ever find that again.  And truth be told, did he want to?

*~*~*~*~*~*

Sally was in one of the rooms, cleaning up and making the beds. As she did, a feeling came over her that someone was near. The room was empty, so she put it down to the wind wafting through from the partially opened window.  She finished up, leaving a bottle of Clisson’s best brandy on the dresser and exited quickly. Turning the corner, she heard voices coming from the other end of the hall. She stopped as she was sure they belonged to the men from earlier: Trencrom and his friends.  Lingering on the step, she could have sworn she heard one of the men say the name ‘Ross’. For some reason that sounded familiar. Tempted to take a peek at the new lodgers, she was going to walk back to the room until another voice came up behind her.

“Don’t you have work to do, ma petite?”

It was Clisson. She cringed at the nearness of him and slowly turned.

“I was just finishing up,” she said in a whisper, not wanting the others to hear.

“I hope so.  I hope you weren’t going to waste the day socializing with your friend Trencrom. He will be too busy with his other comrades,” Clisson said.

Sally took a step down to put some distance between her and the Frenchman.

“Yes, I understand.”

She scurried back to the kitchen but her curiosity about the new faces preoccupied her mind as she went on with her chores.  Today those included preparing meals for the customers and those staying at the inn. In the time she’d been in Roscoff, Sally had discovered she could cook. She wasn’t sure how or when she learned but her skills were much appreciated but the regular patrons. Her food was simple and rustic but tastier than what Clisson had thrown at them before.  Today she was making pastry for a rabbit pie. The meat was already prepared having stewed it early in the morning.  Now as she patted and rolled the dough she found that she was humming a tune that came from nowhere.  As with her dreams, the singing was unbidden and without hesitation. Sally sang softly, her tune not bothering anyone as she was gratefully alone.  The other girls were working in the bar serving customers one way or another. Luckily, after Mr. Trencrom spoke with Clisson on his last visit, she was saved from that aspect of working at Le Coq Rouge. 

The dough was just about ready for shaping when she heard men’s voices again.  Sally stopped singing so she could listen to what they were saying. She wanted to go and speak to Mr. Trencrom but was shy about seeing the others.  She decided to wait until she could find him alone.  Moving quietly around the kitchen, she kept an ear open to hear what was being said.

“I don’t know Tholly. He’s in a bad way. I’ve known him a long time and he’s never let something get to him so badly.”

Sally recognized that one voice was Mr. Trencrom.

“True, “ the other man said. “The young cap’n is still grieving the loss of his missus. Never known Ross to be so attached to any woman. Not even the Chenoweth girl.  Usually, he’d move on,” Tholly said.

Sally’s interest was aroused by the conversation. The must have been talking about the third man; the one whose name made her feel strange.

“Those weren’t his wife, Tholly. They were just diversions and a bit of fun. Whoever the Mrs. Poldark was, he’s not likely to forget anytime soon,” Trencrom explained.

_Poldark._ That name also rang with familiarity in Sally’s head. She was unnerved again and again she had no idea why.

“Maybe this trip will help Ross see there are more women out there than a dead wife,” Tholly said.

“I doubt that. But if we can get him interested in the trade, perhaps the promise of some extra guineas will ease his mourning.”

The men clapped each other on the back and started to walk away from the kitchen. Sally went back to work and she began singing again, but this time the song was not as lighthearted. Her mood was pensive but strangely calm as she put the pie together seamlessly and getting it in the oven to bake in time for supper. Once that was done, she wiped the table of the excess flour and gathered the trash to throw in the bin.  Looking around she noticed that the floor needed a wash and went out to the pump to get water.  There she met Mr. Trencrom giving her the opportunity to speak to him.  He saw her and walked toward her to give her a hug.

“Sally my girl. How are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m fine Mr. Trencrom.”

“You look well. Adjusting to life in Roscoff?” he asked.

“Yes. For the most part,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“Those dreams keep coming.  Of people and faces, I can’t identify. They must be of my past,” she said sounding distressed.

“Really?  Do not worry yourself, my little muse. I’m sure they are just dreams.”

Trencrom tried to brush of Sally’s visions as nothing but was concerned that whatever was in the young woman’s past might be coming back to find her.

“Yes.”  Sally paused, looking at him sadly.  Maybe she was imagining things. “Never mind. Maybe they do mean nothing.”

“Most likely,” he agreed.

“What are you doing here?”

Sally changed the subject now wanting to know more about the men he was with.

“Just on some business,” he explained.

“Are you alone?” she said, trying to be subtle.

Trencrom smiled at her, knowing full well Sally knew the truth from Clisson.

“No I’ve brought a couple of friends with me,” he said.

“Really?  Are they from England too?”

“Yes. Cornwall actually.  Old friends.  I’m sure you’ll run into them while we are here,” he said with a grin.

“I’m sure.  What are their names? So I know them if I serve them in the bar.”

Sally did her best to sound casual, when in fact her heart was racing, waiting for his answer.

“Tholly Tregirls and Ross Poldark.  You’ll know them because they will most likely always be with me,” he said with a laugh.

“I’ll try to remember.  I really should get back in. My pie will be burning and Monsieur Clisson will not be happy.  I imagine I’ll see you at supper?”

“Are you cooking?”

“Yes.”

“Then I will be there.  Take care, my girl.” Trencrom patted her hand and walked away. 

Sally turned as well and headed back into the kitchen, wanting to know more about what these new people might be like. _Ross Poldark_. Something about hearing his full name again excited her.  She felt she knew it as well. The question was, where?

*~*~*~*~*~*

Ross Poldark had passed on supper deciding instead to spend the time alone in the room.  Leaving his friends in the bar, he was pleased to find a bottle of brandy waiting for him.  He took off his coat and vest and pulled off his neckcloth.  Taking the liquor and a glass, sat down on the bed, grateful to get off his feet.  He left his boots on just in case he had to make a run for it, a habit he picked up from being in the army. He also missed having Demelza help him take them off every night.  It was the time they got to talk quietly either after he came straight from the mine or right before bed.  The action of her holding his leg as she pulled the tight leather off was soothing; the slight swishing sound as the boot slipped off his stocking foot was like letting out a sigh of relief.  Tonight he wanted to feel that tightness to remind him that there was no one here to offer him that small respite from the world.

Pulling the stopper from the bottle, he poured one draught, then another and downed them both easily.  Soon he was relaxed as his mind wandered in various directions.  To his time at war when the only thing he lived for was Elizabeth.  To his coming home only to find her lost to his cousin.  To meeting Demelza that fateful day when all he was looking for was a way to stay solvent.  To the day and night of Jim Carter’s trial that changed everything for the better, even though he didn’t realize it then.  To Julia, his beloved daughter. To  Jeremy, the son he wasn’t sure he wanted and who now he couldn’t live without.   His mind carefully avoided the one event that brought him on this trip. 

Ross leaned his head back against the metal headboard as he felt himself doze off, the bottle still in his grip. His eyes drifted closed, the alcohol doing its job to numb his body and mind.  Sleep was coming quickly when he heard what sounded like singing coming from outside. Struggling to get up, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and hit the floor with a thump. The room seemed to spin a little forcing Ross to stand still for a moment before attempting to move. Once he had his bearings he walked stealthily to the window. It was ajar from whomever had been in here earlier, so he pushed it open all the way, taking a deep breath, the night air filling his lungs and briefly clearing his head. He closed his eyes as the breeze hit his face. The wind carried the sound of the streets up to where he sat; the clanking of bells, the rattle of wagon wheels and the lilt of a woman’s voice.  Ross felt a chill that he knew didn’t come just from the atmosphere.  His eyes flew open and began searching for the source of the music.  Ross knew the tune. He’d heard it a dozen or more times around Nampara as Demelza did chores. But how could someone here know it unless…

He leaned out the window but now heard nothing.  It was silent again except for the noises of the city. Ross pulled back and was moving further into the room when he spied a flash of bright red hair.

“Demelza?” he said to himself.

Then he called out louder, “DEMELZA!”

He sat back on the window sill, muttering under his breath, “This isn’t possible.  It’s not.”  Shaking his head as if he were trying to dissipate the mental fog, Ross turned back to look in the room, leaning against the window frame.

“Dammit!” he said to the empty room. “Will I never get past this?  Will she always be in my head?”

*~*~*~*~*~*

Sally was throwing the trash in the bin when she heard someone call a name. She swore it sounded something akin to ‘Demelza’. And just like earlier when she heard the name Ross Poldark, it felt familiar. She walked around the building and looked up at the windows above Le Coq Rouge.  On the second floor, in the window of the room she cleaned that morning, she saw a head of dark curls.  She stood and stared, unable to take her eyes off the person.  As she moved she caught a glimpse of a profile; straight nose, dark eyebrows and a scar running down the side of his face.  Suddenly she heard another man’s voice say that name again.  _Ross_.  Sally shivered, wrapping her arms around herself, watching as the man moved away from the window. That must be Ross Poldark.  But why did she feel a connection to the name?  And the dark head of hair? Walking back into the kitchen she remembered.  They reminded her of the dreams she had of the faceless man.

She forced herself to get back into work, went to the over and pulled out the pies for supper.  Satisfied they were perfect, Sally placed them on a tray to cool. Then she went back into the main room to search for Mr. Trencrom and his friends.  She saw her friend and the other older man but not the third.  The one they kept calling ‘Ross’.  Sally grabbed cutlery and clean glasses before walking to their table.

“Good evening Mr. Trencrom,” she said sweetly. 

She laid the utensils and glasses down in front of the men.

“Where’s your other friend?” she asked trying to sound casual.

Trencrom and Tholly exchanged a look as they drank the wine Clisson had sent over.

“He’s not up for socializing.  Ross likes to brood and be alone.  Although I’m sure if he got a whiff of your cooking he’d change his mind,” Tholly said.

Sally smiled politely when a thought came to her.  She needed to get a closer look at this person.

“Should I take something to his room?” she asked. 

Trencrom was about to tell her that probably wasn’t a good idea when Tholly spoke again.

“Why that’d be mighty kind of you miss.  I’m sure the young cap’n would appreciate it.”

Tholly smiled at Sally and who curtsied then left the room to get food for both the table and the man upstairs.  Her heart was racing at the prospect of finally meeting this elusive person.  Entering the kitchen she found three plates and served up hefty portions of the pie with boiled potatoes on the side.  Slicing bread and putting it another plate, she piled it all on the tray and returned to the main room of the inn.  She served Trencrom and Tholly then weaved her way through the pub to the stairs that led to the younger man’s room.  Walking down the hall, she felt her chest tighten as her breath shortened.  Reaching the door, she held the tray in one hand and knocked with the other.  Nothing.  Sally put her ear to the door trying to hear something on the other side. There was some rustling but then silence again.  She knocked again, this time calling out.

“Monsieur?  I have supper for you,” she said a little louder than normal. Still nothing. She decided to leave the tray on the floor and knocked once more.

“Monsieur?  I am leaving your tray outside the door.  Leave it in the room when you are done,” she said.

Without a response, Sally turned and walked away slightly relieved that there was no answer.  If he had come to the door, what would she have said? What did she expect?  She went back downstairs to finish the supper shift including checking in on the visitors from Cornwall.

“Is your friend alright?  I knocked but he didn’t answer so I left the tray by the door,” Sally explained to the older men.

Trencrom and Tholly were too busy enjoying their food and the sights around them. The men spent equal amounts of attention to the plates in front of them and the women behind them.  Between bites they would each make eye contact with a wench at the bar, giving a smile and a wink.  Sally watched and it was clear what their intention was for the rest of the night. Then she wondered why the younger man wasn’t interested in the same kind of activity.

“Ross is not really interested in anything right now.  He’s here for business and to get away from…” Trencrom started then paused.

“Away from what?” Sally was curious now and wanted to know more. Tholly saw her interest and had no problem telling her about the young Poldark.

“The young cap’n needed to get away from his life.  Maybe you’ll be the person to help him with that missy,” Tholly said.

Sally glanced at him and then Trencrom. Why did he think she could help this person?  A voice in her head told her to keep her distance from this visitor. She wasn’t sure why but for once she was going to listen to it.

“Me? He won’t even answer a door.  No, I think ‘the young cap’n’ is better on his own.  I’ll just keep to my own business.  Now if you all have what you need I think I’ll head to bed.  It’s been a long day.  I hope your friend is alright.”

She curtsied and left them alone. Going back to the kitchen, she cleared the food and dishes, giving them a wash and putting them to dry on the counter.  Sally suddenly felt tired. There was a bottle of rum on the table so she indulged in a glass, taking it with her as she went to bed.  Reaching the landing of the stairwell, she paused before turning towards the route that led to her room to see if the tray of food was still outside the captain’s room.  Stepping up and leaning her head around the corner, she saw it was gone and smiled.  She was tempted to go check on the visitor from Cornwall but as she walked towards the room, something stopped her.  It was fear.  Not just because he was a stranger and Sally didn’t like meeting new people; it was because part of her sensed he might be something else.  She didn’t know what that something was but it made her change direction and head to her own room. To sleep and perchance not to dream.

*~*~*~*~*~*

In the darkened room, Ross Poldark had finished the food he didn’t realize he was hungry for and returned to the bed.  He had heard the knock through his brandy filled mind but opened it just as the body of what he assumed was one of the young women from the inn turned the corner. He only caught a peek of a skirt but didn’t have the strength to call her back to thank her.  He took the tray into the room, placing it on the bed to eat.  The smell was amazing and reminded him of dishes that Demelza had made after she learned to cook.  As he worked his way through the pie and accompaniments, he thought of those early kitchen maid days and how simple things were.  And how easy she fit into his life.  Tucking the last of the food away, Ross placed the tray on the dresser and finally removed his boots, ready to try and get some sleep.

He slipped under the covers, still dressed, and laid his head down on the soft pillow. The food sobered him up but exhaustion now made his brain foggy and brought sleep quickly along with dreams.   The first was simple enough.   He was in the mines, working alongside his friends, digging for the elusive vein of copper that would end their money woes.  As he pounded the hammer against the wall, Ross felt his chest heave with each stroke.

The next dream sent his body tossing and turning.  He was on the beach as usual.  Walking along the shore as he watched Demelza with Jeremy. Except Jeremy was older, about three or four and they were chasing Garrick.  Suddenly she seemed to see Ross and waved as she ran to him.  He waited for her to come into his arms for an embrace.  She fell into them easily as he started to kiss her face, his hands in her hair, her body pressed against his.  He started to stir with desire, something that hadn’t happened since she vanished.  The dream continued as he saw Jeremy and Garrick in the distance, looking out to the sea so Ross followed their line of vision. There, off in the horizon was something red.  He thought it was Demelza.  He tried calling for her, but the wind threw his words back at him.  He felt like he was screaming.  Sitting straight up in bed, Ross realized he was.  He was gasping, his body sweating, the need still pulsing through him. He looked around and saw that the room and bed were empty.  The dream shook him to the point of crying.  It left him wanting but also made things crystal clear.  Luckily a storm outside drowned out the sounds coming from his room.  Needing air he went and opened the window again, not caring that the rain was pelting him in the face.  It was a welcome slap back to reality.  She was gone.  He could finally admit it to himself.    He left the window open, swilled the last drop of brandy and went back to bed.  This time sleep didn’t come at all. Ross stayed up watching the sunrise and for the first time, he faced a new day accepting the fact that he was a widower.  Demelza was gone. And he needed to find a way to move on and live without her.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Sally went to the room after checking on the visitor and crawled into bed.  Her mind and body were tired not only from work but from the emotional rollercoaster she’d been on since Trencrom and his friends showed up.  Sipping the last of her brandy, she closed her eyes and hoped for a dreamless sleep. It didn’t come.   Instead, she dreamt of that man again. Except now his countenance took on that of Ross Poldark, even though she hadn’t seen him up close or even face on.  In this first dream, she was standing next to him in what appeared to be a church.  Was it a wedding? Subconsciously she played with the ring on her finger.  She heard his voice, deep and dark, stating vows. To her.  Sally rolled over and waited for the dream to end.  It did only to be replaced by something else.  Now she heard a rustling.  She wasn’t quite sure what it was.  In her sleep, her hands rubbed her body and she swore she felt silky material.  Her dream continued and the noise she heard seemed to belong to that material. It was her. She was wearing a blue dress. She was at Nampara and someone--the man again--was yelling at her. Then he was kissing her. Hard.  And then he pushed her away.  Why?

She tossed again, her body becoming overheated, which had her cloying at her shift, pulling at the neck to loosen it. It slipped off her shoulder as her dream continued.  Now the blue dress was falling off her shoulders, dropping to the floor as a pair of strong arms wrapped around her from behind pulling her body against theirs. Sally felt the hair on her neck move and she raised her hand to brush it.  It felt like someone was breathing on her. And then she felt lips touching her skin. She tried to turn her head and focus her eyes to look at the face of the man who held her but all she saw was wild dark, curly hair.  Her body was reacting; her breasts ached as her nipples got hard.  Her legs twitching as her core became moist and tingled. She rolled onto her stomach to try and alleviate the need to no avail.  She began to whimper into the pillow before waking up.  Her hair was a disheveled mess, her body damp with sweat, her hands rubbing her body to calm it down. It was then she saw the ring again. She lay back down, her body cooling from her dream but her thoughts drifting to the man down the hall. Twisting the gold band on her finger she wondered what all these things meant.  Where was the person who put it on her? Why hadn’t he come looking for her?  Why did she think these recent events and dreams were all connected? And why did she get the sense that they had something to do with Ross Poldark?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry....I can't have them meet just yet. But soon. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and supporting. Patience is key with this one.
> 
> Oh and I apologize for any errors. Lots of distractions while writing this chapter....but I didn't want to hold off posting.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet.....

Sally worked through the days trying to shake the dreams that continued.  Since Mr. Trencrom and his friends arrived, including the mysterious Ross Poldark, she had a feeling of dread mixed with unknown excitement.  The visions woke her every night but once she cleared her head it seemed that each one appeared to be a scene from someone’s life.  She couldn’t be sure if it was her life or just some fantasy her tired brain created to keep her from the truth. The man’s face still had not been revealed in these dreams; all she had as a reference was dark, curly hair and warm brown eyes.  Nor did she have a name for him.  Yet each event came through clearly as if they were chapters in a book telling the story of someone’s life.  But whose?  The restless nights were taking their toll on her mentally and physically.  Each scenario started with Sally seeing someone in pain and then the cry of a child.  Was it her? Had she given birth to a child? Then there was the night she woke in a cold sweat as if she had a fever. And someone was talking to her, asking her to come back. Back from where? From Roscoff?  Or someplace else?  Again the same voice; the voice that seemed to sound like the mysterious Ross Poldark.

To halt the nightly excursions into this mysterious life, Sally worked extra hours hoping to drive herself into such an exhausted state that she would fall into a deep sleep that wouldn’t allow for dreaming.  It worked for a few days and she thought she was over these nocturnal visions. That was until last night when she woke up crying and scared because what she saw in her sleep was not a dream but a nightmare.  In this one, she was in a room with a crowd of people. She was dressed more formally than in the other dreams and the man was speaking.  His face was clouded so that all that came through to her mind’s eye were again those brown orbs.  It seemed as though there was a judge in the room too but she couldn’t be sure.  The next thing she remembered was running into this man’s arms, crying.  But over his shoulder, she saw someone else; a woman with dark hair. She was dressed regally and seemed to have an air of superiority in her stance.  She was staring at her and the man.  It made Sally feel uneasy. This was the first time that someone other than her and the man was part of her dream.  She didn’t like it but of course, now she wondered who this new woman was and what she had to do with her. 

The next morning she was hoping to run into Mr. Trencrom so she could talk to him about it.  Sally wasn’t sure but there was something about the last conversation they had which led her to believe he might know something more than just the fact he found her at sea.  She was grateful she had chores to do so that she could put these thoughts out of her head and concentrate on physical labor. Sally always derived a sense of satisfaction after a day of hard work that made her body and mind exhausted with accomplishment. Today was laundry day so she had spent the morning cleaning and changing the linen in the rooms that were occupied with lodgers.  She was carrying the basket full of the bundled sheets when she reached the room where the mysterious Ross Poldark was staying.  She still had not met him face to face, but his name kept running through her head.

She placed the basket on the floor, gently knocked on the door and waited for a response. Her heart was racing with dread and anticipation in case the occupant actually opened the door.  Leaning towards the door, Sally strained to hear something from the other side but heard nothing.  She turned the knob and entered, leaving the door ajar behind her.   Standing just inside the door, she took a moment to scan the room not quite sure what she was looking for.  Sally again felt a sense of familiarity; as if something in here belonged to her.  Walking around she caught sight of something on the floor.  She went over to it then realized it was a shirt. Bending down, Sally picked up the garment, the worn linen feeling light between her fingers.  She rubbed it gently which released the faint scent of rum and musk so she brought it up to her cheek.  Sally closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in all the elements of the material and letting it comfort her.  Again she had no idea why anything associated with this man touched her so much.  For a minute she debated whether she should take the shirt to wash with the rest then decided against it.  That might seem a bit strange since she didn’t do that for any other lodger unless asked.  Thinking the better of it, she decided to leave it alone and draped it over the wrought iron footboard. 

Sally realized she was wasting time and Clisson would be on her for not getting the job done. Running back to the basket she pulled out clean sheets and threw them over her shoulder while she pulled the soiled ones from the bed. As she shook out the pillows something fluttered to the ground.  Looking down Sally saw it was a hair ribbon.  For some reason, this upset her.  She hadn’t heard or seen any unknown women around in the past few days. Besides she knew all the working girls and none of them wore ribbons.  So whose was it?  Picking it up to take a closer look she saw it was a shade of blue that gave her a chill. It looked like the same color of the dress in her dream.  Why would this person have a ribbon in his bed?  If this Ross Poldark was so anxious to take one of these women, then maybe she didn’t want to know who he was. She was about to throw the strip of satin into the bin when she heard the door close behind her. She jumped and dropped it on the bed.

“Judas!” she cried as she spun around sure she was going to meet the lodger who was living here.  Her relief was visible when she saw it was Mr. Trencrom.  She leaned against the iron footboard letting out a deep breath.

“Mr. Trencrom,” Sally said.  “I thought you were…”

She didn’t finish that statement but Trencrom knew what she meant.

“My friend Ross Poldark?  He is otherwise detained with Tholly arranging for the transportation of some new cargo.  They will be gone for most of the day.  I was actually looking for you my little mermaid,” he said.

His tone was kind and Sally was glad. She had wanted to talk to him since her dreams returned more forcefully in the past few days.  Now she had the chance and hoped this man would give her insight into what they might mean.

“Oh. I’m just finishing the cleaning up, “she said as she picked up the ribbon again, stuffing it in the pocket of her apron then started to lay the clean linen on the bed. 

As she folded and tucked the sheets under the mattress, Trencrom watched her. He noticed that her demeanor was distracted, her face not as open as it was when he saw her a month ago. Trencrom moved out of her way as she worked around the bed but she smiled at him as she swiftly remade the bed.

“Monsieur Clisson likes to keep the rooms as neat as possible.  He says then only well-paying customers will stay here,” she said trying to keep the conversation light.

“Well, Clisson should upgrade this place and not rely on you and the other girls to do his work or lure in business.”

Sally smiled. She was grateful for this man’s support and she wondered what would have become of her if he hadn’t found her in the sea.  She folded the ends of the coverlet down and fluffed the pillows making the bed look brand new.  When she looked up she saw Trencrom staring at her; she thought now might be the time to talk to him about what’s been bothering her all week.  Needing to gather her thoughts she walked to the window and opened it to air out the room. She gazed out at the sea in the distance while her hand reached into the pocket feeling around for the ribbon. Glancing down at it she held it tight in her grasp and began to speak.

“Mr. Trencrom? Can you tell me again about when you rescued me?”

She turned and leaned against the window sill, absently fingering the ribbon as she waited for him to answer.

“Why are you going back over that, little one?”

He didn’t want to discuss it yet he knew that things were happening around her that made it a necessity.

“I need to know. These dreams, visions, whatever you want to call them must mean something. It’s as if my mind is trying to send me messages but my brain can’t make sense of them.  And there is something else,” she said.

“What else?” Trencrom asked although he had a feeling he knew.

“Ever since you arrived with your friends, I’ve felt uneasy. As if I am waiting for something to happen.  And then there is this person…”

She paused, searching for the right words. Trencrom saw the struggle and tried to help.

“What person?”

“Ross Poldark. Why does that name bother me?”

“I don’t know my dear. You have not met him yet, have you?”

“No. I’ve only heard his name and I thought I heard his him calling to someone. But nothing more. Yet even now as I was cleaning his room I felt strange.”

“Strange? My little mermaid you are talking in riddles.”

“I know Mr. Trencrom,” Sally said softly. She was beginning to get upset. “I sometimes think I am going mad. Maybe it’s part of my illness. Maybe I’m so desperate to find out who I am that I am making things up.”

Trencrom felt sorry for his little friend but was not sure how he could help her.

“What do you remember of your life before coming here?”

He waited for her answer, anxious to hear what she had to say.

“In truth? Not much. I’m not sure why or how I was in that boat. I was wearing everyday clothes when you found me, right?”

“Yes.  Ordinary clothes. As if you were working. Similar to what you are wearing now,” he explained.

“Do you think I was a servant before? That might explain how I know how to cook and clean.”

“It’s possible.”

There was a pause in their dialogue when he noticed the ring on her finger again. She had obviously been married. That simple reminder got him thinking of his friend’s dilemma. Ross had lost a wife around the time that Trencrom had found Sally.  The possibility that the two were somehow related was becoming more than a coincidence in his mind.  The problem was if he broached the subject with either of these two desperate people and was wrong it could make things worse.  On the other hand, if it was true, he will have helped the same two people find each other again when they thought all hope was lost.  He was not a romantic, but Trencrom had known love.  Even his old heart could not see keeping love away from those who sought it out.  Before he went that far, he had to be sure.  He needed to get details from Ross on his wife and her death.  First, he would find out from Sally what these latest dreams were about and why she felt drawn to Ross Poldark.  He needed a drink. Seeing the decanter and glass on the dresser, Trencrom went to pour himself a draught. Downing it in one swallow he looked again at his little muse and smiled gently.

“Sally? Tell me again about these dreams. You say they’ve continued. How so?”

Now it was Sally’s turn to move. She walked back to the bed and sat down, the ribbon still in her hand.

“They show me a life, Mr. Trencrom. With a child and a husband. But there is sadness around them. Also sickness and death.”

“Death? Whose? Can you tell?”

Trencrom thought maybe she was dreaming of Ross’s wife. Perhaps Sally knew her. That was a thought.  Especially if she was a servant before. He was going to ask her this when she continued.

“I’m not sure but I think it had to do with the child.”

“Oh,” Trencrom said. So it wasn’t Ross’s wife. He was relieved.

“Mr. Trencrom, there is another woman too. Someone with dark hair who seemed to know me but didn’t seem to like me. At least in my dream.”

Trencrom wondered who that could be. What did Ross’s wife look like again?  He couldn’t remember but he needed to find out.  He was lost in how he was going to have this conversation with Ross when the young captain was trying to avoid anything to do with his wife.

“There was a trial too,“ Sally offered. “That man in my dreams.  I think he was the one on trial.”

Trencrom almost dropped his drink because now he knew that this girl was tied to Ross.  He needed to divert her from continuing this thought process until he could get more information from Ross about his own situation. 

“That is interesting my dear.  Your mind has some vivid images.  You know, they could mean nothing; just thoughts coming from what you’ve heard the past few days.  Now, I best be off to find my wandering comrades before they get themselves into trouble.” 

He rose and put the glass back on the tray, his hand shaking but trying to hide it from Sally.  She immediately went over to the dresser and wiped out the crystal so that it appeared clean again.

“Sorry.  Monsieur Clisson will be angry if this room isn’t up to standards.  I don’t need this friend of yours telling him I’ve not done my job.”

There was a tremble in her voice that made Trencrom want to take her in his arms and comfort her. Clearly the dreams and memories she was having were beginning to take its toll on her.  His protective instinct took over and he did just that.  He pulled Sally into his embrace which immediately triggered her to let the tears flow. 

“There, there my girl. I know that all this is must be a strain to you but you must have faith that eventually it will all work itself out.  Whatever that might be,” he said. 

He rubbed her back gently, soothing her through her weeping.

“I hope so Mr. Trencrom,” she said between sobs.  “It’s just that I feel so alone. Knowing that there might be someone or a family somewhere and I can’t get to them.  Or even worse, they don’t want to find me. It makes me wonder why.  Why am I still here with no one to love me?”

Her tears flowed with seemingly no end in sight which made Trencrom determined to get to the bottom of this mystery.  As gently as possible he pulled her away from his chest to look at her face. Her eyes were now puffy and red-rimmed from crying. He reached into the pocket of his coat and found a scrap of material. Not quite a handkerchief but good enough to wipe her face with.

“Here now.  I know you must feel isolated and alone here but always remember that I will never abandon you.  And for what it’s worth I will do what I can to find out something about your past. Will that make you feel better?”

Sally lifted her head to look at him. His eyes crinkled as he smiled at her surrendering the cloth so she could finish dabbing her eyes.  There was a moment of connection between this young woman and this weathered sailor.  She felt some consolation knowing that someone else cared for her.

“Yes.  You are so kind to me Mr. Trencrom. If it wasn’t for you I truly would be alone in this place,” she said quietly. 

“Have no fear my girl.  No matter what comes I will never abandon you,” Trencrom said.

“I know,” Sally whispered.

 Taking herself out of his grasp she walked back to the bed.  She gave it one final smooth out and picked up the shirt she found earlier.  Trencrom watched as she held the garment in her hands, the touch was caring, as though it belonged to someone she knew.  Sally folded the shirt and left it on the foot of the bed for Ross to find.  She turned in a circle, surveying the room, making sure that everything was in order so that neither Clisson nor Mr. Poldark could find fault.  Satisfied that all was right, Sally picked up the basket of laundry and headed towards the door. Trencrom followed behind her, his mind a whirlwind of questions that he needed to get answered.  Once she closed the door behind her, Sally made her way down the hallway towards the back steps to get started on the laundry while Trencrom went in the opposite direction towards the pub.  As she was about to step down, Sally stopped and called back to her friend.

“Mr. Trencrom?” 

The older man turned to her, his hand on the banister to steady himself.

“What is it my little mermaid?” 

His tone was jovial.  Sally appreciated his attempt to lighten things and gave him her best smile.

“You said that I was found near a place called Nampara Cove.  But is there a house called Nampara too?” she asked.

Trencrom came back up the stairs and walked a few steps to Sally. Now he was sure that his Sally was very likely tied to Ross Poldark and his life in Cornwall. How strong or deep those ties are is what needed to be discovered. 

“Yes, there is.  Why?” he asked.

“It was in my dream but I didn’t know what it was.  Do you suppose that might be where I lived or that I’d been there before?”

She sounded hopeful that maybe this was a real memory and not a just a dream.

“It is possible my dear,” Trencrom said, now definitely needing to find Tholly and Ross. “I really must go. I will see you later I’m sure.” 

He spun on his heel and walked down the stairs as swiftly as possible. He was on a mission now to solve this mystery and he hoped he was on the right trail.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Trencrom was seated at a corner table of Le Coq Rouge thinking through all he knew about Sally and Ross.  Of course, Sally’s history was easier to decipher as he was an integral part of it but Ross was another matter entirely.  He would have to force his young traveling partner to relive things he came to Roscoff specifically to forget. He hoped Tholly would help in the endeavor as he has known Ross longer and would possibly know how to handle his reaction to the questions.  He sipped his rum and mulled over the approach he was going to take when the object of his thoughts walked in.

Tholly and Ross trudged into the pub looking tired but satisfied which Trencrom hoped meant their meetings went well and would put the men in a good mood. He motioned for a girl to bring over two more glasses and proceeded to pour drinks for his friends.   Trencrom’s two companions saw him sitting in the pub and walked towards him.

“Well, my friends, how did you make out? Are we all set with cargo for the trip back?” Trencrom spoke first, trying to sound as businesslike and casual as possible in an attempt to remain calm.

 He knew that now he had to bring up the topic of Ross’s deceased wife which was the last thing that anyone wanted to discuss. Tholly sat down, taking the glass of rum gratefully.

“Yes.  Quite successful.  The loads should be ready in the next day or so and then we can be off back to England.  Ain’t that right young cap’n?”

Ross seemed distracted and didn’t acknowledge his friend’s comment. 

“Ross?  What are you thinking about now? I swear all during our meetings his mind was elsewhere,” Tholly said as he poured another drink.

Trencrom looked at the young man and saw that his face was etched with worry.  Something was troubling him.  He knew it had to be about his wife.  Trencrom looked around the pub making sure that there was no sign of his little mermaid.  The last thing they needed was a surprise meeting of these two lost souls. He needed to gauge Ross’s temperament, so while he passed him a glass, decided to start the inevitable conversation.

“Something up Ross?” Trencrom asked.

The young captain and now self-admitted widower stood over the table and looked from one man to another.  He picked up the glass poured for him and downed it without a glance or word.

“Nothing.  I’m going to my room to put my things away. I’ll be back shortly,” Ross said. 

Without waiting for a response he trudged out of the pub and up the stairs. The older men watched him leave, both of them thinking the same thing.

“That boy needs a woman, Trencrom. He’s been alone too long and needs to work out some of the…tension.  There has to be someone he’d take, don’t you think?”

Tholly spoke between gulps of rum as he surveyed the room looking for a suitable candidate to present to young Poldark.  He caught the attention of a raven-haired wench who had been eying them since they arrived.  If the young captain wasn’t interested, Tholly would take advantage of the situation.

“Tholly. I don’t think a woman to warm his bed is what young Poldark needs. There is something else bothering the lad and I think I know how to remedy it. What do you know about his wife’s disappearance?”

Trencrom wasted no time with niceties and went directly to the issue.  If what he suspected was the truth the sooner they knew the better.  Not only would the reality be a shock to Ross, Trencrom was worried how his Sally would take it as well.

“Disappearance?  You make it sound as if she were still alive. She’s dead Trencrom.  Lost at sea from what I heard,” Tholly said, his gaze still focused on the girl at the bar. Taking his glass, the old sailor went to engage in conversation with the young woman.

“Yes. But do you know how she died? When it happened?”

Trencrom was becoming impatient with his friend.  He debated going to find Ross and just dealing with him directly when the young captain reappeared wearing what appeared to be the shirt that Sally had folded earlier.  Ross looked upset, angry even.

“Where is Clisson?” he asked, his eyes going about the room searching for him.

“No idea, Ross. What’s wrong?” Trencrom asked. 

“Someone’s been in my room.  Touching my things. And something is missing,” Ross said.  His eyes were dark, convincing Trencrom that now was the time.

“Well, of course, someone has been in your room.  Clisson had one of the girls clean it for you. That’s their job,” he explained.

Ross looked at his friend, calming down slightly.  Trencrom motioned for him to take a seat, which Ross did.  He also took a drink of rum and then another.

“Ross?  Why are you so upset that your room was cleaned?” he asked.

“I’m not.  It’s just that…things didn’t seem quite right.  And I can’t find something I brought with me,” Ross said, his voice dropping, now feeling embarrassed at his overreaction.

“That’s not just it, is it Poldark?  What is it?”

“This shirt. It was folded on the bed.  Just like my wife used to leave it,” Ross said.

“Well, anyone can fold a shirt, my boy. What do you think was taken?” Trencrom asked, knowing full well what it was.

“You’ll think me mad. It was a ribbon. It belonged to Demelza.  I always carry something of her with me.  I think the girl took it,” Ross said.

Trencrom needed to get this conversation over with so he jumped in with his question.

“Ross?  Tell me about Demelza. What did she look like?  I don’t think you’ve ever spoken about her,” he asked between sips of rum.

Ross looked up at his friend, his face softening as he remembered his wife.

“She was beautiful. Tall, with the brightest blue-green eyes that reminded me of the sea.  And gorgeous red hair that when loose made her look like a force of nature.  And she was mine,” Ross said.

A chill went up Trencrom’s back as he realized the person Ross described was most assuredly Sally. Still, he needed to confirm how she was lost before the next step. At this point, Tholly rejoined them, his attempt at seduction with the barmaid put on hold for the time being.

“How did she die, Ross?  I know it’s not something you like to talk about but I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think it would help,” Trencrom said quickly.

“I don’t want to tell it again. She was out in our boat. Fishing I presume when a storm came suddenly and washed her out to sea. The only thing that came to shore was an oar and a piece of her headscarf.  There was no other sign of her.  I couldn’t even have a proper funeral as we never found her body,” Ross said, his voice now catching with emotion.

Trencrom looked to Tholly who was confused as to why this was being discussed again.  He was about to ask when without warning, they heard singing coming from the kitchen. Trencrom immediately saw Ross’s back straighten and his eyes widen.

“There it is again.  That voice. Where is it coming from?” he cried. 

He stood ready to go on a search when Trencrom grabbed his hand and pulled him to sit down again. Ross reluctantly did just that and waited for the older man to explain himself.

“Calm down boy. It’s just singing.  Why is it troubling you?”

Ross almost laughed at the man.

“She sounds like my wife. It’s what she used to sing around our house,” Ross said his eyes still on the lookout for the source.  He was about to take another drink when a fleeting glimpse of red hair passed by the open doorway.

“There!  I saw her again. The one with red hair!” he cried. 

Now Tholly and Trencrom followed his line of vision but saw nothing.  Both men were concerned that their friend was seriously losing his sanity. Trencrom knew he had the means to put an end to Ross’s distress and possibly his young muse’s as well. 

“Ross you need to calm down. Perhaps you are just missing your wife,” Tholly said.

“No.  It’s too much of a coincidence,” Ross said weakly.

“You know what you need young cap’n? A woman. What say we take a couple of these wenches and enjoy ourselves?” Tholly replied.

“NO!  I don’t want a wench!  I want my wife!” Ross answered.

“Ross, “ Trencrom started to say, “Perhaps coming here was not a good idea.”

Ross saw that his companions were only trying to divert his attention. It was not his intention to be unappreciative of their efforts. They just did not understand the depth of his mourning or the pain of his loss.  It’s clear neither of them had a love such as he and Demelza had for him to feel such grief.

 “It’s not your fault.  I am trying to move on. Isn’t that the reason for this trip?” Ross said, trying to muster up the enthusiasm for this venture that Tholly and Trencrom had.

Deciding enough was enough, Trencrom rose from the table. Ross kept his head bowed over his drink and so did not notice when the older man disappeared.  Tholly said nothing but kept his eye on Ross while Trencrom left them with no reason.  The two men left at the table said nothing but kept on drinking. Ross was on his fifth glass when Trencrom reappeared with someone in tow. Tholly had no idea who they young maid was but couldn’t ignore her striking beauty.  Or the fact of her passing resemblance to the description of Ross Poldark’s deceased wife. Tholly watched as Trencrom guided her to their table, coming to stand directly in front of Ross, who was too focused on his rum.

“Ross?  I’d like you to meet a friend of mine.  I wonder if you know her,” Trencrom says.

“I don’t want to meet anyone,” he slurs.”Just leave me alone with my new friend. Rum. Then maybe I’ll do what Tholly suggested since people think I’m so much like my father. I’ll partake of one of these women.”

“I think you might want to meet this woman.  I call her Sally,” Trencrom insisted.

Ross raised his head slowly, his eyes traveling up the lean body coming to rest on her face, framed in a shock of wild red hair.  He was speechless at first, rubbing his eyes to clear them from the cloud of rum.

“Demelza?” he whispers.

 Sally stared at the inebriated man whose brown eyes were the same as those in her dream.  It was him.  Ross Poldark was the man in her dreams.  She watched as he reached for her hand whispering her name again.

“Demelza? It is you.” 

Sally said nothing before she fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in this one....and for the cliffhanger. I told you this would be a slow-moving story.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross and Demelza aka Sally talk....and plans begin to take shape to bring Mistress Poldark home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I own nothing except the idea...and not even that. Also, self beta'd, so any error is mine and mine alone.

Her eyes opened slowly as she tried to focus on the scene in front of her.  She recognized Mr. Trencrom and was glad to see his warm smile.  Monsieur Clisson was there as well perhaps not so pleased that one of his best workers was lounging in bed. There was also Trencrom’s friend Tholly. Sally remembered him. And still, another man who was holding her wrist and touching her forehead. She didn’t know who he was but then her focus was directed to Ross Poldark.  He stood at the foot of the bed, his brown eyes unblinking, staring at her. Sally remembered what happened in the pub and now found her voice.

“Who’s Demelza?”

She directed her question to Ross who looked to the others for guidance. As he carried her upstairs Trencrom gave him a quick explanation of how he had found Sally and brought her to Roscoff. Ross was less than happy with his old friend but calmed down when Tholly reminded Ross that neither of them knew his wife. After placing Demelza on the bed, they waited for a doctor to arrive. Trencrom urged Ross to go slowly in his dealings with the girl as she was quite traumatized since their arrival. He filled Ross in on her dreams and the feelings that she was connected to or knew him. Ross laughed at this revelation because he felt the same way. He was also grateful that his instincts about Demelza being alive were proven to be true thereby erasing the idea that he had lost his mind.

“Well? Isn’t anyone going to say anything?” she said.

She struggled to sit up, forcing the doctor to let go of her. He gave her a disapproving look and stepped away from the bed, going to speak to Clisson. Ross glanced at Trencrom and Tholly who both shrugged their shoulders, absolutely no help whatsoever. Sally was now leaning against the headboard, the thin blanket covering her legs. She absently twisted the ring on her finger which Ross noticed as he moved to the side of the bed. He looked down at Sally waiting for permission to sit. She moved a bit to the side as an indication that he could take a seat next to her.

Ross fought the urge to cover her hands with his. Instead, he sat with his hands on his knees squeezing them for courage. Sally looked at him, her gaze never faltering. She studied his face and what she saw gave her a sense of relief. Finally, the face in her dreams belonged to someone. Someone real.  To convince herself of that, she tentatively raised her hand and touched his. Ross shuddered at the contact.  The same electric connection happened as it always had with Demelza.  The others in the room stood and watched not quite sure what to do.  Finally, Ross spoke.

“Demelza?  Are you alright? What happened?” he asked her.

 There was desperation in his tone that scared Sally.  What did he want her to say? What was she supposed to say?  She glanced at Mr. Trencrom hoping for some guidance. He saw that she was struggling with a variety of things and couldn’t let her handle this alone.

“Ross, why don’t we let the doctor finish examining  Sally and then you can talk to her, alright?” Trencrom pulled him up trying to steer him out of the room.

“Why do you keep calling her Sally? Her name is Demelza and she is my wife!”

Ross was losing patience with this whole thing. All he wanted was to talk to Demelza and find out why she left him.

“I will explain what I know but let’s do it someplace else.  We shouldn’t upset the girl anymore. Agreed?”

He looked at Ross finally seeing some recognition in his eyes that what he was being told was the right thing to do. With a backward glance at the woman on the bed, he let Trencrom take him outside.  They went back to the pub and sat at the same table as before.  Tholly chose to find a distraction in one of Clisson’s other wenches and so did not join them.  Trencrom was glad because the last thing he wanted was Tholly’s less than a sympathetic commentary on this unusual and unfortunate situation.

After they had downed another round of drinks, this time brandy instead of rum, Trencrom sat back and waited for Ross’s questions. 

“Tell me. When did you find her? And where?”

Ross was clearly confused and shaken. The demanding person from a few moments ago was replaced by a wounded man who had been living with the hurt of a lost wife for no reason.  Trencrom was sure the young captain was going to look for someone to blame, possibly even himself.

“It was about six weeks ago during a normal run.  We came upon a rowboat drifting at sea. She was laying on the bottom of it, soaking wet and passed out. I thought at first she was dead but when we got her on board, she was just in a very bad way. A couple of times during the rest of the trip I thought we were going to lose her.”

“When you found her, didn’t she say anything about where she came from or who she was?”

Trencrom looked at his friend and felt sympathy for him.  Unfortunately, he had no words of comfort.

“Not a word, Ross. Don’t you think I would have told you if I knew she was your wife?”

Ross closed his eyes and nodded.

“Yes. I don’t understand why she can’t remember anything. What am I supposed to do now? I won’t leave here without her.”

“No, of course not,” Trencrom said. “Let’s wait and see what the doctor says before drawing conclusions.”

As he said this the doctor came down the stairs and joined them.  Without waiting for an invitation he sat down and poured a drink.  Trencrom and Ross watched the casual way he acted while they waited for the diagnosis.

“Captain Poldark I couldn’t find any physical injuries to account for this condition and from what the young lady told me, she remembers very little of the incident itself.  It seems her memory is being affected by the trauma of the accident and her exposure to the elements.  If she is willing, take her home. The familiar surroundings might trigger her memory. However, do not be surprised that you might need to re-teach her who she is and what her life was before this happened.”

The physician took another swallow before rising to leave. Ross grabbed his hand.

“Teach her? To be Demelza?” he asked.

Also feeling bad for the young man, the doctor sat back down.

“Not necessarily. More like who Demelza was or is. What she means to you and her family. Do you have children?”

“Yes, “Ross replied. “We have a son.”

For a brief moment, he remembered Julia but forced that image from his mind.

“Then perhaps seeing him and the life she left behind will bring her back.”

Ross said nothing but tried to digest all he was being told. If he understood what happened from the pieces of information Trencrom relayed, Demelza left home, went fishing, got caught up in a storm and because of all this, lost who she was.  This was a lot to deal with but for right now he wanted to see her again.  He needed to reassure him that she was real.

“Can I see her?”

“Yes but no shocks. Talk to her almost as if you just met her. Am I clear?”

Standing up Ross answered as he walked away,” Yes.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

Ross knocked gently then opened the door to his room just enough to poke his head in. When he did all he saw was an empty bed which immediately panicked him. There was no sign of Demelza.  He pushed the door open and stepped inside, calling her.

“Demelza?” He paused and then called out again. “Sally?” 

Still nothing.  Looking around,  everything seemed as it was before he left with Trencrom except that Demelza was gone which made it feel so empty.  He sat on the bed, wondering if he lost her again when she appeared at the door.

“Dem…Sally,” he cried leaping to his feet.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just went to my own room for a shawl. I was suddenly cold,” she said meekly.

Ross moved to her and guiding her to the bed helped her to sit down.  She did so without breaking her gaze, staring at him as she did earlier.  Her eyes kept searching his face looking for some sign of recognition that would tell her what he meant to her life.  For his part, Ross took a seat next to her but kept a decent space between them. He wanted to reach out and take her hand again but resisted. The nearness of her reminded him of what has been missing these past months. He closed his and eyes and inhaled, the unique aroma of vanilla and flowers surrounding her.

“So, you’re my husband, is that right?”

“What?” he said. “You remember that?”

Sally’s slight smile faded.

“No, not really.”

Ross seemed confused again.

“So how did you know?”

“I didn’t for sure but the way everyone was acting and the way you were looking at me plus this ring, it started to sort out in my head,” she said.

Ross was told not to shock her yet it seemed she had no problem doing just that.

“And you came to that conclusion on your own?”

“Yes. I suppose I’m cleverer than I thought.”

Ross smiled at her warmly, the image of his Demelza coming through.

“You’re extremely clever Deme…I mean Sally.” 

 “It’s fine.  I suppose I should get used to hearing that name.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to force anything.”

Demelza shook her head as she tilted her head up to look him in the eye.

“Actually you’re not. I’ve always known I wasn’t ‘Sally’. Mr. Trencrom told me he gave me that name so he could call me something other than ‘his little mermaid’. I also felt that someone out there knew who I was. I just never imagined it happening.”

Ross listened to her and his heart filled with the love he had for this woman. He heard the longing and ache in her voice which made him want to heal her. Guided by instinct, he took her hand and kissed it.  Demelza started at the touch but did not pull away. She felt her heart start to beat faster, just as it had those nights she dreamt of her dark haired man. Now having Ross Poldark here touching her, she realized for sure that they were one in the same. The truth was not unwelcome but it filled her with apprehension.  What would he expect from her as his wife even though she had no memory of being one? She was going to ask him this when he spoke.

“Demelza please know that I won’t ask anything of you that you are not ready to give. I’m so happy to find you alive and well that I will gladly bide my time.”

Demelza was stunned that he seemed to read her mind.

“Thank you.”

They sat quietly with Demelza’s hand still in Ross’.  That current of connection was running through them which set off a reaction in each of them that neither quite knew how to deal with. Demelza fumbled with her shawl while Ross kept running his thumb over her hand. He had another question for her but this time she spoke first.

“What is your life like? Where do you live? What do you do? Are you in the trade like Mr. Trencrom?”

She asked the question in rapid-fire succession which prompted Ross to burst out laughing.  After a minute she joined in.  It was the first time either of them relaxed that way in recent weeks. Soon the merriment died down and the seriousness of their situation rose again.  They were married but not; they clearly had feelings for each other but could not act upon them. For all the loneliness and need Ross had he would not make a move towards reactivating their marital relationship until Demelza was fully ready and willing to be his wife.

“To answer your question, my life has been rather dull and empty since you’ve been gone. Before then it was never easy but together we worked to make it full. Our home is called Nampara and is near where you were lost. Do you remember?”

“Not really. I’m sorry. But I have heard Nampara before,” she said softly.

“Please stop apologizing. It’s not your fault. But tell me, where have you heard of Nampara?” he asked.

Demelza saw that he was hoping she had some real memory of the past so hated to disappoint him. 

“Only in my dreams. I saw a house near the sea and a man. Now I imagine that was you. Oh, and there was a child.”

“You remember we have a child?”

Ross was surprised at how much memory Demelza seemed to have but couldn’t connect with him directly.

“Do we?”

“Yes.”

She pivoted her body so she could face him fully.

“I didn’t remember it. I just kept seeing visions that I couldn’t explain.  Pictures almost that someone seemed to be showing me.  I didn’t know what they were until now. They must have been my memories.”

“Yes. Do you remember anything else?”

Ross looked at her hopefully. He wanted their talk to lead to a breakthrough about their lives. Demelza’s face saddened.

“No, not really. I didn’t know those were memories when they were happening. I thought they were just dreams. Things I hoped for. Especially the ones with the man…”

She couldn’t finish that thought but Ross the blush in her cheeks. He wondered if she dreamt of him as he used to dream of her. He felt her hand tremble and get moist, which he knew signaled that she did indeed remember. So the same passion that was there before was still somewhere in her soul and mind. If that were the case then he knew the love was there as well.

“It’s fine Demelza. We can’t expect everything to happen at once.  But to get back to your question, I own a mine and a small estate. I’m not in the trade and our son’s name is Jeremy.”

“We have a son,” she said almost to herself.  “I like that name.”

“You chose it.  Just before you gave birth after you went fishing in the boat.”

She let what he said sink in. So it was her fault she had that accident.

“I see.  So was it my own doing that I ended up here?”

Ross didn’t know how to answer. He didn’t mean to imply that he was blaming her.

“Demelza, its’ no one’s fault. You’ve gone out in the boat many times. No one knew there would be a storm. If anything I should have gone searching for you longer. Instead, I let people convince me that I should let you go.”

He started to cry as the memory of those early days came flooding back. Demelza watched as this man, who seemed so strong in her dreams and now in person,  crumble just as she had many times in the recent past. Something in her heart broke for him and she realized that she was not the only one at a loss over this situation. They really were together in this nightmare. She needed to let him know that she didn’t blame him. Their hands were still linked but she needed to do more. Moving closer towards him she reached her other hand up to his face and touched his cheek where his scar was. Ross looked up at her, his eyes moist and stared into her face. He leaned in, his gaze dropping to her lips.

Demelza saw this and instead of pulling away, moved to meet him. They were close enough for their mouths to expel breath that mixed in the air.  They were about to make contact when the door burst open.

“Well, young cap’n I hear you found your missus. Will ‘ee be bringing her back home?”

Tholly’s voice bellowed through the room not noticing what was happening in front of him.  Ross and Demelza jumped apart, breathless, both of them flushed.  Demelza put her hands up to her cheeks to soothe them while Ross glanced over to give her a reassuring look. She may not know who Ross Poldark was but her heart told her she could trust him.  Bowing her head so that her hair covered her face, she felt his hand on the small of her back, moving in small circles which sent a chill up her spine not of fear but desire.  Her breath hitched as she straightened her body which Ross took as a sign to stop what he was doing.  When he pulled his hand away, Demelza cast a sideways glance at him, her face breaking into a small smile, letting him know that what he did was welcome.  The silent communication between them was still there which allowed Ross to rise so he could go speak to Tholly.

“Yes, Tholly, she will be coming back with us.  And I am anxious to get her home, so how quickly can we conclude our business and get going? The sooner the better,” Ross said with a grin on his face.

Tholly grinned at his young friend, glad to see him out of his doldrums.  At this point, Trencrom had entered the room and stood next to both of them, staring at the young woman he rescued from an unknown fate only to find out she was the wife of a long time friend.  He saw how his little mermaid looked at her newly identified husband and knew that she belonged back in Cornwall.  He also saw panic rise on her face as she moved to speak.

“Wait a bloody minute!”

The dissenting voice was Demelza’s, her old Cornish accent coming back in full force, making Ross take notice.

“Demelza, what’s the matter?  I thought…” he started.

“You thought I’d just run back with you?  Well, you’re mistaken. I mean I do want to know where I’m from and what my life was like it’s just I’m not ready to just accept what you say blindly.”

Ross moved to her looking at her closely.

“I told you I wouldn’t do anything to force you to do something you’re not ready for.  But the doctor did say that perhaps bringing you back home it would help with your memory.  You do want that to come back, don’t you?”

He wondered now if she was having misgivings about how he was and how they were connected.  She nodded slowly, her eyes filling.

“Yes,” she whispered.  “It’s just that I don’t know what my position would be.”

Now Ross was confused.  What did she think he was going to bring her back for?

“Position?”

“Yes.  I can’t come back as your wife.  You know that. So what would I be?”

Ross hadn’t thought of that. Once they were back at Nampara, how would they live?  What would their day to day lives consist of?  Of course, he hoped that when she saw their home and Jeremy she’d have a breakthrough, remembering everything. But he knew that was unrealistic and that her recovery could take time.  However, Ross was not known to be a patient man and he knew that he would have to find that part of himself that would not push her to move quicker than she wanted.  He had a thought that might be mad but one that might work for this particular situation.

“Would you agree to come back to Nampara and work for me?”

Tholly and Trencrom looked at the young captain with his mouth agape.  What was he proposing?  For his part, Trencrom knew that Sally or Demelza might be hesitant to such a suggestion but the old salt knew that this would be the best way for her to find out who she was and where she belonged.

“I don’t understand,” Demelza said.

Ross started to explain but was stopped by Trencrom as he moved past the young captain to speak to his young ward.

“I think this is a good idea my little mermaid.  You don’t belong in Roscoff. You belong back in Cornwall with your friends and family.  Perhaps being surrounded by them will help you remember everything.  Isn’t that what you want?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said to him.

“Besides, I know the young captain and he will not do anything to compromise you. Will you Ross?” he asked turning to the now nervous man who was waiting for her answer. 

Walking towards Demelza he came face to face with her and took her hands in his.

“I know that we are married yet we can’t actually _be_ married.  However, I want you to come back to me.  So what say we go back to the way things were when you first came to Nampara.  You can help run the house as you did in the beginning. Maybe starting in the past is the way to bring you to the present.”

Demelza looked at his face and saw how excited he was at the idea of having her back in his home.  Part of her thought he was crazy to want his wife coming back to be a servant. On the other hand, starting at the beginning of their relationship, might help her transition to where she could remember being his. Perhaps doing those ordinary things of life would help break the block in her mind.  Besides, she wanted to go back with him. She didn’t want to be alone anymore and if she had a family waiting, she should go to them.  This would give her a chance to see the real Ross Poldark and not the heroic image of her dreams. 

“Yes.  I’ll come.  When do we sail?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, another cliffhanger. You didn't think she'd see Ross and remember everything at once, did you? What's the fun in that? I warned you this was a long, slow ride.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demelza comes home as she and Ross start to dance around their feelings for each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always nothing is mine and work is self beta'd.

The group left Roscoff a week later on Trencrom’s ship, The One and All.  The last time Demelza was on this vessel was when she arrived in Roscoff months before. Then it was to save her from unchartered waters; now it was bringing her back to another kind of uncharted water. This time, however, she was filled with the excitement of facing the unknown.  Although technically this shouldn’t be the unknown; it should be returning to a life that, from what Ross Poldark told her, was relatively happy.  Part of her was hoping that being back in Cornwall would trigger her memory while another wondered if there was a reason she hadn’t remembered anything yet.  As she walked down the dock towards the boat, she clutched a small satchel to her chest.  The bag carried the few things she had acquired from other girls during her time in Roscoff.  There was nothing personal about her.

Ross saw her approach and his mind flashed back to another time Demelza had a parcel like the one she had now.  It was the day after they first slept together when she was running away thinking he was sorry for what happened and assuming that he wanted her gone because of Elizabeth.  How wrong she was, yet he didn’t realize it himself until after they were married.  Now he loved her more than life itself and she had no knowledge of it.  Ross had no idea how he was going to live under the same roof with this woman who was part of his soul when she didn’t feel the same. He was bringing Demelza home but he wasn’t.  This woman, who had been called Sally, was his wife but not.  Never in his life did Ross think he would find himself in this situation of loving the woman he was married to but not having it returned.  Is this what Demelza felt like during the years of their marriage when she believed his heart was somewhere else?  If so, he owed a huge apology for not appreciating what they had.

Demelza reached the gangplank, prompting Ross to run down to meet her.  He took large strides, getting to her seconds.  He appeared anxious to get her on the boat before she changed her mind.

“All set?” he asked.

The redhead looked up at him, a shy smile on her face.

“Not really but there’s no going back now, is there?” she said.

Ross searched her face for any signs that she didn’t want to go and only saw the beautiful countenance of his wife.  Her blue eyes shone in the daylight, bright but with a shadow of trepidation which was not lost on him.  He took her hand, giving it a squeeze of reassurance.

“Demelza, I promise to take care of you. Do you trust me?”

She stared into his eyes almost hoping to find something to dislike. Instead, she found nothing but love and the decision was made.

“Take me home.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

Ross and Tholly were holed up in the bilge while Trencrom gave Demelza her old bunk separated from the men.  Still, knowing that she was within arm’s reach but untouchable was almost torture for Ross.  He chided himself for these feelings of need and want he had for this woman.  Who was he fooling? This woman was his wife, not some doxy he met in a pub.  From the first time they lay together she became a fire in his blood that he didn’t want to contain.  In the months she was gone, he was urged to move on, find someone, anyone to fill that need.  Unlike most men who would seek out a warm body to find satisfaction, Ross chose to remain alone with the memories of what he shared with Demelza.  The time in Roscoff solidified that as his dreams of their life together were more vivid than ever. Now he knew why. It was because she was there, in his midst and their connection was reestablished.  After talking with Demelza, he knew that some part of her felt the same.  He needed to see her, to touch her, if only to make sure she was still real.

Hearing Tholly snore, Ross knew that he could easily slip out to find Demelza.  In the darkened passageway he found the spot Trencrom made for her.  The door to the cabin was ajar allowing Ross to peek in before entering. There, in the darkened room, with just the flicker of a dying candle, he saw her face. The alabaster skin of her cheeks tinged with just the slightest hint of pink.  He pushed the door open slowly so it didn’t make any noise and tiptoed to where she slept.  He found a crate and pulled it up next to the bed so he could sit and look at her.  Ross was tempted to touch her, to feel the warmth of her skin so his own would warm but restrained himself.  He watched the even breathing of her sleep,  his mind replaying bits of their life together.  Perhaps if he remembered them he could help her to do the same.

Gazing down at Demelza, her red hair wild and loose around her face, she hardly looked like the gangly urchin he came upon nearly ten years before, although she looked as young.  The years of hardship they faced or her trauma of the past few months hadn’t altered her beauty.  If anything, it’s enhanced it.  His hand reached out to move a stray tendril from her forehead, his fingers brushing her skin which felt as soft and silky as the first time he touched her.  Images of her coming to him in his mother’s blue dress, stepping into his room with just the moonlight and a single candle to guide her to his bed, flooded his mind. Memories of how they came together seamlessly, as if they were meant to be together in both body and soul, found Ross’s breathing becoming shallow while his heart raced.  Back then she gave herself to him in an attempt to keep from leaving him.  Now he wanted to do the same so that she wouldn’t disappear again.  But how could he do that without scaring her away?

Ross pulled back slightly, needing to get perspective.  He didn’t understand how all the things they went through in their lives could be erased from Demelza’s thoughts with just one incident.  How could she have no recollection of their marriage and what they were to each other?  How could she not remember Julia?  He wondered how he should approach these parts of their past when they got home.  Ross hoped that Dwight would be able to offer some insight into the best way handle this situation.  He wanted his wife back but more importantly, he wanted Demelza back; the feisty, blunt, unpretentious woman who invaded his home and life with ease.  His eyes were closed in thought when he heard and felt a rustling coming from the bed. Glancing down he saw she was still deep in sleep but there was a glimmer of a smile on her face and he wondered what she was thinking of.  Could it be about him?  Or them?

Watching her face he was reminded of their first Christmas at Trenwith.  Demelza had dazzled everyone, including him, with her wit and charm not to mention her beauty. The red dress that she and Verity had chosen brought out her features and instantly changed her, for those gathered, from kitchen maid to Mistress Poldark.  She commanded attention when she walked into dinner, bringing out the seducer in the men and the jealousy in the women.  At dinner, he sat across from her, proud that she held her own especially when she stood up for Verity after some cutting comments from that female viper, Ruth Teague.  However, it wasn’t until after that night, when he urged her to sing for the group, that he’d realized he’d fallen in love with his wife.  Ross knew that his impulsive decision to marry Demelza out of a sense of obligation had transformed into something deeper and long-lasting.  He also finally acknowledged that she had loved him from the start adding to his guilt and realization of how much time he wasted pining for a woman who would never be his instead of accepting the love of a woman who was already a part of him.

Ross also remembered that was the night Demelza told him they were going to have a child.  Julia.  Never before did he think that another human, least of all a child, could grab his heart and hold it even after death.  Unlike Demelza who faced their loss with practicality, he knew that he was not going to be the same again. Even with the added tension of the trial, she was strong for both of them, dealing with his possible death sentence quietly and controlled.  That last night they spent in each other’s arms was not a farewell but a sealing of their love.  He knew that if he was found guilty and transported or worse, that they would be losing the other half of their souls.  Was that one of the reasons she blocked out their lives?  For someone like Ross, who liked to be in control of all things all the time, the unknown was not something he was used to.  And he didn’t like it. 

He turned his attention back to his wife and the need be near her.  Knowing that he might be making a terrible mistake, he cautiously moved around the bunk and lay down beside her.  They didn’t touch but just the nearness of her body allowed warmth to emanate from her to him, bringing him some comfort.  Their close encounter back in Roscoff made it apparent to Ross that he was not the only one feeling desire; he knew Demelza felt it as well and it frightened her.  The last thing he wanted was to scare his wife to where she wouldn’t want to be near him.  Now he threw that out the window just so he could lie next to her.  He was about to rise before anything else happened when Demelza rolled over and into his side.  Her arms curled about herself as her head nestled into the crook of his neck. Ross’s arms were still by his side, now pinned in place by this new position.  He didn’t move in case it woke her so he lay still just breathing in her presence which coupled with the rock motion of the boat put him to sleep.  For the first time in weeks, his dreams were not of loss but of something being found again.

*~*~*~*~*~*

She wriggled deeper into what she thought were the blankets when suddenly her head hit something hard. Demelza’s eyes opened a bit and she saw the profile of the man she had just been dreaming about.  Ross Poldark was laying next to her, deep in slumber, his chest rising and falling under her hand. She watched him for a bit, remembering the dream she just woke from where a man, Ross, was kissing her.  On a cliff overlooking the sea. They are happy.   Demelza smiled to herself at this thought. Then he was walking with her, their hands linked, towards what she imagined was their home.  Once inside he guided her up some stairs to a bedroom; their bedroom. It seemed familiar to her. There was a large four poster bed with drapes and a roaring fire was in the hearth. There they undressed each other and in the moonlight of the night, made love.  She felt every kiss, caress and whisper against her skin.  It warmed her to the point of being overheated which is when she woke up, nestled in Ross’s embrace.

Demelza was startled but not afraid of being in this position.  She should push him out of the bed and to the floor, instead of staring at him in his slumber.  His face was peaceful but she noticed his eyes moving rapidly under the lids. Letting her gaze travel down his body, Demelza saw that he too was reacting to their closeness.  Was he having a dream as well?  She shook that thought from her mind and coming to her senses, pushed against him so that he tumbled to the floor.

“What the hell?” he cried now wide awake.

“I wasn’t expecting company, Captain.”

Realizing what had happened Ross sheepishly sat up and brushed himself off.

“Sorry,” he said.  “I didn’t mean to take liberties. I just wanted to be near you.”

Demelza saw his dilemma and sympathized.

“I see. Well, if you must know I was a feared myself. I know technically I am going home but I feel more unsure about this than when Mr. Trencrom rescued me and brought me to Roscoff.”

Ross looked up at her and smiled.

“You are coming home, Demelza. And my greatest wish is that being home will bring you back to me. Yet…”

He paused, not quite sure how to continue. He stood and walked to light a candle so they could see each other better.

“What?” she asked.

Demelza began to feel emotions for this man other than gratitude. She reached for his hand and brought him to sit on the bed next to her.  Taken aback by her action, Ross tried to settle down and not let the proximity to her take over his brain.  He needed to stay focused and in control.

“My other fear is that you will never remember and then where will it leave us?”

Demelza thought about this and said, “I suppose you’re just going to have to show me why and how I should be your wife. Show me who Demelza Poldark is.”

Ross was surprised at the ease with which she faced this very real possibility. Then again, the Demelza he knew was never one to run from a challenge.  She faced it head-on, ready to deal with the consequences, whatever they might be.

“Demelza, that could take awhile and I’m not sure I can wait that long. Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?  Or needed you?”

“I think so,” she replied. “In the days since I’ve met you, I’ve felt the same need and want.  But know that I’m just not going to fall into your arms or bed because I’m expected to.  That might be what you’ve experienced from other women but that’s not me.”

She stared at him hoping he understood her meaning, then added the real reason she was holding back, despite her growing desire for him.

“I don’t think I love you yet Captain Poldark.”

That brought Ross back to the cold reality of their situation. While this woman was physically Demelza, she was not yet emotionally his wife.  Demelza saw that her words hurt him and quietly spoke.

“That doesn’t mean I’ve not grown fond of you. I just don’t feel what a wife should towards their husband.”

Ross understood exactly what she meant. Didn’t he feel the same towards her when they were married? He didn’t love her in the beginning, only desired and had grown used to her. Now, the shoe was on the other foot so to speak. He was in the same position Demelza was for months, perhaps years if he considered the lingering ties to Elizabeth. The difference was Demelza did nothing to gain his devotion except love him and be the person she naturally was. Could he do the same? By nature, Ross Poldark was not an open man.  He kept his thoughts and emotions close to the vest. However, now he was going to have to open up and let this Demelza see who he was inside. No holding back or keeping secrets. This was a new concept for him but he’d do anything to make her love him. He never realized how much he took for granted what they had and what she gave him or what she put into their marriage.  She carried it and nurtured it. He grasped both her hands and kissed them.

“Don’t worry my love. All will come together in due course. I have faith.”

Demelza stared at him and his calm demeanor. This didn’t seem like the same man she met last week who was determined to troop her back to Cornwall, no ifs, ands or buts.  This man was gentle and kind, and seemingly full of patience.

“Faith? In what?” she asked.

“In us Demelza. In our love.  I believe the strength we had before will find its way to us again. Do you trust me?”

She searched his eyes and found she trusted him with all her heart.

“I do trust you, Captain,” she said then corrected herself. “Ross,” she said softly.

He looked up at her and saw warmth and trust being returned. Without thinking he moved to kiss her but stopped. Ross pulled back and saw that she had her eyes closed, anticipating the meeting of their lips.  He was amused and flattered and oh so tempted to give her, and him what they wanted.  Putting his thought into action, he took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead, then each cheek.  Demelza’s eyes fluttered open, to see Ross’s brown orb staring at her.

“Why did you stop?” she croaked out.

“Because you’re not ready for this. And I won’t take anything from you that you’re not ready to give.”

He stood up and walked to the door.

“Where are you going?”

Demelza now panicked that she would be left alone again and found she didn’t want him to leave.

“Back below to my own cot,” Ross answered.

“Don’t!” she cried.

“What?”

“Stay with me.  Please?”

“Demelza I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” he said.

“Please, Ross.  I don’t want to be here alone.  Look if you want, I’ll sleep on the floor and you can have the bed,” she said as she moved to stand.

He ran to her and stopped that immediately.

“No!  You keep the bed. I’ll take the floor.  It’s no worse than being in the army.”

She watched him take one of the scratchy blankets from the cot and lay it on the floor next to her.  He then took a sack and used it as a pillow.  Lying down he looked up at her and waited for her to recline as well. When she lay back, she hung her arm over the side, her fingers wriggling in search of something. Ross realized she was looking for him.  He reached over and took her hand, holding it lightly.  They fell asleep like that, to the rocking of the boat, the journey back to Nampara almost over.

*~*~*~*~*~*

From then on, Ross and Demelza spent as much time together as they could with Ross sharing with Demelza the basics of their life together. He filled her in about Prudie and Jud; told her about Dwight, Verity, and Francis but pointedly glossed over Elizabeth. It wasn’t that he had anything to hide regarding his feelings for her, it was just that he had a niggle in his brain that the reason Demelza went out in the boat that day had something to do with Elizabeth.  He didn’t know why but he wasn’t taking any chances when they were so close to being home.  There would be time enough to see for himself if Demelza had any reaction to Elizabeth when they met face to face.

As for the nights, they continued their platonic sleeping arrangements in her bunk. Trencrom gave Ross a warning look after the first morning he saw him leave her cabin but was assured that his intentions were honorable.  Ross explained that Demelza asked him to stay.  Trencrom was wary but had to admit his little mermaid did appear happier in the presence of Ross Poldark.  Now they were hours away from returning to their past and Ross hoped his expectations weren’t too high.  He was glad that Trencrom was going to stay behind in Falmouth with Tholly to finish their business. This way he would be left to deal their familial situation alone.  Ross had sent word to Jud to meet the ship at the dock with his horse but had not offered any other information about his voyage or the outcome of it. Ross thought it better to give that news in person.

When they docked Ross was on deck and spied Jud waiting. He told Trencrom to keep Demelza occupied while he checked with Jud that all was in readiness for his return. Making his way down the gangplank he called to Jud who hobbled toward his master.

“Jud!”

Ross didn’t miss his servant’s attempt at lameness but chose to ignore it.

“Cap’n Ross! Good to see yer back.”

“Yes.  It’s good to be back. How’s Master Jeremy?” Ross asked, now anxious to get home and see his son.

“Fine. Ole Prudie and Mistress Verity took good care of him,” Judd mumbled.

“Where’s my horse, Jud?”

“At the stables, sir. Shall I fetch her for ‘ee?”

Ross thought a moment before stating, “No. See you get yourself home.  No detours to the kiddley. Understood?”

 “Aye Cap’n,” Jud muttered.

Jud barely tipped his hat before shuffling off. Ross watched him go then returned to the ship just in time to see Demelza emerge from below with Trencrom by her side. Ross met her at the bottom of the plank, holding out his hand for her. Demelza took it with a smile.

“Thank you,” she said politely.

“You’re welcome,” he replied.

The niceties were overflowing, both of them trying hard to keep things in check because of the currents of emotions which were bubbling under the surface. The electricity was reignited when their hands touched, both of them shivering from the shock.

“Has it gotten colder?” Demelza asked trying to blame what happened on the weather.

“A bit,” he responded.

He saw that she only had a thread bare shawl and decided she needed something new.

“Where did you get that?” Ross asked pointing to her outerwear.

“Mr. Trencrom gave it to me. Why?”

“I think you need something a little more substantial.  Come. Let’s get my horse and I’ll take you to buy something new.”

Demelza raised an eyebrow and looked at him.

“No Ross. I don’t need nothing new,” she said.

“No? Well, I don’t need you getting sick before we get home. No arguments.”

She nodded and then took the arm he offered and walked beside him towards the stable. Her fingers gripped his bicep, curling around the muscles she felt through his coat. The gesture was once again familiar and new at the same time. They reached the stall where Ross brought out Darkie and helped Demelza up into the saddle.  He then swung up behind her. Looking over her shoulder, Demelza saw Ross smiling at her as he adjusted the reins.

“Sorry about only having one horse. I wasn’t sure if you remembered how to ride so I didn’t have yours brought,” he explained.

Grinning back at him, she turned around to face forward as he spurred the horse to move.

“Anyway, I thought maybe this would remind of something,” he added.

“Remind me?  Of what?”

“When you first came to Nampara we used to ride like this all the time,” he said.

Demelza looked back at him again.

“Really?”

“Yes.  I never told you but I liked those times, Demelza.  I could talk to you without anyone around.  It was nice.”

She wriggled a little in the saddle trying to get comfortable which brought her closer to Ross’s body.  His arms instinctively tightened around her securing her to him, his face leaning over her shoulder, his breath on her cheek.  Demelza shuddered again so Ross moved closer still until they were flush with each other.  He focused on the street, trying hard to ignore his body’s reaction to his wife.  Luckily the ride to the haberdasher’s was short.  He stopped the horse and slid off, closing his eyes, willing his body to calm down.  Demelza cast a glance towards him and waited for him to offer a hand to help her down.  He reached up and grabbed her by the waist, depositing her on the ground.

“Shall we?” he said, leading her into the store. 

They looked at some cloaks that were ready to take and wear, deciding on a green velvet one which Ross thought would complement Demelza’s ginger locks.  She wanted to refuse but had to admit the feel of the fabric was so soft that she couldn’t wait to try it on.  Ross was happy with the selection and wanted to get her something else but he was anxious to get home; he would take Demelza shopping another day once things got settled.   Getting back on Darkie, they worked their way through town to the cliff-side road taking a steady pace towards home.  Demelza was grateful for the extra material of the cloak because it hid the increasingly rapid rise and fall of her chest the closer they got to Nampara. Ross felt the change in her stance and tried to catch a glimpse of her face but saw nothing.

“Are you alright, my love?” he said close to her ear.

The term of endearment added another layer of apprehension to Demelza’s attitude not making things easier.

“I’m fine Ross.  Just nervous,” she admitted.

“There is nothing to be nervous about.  This is your home.  You decide what you want or don’t want to do.  Let’s just take things as they come, alright?”

His words made sense and were soothing but she still felt like vomiting.  She was about to say that when she saw a house in the distance and something changed. Was this Nampara? Was this her home?

“Finally,” Ross said.

He sped up the horse and trotted down the path towards the side yard.  Moving quickly he got off and helped Demelza off as well.

“Welcome home my love.”

Demelza looked up at him and nodded slowly. Ross took her hand and led her through the front door into the entryway.  Closing it, they walked into the parlor and Demelza looked around the room.  Ross watched her hoping that he would see some sign of remembrance.  She circled the room but touched nothing. 

“Demelza?”

“Yes,” she said dreamily.

“Does anything look familiar?” he asked hopefully.

She turned around to face him with a sad look on her face.

“No. I’m sorry Ross.  I wanted to remember but nothing.”

He didn’t respond and tried to keep his disappointment hidden.  He was going to say something else when there were footsteps behind him.

“Judas! Is that the maid?” Prudie cried.

They both turned around and saw her just as she swayed and leaned against the door. Ross ran to her side making sure she didn’t fall.

“Yes, Prudie. It’s Demelza.  I’ll explain everything but right now we are famished. Can you bring us some tea?”

The rotund woman couldn’t speak but simply walked back to the kitchen in silence.

“I think you could have broken the news of my existence a little better, don’t you?”

Demelza was teasing and Ross was glad to see a bit of his wife come through even if she didn’t realize it was there.

“Don’t worry about Prudie. She could use a little shock to get her moving. Come, let me show you where you’ll be staying,” he said.

“What do you mean where I’ll be staying? Aren’t I staying with you?”

“Demelza, I told you I wouldn’t force you into any situation you’re not ready for.  I don’t think sleeping in our room would be the wisest thing, do you?”

He walked towards her and held on to her shoulders when he bent and whispered in her ear.

“No matter how much I might want that.”

Demelza leaned back to look at him and saw a twinkle of mischief in his eye. She hated to admit he was right because she wanted it too.  She found herself questioning why after only a week she trusted this man.  Was there some part of her mind that did remember who he was to her? Or was the time she spent alone, dreaming feverishly of being with someone like Ross Poldark, driving her desire?  She smiled at him briefly before agreeing.

“You’re right.  I don’t know what it is…Ross…but I trust you.   I’ve trusted you since we’ve met but you’re right. Whatever we are feeling is powerful but I still have no recall of being here, living a life with you.  I’m sorry.”

Ross searched her face and could tell she was as torn as he was.  Their instincts were drawing them to each other, but their logical sides were determined to stay on course so that Demelza’s memory came back allowing her to freely and completely be his wife again.

“There is no need to apologize my love.  At least I haven’t scared you away.  When we first met, I was not as pleasant and calm as I am now,” he said.

Demelza looked at him, now wanting to learn more about their early life.

“Tell me.  How did we meet?  Did we know each other for a long time?” she asked with wide-eyed curiosity.

Ross saw her interest was piqued and thought this might be the way to start bringing his wife back to him.  He was about to answer when they were interrupted by the sound of a crying baby.  They exchanged a look, each of them waiting for the other to say something.

“Is that your son?” she said to Ross.

“Our son, Demelza.  Come let me take you upstairs to see him,” Ross said taking her by the hand.

They walked upstairs to Jeremy’s room.  Ross pushed open the door to see the child whimpering in his cradle.  Demelza automatically went to pick him up, trying to soothe him. Jeremy took to her immediately.  Ross watched as Demelza started to sing, calming Jeremy down. He recognized the song as the one she sang at Trenwith that first Christmas. 

“How do you know that tune, Demelza?”

He stepped closer to them, coming to stand behind Demelza as she rocked their son, reaching out to touch her shoulder.   She turned her head to look at him before she moved to sit down in the chair that was placed next to the crib. 

“I don’t know.  I just heard it in my head.  Why?  Should I know what it is?” she said softly as it seemed Jeremy was drifting back to sleep. 

Ross was disappointed that the memory of their first Christmas didn’t come back with the song but was encouraged that something from their past leaked through.

“It’s a song that you sang to me years ago.  During our first Christmas together,” he answered.

Demelza stood up to place Jeremy back in his bed.  As she tucked him in, she bent to give him a kiss without a second thought.  When she turned back to look at Ross there were tears in her eyes.

“Why can’t I remember these things, Ross?  He’s my son. I should remember him.”

He walked to her and gathered her in his arms. She put her head on his shoulder and cried softly. Ross rubbed her back soothing her as she had Jeremy.

“Don’t worry my love, don’t worry. The fact that you’re mind is automatically releasing these types of details means that your memories are still sharp and want to emerge. We just have to let them be and not force it.”

Ross surprised himself with his rational thinking about their situation but he knew it had to be this way if he wanted Demelza to come back to him fully, without any reservations. 

“Thank you, Ross,” she said as she pulled her head up to look at him, her gaze going from his eyes to his lips. 

Ross saw where her focus was, tempting him to kiss her.  She realized it as well and started to relax into him, wanting to feel his lips on hers when he stepped back.

“Demelza,” he said, taking a deep breath to temper his emotions.  “Let me show you the other room.”

He walked towards the door and waited for her to join him.  They stood together in the doorway, their bodies facing each other.

“I want you to know Ross I appreciate everything you’re doing.  I know this isn’t easy for you.  I promise to try to get better soon,” she said, her hand on his chest.

“I’m just glad you’re back.  Having you here, in our home, near me is enough for now.”

He took her hand, kissed it and led the way to the spare room.  As they walked down the hall they passed the master bedroom, Demelza glanced in, then stopped.   She let go of Ross’s hand and stepped down.  Standing in the center of the room she looked around before walking around as she had in the parlor.  She went to the dressing table, her hand grazing the brush. She moved on to the small container next to it. Upon lifting the top she saw ribbons, similar to the one she found in Roscoff.  She picked one up and ran it through her fingers, the satin smooth against her skin.  Replacing it, she moved on to, circling the room until she approached the bed.  Standing at the end, she took hold of the foot post, her fingers curling into the grooves of the wood.  Demelza stared at the bedding as if trying to force a memory of her life as Demelza Poldark.  Ross’s wife.  But nothing came.  Feeling frustrated she left the room meeting Ross in the hall.

“Where is my room?” she asked, more than a little annoyed.  But the annoyance was not at him but herself.

“Here,” he said pointing to the room next door.

Opening the door, he let her enter first.  It was brighter than the other and clearly hadn’t been used as the bedding and all the other furnishings seemed too neat and tidy.

“This is nice but it’s big.  I don’t need this much space,” she said.

“No but I’m sure you’ll manage,” he said. 

Demelza smiled back at him.  The mood lightened as she took a seat on the bed, running her hands on the velvet coverlet.  Ross glanced down at her, happy that she was here.

“Demelza, I’m going to send for Dwight Enys.  I thought maybe seeing and talking to him might help you.  Now it’s been a long trip. Why don’t you lay down and I’ll have Prudie prepare tea.”

She didn’t respond because she was already reclining on the bed, her red hair splayed across the pillows as her eyes drifted closed.

“You’re taking such good care of me,” she said slowly, sleep taking over.

Ross came to the bed and pulled a small knitted shawl over her loosely.  When he saw her breathing was even, he bent down and gave her whisper of a kiss.   He left her there to take care of things. 

*~*~*~*~*~*

_The room felt warm. The fire in the hearth was blazing. She was standing by the bed in nothing but her shift.  The bedding was turned down, the white sheets crisp, almost new.  She reached out to touch them when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her from behind.  She felt a breath on her neck, lips traveling from her ear to her shoulder, as hands caressed her waist. Her breasts felt heavy, her nipples taut as they pushed against the fabric of her clothes.  She wanted those hands to move up her body to relieve the ache she felt.  As a moan escaped her lips she woke with a start._

Demelza forgot where she was for a moment then remembered she was in a bedroom of Nampara.  The dream she just had, however, took place in another room.  And the person whose arms she felt she knew belonged to Ross.  Her husband.  She rolled over, her legs clenching together trying to ease the want she felt.  Suddenly feeling as if she were suffocating, Demelza got up and went to a window.  She opened it wide and saw that the beach was just over the hill.  She walked out of the room, stopping briefly to check on Jeremy then flew down the stairs and out the front door.  There was no sign of Ross or that other woman, Prudie, so she just walked in the direction she thought the beach was.  Soon she heard waves and picked up the faintest scent of the sea, and so started to run. Tripping down the path, she started to undo her stays and skirt as she moved.  Finding a small cave she went in and removed the rest of her outer clothes, leaving just her shift on.  The sun was still high enough in the sky to warm the sand which felt amazing between her toes.  Demelza skipped to the water’s edge and waded into the surf.  She stood and waited for a wave to come and wash over her before diving under.  Breaking the surface she brushed the hair out of her face and laughed.  For the first time, she felt like she was home.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Ross climbed the stairs two at a time as he went to rouse Jeremy and Demelza for tea.  He passed his son’s room and heard him cooing in the cradle.  Ross went in, quickly changed him then carried Jeremy to get Demelza.  He knocked but there was no answer.  Not wanting to wake her he opened the door slowly and peered in.  The bed was empty. Running into the room he saw no sign of Demelza.  Panicking he went back downstairs and found Prudie.  Handing Jeremy over to her, he left through the back door to see if the horse was gone.  Darkie was still in his stall which meant wherever she was, she traveled by foot.  Ross ran his hands through his hair trying to think where she might have gone.  Then it came to him. The one place Demelza would go when she needed to think. 

He made his way through the gate and ran down the same path Demelza had taken a short time before.  Ross was on the cliff looking around when he saw her. She was standing in the shallow water, the linen clinging to her skin leaving nothing to his imagination.  The outline of her body was clear to his eye; she was a vision.  She started to walk out of the water and Ross pulled away from the edge of the cliff, not wanting to be seen. The last thing he needed was for Demelza to think he was following her or worse, trying to catch her in a vulnerable state.  He saw that she disappeared into one of the caves which gave Ross a chance to make his way down without her knowing he was watching her.  As he walked the rocky path, he was reminded of the time he took a similar swim after his one night with Margaret right before he met Demelza.  He also remembered that after they were married she told him about that day and how she had come upon him as she picked flowers.  Now he was doing the same thing.  It seemed to Ross that his relationship with Demelza had entered an alternate universe. Where in the beginning she was the one with feelings for him and he was oblivious, now he was the one who loved her beyond measure and found he had to win her love back.   The difference is that he knew what they had and how much it meant to both of them so there was more to lose is it all went wrong.  He reached the end of the path just as Demelza was coming up it.

“Ross? What are you doing here?” she said brightly. 

Ross couldn’t help noticing how glowing and happy she looked. Her cheeks were flushed and her blue eyes were bright, shimmering like the sea she emerged from.

“I was worried when I didn’t find you at home for tea.  I thought maybe you ran away,” he said.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily. Not after you went to all the trouble to find me.”  Her smile was infectious and Ross smiled back.

“I didn’t think so.”

“How did you know where to find me?” she asked sweetly.

“It’s where you always came when you need to think. Or get away from me,” he answered.

“I’ll have to remember that,” she teased.

Ross grinned.  “Well, we should get going; Dwight is coming to check you over.”

“Didn’t you do that already?” she said.

He waited a moment then realized what she meant; she knew he had been watching her.  Now Ross was embarrassed and Demelza knew it but she didn’t seem to mind.  In a surprising move, she reached up and kissed him lightly. Ross didn’t react, keeping his hands at his sides.  Without a word, she walked off and up the hill towards Nampara.  Ross watched her retreat, still stunned at her brazen flirting and it made him wonder. Why did this “new” Demelza intrigue him so much?  She was his wife but yet she wasn’t.  In some ways, this Demelza reminded him of the urchin turned kitchen maid of their early days and to be honest, he liked it.  It was good to see her smiling and lighthearted again as if there were no cares or troubles in their lives.  He’d have to talk to Dwight but if she was starting to come back in stages, beginning with the Demelza of the first days of their marriage, then this could be the way for him to win her over.  Doing it right this time.  Then why did he feel like he was cheating on his wife for being attracted to this other Demelza?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, not too much of a cliffhanger and the road back to each other is beginning to be paved. Thanks to all who are reading, commenting, sharing and supporting this and all my works.   
> It is greatly and truly appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross and Demelza grow closer. Flashes of memories haunt both their dreams. Dwight arrives to explain things and be the friend they both need--bringing out the jealousy in Ross. And a family reunion brings out uneasy feelings in Demelza with the arrival of a certain brunette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I own nothing except the idea and errors. Thanks to WG and DH for the source material.

The next morning found Ross in a sour mood with no apparent explanation. After his encounter the day before with Demelza on the beach he returned to the house to find a message from Dwight saying he was called to an emergency and would be unable to check on Demelza until the next day.  That left Ross to cope with his feelings about his wife and their situation on his own for another day.  When he walked into the house he found her in the kitchen with Jeremy feeding him his supper. Their son was laughing and giving her smiles as she seemed to have naturally fallen back into the role of mother. So why was she not able to remember being his wife? 

That thought left him frustrated in more ways than one.  After seeing her on the beach, wearing a shift that left little to the imagination, his own mind and body set off on tangents that he tried desperately to control. He spent a restless night dreaming of his wife and their love life together. Memories of their first time, when Demelza came to him in that blue dress resurrected themselves fully. The feel of her skin against his fingers; the smell of her hair as he drew her close to taste her; the sound of her voice as he entered her, taking her maidenhood and branding her as his, all seemed as if they were happening anew.  He woke up with his body in overdrive, needing and wanting her beyond measure.

Ross rose and struggled into a pair of breeches as his body was not cooperating with him getting dressed. He took a breath and managed to button the placard to where he was decent enough to leave his bedroom.  He swung the door open and walked the few feet to the room where Demelza slept. The door was unlatched so he could push it open with little noise. Slipping inside he saw the mass of red hair splayed on the pillow as the beginnings of dawn cracked through the window.  He moved closer to the bed and knelt beside it, his hand instinctively reaching out to touch her.

She was lying on her back, the blanket only up to her waist. Her arms were draped across her ribs pulling her nightshift down, the swell of her breasts just visible over the collar. The sheerness of the garment allowed him a glance of her skin beneath. There was the faintest hint of a rosy pink nipple pushed against the fabric teasing him. Ross felt his own manhood straining and knew he had to leave before breaking his promise to Demelza and joining her in bed. Standing slowly so he wouldn’t wake her, Ross left the room.  He stopped to get his boots and stockings then headed outside to swill himself under the cold pump hoping to tamp down the ardor for his wife.  Then pulling a clean shirt off the line, he dressed and went to the mine to divert himself with physical labor. 

*~*~*~*~*~*

Demelza awoke to a feeling that someone was with her.  She sat up and looked around but saw nothing.  She did, however, hear grunts coming from outside so she padded her way to the window to see Ross with his head under the pump, scrubbing himself raw.  A flash came to her that seemed to have her doing the same thing.  As usual with these memories, they were foggy and seemed unreal but still, they continued to come.  The same with her dreams, last night being no exception. 

_After her bold move of kissing Ross on the beach, Demelza trooped back to the house to find Prudie preparing to feed Jeremy.  Without hesitation, she told the servant she would do it. It was not only a test of how the child took to her but how she fared as a mother.  On both counts, both mother and son performed admirably. Jeremy took to Demelza instantly, giving her small smiles and taking his food without any issues. Demelza too seemed to slide right into the role of mother and she found she enjoyed it.  Perhaps it was because the child made it easy and didn’t fuss.  Or maybe it was because this is what she was born to do and in the recesses of her memory, knew how to do it.  She was so wrapped up in this small event she didn’t see or hear Ross come in.  Again, she felt as though someone was watching her but when she turned around saw nothing.  She put it out of her head as she finished tending to Jeremy, the exhaustion of the day finally catching up with her._

_That night, as she climbed the stairs to go to bed Demelza had a feeling of déjà vu passing Ross’s bedroom.  An image of her standing there in the doorway wearing a gown came but then faded away.  Annoyed she went into the room that he designated as hers and wondered what she would sleep in as she had no clothes. Then she saw a nightshift on the bed which she presumed Ross or Prudie put there. Looking in the wardrobe she saw other clothes but instead of being pleased she was upset. Did he mean for her to stay here permanently?  After kissing him, Demelza felt the stirrings of emotions she knew ran deep.  Something in her soul told her that this man was her life’s love yet one part held her back from giving in to him.  She was not sure what it was but when she thought about letting down that final wall there was a semblance of hurt that came with it.  Had he hurt her in the past?  Trying not to think too much about it, she changed and got under the covers, laid back and closed her eyes. Soon she was asleep; visions of Ross standing behind her, breathing on her neck and touching her came rushing through.  The dream was similar to the ones she had in Roscoff before she knew who Ross Poldark was. Now that she was here in Nampara, they were stronger and more real. So real that she could swear she felt someone next to her, hearing them breathe.  When she awoke she was alone but the feeling lingered._

Now, as she stood at the window watching Ross bathe himself she felt the need to do the same.  It had been awhile since she had a proper bath and she wondered if she could get Prudie to help her.  If this doctor was coming to examine her later she wanted to at least look and smell decent.  Once she saw Ross ride off she quickly put on a petticoat and corset for modesty purposes then went down to the kitchen to ask Prudie to heat some water so she could wash up.  As if the concept were foreign to the older woman she grumbled but did the chore anyway.    Waiting for the kettle to warm, Demelza shoved a scone into her mouth impatiently. When it seemed to finally boil she took it and a rag that Prudie handed her and made her way back upstairs.  Jeremy was still asleep so Demelza hoped she could get washed and dressed before he stirred.  Pouring the steaming water into the basin, she found some soaps and added them to liquid releasing a light aroma of lavender.  She stripped out of her clothes, quickly running the cloth over her body.  The warm water felt amazing as it soothed her muscles. She didn’t realize how tense she felt until then.   Done with her body, she dumped the majority of the water out the window leaving a little in the basin so that she could use it to wash her hair. Lathering her long tresses with the soapy water she massaged her scalp lightly then bending over the basin, poured the kettle water overhead to rinse out the suds.  Luckily she had just enough water to get her hair clean then squeezed the excess out back into the bowl before loosely braiding her tresses.  Demelza rubbed her body dry then dressed in a blouse, skirt, and corset before answering the call of Master Jeremy who timed his waking up perfectly. Feeling better than she had in days Demelza went to check on the child before beginning her first full day as Demelza Poldark.

*~*~*~*~*~*

As Ross walked into the yard he saw Dwight’s horse hitched by Darkie’s stall.  He hoped that his friend would be able to shed some light on Demelza’s condition and give him some advice on how to handle it as well as the emotions that have been churning steadily since Roscoff.  Ross looked down at the bundle he had in his hand and hoped that it would help Demelza’s memory, even in a small way.  He entered the house through the back door and heard laughter coming from the parlor. _What on earth could they be so animated about?_ he thought.  For some reason, it irritated him more than it should have or would have in the past.  He continued through the kitchen where he saw Prudie with Jeremy trying to get the child to settle down.

“Why isn’t Demelza doing that?” he said a bit harsher than he intended.

“The maid is with Dr. Enys.  He said he be here to check on her,” Prudie answered. 

Ross realized how it must have sounded when it was known he called Dwight for help.

“Yes of course.  How is Master Jeremy?” he said picking up his son and giving him a kiss on the forehead.

“Fine Cap’n.  Just a little fussy but I think ‘tis his getting a tooth,” she said taking the child from him. 

It was then she noticed what he was holding.

“Would you be wanting me to take those?” she asked nodding towards his hands.

He looked down and replied, “No thank you.  I’ll see to them. Have Dr. Enys or Demelza said anything since he arrived?”

Ross walked to the door to see if he could hear anything else besides their good humor.

“No Cap’n.”

“Very well then.”

Gazing once more at what he brought back for Demelza he strode into the parlor with more swagger than normal.  Perhaps he was trying to reiterate his position as master of Nampara and her husband; perhaps it gave him some sense of confidence in what he was about to do.  Reaching the doorway, he saw Demelza seated on the settle with Dwight besides her, both of them looking more than comfortable; as if they were two old friends having a chat.  In a sense, they were except that Demelza didn’t remember Dwight. Or did she?  Is that why she seemed so at ease with him?  He paused a moment waiting for them to acknowledge him. When that didn’t come he walked into the room, directly towards them.

“Ross!”

Dwight stood and immediately went to greet his friend with a handshake and clap on the shoulder. “How are you, my friend?”

He put his hand behind his back to hide what he carried, now slightly embarrassed in his attempt at sentimentality.

 “I’m well.  I see you’ve found Demelza.  How is everything?” he asked looking past Dwight to Demelza.

 “Fine. Demelza here is in perfect health for the most part.  A little underweight and tired but that’s to be expected considering her ordeal.  I say with a few weeks of steady meals and rest, she’ll be as good as new,” Dwight said brightly.

There was something overly cheery about Dwight’s demeanor not to mention Demelza’s broad smile.  Ross didn’t like it.  He now rocked from one foot to another, feeling a bit of out place in his own home.

“And what about…” he started to say when Demelza stood up to join them.

“My memory?  That’s still an issue but Dwight says that being home and giving it some time it should return, right?” Demelza turned to Dwight for confirmation.

“Yes.  It seems that nothing is physically wrong to be causing Demelza’s amnesia so something else—more in the way of a trauma or emotional event—triggered it.  Without knowing what happened before her accident we can’t work to reverse it.  All I can suggest is patience.  Not one of your most positive traits, Ross,” Dwight said with a grin.

For some reason, Ross felt like he was being left out of a private joke. Apparently, Demelza was not upset at the reasoning behind her memory lapse nor did she seem anxious to cure it.  Again this made Ross annoyed.  Here he was yearning for his wife back in all ways and she seemed fine with the status quo.  He looked out the window trying to gather his thoughts before speaking. Demelza saw his dilemma and moved closer to him so she could speak in hushed tones.  As she passed Dwight he got the impression that he should leave them alone and so stepped out of the way.

“If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll check on Jeremy.  Demelza told me he might be cutting a tooth.”

With that, the tall doctor made a hasty exit out of the room, forgetting his bag in his rush. The couple watched his retreat then turned back to each other.  Ross searched Demelza’s face for any indication that she was trying to remember their life together but was distracted by her simple beauty.  She had pulled her normally wild hair into a loose plait that still left wispy tendrils curling framing her face.  Her eyes were still bright and there was nothing to show distress in their situation.  He should be mad at her but all he wanted to do was kiss her again.

“Ross, I know what you’re thinking,” she said softly.

“Do you?”

“Yes. You’re wondering why I’m not pushing Dwight for ways to remember. But I did ask him if there was something I should be doing to make my memory come back. He said there was nothing to do but let time be the driving factor.  He’s sure that it will come back. And so am I,” she explained.

“How Demelza? How are you so sure?” he questioned.

She smiled up at him, her hand touching his cheek, her thumb caressing the stubble.

“Because if I didn’t want to remember, I’d have left by now.  And if the memories of us or our lives were so terrible, I wouldn’t want to keep doing this.”

Tilting her head up, she placed a kiss on his lips. This time Ross’s arms wrapped around her waist holding her, feeling her against him. The kiss was brief but intense enough to leave them a little breathless.  Leaning his head against hers, he kept his eyes closed and his hands around her. Demelza moved to get comfortable in his embrace when she felt the bundle in his hands.

“Ross what have you got there?” she said pulling away from him to see.

He brought his hands back around to show her.  It was a bouquet of cornflowers and bluebells, now starting to fade.  Ross held them up to her but she didn’t take them.

“Just some flowers for you my love.  You used to fill the house with them.  I thought perhaps if you saw some it might help you to remember,” he said as he held them out to her.

For some reason, Demelza hesitated at taking them. She didn’t know why but something about these flowers made her uncomfortable. They were lovely and the gesture was kind but a feeling came over her that they represented something more than just a love of flowers.

“Demelza? Is something wrong?” Ross asked.

“I don’t know.  The flowers are pretty Ross and I thank you for thinking of me, but they are making me uncomfortable,” she said.

He was confused. How could flowers make her uneasy but it’s clear they have? Could it be related to her memory loss?  Ross wondered and called for Dwight.

The physician came back into the room to find Demelza’s color wane and her hands shaking as she held the slightly drooping blooms.

“Demelza? What’s wrong?” The physician showed genuine concern.

“I don’t know. Something about the flowers.  I...I can’t explain it,” she stammered.

Dwight looked at Ross who could offer even less of an explanation.

“Is it possible they reminded you of something? Or someone?” Dwight asked.

Demelza looked from the flowers to Dwight to Ross.  Her gaze stayed on his face as if by staring at him she could will the memory to return.  And something did come to her. Fleeting visions of Ross, sitting in this room but he was not alone. There was someone else here but she couldn’t tell exactly who it was. She saw a woman with dark hair but no face.  Demelza closed her eyes willing herself to see the scene clearly.  Then she saw the flowers but she was the one holding them. Then someone was speaking. The woman?  And Ross but he wouldn’t look at her; he kept his face turned from hers. Was he ashamed of something? Had she done something wrong?  It was becoming too much in her head and she needed to make it stop. Demelza dropped the flowers and left the room.

“Demelza!” Ross called after her but she didn’t answer.

“Let her go. Clearly, something about these triggered a thought.  Give her some time then go talk to her. But don’t push her Ross. Let her tell you what she remembers. Perhaps the two of you together can decipher what cornflowers and bluebells mean. I have to go.  Jeremy is cutting a tooth. Demelza was right on that score.  If he develops a fever, just give him a drop of this tincture and he should be fine. A little brandy on his gums might ease the pain as well.”

Ross barely heard what he was saying as his focus was on the door and his wife’s exit. He wondered if she remembered the time she brought these flowers into the house: the morning after their first time together.  If that were the case, then maybe a breakthrough was on the horizon.

“Ross? Did you hear me?” Dwight said a little louder as he touched his friend’s arm.

“What?  Yes, I heard you. Jeremy, teeth, brandy. Got it,” Ross said as he started out of the room.

“Well, not exactly, but close enough.  I already told Demelza what to do anyway.  I’ll take my leave but have a care,” he warned.

Ross turned to look at him, trying to clear his head to what Dwight was saying.

“What?”

“I know you’re anxious to get Demelza’s memories back and this might be the start that but you need to calm down.  If you’re agitated, she will know and it might just block any progress she’s made already.”

Again Ross said nothing.  He wanted Dwight to go so he could find Demelza and talk to her.

“Ross in my short time with Demelza I picked up that whatever caused this had nothing to do with you. Something else was the catalyst for her losing herself which is precisely what she’s done.  If you noticed, she’s slightly more outgoing and free than the Demelza from before, isn’t she?”

“You picked up on that as well?  I thought she was remembering what she was like before her accident but now I wonder if she’s not becoming someone else. Someone new who is not tied to me but still…”

“Has feelings for you? I think that is a very real possibility which is why you don’t want to scare her. Is that clear?”

Now Dwight _was_ being insistent, making sure to drive the point home that his friend could not force Demelza to remember.  Ross saw that Dwight was serious about this issue and agreed. The small steps of progress they were making could be lost with just one wrong move.

“It is.  But Dwight, things are happening between us that I can’t explain.  It’s as though Demelza, this Demelza and I are attracted to each other as strangers. Yet the same chemistry is there,” Ross said before stopping.  He must sound like a lunatic.

“It’s possible that with her memory loss, Demelza’s mind has released a part of itself that it never had the chance to explore before.”

“What are you saying?” Ross asked clearly confused.

Dwight smiled at his friend then explained.

“Ross, it seems as though Demelza is tapping into the part of her that is a young woman who is free to fall in love and feel that love in return. That’s not saying that being your wife was a bad thing but something attached to that life hurt her and so she’s cast it aside.  Look, the brain and mind are complex things.  Nothing is ever black and white and in this particular case, we are dealing with so many unknown factors I can’t tell you how to proceed. What I can tell you is that Demelza, this Demelza does care for you and has a love for Jeremy that is genuine.  I believe deep down she knows and feels he’s her son.  As for you…”

“Yes?  What am I? Just some forlorn, lowly mine owner who misses his wife so much he’ll search for her anywhere he can and she is taking pity on him?”

His cynicism was bordering on bitter with a tinge of hurt. Dwight knew his friend was speaking out of frustration and love.  He knew that he needed to bring Ross back to the reality of the situation.  Moving to face Ross head-on, Dwight put his hands on his shoulders and spoke. There was no uncertainty in his voice.

“No Ross. I think you’re the man she loves but in a new way. A different way.  Perhaps even a better way.  Go find her. See what she says about the flowers. Then take it from there.  I’ll be back tomorrow to check in.”

Dwight grabbed his bag, leaving Ross in the parlor staring at the quickly wilting flowers and wondering what his next step should be. He knew the first thing in any plan was to find Demelza.  Leaving his attempt at romanticism behind, Ross ran out of the room and towards the back door to look for her.

*~*~*~*~*~*

He found Demelza up in the barn loft, raking hay or rather moving it around as she really wasn’t sure what she should be doing with it. Ross watched her from below, trying hard not to be discovered.  She gathered bunches of hay swiftly dumping them into piles then moving on to the next section of the loft.  He started towards the steps when he heard a voice from above.

“Are you going to just watch or do you want to come up and help?” Demelza said not stopping what she was doing.

Ross stopped mid-step, peering up over the railing at her where he saw her leaning on the rake watching him.

“You seem to be handling things just fine my lo...Demelza,” he said. 

Taking the rest of the steps two at a time Ross met her at the top where she handed him the utensil while she moved to where the piles were, where she sat down and started to tie them up in bales.  Ross picked up where she left off so that shortly the loft floor was cleared and the hay was in neatly tied bundles piled against the wall.   When all was done, the couple stood in the middle of the loft and surveyed their work.

“Do you always use anger to fuel physical labor?” he asked.

“I don’t know.  I haven’t had much occasion to find out.  And who said I was angry?” Demelza said.

“It seemed so. Why else did you run out of the house?”

Demelza turned to look at him but before she could say anything she started down the stairs. Not wanting to let her out of his site, Ross followed, catching up with her at the bottom and taking her by the arm.

“Demelza! Tell me what it was about the flowers that bothered you. Did you remember something?”

Ross tried hard not to sound too forceful but it was clear that something had happened back in the parlor and unlike before, when issues were avoided for fear of upsetting one another, he was set in finding out what was going with her. Even if it meant he would hear something he didn’t want to.  Demelza saw that he was concerned and to be honest she was grateful.  She sat down on the steps of the barn where the sun was and waited for Ross to join her.  The picked up a small piece of hay stalk and rubbed it between her fingers, the light catching the gold of her wedding ring.  Taking a minute to get his feelings under control, Ross sat down next to her but said nothing. He was going to take Dwight’s advice and let Demelza take the lead in this discussion.

“I don’t know what it is about those flowers Ross but they seem to be related to something that was not pleasant,” she said slowly. 

Ross looked at her face and could tell she was hiding something.  Her eyes gave away that in this instance she did remember something.

“Demelza?  Tell me. They did remind you of something, didn’t they?” he asked softly.

She bowed her head, focusing on the reed in her hand and the ring on her finger.  He took a moment then reached over and held both of them with his.

“My love, there is nothing you can say to me that will make me change the way I feel.  Don’t you trust me?”

Raising her head, Demelza looked into his eyes and did trust him.  She just didn’t trust herself that what she thought was a memory wasn’t some figment of her imagination.

“Alright.  But please let me finish first before you say anything,” she asked.

“Fine.”

Demelza took a breath and leaving her hands in his related to him what her mind’s eye saw in those flowers:  Ross, the dark-haired woman, his indifference. Ross let her finish then pulled his hands from hers and stepped down onto the path to face her.  She saw that he was uncomfortable so it was clear that her memories were real.  Something happened and those flowers were related to it.

“Ross, tell me. What does a bunch of cornflowers and bluebells have to do with us?  Please!”

She started to feel tears gather in her eyes but willed herself not to cry yet.  Ross saw them as well so he explained quickly how all these things were connected. Ross stood up and paced in front of her; he needed to take a moment to gather his thoughts as to how to tell her not only that her vision was real but to explain the details of it.  He had to proceed delicately so that she wouldn’t feel embarrassed or uncomfortable finding out how they first came together. He also had to find a way to explain about Elizabeth. As she watched him she was getting more agitated.

“Ross? What’s the matter? Have I done something to upset you?” she asked.

He looked down at her and smiled. Moving closer to her, he took her face in his hands and gently kissed her.

“No my love. Not at all, In fact, what you just told me makes me happy.”

“Happy? How?”

“It shows that you are starting to remember things.”

“She contemplated that then said, “But it seems that they may not be pleasant memories. Is that it? With the flowers?”

Taking a seat next to her again, Ross turned his body to face her.

“Possibly.  Let’s say our relationship hasn’t been conventional.”

“Ross tell me please!” she begged now. “I can’t stand the not knowing.”

Still, he said nothing, convinced that when he told her about the events in those forty-eight hours, she’d run again.  Or hate him. Demelza saw that he was struggling and pushed.

“I have so many feelings inside that I don’t know what to do with. I’m strong Ross. If it’s something I’ve done to hurt you or Jeremy…”

She began to cry.

“Demelza no! It’s not that at all. Quite the opposite,” Ross said.

She sniffled so she picked up the hem of her skirt to wipe her face.

“Demelza, you brought those flowers into the house the morning after you and I spent the night together for the first time,” he started.  “And when you walked into the parlor I was with a friend.  Another woman.”

He paused before continuing.

 “I am ashamed to admit that I  did not treat you very kindly that day. I was feeling guilty about our encounter and how it came to be.”

He let that sink in as her face reflected an understanding of what he was saying.

“You mean you and I had relations before we were married?” she asked.

He was embarrassed now but nodded in affirmation.

“Oh,” she said.  “Did I give you any indication that I was mad at you?

Ross looked at her.

“No. Not at all.”

“Then why…” she started to say but Ross cut her off.

“Because I felt I used you,” he said.

She was going to argue with him because another flash came through: the blue dress and the door to his room.

“Did I come to you?” she asked.

“Well, yes but…”

“And when that happened was I wearing a fancy gown?”

Ross’s eyes widened at the fact that she remembered that.

“Yes.  A blue gown that you found in the house. You remember that?”

“Well, not much more just that. The dress and standing in the doorway.”

“That’s wonderful,” he said excitedly and sat down next to her again.

Demelza wasn’t listening to him; she was still working on the memories and thoughts in her own head.

“So if I came to you, then clearly I must have wanted…something to happen,” she said.

Ross sat back unable to dispute that fact.

“Yes but still. You were a…you were innocent…and I…”

Now it was her turn to interrupt him. She took his hands and held them tightly.

“Ross, stop. I don’t think I could be forced to do anything I didn’t want to do.”

Their eyes met. There was a connection between them of familiarity and understanding. Ross saw his wife in this woman’s eyes and was comforted. He knew his Demelza was there; he just needed to bring her home.

“That is true. Never have you done something you didn’t want to do.”

“Then that night shouldn’t be different.”

“Do you remember that night at all?” Ross’s voice was hopeful.

“Not really.  Just standing in the bedroom.  Feeling a touch and a breath on my back. But nothing more.”

Ross hung his head, trying to hide his disappointment.

“Oh, I see.”

Demelza turned to look at him. Now she was the one feeling guilty.

“I have hurt you,” she said softly.

“No, Demelza you haven’t. It’s just that night meant a lot to me.  To you. To us,” he replied.

“I am sorry, Ross.”

“Don’t be.  In time we should be able to have nights like that again.”

She gave him a small smile, her hands now caressing his.

“I hope so because lately…”

Ross’s curiosity was piqued at what she started to say.

“Yes?”

“Never mind,” she said before changing the subject.  “Alright so tell me more about that day with the flowers.”

Ross relaxed, seeing that the topic of their growing feelings needed to be put aside for the moment. He related the rest of that day.

“Well after you left,” he began.

“I left?”

Demelza was surprised at this news.  She was beginning to wonder what kind of person she was that kept running away. She just told Ross she was strong. Maybe that was a lie. She was getting confused about everything.

“Yes. You were upset by my behavior and rightly so,” Ross told her.

“So it wasn’t because of that woman?”

Ross was taken aback by that question because he didn’t know the answer.

“I didn’t think so,” he responded. 

He saw her face and saw a flicker of some kind of recognition.

“I see,” Demelza said a question in her tone.

“Are you remembering something else?” he asked.

“No,” she said.  “So the flowers must have just reminded me of that night and day.  I wonder why I got so upset.”

“Perhaps because you saw that woman. She and I were once close.”

Demelza didn’t like the way he said that.”

“Close?” she questioned, no longer shrinking from the truth.

“Yes. Years ago we had an understanding but circumstances changed and so she married my cousin. Then I found you.”

“And were you glad about that? About finding me?” she asked.

 “At first I didn’t really care.  I was just glad to have someone around for company. But after a time you became important to me in many ways. You understood me, my habits and my moods. So when I was upset that night I felt I could turn to you for comfort. Then I pushed you away because I didn’t want to take advantage but later you came to me and gave me your love.”

Ross pulled away from Demelza needing to put some space between them, the guilt of their act bothering him again. For her part, she, looked at him not feeling anything but affection for this man.

“So what is wrong with that? You needed me and I must have felt it was right to go to you.”

“But you were innocent..”

“Ross apparently it was a night that was meant to happen. That brought us to each other. Let’s not dwell on it negatively.”

She reached over and grasped his arm, caressing it automatically. Ross looked down at the action, the warmth of her touch relieving some of his guilt.

“You always find the positive,” Ross said, his hand covering hers.

“Do I?”

“Yes.”

“You said I ran away. How did I come back?”, she asked.

Ross turned and looked at her with a smile.

“I brought you back.”

Returning the grin, Demelza said, “You seem to have to do that quite often.”

“It appears so. And I’ll keep doing it if only to prove how much you mean to me.”

“Then what happened?”

“We were married.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t remember.”

 “No, I don’t. I’m sorry,” she said softly.

The remorse in her voice was evident because she couldn’t recall something as important as a wedding.

“It’s fine Demelza. It wasn’t a typical wedding. Just you, me, Jud and Prudie.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Demelza I owe you so much.  I wasted so much of those early days not giving us a chance. Or treating you right. Perhaps if I did you’d have better memories. Instead, I wasted time pining for someone else.”

“That woman?”

“Yes.”

“So this woman? Does she have a name?”

“She does. Elizabeth.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

The talk with Ross helped Demelza sort through some of the things she had been experiencing but the mention of the woman’s name had the opposite effect. It unnerved her yet she didn’t know why. Ross just told her they were close.  How close she wondered?  Closer than just cousins?  And why did this woman keep appearing in her visions?  Just who was Elizabeth and what did she mean to Ross and their lives? 

A week later Demelza would find out as Ross told her he invited his family over to reintroduce her to them. She was not thrilled with the idea and tried to talk Ross out of it. She wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with meeting the family she couldn’t remember all at once.  But Ross persuaded her that it was better to just get it over with, see what, if anything, she might recall so they could move forward.  Anxious to please him as well as make every attempt to regain her memory she asked Prudie for help in preparing for the day.  Demelza was grateful that the older woman had taken to her just as Jeremy had and even felt sympathy for her and their situation.  Not only that, Prudie gave Demelza more information on Elizabeth and exactly who she was.  It was while they were preparing for this family dinner, kneading dough for the bread that Demelza heard the history of Ross and Elizabeth.

She found out that Elizabeth was Ross’s first love who he left behind when he went to fight the American war.  There was no formal engagement; her family didn’t quite approve.  When Ross returned, it was to a dead father and a lost love.  It seemed that while he was wounded and a prisoner of war, Elizabeth was drawn to Ross’s cousin Francis.  Francis, Demelza found out, was the cousin with the larger estate and mine. Clearly a better match for the daughter of an ancient family of Cornwall than the less than admirable son of the other Poldark family.  The shock of this marriage hit Ross hard and for awhile he was lost, Prudie related.  That was until he met Demelza at market day and brought her home.  Prudie also admitted that she and Jud did not make Demelza feel welcome when she first arrived or even after she married Ross because they felt she was out of her depth.  It was not until they saw how she changed him did the old servants realize that she, the street urchin turned kitchen maid turned mistress of Nampara was the right wife for their master.

Demelza listened with rapt attention to this tale of her husband’s life which in turn was the story of her own life.  She was amazed that she didn’t burn the pie or over boil the stew during the cooking process; cooking skills must be something that one doesn’t forget, Demelza thought.  It was also another thing that impressed Prudie.  When all was ready, Demelza went upstairs to change into something more fitting for Ross’s wife.  Knowing that most of her clothes were in Ross’s bedroom, she went in and looked through the wardrobe in search of a dress.  She found a red one with gold threading running through the fabric that felt like it would be comfortable.  And Demelza needed to be as comfortable as possible if she were going to make it through the night without being sick.  She was going to go back to her room but all her belongings were laid out in this room so Demelza decided to quickly change and get ready here.  She was just pulling back her hair when the door opened and Ross walked in.  Startled she almost dropped the pins on the floor when she heard him enter.

“Ross!  I’m sorry. I meant to be out of here by the time you got home.  I’ll just finish getting ready in my room,” she said taking the pins, her hairbrush, and her discarded clothes without looking at him.

She walked past him when he grabbed her arm and stopped her, spinning her around to face him.  Demelza’s breath caught as she was brought close to Ross' chest, his gaze focused on her face.  He reached up to move a tendril off her face, then run his fingers down her cheek.  He bent and kissed her softly, extracting a moan out of her.

“Ross,” she said.

He pulled back and smiled.

“You look lovely, my dear.  I’ve always liked that dress on you Demelza,” he said.

“Really?  When have I worn it before?” she asked.

“Our first Christmas together.  At Trenwith.”

Demelza’s eyes widened at that raising an eyebrow at Ross and giving him a questioning look.

“Trenwith? Where Francis and Elizabeth live?” she said.

Ross was now wondering how she knew that.

“How did you know that?”

Demelza saw that he was hopeful that she had remembered so it hurt her to explain.

“Prudie told me a little bit about Trenwith. That’s all.  I’m sorry if you thought I…I don’t remember,” she said quietly.

“Never mind, my love.  Just so you know, it was at that Christmas that I finally realized I loved you,” he said.

Demelza teared up; she was mad at herself for not remembering another event that so important in their lives.

“Ross I want to say those words to you as well but something still feels out of step.  And it’s not letting me say them. I hope you understand and don’t hate me.”

“Oh Demelza, I could never hate you. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed that you didn’t recall anything about that Christmas. But as Dwight has reminded me something has forced your mind to block out these events in our lives. Once we find the cause I’m confident that you will retrieve them.  If not all,  then part. Hopefully,  the part that includes my love.”

Now she was crying, weeping tears of she didn’t know what. Were they for emotions she lost or for what she wanted? Or both?

“Ross I don’t deserve this or you,” she said.

“Demelza on the contrary. You deserve it all and more,” he replied before gathering her in his arms and holding until she calmed down.

She said nothing but let his strength seep through to her.  She needed it but didn’t want to let him know why. She was terrified of meeting the rest of the Poldarks because she didn’t want to be judged or fail him in some way.  Demelza knew she was being paranoid but after what Prudie told her she was more unsure of her place here than before. Where earlier she felt like she was settling into being Mistress Poldark and slowly working her way towards becoming Ross’s wife, memory or not, now she was scared that coming face to face with his past would erase all that.  And she didn’t know why.

“Come. Dry your tears and let’s go downstairs. They should be here soon and I’m thinking you might want a glass of port to settle your nerves before they arrive,” he said with a smirk.

“Port?  Why do you say that?” she asked.

“In the past, you’ve often had a bit to calm your nerves.  Liquid courage, if you want,” he said with a smile.

 Walking to the dressing table she opened a drawer and found a handkerchief.  Ross watched as she did this simple task. He realized the importance of it which was totally lost on Demelza.  He said nothing because he didn’t want to make a big issue of it but to him, it appeared her subconscious remembered something.  He would have to ask Dwight about it later.  Ross thought it best to invite him to dinner tonight as well just in case Demelza had some reaction or breakthrough to meeting the family. He kept his gaze on her as she dabbed her nose and eyes, then checked her face in the mirror, giving her cheeks a pinch to draw some color to them.  Once satisfied she turned to Ross and held out her hand.

“Shall we?” she said brightly.

“Yes.  And don’t worry love, I will be right beside you the entire night,” he said kissing her cheek.

“Thank you.”

They proceeded downstairs just as the guests were arriving. Demelza squeezed Ross’s hand as he led the way praying silently that she didn’t make a fool of herself.  As they entered the parlor Ross let go of Demelza’s hand to greet his cousin Verity.

“Ross! My dear, it’s so good to see you.  How are you managing?” she asked.

Demelza watched the exchange and immediately took a liking to her. She seemed kind and genuine. 

“Fine, Verity. Thank you for coming,” Ross said then leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Demelza is nervous so anything you can do to ease that…”

“Say no more.  I’m just glad she is alive and well,” the cousin responded.

“Me too.”

Ross took his cousin’s hand and led her to Demelza.

“Demelza, this is my cousin Verity,” he said making the introductions.

“Demelza, oh it’s so good to see you again my dear,” Verity said as she went to hug her.

Demelza stood still not quite sure how to react until Ross winked at her giving her the reassuring sign that it was alright to return the gesture.

“I’m sorry I don’t remember…” she stammered.

“I know my dear. All in due time.  For right now let’s just be grateful you’ve returned home. That’s what’s most important to us. And Ross.”

Pulling away, Verity led Demelza into the parlor when footsteps came up behind them.  Turning from Verity, Demelza saw a tall man with curly hair like Ross’s only lighter in the doorway. This must be his cousin Francis, she thought.  He bowed slightly in salutation then walked forward and took her hand, kissing it.

“Demelza.  Welcome home,” Francis said.

His warmth caught those in the room by surprise but Ross, for one, was grateful.  He joined his cousins and wife shaking Francis’s hand vigorously.

“Yes Demelza, welcome home,” came a voice from behind Francis. 

Demelza turned towards the doorway to see the woman of her visions standing there.  Ross rushed to bring her into the room.

“Elizabeth, I thought perhaps you hadn’t come,” he said. 

Demelza watched him and didn’t like what she started to feel.  So this was Elizabeth.  Without knowing why she felt uneasy.  Perhaps it was Ross’s enthusiasm at seeing this woman that got her hackles up. Whatever it was, her instinct told her that she should be wary of this person.  It was that thought that she kept in the front of her mind when Ross brought Elizabeth into the room to greet Demelza. He left her there while he joined Francis by the liquor to pour drinks for everyone.

“What a miracle that you’ve returned, Demelza.  Ross was certain you were dead as were the rest of us. Imagine our surprise when we heard the news.”

Elizabeth’s voice was cool, controlled and sent a chill through Demelza that she felt before when she heard the woman’s name. Something about her tone and the timbre of her voice seemed familiar to her, yet she couldn’t pinpoint what that was.  That was until Elizabeth reached out her hand and to touch Demelza and then a flash of another memory happened. This one was unpleasant and upsetting and it featured Elizabeth. But why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the semi-cliffhanger. It had to be done or the chapter would never end. Hopefully, this long chapter will satisfy until I get to the next installment.Thanks for those who are supporting and encouraging this work. It's been a challenge that I've come to love.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poldark Family dinner drones on. Cousins reconnect and Demelza finds herself faced with shadows she can't clear. 
> 
> And a visit to the mine unearths some buried emotions in Ross and Demelza...the walls come tumbling down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something of a Christmas present to those who have been so loyal to this story. Happy Holidays!
> 
> (Written and edited solely by myself so any errors are mine and mine alone)

Dinner was an animated affair. Or so it seemed to most of those in attendance.  Ross and Demelza sat at opposite ends of the table with their guests flanking them either side.  Elizabeth managed to sit to Ross’s right while Francis was on his left. At Demelza’s end, she had Dwight on one side and Verity on the other.  Demelza tried to engage with Verity, keeping one eye and ear on Ross and Elizabeth.  For some reason, pangs of jealousy coupled with mistrust kept her from truly enjoying the immediate company.

His keen senses in play, Dwight saw his hostess’ distress and knew what might be fueling it. He took this as a good sign that Demelza perhaps was recalling her feelings and past where Ross and even Elizabeth were concerned. Dwight knew the back story and rumors, so he was aware of what it seemed Elizabeth was doing. Demelza picked at her food, barely eating. She sipped on her wine, her gaze zoned in on the other end of the table.

“How are you finding things Demelza?”

She heard a voice and knew she should answer.

“Demelza?”

This time it was Dwight who brought her back into the conversation.

“Yes? I’m sorry. What did you say?” she said softly.

Dwight leaned in and whispered to her, “Don’t worry about that.” He indicated towards Ross and Elizabeth with just a look.  Luckily no one else picked up on his gesture.

“I’m not worried,” she said lightly. “I was just wondering if that’s really what Ross would prefer in a wife.”

Verity heard that and piped up.

“Demelza my dear you are so wrong. When he met you, you not only made his household come together, you redeemed him.  I remember telling you when you were first married that Ross was a broken man. You brought hope back to him with your love.”

Demelza listened, surprised at the warmth and affection she heard in Verity’s voice. She smiled shyly and bent her head down to hide the tears that threatened to form. Demelza pushed her food around on her plate trying to work through her varying emotions when laughter from the opposite end of the table got her attention. Looking up she saw Ross totally taken with Elizabeth who moved her hand to touch his. As she did, something shining caught Demelza’s eye. It was a ring but something about it hit a nerve with her.  Once again, an uneasy and unpleasant sensation ran through her but this time it settled in the pit of her stomach making her nauseous.  She needed to get some air, the room suddenly stifling.

“Please excuse me,” she said pushing her chair out from the table. 

With a glance at Ross and Elizabeth, she scurried out of the parlor towards the kitchen. Verity watched and commented.

“I hope it wasn’t anything I said.”

Dwight knew exactly what sent Demelza flying out of the room so he felt he could give Verity reassurance.

“No Verity.  I think it might just be that all this is overwhelming to her.”

With that, Dwight rose and walked past the rest of the group, making sure to give a pointed look to Ross, who didn’t seem to notice. Dwight shook his head and went in search of Demelza. He walked through the kitchen to see Prudie alone, sipping on some rum. He was about to ask her about her mistress when the servant offered the information.

“The maid went out back,” she said.

“Is she alright?” Dwight asked.

“Seemed so. Didn’t say,” she replied.

He continued through the back door to find Demelza sitting on a bench near the pump, with Garrick at her feet. He walked towards her and sat down, not waiting for an invitation.

“Demelza what happened in there?”

Dwight could tell she was upset by the fact that she kept her head down, her hands petting Garrick rhythmically.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Yes, you do. Something during dinner triggered a memory, didn’t it?”

Lifting her head, Demelza looked at Dwight, annoyed that he knew her so well.

“Is it that obvious?” she asked.

“Perhaps not to everyone but it was to me,” he answered.

“Yes, it seemed Ross notices nothing. Except for others,” she said softly, hurt evident in her tone.

Dwight knew now what the issue was. 

“Is that it? Is it something to do with Elizabeth?”

Demelza closed her eyes, not wanting Dwight to see how much this affected her.

“I don’t know exactly. Ever since she arrived I’ve felt strange, uneasy if you will. Then at dinner…”

“Yes?”

Demelza looked at him now, hoping he could help shed some light on what she felt.

“The ring on her hand.  It seemed familiar. As if I’d seen something like it before.”

Dwight was stunned at this specific detail.

“Where Demelza? Can you remember?”

“Not exactly. I do think I have seen or spoken to Elizabeth before,” she said.

“Well yes. Of course, you would have, seeing as though you’re related through marriage.”

“No. I mean before my accident. She keeps coming into my head as having something to do with it,” Demelza explained.

“That’s impossible. You were alone in the boat,” Dwight said.

Demelza was getting frustrated because he didn’t understand what she was trying to say. She stood up and walked around the bench, wringing her hands. Garrick followed her as she circled back to stand in front of Dwight.

“Yes, I know Dwight! So why does seeing her make me feel anxious?  Jealous?  Even angry?”

“Demelza, it most likely because of her relationship to Ross,” he said simply.

She took a breath to calm down.

“Perhaps but it’s something more.  Something else about her and Ross and my accident. Why can’t I remember?!” she shouted.

Neither of them saw Ross come out to join them.

“What’s going on?”

Dwight and Demelza turned around, startled at his appearance.

“Ross!” Dwight said walking towards Ross meeting him halfway.  Ross didn’t make eye contact with his friend instead he looked directly at Demelza.  Ross sensed that she seemed upset; her eyes were clouded, the sparkle from earlier gone.  He wanted to ask her what was wrong but was intercepted by the good doctor.

“Dwight, what’s wrong?” he asked. 

Ross continued walking to face her.  Demelza stood still waiting for him. 

“Demelza?  Has something happened?” 

“Nothing has happened Ross.  I just needed some air. It’s a lot to take in at once,” she said going to take his arm. “Come. We should get back to our guests.”

Ross searched her face and could tell she was holding something back. She tried to steer him into the house but he stopped her.

“They can wait if there is something bothering you.”

“Nothing is bothering me,” she said.

“You’re lying, Demelza.”

“What?”

She stared at him wondering how he could see that.

“I said you’re lying. Something is worrying you. I can tell.”

He paused as a thought came to him.

“Demelza? Have you remembered something?”

Demelza looked at Dwight hoping for some help in how to explain herself without sounding pathetic or desperate.

“Not really,” she said.  Then taking Ross’s hand she held as she continued, “Please, let’s finish dinner and we can talk later.” 

Giving him a kiss on the cheek she smiled then led him inside. Ross looked over his shoulder at Dwight who gave up nothing and followed the couple inside.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The Poldark family reunion, so to speak, broke up close to midnight after more talk, drink, catching up not to mention the surreptitious looks which were exchanged between the Mistresses Poldark.  Demelza tried hard to keep from staring at Elizabeth but found her gaze drawn back to her without trying.  Elizabeth observed that Demelza kept glancing at her but said nothing.  The two women didn’t really converse during the night, Elizabeth choosing instead to stay close to Ross, who, as the evening wore on did detect that Demelza seemed distant and far off.  He tried to extract himself from his cousin’s wife because her presence was becoming oppressive. By the time it came to say goodnight, he was glad they were going.  At that point, he just wanted to be alone with his wife.  As he walked Dwight, Verity, and Francis out, he didn’t see that Elizabeth lingered behind to speak to Demelza.

“Demelza, we hardly had a chance to catch up,” Elizabeth said sweetly as she put on her gloves.

Demelza watched her, the ring again causing her distress but hoping it wasn’t obvious to her guest.

“No, we did not. You seemed more interested in Ross’s company,” Demelza said.

She circled the room, picking up glasses and straightening things, trying hard to keep calm.  Just being in Elizabeth’s presence shook Demelza to the core.  And she didn’t know why.  Demelza went to take the things into the kitchen but was blocked by Elizabeth who stood in the doorway. She wanted Ross’s wife to hear everything she had to say.

“You know Ross was devastated while you were away. We were afraid he’d never recover,” she said as she looked directly at Demelza.

“I’m sorry about that.”

Elizabeth eyed the redhead with suspicion then voiced the thought that had been playing in her head all evening.

“You really have no recollection of what happened or who you are?”

“No.”

Demelza didn’t elaborate because her senses told her that this woman was not a friend or someone to be trusted. Demelza was tempted to lower her head but kept her eyes on Elizabeth as the brunette continued.

“Pity.  I would imagine any woman married to Ross would find it hard to forget that.  I know I wouldn’t.”

“I didn’t choose _not_ to remember,” Demelza said defensively.

“Yes. So you say. I know if I was Ross’s wife, I would remember everything,” Elizabeth said.

There was an air of superiority, perhaps even wistfulness in her voice which annoyed Demelza enough to make her snap.

“Well you are not his wife by your choice if what I’ve been told is true,” Demelza countered.

Elizabeth bristled at that statement. Before things could get any more heated, their conversation was interrupted by Francis calling for her.

“Well, I must be going. You must visit Trenwith to see Aunt Agatha.”

“Yes, I’m sure Ross will arrange it. Good night,” Demelza said before moving to pass Elizabeth without a backward glance. 

Elizabeth didn’t turn to watch her retreat. She looked around the parlor and thought how this could have been her home if things had gone differently.  And if Demelza hadn’t returned. 

“Elizabeth!”

She heard Francis’ voice again and reluctantly turned to join her family.  Ross stood at the door, waiting to see her out.  Elizabeth gave him her brightest smile which for some reason left Ross feeling cold. He took her hand methodically and kissed it.  Elizabeth left it in his grasp a moment longer than necessary, her eyes lingering on their connection. When she looked up she saw Demelza watching them from the kitchen and was pleased.  With the slightest nod to the redhead, she took her leave.   Demelza went back into the kitchen, any self-confidence that she might have developed during her time being back home, shaken by Elizabeth.  If she didn’t know it before she knew now that this woman was significant to her past and knew something about the day she had her accident. 

*~*~*~*~*~*

Demelza was doing the washing up when Ross came in and slipped his arms around her waist from behind.  She started at first,  then sank back against him, the warmth and security of his body taking away some of the stress of the evening. She didn’t dwell on that last encounter with Elizabeth; there would be time enough to deal with it in the days and weeks to come. For now just being close to Ross, despite not remembering their married life, was enough. 

“Are you alright?” he asked.  His mouth was next to her ear, his breath sending shivers down her spine.

“Tired is all.”

“It went well”

“Yes, I suppose.”

 “I’m sorry. Perhaps I shouldn’t have had them all here at once. I just thought it would be easier to get it over with in one swoop.  The only person who you didn’t meet was my Aunt Agatha but we can ride to Trenwith in the next day or so to visit her. I’m sure Elizabeth would like to see you again,” Ross said, his hands caressing her torso through her stays. 

He was so wrapped up in the contours of her body that he didn’t notice her back stiffen at the mention of  Elizabeth.  Demelza shrugged her shoulders to loosen his grip and Ross finally realized that something else was bothering her besides fatigue.  He stepped back and sat down at the table, pouring himself another glass of brandy, watching her as she went about her chores.  The room echoed in silence with just the sound of plates and water breaking it.  Ross never let his gaze falter from his wife. He was mesmerized by the way her body glided across the darkened room, her movements fluid and easy as she put dishes away and wiped down the table.  Her early days at Nampara as a kitchen maid came to his mind; then she was gangly and awkward with an open smile and heart, ready to tackle anything that came her way. Nothing scared her.  Except perhaps him.  It wasn’t until he started to treat her as a friend and confidante that she relaxed.  In their growing relationship, Ross let her peel away the layers of his being, revealing the varying shades of his personality and yet, she stayed.  The only time she ran was after that fateful night where they shared every part of themselves and then he denied it happening.  Not in word but in action because he didn’t want to admit he was developing feelings for her. Not to himself but more importantly, not to Elizabeth.

 Elizabeth. There it was.  He looked at Demelza again and remembered the last time she had that look on her face and said nothing. It was that morning after their night together when Elizabeth came to visit unexpectedly.  Then he attributed her demeanor to shame or embarrassment.  It wasn’t until later when he realized it wasn’t that at all. Demelza’s retreat stemmed from the fact that she loved him, had given him that love, which he took willingly and then felt as if he treated her like some common slut; easily disposed of once used.  How wrong she was.  He wondered now if seeing Elizabeth again, she was remembering that day and all the emotions associated with it.  Was that the reason she ran out and was talking to Dwight? And why did she find it so easy to discuss things with his friend and not him?  An ache of envy crept into him that he pushed aside for the moment.  He needed to know what was bothering Demelza about tonight but more specifically about Elizabeth.

“Demelza? Stop what you’re doing and come sit with me.  You’ve been working all day.  You’re not a maid or servant,” he said softly.

Demelza turned from the sink, wiping her hands on a dishrag, but not moving towards Ross.  He took another glass from the breakfront and poured a draught of brandy for her.   He put it down and pushed it towards her. She stood leaning against the sink, unsure if she should join him because she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk anymore tonight.  Demelza dropped the rag and took a seat opposite Ross.  She still said nothing as she picked up the glass and sipped, her eyes lowered.  Ross took a drink as well but as he did, he reached across the table to touch her hand. For the first time since they reunited, she flinched and pulled away.  He froze, stunned at her reaction because he had no idea where it stemmed from.

“Something _is_ wrong.  Please tell me,” Ross asked.

Raising her head, Demelza looked him in the eye and saw that he was concerned about her.  Did she have the right to keep secrets from him when they might not be her secrets to keep?  What she felt or presumed to feel about Elizabeth involved him as well as their marriage, no matter what state it was in. Except she decided that tonight was not the time to tell him about her insecurities.

“What were you and Dwight discussing?”

“Nothing in particular.”

“Did you remember something?”

“Not really. Just feelings. Dwight helped me work through them.”

“More than I could?”

“No Ross. He’s a doctor. And not as involved in all this as you are.”

“You’re very practical.”

“Am I?”

“You always have been,” he said.

 His voice was gentle making Demelza feel warm.  Perhaps too warm.  Draining her glass she rose and put it in the sink, then spoke to Ross.

“I think I need to go to bed. Jeremy will be up at his usual time I’m sure.”

Demelza started to walk out of the room when Ross stopped her as she passed.  He looked up at her, reaching a hand towards her cheek.

“Thank you for tonight.”

“I didn’t do anything, Ross.”

“You put up with being scrutinized by my family.”

“They’re my family as well.  I did like Verity. Something about her made me feel at ease. Welcomed.”

“And the others?”

“I didn’t really have a chance to speak to them.”

She deliberately left out her conversation with Elizabeth, too weary to deal with that at the moment.

“I really must get to bed.  Good night Ross.”

She bent down and kissed him with a smile.

Finding his voice he answered gruffly, “Good night.”

And when she was out of earshot added repeated, “My love.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

Life went on at Nampara as usual since the night of that dinner.  Demelza found herself becoming more and more the mistress, learning the routine of both the house and Ross.  Prudie had schooled her in the basics but Demelza seemed to find her own way of doing things.  Whether it was from memory or instinct, she didn’t know but no one questioned it, not even Ross. He accepted things as they happened, grateful to have her back in his life, in whatever form that was.  He was also glad that Jeremy had grown closer to Demelza now very much feeling like his mother. However, the gap between Ross and Demelza widened since the family gathering mainly because the sexual tension that crackled between them.

As they went about their days, doing menial tasks, they would dance around each other, careful that the casual looks or touches didn’t ignite into something more.  While the unspoken desire was there, becoming stronger with each passing day, the fact that Demelza still did not remember being Ross’s wife was a hindrance neither of them knew how to overcome.  For her part, Demelza knew she could easily give in to her yearnings and go to Ross as she believed he wanted her to but the question remained how he would react.  Not remembering how she acted before in their marriage where marital relations were concerned she wasn’t sure her instinct in this would be received as warmly as the mothering instincts with their son.  Somewhere in the recesses of Demelza’s mind, she felt that Ross was the one who took charge in the bedroom and because of this, held back, waiting for her approval, yet she couldn’t give it.  The feelings about Elizabeth were blocking her in some way and she hated it.  She wanted to tell Ross that she was about ready to share his bed and body again but flashes of the brunette and the resonance of her voice kept Demelza from giving herself to her husband.

That all changed one day when Demelza was cleaning in the parlor. She was sweeping out the fireplace when her eye spied something wedged between the floorboards. She put down the broom and crouched down to get a better look.  As she crawled towards the object, Demelza started to get a knot in her stomach. The same kind she felt when she met Elizabeth the night of the family dinner.  Reaching out, her fingers grasped the object. It took a few tugs but finally, she was able to free it from where it was wedged.  Demelza’s hand shook as she saw what it was: a small silver ring.    Standing up she walked to the window to get a better look at it in the light. There was nothing on it, nor was there an inscription so she wasn’t sure why she reacted to it the way she did.  She wasn’t sure whose it was but something prevented her from trying it on.  She rubbed the smooth metal with her fingers and a flash of another day came to her.  She was in this room but she was not alone.  Demelza shut her eyes, clenching them in an attempt to try to get a clear vision in her mind of what all these bits mean still nothing came. All she saw were shadows; all she heard were muffled voices; all she felt was uneasy.

Demelza was still standing by the window with the ring in her hand when she heard Ross enter the house.  Not wanting him to know that she found something that might not belong to her, she looked around for a place to store it until she could figure out what it was and how it was related to her.  Her eye caught sight of a small box on one of the shelves.  She rushed to put the ring in it just as Ross walked into the room.

“Demelza? What are you doing?” he asked.

She quickly turned around, putting a smile on her face.

“Nothing.  Just cleaning,” she replied, hiding her nerves as best as she could. “What are you doing home? Is it dinner time already?”

She brushed her hands on her apron then picked up the broom, keeping her gaze diverted from his. Demelza felt vulnerable today and she was afraid that one look, one word from Ross would be all that was needed to forget her resolution to wait and fall into bed with him.  She started out of the room to get his meal when he reached out and grabbed her arm.  She shuddered at his touch and came to stand in front of him.  They looked at each other, feeling the need between them percolate.

“Actually I came to see if you wanted to take a walk with me to the mine. You haven’t been down to Wheal Grace since your return,” he said.

Demelza didn’t know what to say.  She was curious to see that part of his life not only because it was so important to him and their family but because quite possibly it would bring something more to her memory. The only thing she didn’t want was to be put on display with the miners.

“Don’t you have work to do? Won’t I be in the way of your workers?” she asked.

“The shift will be ending by the time we get there so there is no need to worry about people asking questions or you not remembering who they are,” he said.

He took a hold of arms and caressed them, a warmth coming over her that was more than just the friction of his hands on her.  Ross looked into her eyes and smiled.

“Come Demelza.  Please?”

Ross tilted his head like a little boy asking for permission to have a treat.  She couldn’t resist.

“Alright.  Let me just check on Jeremy and then we can go,” she said. 

Watching her walk out of the room, Ross poured himself a glass of rum and waited for her return.  She came back in with her shawl around her shoulders and a smile on her face.

“Well Captain Poldark, shall we?”

*~*~*~*~*~*

They walked along the coastal path towards Wheal Grace.  It was mild for that time of year and the fresh air was welcome to Demelza.  It revived her and helped clear her head. Lately, she found whenever things became too confusing or muddled a quick trip to the beach or dunes did wonders.  They didn’t say much when they started out but as the mine came into view Demelza asked about it.

“So this is your family’s mine?”

Ross nodded as he answered.

“One of them.  My father had this one, named after my mother and another, Wheal Leisure.  They were the main ones on my side.  Francis had Grambler.”

“Had?  What happened to it?”

That was not a subject he was proud to discuss but since Demelza couldn’t remember, he might as well tell her the truth.

“He lost it gambling,” he said.

“Oh,” Demelza responded.

“Yes.  Francis was foolish at that time in his life for various reasons. Partially due to me I believe.  That was a long time ago. Now that we are working together he seems more content. The reconciliation between our houses has been a long time coming.”

“That’s good then,” Demelza said.

“It is,” he said.

Demelza felt as though Ross was holding something back. She debated whether she should ask him about it or not.  Her rationale was that the more she found out about the family, the more she might find out about her past.

“You said Francis’ problem was due to you,” she said.

Ross kept walking, his focus on the direction they were going.  Somehow his silence gave Demelza the impression whatever the rift had to do with Elizabeth. After meeting her and seeing how Ross behaved around her, Demelza could understand why Francis might have an issue with his cousin and his wife. 

“Ross? May I ask you something?”

He stopped to look at her as the tone of her voice indicated that what she was going to say might not be something he wanted to hear.  Then he thought that perhaps her questions could lead to helping her regain her memory.

“Yes, of course, Demelza you may.  I promised that there will be no secrets between us,” he said.

Ross continued to hold her hand, the feel of it as natural as it linked with his.

“Very well.  Why did you have to reconcile with Francis?” she asked.

He didn’t answer her because he wasn’t sure how to explain the complicated relationship between Nampara and Trenwith.  Demelza saw that he was struggling and didn’t push the issue.  She changed the direction of the conversation instead.

“Now that you and Francis have re-established a family bond, it appeared Elizabeth is pleased about it as well.”

He took a step back to search her face trying to decipher her meaning.

“What do you mean?”

Demelza went on needing to know if what she felt at dinner that night was warranted.

“I saw how close you seemed to Elizabeth the night they came to dinner.  It was as though the two of you had some kind of unspoken connection. As if there were still feelings between you.  Are there?” she asked.

Ross didn’t know what to say.  How could he explain what the relationship was between him and Elizabeth when at times he didn’t know what it was himself?   What he was interested in was how Demelza knew so much about Elizabeth. They hadn’t had a chance to discuss that part of their past.

“Demelza, why do you ask about my feelings for Elizabeth?”

“Ross, I saw the way you behaved around her. Or should I say the way she behaved around you.”

“And how was that?” Ross asked,  a little perturbed.

“Like a couple who forgot there were others in the room.  Like you were flirting,” Demelza said.

“What?”

She went on.  “And if I could see that what do you think Francis must think?”

Demelza left Ross to consider her statement as she walked away continuing toward the mine. She didn’t look back because she wasn’t sure she wanted to see Ross’ reaction especially if he was angry.  She slowed her pace to allow him time to catch up to her which he did.

“Demelza stop!” he called as he took hold of her arm.  “Do you honestly think that I would be that thoughtless to behave as you suggest?”

Raising an eyebrow she waited for him to explain.  She started to speak when he cut her off with a kiss. Not having a moment to think about how to respond Demelza let impulse take over and wrapped her arms around his neck. Tilting her head to the side, she parted her lips slightly to allow him access.  Ross’s hands grasped her around the waist, his thumbs grazing their way up to find the underside of her breast.  Minutes passed before they broke to catch their breath.  They said nothing but the intent for what needed to follow was clear. Ross took Demelza’s hand and led her quickly to the mine office.  As they climbed over the narrow and rocky path, she struggled to keep up with him.

“Where are we going?” she asked breathlessly.

“Somewhere more private.  So we can continue this properly,” he said with a grin.

There was a part of Demelza that told her this was not a good idea and to head back to the house now. The other part of her wanted this.  Her resolve was weakening and the wall keeping Ross at a distance was crumbling.   She tried to think clearly.

“Ross I don’t know about this,” she said. 

He stopped just outside the mine office door and looked at her.  Again he didn’t speak but just pushed open the door and led her inside. Demelza looked around and saw the meager furnishings of a desk, chair, a few shelves and what appeared to be a cot.  She wondered what that was here for then assumed that it was for those times that work went on through the night. Now she had a feeling it would be used for something else.  Ross saw that she was taking an assessment of their surroundings and the presence of the cot was not lost on her. He tried to hide his amusement and return to the issue at hand.  Demelza turned to face him, leaning slightly on the desk.

“Demelza you asked if I had feelings for Elizabeth. In truth, I do and always will because of what we were to each other in the past.  That is not easily forgotten nor should it be.  I will always have a fondness for her.”

“I see,” Demelza said, sounding wounded.

“But that is nothing to what I feel for you. What I have felt for you and what I will always feel for you.  You are my heart and soul Demelza,” he said.

She listened to him carefully and wanted to believe him yet she couldn’t erase the vision of Ross and Elizabeth from her mind.  Nor could she forget the fact that something about that woman bothered her.  Did that matter now?  At this moment all that had her attention was Ross.  He was closing in, coming to stand just inches from her.  Her breath caught but she managed to get out one more thought.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he said as he pushed her to sit on the edge of the desk. “I want you Demelza.  And I think you want me to.”

Demelza gaze traveled from his eyes to his lips.  She was so focused on that she didn’t realize what was coming out of her mouth.

“I want you too,” she whispered.

She knew there was no use fighting this anymore. With that, she started to unlace her corset and raise her skirt while Ross fumbled with his breeches.  Stepping between her legs, he looked at her for any sign of resistance.  Demelza knew he was waiting for her to protest so she leaned up and kissed him.  Their mouths fought for control of each other as their hands roamed their bodies.  Demelza’s hands worked to free his shirt from his breeches, tugging it up and over his head, so she could feel his skin.  Ross moaned as her fingers made contact with the muscles of his back while he kissed his way down her chest, pulling her blouse aside so his mouth could connect with her breast.  His lips teased her nipple forcing Demelza to lean back to allow him better access to her.  He raised his head and looked at her. Her face was flushed but her hands didn’t stop moving, flicking open the buttons of his breeches to free his own body so her fingers could caress him. 

Letting out a groan at the feeling of her massaging him, Ross tried to speak, while his own hand traveled up her thigh, seeking out her flesh. He found it warm, wet and inviting.

“Demelza, perhaps we should move this to the cot,” he said as he continued to manipulate her, bringing her closer to the edge.

“I think we are just fine here, Ross,” she said. 

Demelza moved his hand away from her and brought him towards her so that his member came flush against her heated core. She looked up at him and with a smile, Demelza pushed against Ross, who plunged into her body as she clamped her legs around his hips. A familiar rhythm took over as he thrust hard and quick.  Demelza met him at every move, her mouth latching on to any part of his body that it could, her teeth leaving faint bruising that she soothed with her tongue. They both knew this was not going to last long as the build-up of being without each other for months was too intense to tamp down.  As he took her over and over again, reintroducing her body to his, he murmured in her ear.

“It’s only you Demelza. I only love you.”

She couldn’t respond as the passion coursing through her was making it hard for her to breathe let alone speak.  Instead, she held him tighter so that his movements were hindered. Demelza wanted him as close to her as possible, with no space between them as she reached her climax.  With her hands clutching his buttocks she held him fast as she rode the waves of her orgasm.  Unable to remain quiet, she let out a low moan before moving her mouth to his, kissing him with all she had left. Ross held on to her as he released himself, his seed filling her with heat that Demelza felt deep within her womb.   As their bodies calmed down, his fingers wove through her hair, his hips slowing down as did her breathing.  Reluctantly he pulled away from her as her legs fell limply to hang on either side of him.  Ross’s hands moved to her waist holding her steady as he kissed her.   When he looked at her again he saw something on her face that he thought might be regret.  Demelza stood to redress herself, with her back turned to Ross.  She said nothing.  When she was sufficiently readjusted, she gave Ross a weak smile then walked out of the mine office, without saying a word.  Her head was filled with too many thoughts to have a conversation with him. 

*~*~*~*~*~*

Ross sat on the cot,  his shirt still on the floor, his breeches still in disarray, running his hands through his hair. What the hell just happened? One minute he was making love to his wife, letting every emotion in his body flow out of him into her without thought or reservation. The next thing he knew, she was running away from him as though he had just committed a crime. It was déjà vu to another time in their lives.  He would have chased after her but he got the distinct impression that Demelza wanted nothing to do with him at that moment and so let her go.  He’d find her soon enough and get to the bottom of this.  The other thing plaguing him was the encounter itself. The woman he’d just made love to was not the same woman he’d been married to for almost five years. From the very first, Demelza was always passionate and responsive when it came to lovemaking; this woman was something more.  This woman was giving, without any inhibitions. Free.  It was almost as though he was making love with someone new. That thought sent a wave of guilt through him and he didn’t know why. Was it that it felt as though he was being unfaithful to his wife with this new version of her?  Or was it more that he found the “new” Demelza more attractive and exciting than the one that was lost? Whatever it was, Ross needed to find Demelza and talk to her. 

*~*~*~*~*~*

Making her way back to Nampara, she walked as swiftly as possible to avoid Ross catching up to her.  Her mind ran different reasons for what just happened none of which made things any clearer.  What had she just done?  She still wasn’t sure she loved him as a wife should yet clearly she desired him as he did her. Was that wrong?  Was it wrong to give into those desires? They were married so there was nothing illicit about it. But did she make a mistake giving herself to him before they were truly a couple? Before she remembered who she really was or how she loved him before she had that accident?

She reached the house and rushed inside so she could hide before he returned.  Running to her room she shut the door and lay down, replaying the whole scene in her mind.  Demelza couldn’t deny that what they just shared was not just a physical release a long time in the making but a reconnection of their souls. She knew that there were real emotions shared between them and yes she could safely say it was love. She was falling in love with her husband.  Closing her eyes, she again felt every breath, touch, and kiss.  She heard the sound of Ross’s voice telling her he loved her as he reclaimed her with his body, this hardness melding with her soft womanhood in a way that Demelza had never felt before. Or had she and she just didn’t remember?  For Demelza, the dilemma was deciphering the difference between feeling that what she and Ross just experienced was the natural progression of their forgotten relationship and just a physical reaction to simmering passions. Whichever scenario it was, at this particular moment she thought for sure she made a mess of everything just because she couldn’t control herself around her husband. What must he think of her now? Demelza thought.  She’d find out soon enough when there was a knock on the door.

“Demelza?  We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know another cliffhanger. I'm sorry but I need to work through the rest of it and it seemed like a good place to stop. But more "Rockaway" is on the horizon so please be patient. Thank you all for reading, commenting, sharing and supporting this and all my work. Hope all my readers have the best holiday and New Year.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross and Demelza deal with the fallout of their own "mine incident". Advice comes from the sensible ones in Cornwall. And Ross's good intentions do not have the desired effect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't want to wait to be written so here it is. As always any errors are strickly of my own doing.
> 
> Happy New Year! Here's to a great 2018 with lots more Poldark fanfic to come.

“Demelza! Let me in! We need to talk about this!”

She stood on the other side of the door, not sure what to do. Glancing at the window a fleeting thought of jumping to escape came to mind but that would be a coward’s way out and still leave the issue unsettled. Looking briefly in the mirror, Demelza tried to pull herself together then moved to let him in. The door swung open as she stepped back, taking a position by that window just in case escape was necessary. She needed to keep her distance if she was going to make any sense of this conversation.

Ross saw her apprehension and the anger he walked in with dissipated to concern.

“Demelza? Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”

He made no move towards her, despite his instincts to take her in his arms and hold her; much as he had done every other time a traumatic event occurred in their lives but was this trauma or something else?  As he waited for her response he braced his hands on his hips watching her for any sign of pain or discomfort.  Their joining a short time ago was not gentle or tender. It was raw and volatile; just as they both knew it was going to be.  Their first coupling after so long was never going to be that of newly found lovers but more a reaffirmation of the connection they had created over many years.

Demelza watched him as well and saw that the anger she expected from him was not there.  His voice was gentle and his face showed concern where she was sure it would be full of fury towards her behavior. And not just her running away.  Their rekindling of a sexual relationship, if that’s what it could be called, was nothing short of explosive. She walked around the room, her hands grasping at her skirt because she wasn’t sure what to do with them.  Ross watched her for a few minutes hoping that she would settle down. Finally, she took a seat on the side of the bed furthest from him, her head bowed. He had no idea what was going through her mind so he would have to question her as to what she was feeling.

“Demelza, what just happened was…”

“A mistake,” she said quickly.

He was not expecting that answer but considering how Demelza has been since her return, he should have learned not to expect anything like he had in the past.  Ross walked around to where she sat and settled on the bed next to her.  He would have taken her hand but she had them clasped tightly in her lap, essentially closing herself off from him.  This was not the post-coital encounter he thought he’d face, most especially with his wife.

“Why do you think it was a mistake, Demelza?”

“Don’t you?” she asked, finally turning to look at him.

“No,” he answered.

Demelza tilted her head and stared him down, knowing that he had more to add to that.  Ross met her challenge and elaborated because he knew he shouldn’t begin this new chapter of their relationship with secrets.

“It wasn’t a mistake, Demelza.  It was just different,” he said. 

His tone was solemn which Demelza picked up immediately.

“Different?” 

Demelza was confused and Ross knew this was not coming out the way he intended. Taking a breath he went on.

“You were never like that before. When we made love it wasn’t like that.”

“What does that mean Ross?”

Now she was getting impatient.

“It wasn’t like you.  Not like my Demelza,” he said.

Demelza was beginning to understand now and didn’t particularly like what she was feeling. If she was interpreting Ross correctly, he found her aggressiveness off-putting, even distasteful for the wife of a country squire.  She rose from the bed and walked back to the open window, keeping her back to him.

“I see.  So I displeased you in some way.  Perhaps I’ve changed too much, Ross,” she said turning to face him.  “And if what happened between us was so unpleasant, despite the fact that we clearly needed to release the physical tension that has been building between us, then what will we do if I never remember who I was or what I was like before the accident? So you see, our encounter was a mistake because it shouldn’t have happened until I was completely healed.”

The emotions of the day were catching up to her as she started to cry. Ross did not want this discussion taking this turn.  He went to her and took her in his arms.

“Demelza, I don’t know what we are to do going forward if your memory doesn’t return. What I do know is that my feelings for you, those that come with living and knowing you for so long, have not changed.  I love you.  You must believe that” he said, his words emphasized to make his point.

Looking up at him, Demelza saw the same passion in Ross’s eyes that was present in the mine as they made love.  She let him hold her but did not return the embrace as her mind was still dissecting his words.  Her head was telling her that she truly didn’t belong here anymore but her heart was another matter.  Her heart told her that Jeremy was her son and that he needed her. And she needed him.  It also told her that the feelings which were growing for Ross, her husband, could not be ignored as they were strong and taking solid root in her soul.   So what was she to do?

“I do believe you, Ross.  For the most part. But I know that there is a piece of you that is keeping itself from me.  The person that is here now.   It may not be because I am different than before but because of your feelings for someone else.” 

There she said it. She put the issue out into the open and waited for his response.  Ross pulled back from Demelza to search her face for clarification.  He was at a loss.  The woman in front of him is someone he wants and loves, despite it being different from what he felt for the Demelza he lost.  The essence and soul of his wife were standing in front of him, yet she was another person.  His dilemma was trying to determine if that was something bad.   His other perplexity came from Demelza stating he had feelings for someone else. He had no clue what she was referring to so he decided to deal with that first.

“Demelza? What did you mean when you said I had feelings for someone else? We are discussing our lives and marriage.  Who are you talking about?”

She walked to the small vanity and searched for a handkerchief to wipe her eyes.  Opening drawers she couldn’t find any until Ross pulled one out from the night table next to the bed.

“Here,” he said as he dabbed her cheeks, absorbing the moisture the fell from her eyes.  Ross saw those blue orbs he loved so much, clouded with uncertainty and fear. 

“Demelza, please explain what you meant about my having feelings for another,” he said gently as he handed her the handkerchief.

It was clear that something other than what happened in the mine was bothering her.

“Elizabeth,” she said simply.

Ross’s eyes widened at the mention of his cousin in law’s name because he had no idea what Demelza was getting at.

“Elizabeth? I don’t understand Demelza. What has she to do with anything concerning your condition or our life?” he asked. 

Demelza moved around him to return to the window, desperately needing air, the room suddenly feeling close and stifling.  She leaned against the sill, letting the breeze hit her back as she went on.

“Ross, I saw how she was with you at dinner that night. And how you were with her.  Clearly, there is a connection between you that, for some reason, keeps a part of you separate from me.  I can’t explain it, but there is something about Elizabeth that makes me uncomfortable,” she said.

“Demelza the only connection now between Elizabeth and myself is that she is married to my cousin and is an old friend,” Ross replied.

His voice relayed surety about this fact but his face told another story.  Demelza felt the barrier between them on this topic and so was hesitant to say more.  Still, she wanted to tell Ross that she remembered Elizabeth being around at the time of her accident.  Truthfully she didn’t care what he thought of her at this point.  He as much as stated that the person who just shared her body with him, was not particularly someone he liked; so what would it matter if she told him she didn’t like his ‘friend’. He couldn’t be more disappointed in her than he was already.

“That might be, but I believe Elizabeth thinks it’s something more. Besides that, when I was speaking with her, she seemed to hint that she knew more about my accident.”

There, she said it. Now to wait for the fallout.  Or his confirmation that she was right.

“What do you mean? How could Elizabeth know anything about your accident?  She wasn’t there. Demelza, you’re making no sense and frankly, I don’t see how any discussion of Elizabeth can help us settle the situation between us.”

For Ross, this conversation was becoming tiresome as it was getting them nowhere.  He had come to talk to Demelza about how they handled themselves now that their physical relationship had resumed.  But had it truly? One bout of lovemaking didn’t necessarily mean that they were fully back to being husband and wife.  It only meant that the attraction between them was still there, albeit different than before. Demelza still had no memory of the rest of their married life no matter much she had become a mother to Jeremy.  Ross knew that the time had come for him to push that boundary with some more direct ways of tapping into the past. 

“Ross? What are you thinking?” Demelza asked.

Ross came out of his head to look at her.  Like his wife, his brain told him one thing: to take things slow, perhaps even forgetting what just happened between them, going back to trying to court and coax Demelza’s memory out.  And like his wife, his heart was telling him something completely different. That he loved this woman, in any version. The conflict was real and Ross was losing patience especially now that he’d had a taste of her once again.  He knew that living with her he might not be able to contain his feelings. It was that thought that took him back to the beginning; to the time when a similar incident led to the decision to marry her. Then he hadn’t bothered to discuss the issue with her.  It was just a fact of life to be accepted.  Then it was that blue dress that set their lives in motion.  He knew that what he wanted more than anything was for Demelza to remember that they were married. That she was his wife, not Elizabeth or anyone else. But now it was clear that until that time, they would have to put aside their desire for each other and go about as they had before this afternoon.  The problem was that Ross wasn’t sure he could do that but knew he had to make the effort for Demelza’s sake.

“I’m thinking that you’re right,” he started.

“About what?” Demelza asked.

 She wondered if her impression of Elizabeth was just as she thought; that the woman still had a hold of her husband’s heart.  Demelza startled herself, for it was the first time she allowed herself to feel Ross was indeed her husband, and not because she was told it was so. She was jealous.

“About our…this…afternoon.  Perhaps it was too soon.  You’re still healing both physically and emotionally. I should have put a stop to it before it got too far,” he said.

Ross walked to where Demelza stood and took her hands. 

“But that was the only mistake about it, Demelza.  Nothing else that transpired between us was a mistake.  Not where it happened, or how. And most especially, not your actions.  Because we both know that if you didn’t start something, I would have.  I’ve wanted you since I first saw you again in Roscoff.  I’m only grateful that you were the brave one to initiate it.”

He smiled at her, before bringing her hands up to his lips to kiss them. Demelza looked into his eyes as he did this, her heartwarming to him in a way that seemed familiar.  For the first time, she felt the connection of a wife to her husband.  He let go of her hands and took a step back. They both took moment to assess the situation.

“Well then,” she said, “I believe that’s the first time we’ve agreed on something.  So what do you propose we do Ross? “

Her question was genuine for she needed to know how to behave going forward.

“I purpose that we go on as we had been before today.  Taking care of our farm and our family.  And learning about each other again.  Does that seem reasonable?”

“Yes.  And our sleeping arrangements?”

“Will remain as they are now. At least for the time being,” he said.

Moving back towards her so that he could make sure she understood the meaning of his next thoughts. He wrapped his arms around her waist and spoke softly into her ear.

“But know this, my love. That I will not lock the door to our bedroom, should you find you would like to share my bed again.”

With that, he kissed her cheek then moved to her mouth, brushing his lips against hers.  Demelza responded by tilting her head up and raising her hand to touch his face. The kiss only lasted moments but conveyed so much. It was the kiss of a promise between two people who knew they loved each other and who would do whatever it took to bring that love back full circle.  Ross said nothing.  He gave Demelza one last smile before leaving her alone to her thoughts.  She didn’t move as she watched him exit the room, her mind working to sort out the day and all the implications of it.  Sitting back on the window sill, she gazed out Nampara and for the first time, started to feel as though she was home.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Another week passed as Ross and Demelza returned to their daily lives at Nampara however, now there was the added element of each of them knowing what it was like to taste, feel and love the other.  That knowledge, as much as they had agreed to put it in the back of their minds would often find its way to the forefront, usually at the most inexplicable or inopportune times.  This constant ripple of tension was becoming overwhelming resulting in the couple going out of their way to avoid being in each other’s company.   During the day, chores and Jeremy kept them busy enough to divert their minds and emotions from the situation.  It was at night when they parted and went to their own rooms that things became almost unbearable. It got to the point that they could no longer give each other even a passing kiss or touch because the electricity between them threatened to ignite again. Still, they carried on as Master and Mistress Poldark of Nampara, at least for the world to see.  And Demelza had a chance to practice her lady of the manor skills when Ross’s cousin Verity came by one day for a visit.

She arrived while Ross was still at the mine, giving her and Demelza a chance to get to know each other better. They were sitting having tea when the petite brunette looked across at her cousin’s wife and smiled.  Demelza kept stirring her cup, shyly keeping her head bowed, actually wishing for Ross to appear to put an end to the uncomfortableness.

“I’m glad Ross isn’t here because I wanted to talk to you alone,” Verity said.

“Oh? Why is that?” Demelza asked, nervous about the answer.

“It’s just that we didn’t have much of a chance to talk the night of your dinner.  So, how are you getting on?  Are things more settled now?”

Verity had no idea she was opening a nest with that question and Demelza wasn’t quite sure how to answer it.  She had felt a connection to this woman during that dinner but was there enough trust to share these personal thoughts. Yet she needed to talk to someone before she did something else she would regret.

“I’m fine Verity. Doing quite well except…”

“Has Ross done something? My cousin often has a tendency to say or do stupid things, despite having the best intentions,” Verity said with a smile.

“Well then, yes.  Actually, we both have been a little ignorant in dealing with our current situation,” Demelza replied.

She sipped her tea trying to think of a way to delicately explain the incident to Verity. She decided that honesty was the best course of action, even if after she spoke, she could never look Ross’s cousin in the eye again.

“Ross and I crossed a boundary that we weren’t prepared to deal with.”

Demelza paused while she let Verity mull over what she’d just said. A sign of recognition came to the cousin’s face as a blush crept into Demelza’s cheeks.

“You mean you and Ross…” Verity said slowly.

“Yes. And now things have become awkward between us,” Demelza explained.

“I see,” the cousin replied.

Seeing her discomfort, Demelza immediately went to apologize.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Demelza said.

“No, don’t apologize.  I’m not quite sure how I can help, Demelza,” Verity said.

“I’m not sure either.  It’s just that I need someone to talk to you and well, you’re the only one that I feel some kind of easiness with. Besides, you’ve known Ross the longest so I trust your judgment where he is concerned.”

The cousin’s eyes welled with tears, touched at the younger woman’s statement.  Verity saw the Demelza she met years ago as Ross’s kitchen maid but there was something deeper coming from her.  There was a maturity that was not there before her accident. Verity attributed that to the near-death experience she went through in addition to learning how to reclaim a life she didn’t remember.

“Thank you for that, my dear.  It’s true that Ross and I are close; in many ways, I’m closer to him than Francis, so please feel free to tell me anything you are comfortable with.”

Demelza saw that Verity was sincere in her offer and thought that perhaps she could help her with the other issue that was plaguing her since that dinner.  Putting the teacup down, she stood and went to the shelf where she had hidden the ring she found weeks ago.  Clasping it in her hand, she walked back to where Verity sat and joined her on the settle.  Without saying a word she opened her fist and showed the woman what she held.

“What’s this?” Verity asked, taking the ring from Demelza.

“I don’t know.  I found it shortly before that dinner but there is something about it that makes me uneasy, Verity,” Demelza said, her finger running over the metal in Verity’s hand.

“Uneasy? How?”

“I can’t explain it necessarily.  I get the feeling that this ring had something to do with my accident.  You’ve never seen it before?”

Verity looked at it again and didn’t recognize it at all.

“No.  Have you asked Ross about it?” she asked.

Demelza lowered her gaze, ashamed of the answer.

“No.  I didn’t want to upset him if this was some family heirloom or something,” she said.

“Demelza, that’s silly.  Ross could probably tell you exactly what this is,” Verity said.

“I’m sure. The other thing is that I keep getting the feeling that this ring is somehow connected to Elizabeth.”

Demelza said the last part quickly, then reached for her cup again, taking a long sip.  Verity watched her cousin with a questioning gaze.

“Elizabeth?  How is that possible?”

“I don’t know.  That night you all came to dinner she was wearing a similar ring and I had flash, a memory if you will, of she and I in this room discussing something.  And I saw a ring.”

Demelza looked at Verity then continued.

“The other thing is that I keep feeling as though it happened around the time of my accident.  I know this all sounds crazy and maybe it’s all my imagination but the thought won’t leave me,” Demelza said.

“Which thought?”

“That Elizabeth knows something about my accident.  Ross thinks it’s rubbish but it won’t go away.  So, on top of making a complete fool of myself by throwing myself at Ross, now I sound like I’m accusing his friend and cousin in law of being a party to this nightmare.  So you see right now, Ross and I are at crossroads, making it impossible for me to choose a path.”

“Oh Demelza,” Verity said.

She put her arm around Demelza’s shoulder and held her while she cried softly. 

“Demelza, I don’t know what this ring is but I do know that Ross would want to know all these things you’ve just told me.”

Verity handed her back the small piece of silver jewelry, which Demelza proceeded to put back on the shelf.  Returning to the settle, she poured more tea for Verity bypassing her own cup.

“You’re right Verity.  I’m just scared that he’ll think I’ve gone mad,” Demelza said.

“If there is something I’ve come to know about you now, Demelza is that you are not afraid of anything. Including my stubborn cousin.  And the one thing I know about Ross is that he believes in honesty above all else.  Most of the time,” Verity said.

She took Demelza’s hand and gave it a squeeze for reassurance. 

“Talk to him.”

Demelza looked at her new found friend and cousin and nodded. 

“You’re right.  I will as soon as he comes home.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

Demelza was feeding Jeremy in the kitchen when Ross walked in the door later that day.  He had a broad smile on his face, which put Demelza at ease.  If he was in a lighthearted mood, then perhaps he would not be cross with her when she told him what she found and how she felt.  He said nothing but did come to her and give her a kiss on the cheek in greeting.

“How are you my love?” he asked.

She was taken by surprise at the term of endearment. Since their meeting at the mine, any physical sign of affection was frowned upon because of the fear that they would not be able to control their emotions thereby leading to another encounter.

“I’m fine, Ross.  Good day at the mine?” she asked.

“Every day we get one step closer to finding ore is a good day. And you?”

Demelza was curious about his demeanor. This was not the same Ross that has been brooding over the past weeks, tiptoeing around her, watching his words and actions.

“Not bad. Verity came for a visit,” she told him.

“Did she now?  And how is she?”

Ross took a mug from the sideboard and poured a draught of ale before taking a seat at the table. He watched as Jeremy happily took the small bits of bread and milk from his mother, letting out little chirps with each bite.  The scene was so familiar that Ross felt like they were getting closer to how things were not just between Demelza and Jeremy but between them as well.  This sense of comfort was just what he needed to go through with his plan for tonight which he hoped would be a true trigger for Demelza’s memory.  He needed her back.  He just hoped she knew how much and why he was doing what he was doing.

“Verity is fine. She and I had a chat and she convinced me that I should tell you some things that I’ve been keeping to myself.”

She wiped Jeremy’s face and rose to put the dishes in the sink.  Coming back to the table she picked him up  and gave him a kiss as she rubbed his back to soothe him.

“Things? What things Demelza?” Ross asked.

“Not now Ross. Let me put Jeremy down and then we can talk,” she said.

“Alright.  I have something I want to discuss with you too,” he replied.

Demelza looked at him and saw a gleam of excitement in his eyes.  He was up to something and she had a niggling that whatever it was had to do with them resuming their marital relations. The resolve she thought she had control over might just come crumbling down.  She put that out of her head as she carried Jeremy upstairs.  Laying him in his crib, she sat by the side of the bed and sung to him softly, her hand caressing his back in small circles.  Soon he was asleep.  Demelza walked out of the room to meet Ross in the parlor. She found him crouched in front of the hearth, stoking the fire.  He had removed his waistcoat and his braces hung by his sides. Her eyes traveled up down his back, taking in the muscles that were evident under his shirt.  Demelza knew it would be so easy to forget every doubt she had in her mind and let him take her to bed.  As much she wanted that, she knew that any future with Ross Poldark needed to happen on a clean slate, with no dust of the past remaining. Steeling herself for what was to come, she walked into the room and headed straight to the shelf where she had hidden the ring.

Ross finally heard her footsteps and stood, turning as she walked past.

“Demelza,” he said, intercepting her path, taking a hold of her arms.

“Ross,” she replied, slightly breathless. “I need to show you something.”

“In a minute. First I want to tell you how much I love you, Demelza.  And that I have something I think, or that is, I hope, will help you remember.”

He let her go and walked out of the room, leaving Demelza bewildered as to what exactly was going on.  She was about to go back to the shelf to find the ring when Ross returned carrying something.  Demelza watched as he approached which is when she realized what he had in his hand was a dress.  The color was a shade of blue that seemed to catch the light in such a way which made it shimmer like ocean water.

“What’s that?” she asked, her hand itching to reach out and touch it.

Ross’s face fell at the realization that she didn’t recognize the garment. He was sure when she saw it, Demelza would instantly remembered the night she wore it. 

“Demelza?  You don’t recognize it?” he said coming closer to her, holding the dress out to her.

“No, I’m sorry. Should I?”

Demelza was beginning to feel apprehensive.  Apparently, Ross assumed that she should know what this dress was or in the least, that it belonged to her.

“I thought you might.  It’s the dress you wore the first night we…”

He couldn’t finish that statement, now feeling like an utter fool.  How could he tell her that she wore this the night he took her to his bed the first time?  Demelza listened to what he said and understood now what he meant.

“Oh,” she said comprehending his meaning. 

She walked up to him and took the garment out of his hands, holding it up in front of her.  The material was smooth but felt stiff; this was definitely not a dress to be worn every day but still, she had no recollection of wearing this at all. Ross watched her face, hoping for some sign that the memory of their first encounter had come back to her.  But there was nothing.  All he saw in his wife’s face was confusion.

“Perhaps if you put it on, you will remember.”

The suggestion was impulsive on Ross’s part and as soon as he said it, he regretted it. The one thing Demelza kept emphasizing over the past weeks was that he needed to accept the possibility that she might never remember things that happened between them before her accident.  His thought that her seeing or wearing the dress would change that now made it appear that he was not happy with the person he’d been living with for the past month.

“No Ross, I don’t think so.  Besides, it doesn’t look like it would fit.  Why did you bring this out?”

Ross could tell she was upset and he didn’t blame her. But could she blame him for wanting to reestablish the original connection they had?  To try and recapture those first days of love, even though they were born from unusual circumstances? Their relationship in those early days was a combination of innocence and passion.  Her youth and openness had been intoxicating to him, so that when she offered it that night she wore this dress, he took it willingly, hoping that he could absorb some of it and erase the melancholy he’d felt since his return from the war.  Ross hadn’t realized that as Demelza’s time at Nampara went on, she slowly chipped away at that sadness with her bright-eyed optimism and love.  Those early days of their marriage were a whirlwind of passion that consumed them to the point of not caring what others thought or what occurred outside the walls of their home. 

“Demelza, I only thought that if you saw this and put it on again you might remember our first days together, that’s all. I’m sorry if I…”

“Stop Ross! Just stop!  It’s not that you wanted me to remember. It’s that you want that Demelza back.  Oh, you might say you are accepting of who I am now, but you’re not. Not really.  You want things as they were before.  And perhaps that includes more than me too,” Demelza cried.

She threw the dress at him and ran out, going upstairs to her room. Slamming the door, Demelza fell on the bed and cried, knowing now that the future she hoped she could have with Ross was not possible as long as he was trapped in the past.  She came to a decision.

*~*~*~*~*~*

“Dwight! Dwight!”

It was barely dawn when Ross found himself at his friend’s cottage banging on the door, waiting impatiently for an answer.  He hadn’t slept all night, the confrontation with Demelza weighing heavy on his mind.  He had not seen her since she ran out of the room after his ill-conceived attempt at forcing her memory to return.  Now he was desperate for some guidance in how to handle this giant misstep. He was about to knock again when it opened.  Dwight stared at him, not quite sure what was going on.

“Ross? What on earth is the matter?”

Pushing past his friend, Ross walked into the house without waiting for an invitation.

“Do you have any rum?” he asked.

Dwight followed and watched as Ross circled the room like a cat in a cage. 

“Yes but it’s a little early to start drinking.  Why don’t you sit down and tell me what is going on?”

Dwight went to the small kitchen and found two glasses and the bottle of liquor. He came back to the table and took a seat, pouring the drinks quickly. It was obvious Ross had something on his mind.

“It’s more like continued drinking, considering I haven’t slept all night.  I’ve really mucked things up this time, Dwight,” Ross said as he gulped down the drink and poured another.

“Mucked up?  How? What?” Dwight asked.

“Demelza.  I did something stupid, something unthinking and I’m almost certain that I’ve pushed her too far. Any progress we might have made is most likely gone.”

He drank again but didn’t pour another one. Instead, he held his head in his hands and closed his eyes. 

“Ross, I don’t understand. What did you do?”

Lifting his head slowly, Ross looked at his friend hoping for some compassion when he told him what he had just done.

“I tried to make Demelza remember something specific from our past together.  I thought that by showing her something that was important to both of us, her memory might be triggered. Instead, it did just the opposite,” Ross said. 

Dwight could see how upset his friend was but still didn’t quite grasp exactly what had happened.

“What do you mean it did the opposite? Did Demelza have some sort of relapse? Does she need medical attention?”

He was doing all he could to get Ross to explain exactly what had just transpired at Nampara.

“I’m sorry.  I’m not making much sense. It’s just that I’m so angry at myself for being a boorish idiot that I don’t know what to do. Physically Demelza is fine.  I think.  Emotionally, I’m not so sure. I might have just pushed back any positive moves we had made over the last few weeks. I thought that our making love in the mine was bad enough but this…this was beyond that.”

The doctor’s eyes widened at Ross confession of his tryst with Demelza.

“I’m sorry.  You and Demelza…in the mine.  Are you saying that the two of you…had relations?”

Ross looked up at his friend and saw what could only be described as shock.

“Yes. Oh, don’t look at me like that.  We are married. It’s not as though we cheated or something,” Ross said. “Well, in a way it was. And that’s where the troubles started.”

“I see.  Did something happen during this…mine incident?”

Dwight took a swill of his drink and refilled his glass as well. He had a feeling he’d need it to hear the rest of his friend’s tale.

“Not necessarily.  Let’s just say that our reestablishment of relations was not as it once was.  It was different,” Ross said, almost with embarrassment.

“Different?  How?”  Dwight offered but Ross said nothing to confirm.  “Ross, when Demelza first returned you said that the changes you found in her were exciting.  That being with this woman and the emotions she evoked from you felt almost as though you were strangers who were automatically drawn to each other.  You liked this new version of Demelza. Do you remember that?”

“I did say that didn’t I?”

Surprisingly, that was exactly what it was. Not until Dwight said it did Ross realize that was the problem.  He liked this new Demelza and he felt guilty for it. So why was he so keen on making her remember the past?

“Yes, you did. So what was so different about your encounter with Demelza that has you bothered? And what did you do that makes you believe you’ve made a mess of things?”

Usually a man full of patience, Dwight found himself slowly losing it with this conversation.  He liked Demelza. He liked _this_ Demelza. He knew that if Ross let go of his stubborn need to control things and let his heart rule his head, that his friends could find their way back to each other.

“I can’t explain it without making it sound tawdry,” Ross started.

“Ross, we’ve been through a lot together so nothing you could say would make me think any less of you. As for Demelza, I have the highest regard for her. Always having to put up with you.  So what is bothering so you much that you felt the need to try and push Demelza’s memory?”

Ross saw his friend was sincere, which reminded him how logical Dwight was in all matters.

“It was Demelza, Dwight. _She_ was different. Assertive, passionate. She made me feel as though she wanted me unlike anyone else,” Ross stated.

“And that’s a problem?”

“It shouldn’t be I know. But it got me thinking.  What if this new Demelza, after time, came to the conclusion that she didn’t love me?  That she might never love me?  I don’t know what I’d do.  I thought if I could make her remember what we had in the past, it would secure her feelings. Does any of this make sense?”

Dwight saw the conflict in his friend and understood but didn’t agree with his assessment.

“Ross, why didn’t you just trust her?  And trust yourself?  I thought you were both on the road to finding a new relationship built from the old.  I think I have to agree with you.  You’ve mucked this up.”

“Thank you, Dwight. So now that we’ve agreed that I’ve made a shambles of my marriage, again, how do you propose I fix it?” he asked.

“I’m not quite sure.  The first thing I’d do is find Demelza and apologize for trying to change her.  Or more to the point, revert her back to someone she quite possibly will not be again,” Dwight suggested. “You need to accept that, Ross.”

The friends exchanged glances and Ross came to the conclusion that Dwight was right.  Would he rather have Demelza back in any way or would he rather risk losing her for good because of his need to manipulate the situation and her?

“You’re right my friend.  I love her.  I’m nothing without her.  I realized that when she was missing how much life she has brought to me.  My arrogance could have ruined everything,” Ross confessed.

“Yes, it could have. It still might if you don’t rectify things sooner rather than later.”

Ross stood up and,  gulping back the last of the rum in his glass, shook his friend hand.

“Thank you, Dwight. For once again saving me. This time from myself.”

The young doctor smiled and clapped Ross on the back.

“Don’t mention it,” he said with a grin.  “Now go home.”

Ross nodded and exited the cottage with a new determination on how to deal with this new relationship.   He wasted no time making his way back to the house, riding Darkie hard to get there in record time.  Jumping off the horse, he tied him loosely in his stall and burst into the house, calling for Demelza.  There was no answer. Prudie came out from the kitchen at his first yell and met him in the hall.

“Cap’n you’ll wake the dead, never mind Master Jeremy,” the servant said.

“Where’s Demelza?” he asked brightly. He was anxious to talk to her not only to apologize but to tell her how he felt, hopefully putting her fear to rest.

“Ain’t seen her since she told me she had to go out.  Said she left something for you in the parlor.”

Prudie didn’t wait for Ross to respond but went back out the way she came leaving Ross standing to wonder just what was going on.  He walked into the parlor with an eerie sense of foreboding.  Looking around the room he saw nothing out of place until he glanced at the table.  There he saw a note and recognized Demelza’s handwriting.  He picked it up and sat down on the settle to read it.  Sliding his finger along the seal he opened it; something fell out, landing on the floor next to his foot. Ross bent down and recognized it as the ring he had taken from Elizabeth all those years ago when he went to war.  He had forgotten about it and now wondered what it was doing in a note from his wife.  Leaning towards the fire to gain some light, his hands shook as he started to read:

_Dear Ross,_

_I am going back to Roscoff.  Mr. Trencrom has been kind enough to make room for me on his next run, so I will be leaving from Falmouth with the tide. Please try to understand. I need time to make sense of all that has happened since you found me and brought me back to Nampara. As much as you say you can love me as I am now, it was clear last night, when you showed me that dress that you are still hoping for the Demelza you married to reappear. And I cannot promise that.  For whatever reason, that Demelza is choosing to remain hidden. So here I am caught between a person that was created, a girl named Sally and a person I feel comfortable as which is this new Demelza.  But that is not acceptable for you.  I cannot go on living here, pretending to be someone I’m not or continually see the disappointment in your eyes. So it’s best that I leave to sort things out.  And to give you time to sort your feelings as well. Not only about us but about Elizabeth.  Enclosed is a ring I found that seems to be connected to her. She told me that you are still bound to her in some way. Do not ask me how I remember this, for I cannot tell you. Yet I still believe she knows what happened the day of my accident whether you believe that or not.  If this is true, I will not and cannot stay to be second best, no matter who my mind tells me I am._

_Believe me when I say I love Jeremy and know I am his mother.  It’s true what they say:  that the bond between mother and child is one that nothing can break, no matter the circumstance. Yet I am no good to him as a mother if this shadow between us cannot be cleared away.  As for my feelings for you Ross, you are my love.  I believe I have known that from the first time we met again. It’s only now that I can say it to you freely. Yet I am saying it, but not as your Demelza, but as myself. Whether that is Sally or just your wife, I cannot explain.  Only know that my heart is yours.  I hope, that in time, your heart will be mine. Fully and completely._

_Take care, my love._

_~~Demelza~~ _

Ross noticed that she had crossed out her name which was like a knife to the heart.  It was not just as if she were running away but as if she were leaving Demelza behind. He re-read the note again, this time focusing on the part regarding the ring in his hand. What had Elizabeth to do with any of this? And how had Demelza come to find this? His mind was swimming with all these questions and he would not rest until he got answers to all of them. First, though, he had to try and find Demelza before she left Cornwall. Crushing the note and ring in his hand, he shoved them both into his coat pocket and left to find Trencrom. He refused to lose his wife again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, about that little cliffhanger but it had to happen. And fair warning that it might be awhile until the next chapter because this story is emotionally draining. I will be working on a wedding in "Rockaway". But who knows? Things might change depending on what gremlin inspiration strikes....Thank you all for continuing to read and comment. It means the world to me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demelza runs and Ross follows....
> 
> And what's with that damn ring?

He re-read the note, trying to make sense of it. What had he done this time to make her run?  Why was she running? Was she running from him or something else? He remembered the first time she had done this; after the first night they slept together.  She had come in while Elizabeth was there, looking disheveled, wild and unabashedly beautiful.  He was sure he had blushed at seeing her, his mind picturing her in his bed the night before giving him all she had.  He was also certain Elizabeth saw it too. So why hadn’t Demelza? _Because, you idiot, you couldn’t even look at her_.  He remembered feeling embarrassed at their new relationship, especially in front of Elizabeth, instead of accepting it as a fact of life; something he told her only a week later when they were married. 

Now she had gone again, and once again the shadow of Elizabeth seemed to be party to her actions. Looking at the words more carefully and playing with the ring in his hand, he wondered why it seemed this latest incident of running away was related to Demelza’s boating accident in addition to her confusion about his feelings.  That was the key. It was her confusion, not his.  He knew he was over Elizabeth.  He knew that after his trial. He knew it at the harvest festival when Elizabeth tried her hardest to worm her way back into his heart and he, under the influence of brandy, almost allowed it. He knew there was nothing there.  Then he saw his wife, waiting for him in their room, looking small and vulnerable, much like the urchin he rescued. The more he spoke, the more he realized how much he had taken her for granted and how she had no idea the depth of his feelings for her. Still, he couldn’t tell her; not even when she admitted to being with child and hiding it from him for months because she didn’t know what was in his heart.. He thought he had reiterated his position regarding Elizabeth numerous times; the most recent time being that day they went to the mine.  Why did none of it seem to matter to his wife?

Ross felt like he had been sitting outside his life looking in, forgetting to participate in this marriage. He thought that just their coexistence would be enough for Demelza to know what he was thinking or feeling about them, but more importantly, about her.  He had never been good with words or expressing his emotions so he didn’t.  He often showed her that he desired her, under the darkness of night, in their bed where only the two of them knew.  How often had he shown her how he felt in front of their friends or acquaintances?  Never if he thought about it.  He hadn’t shown her the gratitude he felt for her being at his trial.  Nor had he given her the comfort she needed when Julia died.  Both events affected them keenly, yet she was the one to be strong and carried them through.  He knew that without her, he would revert back to the shell of a man who returned from America.  Which now brought him back to this damn ring.  The ring he took from Elizabeth the day he left and which he carried with him the entire time he was in America. He wore until he tossed it aside the day of her wedding to Francis.  He had forgotten it until he found it by accident months later.  Ross had no idea how Demelza had come across it or why she inferred it had something to do with her leaving.  This was all confusing him but more than that, he was feeling guilty for causing this latest break in their relationship.  He needed to talk to someone with common sense, who might be able to clarify things. 

*~*~*~*~*~*

“So you say this ring was something you received from Elizabeth years ago before going to war?”

Dwight sat at the table, holding the tiny piece of silver up to the light. He saw it was nothing special to the ordinary person but clearly it meant something to Ross, certainly to Elizabeth and now to Demelza.  The doctor thought back to the night of that dinner where she was so upset; she had mentioned something about a ring then.  He wondered if this was the one she was remembering.

“Not received. Took. I took it from her because…oh hell, I don’t know why I took it from her!  All I know is that Demelza found it and somehow it’s upset her,” Ross said.

He was agitated and fidgeting at Dwight’s table while the young doctor thought about this latest development to their lives.

“Ross? I think Demelza might have had a memory the night of the dinner with your family,” Dwight finally said.

“What do you mean? I know she was upset about Elizabeth again, but we discussed that the day we… were alone at the mine.  I told her there was nothing to her concerns. I told her that Elizabeth meant nothing.”

The doctor looked at his friend and wondered if Ross really understood the depth of Demelza’s insecurities.

“Quite possibly. Still there was something that upset her greatly. Something related to Elizabeth. Now for her to put this ring in a note to you, I don’t wonder if the two aren’t related.”

Dwight rose to go get mugs and some ale then returned to where Ross sat. He began to pour the drinks when Ross spoke.

“Why do you think that? What exactly did Demelza say to you that night?”

Taking a long swill of his drink, Dwight thought of the best way to mention what Demelza has shared with him.

“Demelza told me that something Elizabeth wore gave her an uneasy feeling,” Dwight said slowly.

“What are you talking about? Dwight, stop speaking in riddles and just tell me what my wife told you!”

Now Ross was angry and impatient. He wanted his friend to give him the answer he needed that would explain Demelza’s actions today. Dwight let Ross vent his frustration then answered.

“It was something to do with a ring Elizabeth wore that night. Demelza said that something about it and Elizabeth seemed familiar; as if she’d seen them before.”

Ross sat back, took a drink and looked at his friend. What could Demelza have meant by that?  Of course, she’d have seen Elizabeth before but why did it bother so much that night?  And did it have to do with her continual reference to his past with Elizabeth? 

“Dwight, seeing Elizabeth and possibly remembering who she was shouldn’t have upset her, should it? But I have no idea what this ring or whatever Elizabeth wore that night has anything to do with Demelza now?  Or her accident? Or her leaving me again?  Do you?  If so, please tell me!”

Dwight saw his friend’s anguish but didn’t have the answers he wanted.

“I don’t know Ross. I only know that Demelza was upset and because of her memory loss, couldn’t understand why.  Perhaps, if you spoke to her…”

“That would be a good idea _IF_ I knew where she was! Because once again, she’s run away instead of staying and talking to me,” Ross said. 

He was on the brink of breaking down; nothing was making sense and yet in some bizarre way, it did. All he knew was that he needed to find Demelza and talk to her.  Whatever she thought or felt about Elizabeth, this ring or their marriage, needed to be discussed between them.

“I need to go,” he said, draining his mug. Ross stood up, grabbed the note, the ring and his hat then headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Dwight asked. He was worried that in the state he was in, Ross would do something foolish.

“I’m going to find Demelza. She only knows two other people who could help her but she can’t have left yet and I know where Trencrom docks his boat.  I’m not letting her leave without talking to me first.  Not again.”

Ross strode out of the doctor’s cottage, determined to not let past mistakes resurrect themselves in his marriage now. Whatever he could do to get Demelza back, memory or not, he would do.  With a determination he hadn’t felt in years, he jumped on Darkie and spurred the horse towards Falmouth, hoping he wasn’t too late.

*~*~*~*~*~*

John Trencrom was sitting a pub along the dockside, nursing a mug of rum when Ross entered.  He had gotten his old friend’s whereabouts from the crew of the One and All and wasted no time in tracking him down.   Ross saw the man sitting against a far wall and joined him without invitation. The older man looked up. He saw the expression on Ross’s face and knew why he was there.

“Where is she?” Ross asked.

“I’m not sure she wants you to know, Ross. She was quite distraught when she found me,” Trencrom replied.

Ross was curious what exactly Demelza had said to his old friend since apparently, he had some opinion on the situation.

“Is she alright? Is she hurt? Again, I ask, where is my wife?” Ross asked, his words slow and deliberate.

“She was here for a bit but she’s gone now,” Trencrom said.

Before Ross could ask another question, the smuggler continued.

“What exactly did you do to my little mermaid, Cap’n? She said things were coming along but that you tried to force her to remember the past. She mentioned something about a dress.  She wasn’t quite making sense, but I can assure you she was more cross than hurt.” 

Trencrom finished speaking and stared at his young friend waiting for some kind of explanation. Ross realized that whatever good intention he had in bringing out the blue dress, was actually the biggest mistake he could have made. After all this time he should have known better than to assume Demelza would just fall for his tactics. 

“Ross, my boy. Don’t you know that pushing a woman like Sally, I mean Demelza, is just going to get her hackles up? She was doing what she could to fit into your life and try to remember things, wasn’t she?”

The older man drank some more as he kept an eye on Ross.

“Yes but…”

“Then why didn’t you just let it be? Now she showed up here, determined to go back to Roscoff,” Trencrom said.

“I know. That’s why I’m here. To apologize and to bring her home. So where is she?”Ross asked.

“I told you, she’s gone. She left right before you arrived. She changed her mind about going back to Roscoff.”

“What do you mean she’s gone? Gone where? Damn it, why didn’t you tell me this before I wasted time explaining things to you?” Ross shouted as he stood up, nearly toppling the table.

The other patrons turned and looked at the pair but went back to their own business when they saw the tension between the men.

“Calm down Ross. The girl needed time to think. Whether you believe it or not, she’s taken with you and your life. She told me she was beginning to settle into being Mistress Poldark until you tried to push things,” Trencrom said.

Hearing what his friend said made Ross take a breath and sit back down. Trencrom poured him a drink and pushed it towards him. Ross swallowed it in one gulp then held out the mug for another.  Where could she have gone?  He had no idea where to start looking, mainly because he was not dealing with the Demelza he married. If his wife had mind and will of her own, the Demelza who came back to him from Roscoff was that and more.  The Demelza who lived with him now seemed sure of what she wanted but, like he was when he first returned from America, not sure how to get it.  If there was one thing that was the same between the old and new Demelza it was her love for her children.  That was it.

Swallowing the last of his drink, Ross stood, grabbed his hat and made for the door.

“Here, Ross where are you going?” Trencrom called across the room.

“To find my wife,” Ross responded.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Demelza walked slowly on the path towards Nampara. Her mind tried to sift through all that happened that sent her fleeing like a coward but that now drove her back home. Home. Was Nampara her home? Up until that incident with Ross, she was truly beginning to feel as though the small estate was her home and where she belonged.  She could crown Ross for his impulsive move with the blue dress, essentially ignoring all that they had accomplished up to that point in their attempt to reclaim their lives. 

Then there was the constant shadow of Elizabeth. While she could not remember anything specific about her or why she kept coming to mind when she tried to recall the day of her accident, one thing was certain: that woman had a hold on her husband whether he realized it or not. And she was not about to let it go. Demelza was not educated, nor did her memory serve her well these days but she was still a woman and she could tell when another of her sex was jealous.  That was exactly the feeling she felt from Elizabeth. For whatever reason, Elizabeth was not happy with Demelza’s return.  She said as much the night of the family dinner.  Her doubting Demelza’s claim of amnesia was proof enough that if she had left for Roscoff today, as was her initial intent, Elizabeth would be the first to show up at Nampara to console Ross. 

But why did that fear keep playing in Demelza’s head? Elizabeth had her own estate, a husband who seemed to love her and a child.  Why does she seem so interested in what Ross’s life was like? When she arrived in Falmouth, seeking out her saviors, Tholly and Trencrom, she asked them what they knew or heard about Elizabeth Poldark.  Tholly recalled that before Ross left for war, Elizabeth had been the only girl he was seriously interested in.  She was considered a good match according to Ross’s father because her status would bring him sobriety and much-needed stability. Tholly also knew that Ross was beside himself with adoration for the girl, something that distressed Demelza when she heard it.  She had asked if there was a formal engagement; something that would have kept Ross and Elizabeth so tightly bound even after she married his cousin. Tholly didn’t know as he left Cornwall while Ross was in America fighting in the war.  He had only heard of the outcome of their relationship from town gossips when he returned.

Demelza kept walking, the small satchel she carried now feeling extremely heavy as her mind recounted Prudie’s version of events: _Ross not being heard from for three years and Elizabeth seamlessly drawn to Francis._   Stopping to get her bearings, Demelza saw she was at the cliffs overlooking Nampara Cove with Wheal Grace visible in the distance. She had no idea she had walked this far and now felt weary.  She sat down on a mound of dirt needing to rest for a bit.  Her mind tried to make sense of this tangled relationship web.  If Elizabeth had loved Ross and vice versa, why did she marry his cousin?  Did Ross’s reappearance give her any second thoughts? And if they did for her, was it the same for him?  Prudie mentioned that Ross found Demelza shortly after Francis and Elizabeth’s wedding.  Was he still holding a torch for the brunette and so picked Demelza up as consolation?  He told her that he felt guilty after they slept together the first time; is that why he married her?  Guilt?  Demelza now doubted everything that had passed between them since her return.  The love Ross professed which seemed so sincere now sounded hollow.  As she sat there, watching the tide ebb and flow along the shore she struggled with the memory that eluded her.  Was it something relating to Ross and Elizabeth that drove her to take the boat out that day?  Her mind couldn’t remember but her heart told her it was. 

She could not bear the unknown anymore. Demelza needed to confront her past even if that meant making an enemy of a relative and angering Ross. Rising, she brushed her skirt and gathered her belongings.  Looking around she started to walk back to the path, determined to get to the bottom of everything.  Perhaps Ross was right in trying to force her to remember by bringing out that dress.  Maybe the time for taking things slow was over and directness was the only way she’d get back who she was.  That thought brought up another fear.  Is it possible that who she was is the reason that she and Ross disconnected?  Could she be the reason Elizabeth felt Ross was still tied to her?  Again, the echo of having a similar conversation with that woman ran through her mind but no details broke through. Demelza was now frustrated as well as tired so she didn’t notice but she was at the crossroads.  She stood at the apex of the different paths, a vision of being there before coming to her.  Suddenly she felt lightheaded and unsure on her feet.  She went to the road marker and leaned against it, dropping her bag.  Holding her hand to her head, she started to cry, the stress of everything hitting her hard.

“Why can’t I remember? Lord, give me the strength to fight through this,” she yelled into the air hoping that some divine intervention would occur to answer her.

Demelza collapsed to the ground and leaned against the stone, bringing her knees up and burying her head in her arms so that she didn’t hear the sound of hoof beats approaching. She took deep breaths trying to calm down when she felt a shadow cross her, blocking out the setting sun.  Lifting her head she recognized the outline of his stance immediately.

“Ross?”

He bent down and grabbed her, clutching her against his chest, his hands wiping the hair out of the way so he could kiss her face.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I was on my way back from Falmouth,” he answered.

“Falmouth? What were you doing there?”

She leaned back so that she could look at him and saw the concern on his face.

“Can’t you guess? Here, it’s getting dark and we really shouldn’t be having this conversation in the middle of the road. Will you come home with me?”

Ross stood up and held out his hand to her. Without hesitation, she took it and allowed him to help her up. Picking up her bag, she walked with him towards Darkie.  He turned to her, grasping her shoulders.

“I do love you, Demelza,” he said quietly before lifting her up into the saddle.

She couldn’t respond because if she did, the floodgates of emotions would open again and she was too tired right now to deal with it. Instead, she just looked at him with a gentle smile and touched his face.

“Take me home to Jeremy.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

Darkie had barely come to a stop when Demelza hopped off the horse, not waiting for Ross’s help in dismounting. She ran towards the house forgetting her bag and Ross, her mind set on finding her son.

“Demelza! Wait!” he called after her.

He jumped off the horse, grabbed Demelza’s bag and followed her into the house. Ross wanted to talk to her about her reasons for leaving before he lost the momentum for such a discussion. Bursting through the kitchen door he saw the room was empty.  Where could she have gone so quickly? Annoyed at her vanishing act, Ross walked through each of the other rooms then realized that she must be with Jeremy.  Taking the steps two at a time, he was about to enter this son’s room when he stopped at the door.  Ross leaned against the wood and heard his wife’s voice.  She was cooing to him, speaking in soft tones.  He opened the door slowly and peered in.  He saw Demelza sitting in the rocking chair, holding their son.  Jeremy’s head was against his mother’s chest as she rocked, caressing his back and leaning down to speak to him.

“Oh, my lover. Mama is so sorry she left you,” she said.

Ross stood silently in the ajar doorway listening as his wife reconnected with their son. Her sweet voice slipped effortlessly into song, singing to him tenderly.  Soon the creaking of the rocking chair stopped and he heard steps across the floorboards.  He pushed the door open a little more to see Demelza putting Jeremy down in his bed as she crouched by his side. Brushing his hair off his face, she placed a kiss on his forehead and stood.  When she turned around, Ross saw her face streaked with tears.  Not caring that he might wake his son or that he might be crossing invisible boundaries, he reached her in two strides and brought her to his chest.

“Demelza, please, don’t cry. You’re home now.  It will all be well, I promise.”

Ross’s voice was strong but gentle as he rubbed her back in comfort. She said nothing but let the tears flow. They were a release not just of the exhaustion she felt from her journey but from the strain of the past weeks that came with trying to deal with the unknown alone.  Demelza knew that if she were ever to regain her memory, if not her past self, she would need Ross’s help.

“I’m not so sure of that, Ross. But I what I am sure of is that I love Jeremy. I could never bear to be parted from him again,” she said, weeping into his chest.

“My love, please. Here, come with me and we will get you settled again.  We don’t want to wake Jeremy,” Ross replied, coaxing her towards the door.

“You’re right. I don’t want to upset him seeing me like this.”

She allowed herself to be led away from her son’s bed, giving him one last glance before closing the door behind her. Taking a moment to gather her bearings, Demelza looked up at Ross and searched his face for some sort of anger. There was none.  She reached out and touched his face, her hand automatically going to the scar branding his cheek.  Her fingers grazed it but only briefly as Ross impulsively took her hand and kissed it. Then without invitation, he grasped her face and kissed her.  He tasted the faintest hint of salt from her tears prompting his tongue to brush her lips before pushing for entrance to her mouth.  Demelza let out a soft moan but did not resist.  She raised her hands and took hold of his arms, her fingers curling around the muscles so easily defined beneath his coat.

Demelza knew she should not be giving in; there were still so many things to discuss, not the least of which was Ross’s true feelings for her and their marriage. But at this moment all she wanted and needed, was him. As the kiss went on, she inhaled, bringing his unique scent to her nostrils.  It was comforting; a kind of welcome home that she hadn’t experienced before when he rescued her from Roscoff.  The minutes passed and their connection continued until the need for air intruded.  They separated, catching their breath and taking a moment to assess what was happening.  Demelza kept her eyes closed and her head bowed, desperate to shield her emotions from Ross; she didn’t want him to know that her resolve was crumbling.  He, on the other hand, felt just the opposite; he needed to gaze at her face so he could evaluate her feelings. Tilting her chin back, he brushed the hair out of her eyes as they fluttered open. The blue orbs he loved much, which made him feel as though he were diving deep into the pools of her soul, glistened; remnants of her tears still lingering but not falling.

He said nothing. Instead, he took her hand and guided her a few steps towards their bedroom.  Opening the door, Ross guided Demelza inside then turned to her, holding her lightly around her waist and smiled.

“Demelza, I know that there is still so much you are questioning about your past, our past, your memories, our life. But there is one thing you don’t have to question and that is my feelings for you,” he started to say.

She put her hands up to the lapels of his coat and held on tight while his hands caressed her sides, warming her; the friction he created felt familiar. It made her feel safe. And loved.   Taking a deep breath she spoke.

“Ross, I know that you believe that everything will be fine and that you want me to believe it as well. And I do.  In truth, my heart is quickly becoming yours in all ways that matter between a wife and a husband. Yet I know that something, something regarding you and Elizabeth is keeping me from saying and giving you what you want.”

For the first time, Demelza felt empowered to reveal what had been bothering her since the night of that dinner. She couldn’t deny that what she was feeling for Ross went beyond a physical attraction or craving.  It was rooting itself deep in her soul but she couldn’t go that last step of becoming the wife he wanted until they worked through this obstacle.

“I know,” he said simply.

Demelza’s eyes widened at his admission. She thought for sure that he would tell her not to think about; to only care about what was happening now; to trust in what he said. This was not what she expected. A part of her had a sense that this type of reaction from Ross was new to him as well, as a smirk crossed his face. 

“You agree with me?” she asked.

“Yes. Does that surprise you?” he countered.

“In a way. I thought after what happened in the mine and then my leaving you’d be done with trying to deal with my insecurities, or my condition and just want us to move on,” she said.

“Of course I want to move on Demelza. I think you do as well. Yet clearly there is something important hindering that and it seems to involve this.” 

Ross pulled the silver ring out of his pocket and held it up to her. Demelza’s face immediately took on a crimson hue feeling embarrassed. She stepped away from him, needing some space. Standing in front of the vanity, she glanced down at the items lying on it, avoiding his reflection in the mirror.

“Ross I…” Demelza stammered trying to explain why she did such an overly dramatic thing. She wasn’t usually the type to do such things.

“You left this with your note for a reason. Dwight told me about what you said the night of the dinner. Why didn’t you explain that to me as well?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to hear something unpleasant about Elizabeth. In fact, when I did mention my uneasiness about her, you told me it was nothing.  Remember?  Before we…” she paused, not wanting to bring up their tryst in the mine office at the moment.

Coming up behind her, Ross put the ring down then put his hands on her shoulders. Demelza didn’t move, not quite sure how to proceed or what his intentions were.

“Demelza, you’re right about that day. I didn’t want to hear about Elizabeth or why she still bothered you but it’s not for the reason you think,” he explained.

He moved closer to her, bending his head to hers. She shuddered, the feel of him so close it was impossible to ignore. Suddenly his hands slid down her arms to grasp hers. With their fingers linked, Ross wrapped his arms around her coming to meet on her waist. Demelza laid her head back on his shoulder, the stress of the day hitting her hard. Now all she wanted to do was lay down. Feeling her body relax against his, Ross kissed her cheek.

“The reason I didn’t want to talk about the past that day was because all I wanted, in that moment was to be with you.  Just you.  No one else,” he whispered.

“Me too,” she replied.

Demelza turned in his arms to look at Ross. He kept his hands on her body so the connection between them stayed.   His head started to move towards her but she pushed against him.

“Ross, no,” she said.

He stopped and straightened up. Demelza saw the confusion on his face and felt the need to explain. First, she reached up to him.  Gently touching his lips to hers, she kissed him.  Ross barely felt it, but it was enough to make him want her.

“Demelza,” he murmured.

“Ross,” she replied. “It’s not that I wouldn’t like to be with you.  It’s just that I’m weary of everything today.  And what I would really like is to go to bed.”

Her eyes closed and her body swayed a bit, the exhaustion hitting her now. Ross bent down and lifted her effortlessly into his arms, carrying her to the bed. Laying her down, he pulled the covers up over her, then stood to look down at his wife. She was beautiful with her wild red hair and alabaster skin.  He started to walk away when he heard her rustling on the bed.

“Ross? Where are you going?” she said quietly.

Turning back towards the bed, he saw her eyes opened, staring at him.

“I was going to leave you to rest and check on things,” he said.

“Come to bed, Ross. Come lay with me.”

Ross was not prepared for this and took a moment before accepting her invitation. Shrugging out of his coat and vest, he then sat on the side of the bed to take his boots off. With one more look at Demelza, searching for an objection, he pulled the covers back and joined her.  Ross lay back with his hands behind his head when Demelza curled into his side, prompting him to do what came naturally and that was to encase her in his arms.  They lay like that for what seemed like hours but which in actuality was only minutes.  Demelza wriggled around trying to get comfortable which lit desire in Ross.  He didn’t know what it was about his wife that he found so irresistible; all he knew was that he didn’t want it to change.

“Demelza,” he said, struggling to keep his emotions in check.

“Ross,” she answered as her arms crept across and up his chest, her hand moving to caress his face. Pulling herself up so that they were now face to face, she leaned down and kissed him.  He reached down and rolled them until he hovered over her.

“I want you, Demelza,” Ross said. His hands grazed her body, reminding himself of the curves that were hidden under her clothes.

“I know,” she said with a smile, lifting her hips to meet his and raising her head to kiss him again.

His mouth melded to hers, feeling as though he couldn’t get enough of her taste. Demelza responded, holding his head in place so she could suck his tongue into her mouth.  Ross moaned at the action, her boldness spurring him to slide his hand down her leg and under her skirt.  She didn’t object, instead, she reached around and tugged his shirt from his breeches, needing to find the skin underneath.  Ross sat up so that he could pull it over his head as Demelza sat up to assist.  As his chest was revealed, her fingers threading through the ebony hair, placing kisses randomly on his heated skin as the mood hit.  Ross moved his hands to her breast, cupping a globe through her bodice, his mouth traveling down her neck, before quickly working to undo the fasteners.  Demelza was losing herself in their actions when her common sense reappeared.  Stopping Ross’s hands from going any further she pulled his face away from hers to look him in the eye.  Ross was panting, his lips swollen from her kisses, his pupils dilated with passion.  Demelza smiled, her hands staying casually on his chest.

“But first, we need to deal with the thing that is still hanging over us, Ross,” she said, her breath steadying itself slowly.

Ross wondered why his wife chose now to resume their conversation.

“Yes we do, my love, but now?” he asked.

“Yes, Ross.  I need to know.  Maybe it will help me understand why Elizabeth bothers me so much,” she said.

She sat up fully now and leaned against the headboard but she did nothing to refasten her dress. The green material fell open, revealing her linen shift and the soft swell of her breasts. Getting comfortable Demelza patted the bed next to her. Ross stood with some difficulty as his body was already reacting to their brief interlude.  He plastered a grin on his face and walked back to the vanity to retrieve the ring that seemed to be a focal point in this whole scenario.  Holding it up, he returned to the bed and took his place next to his wife.  With the ring from his past in one hand, he looked down at the ring on his wife’s hand and rubbed his thumb against it.

“Alright, Mistress Poldark, what do you want to know about this old piece of silver?” he asked as he looked at the gold band he gave her.

Again, Ross surprised Demelza with his forthright attitude and again she wasn’t sure where to begin. The smirk on his face wasn’t faltering so she could do nothing but ask him what she’d been thinking about since finding and hearing about the ring.

“Why don’t I start?” he said.

She nodded turning slightly to face him and smiled shyly.  

“Where did you find this Demelza? I hadn’t even remembered having it,” he started.

“In the parlor. Before the dinner party. I was cleaning and saw it in the floorboards,” she told him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know. I wanted to say something  after the dinner party because when I saw Elizabeth, something about her and that ring seemed connected.”

Ross looked at the ring when Demelza took it from him.

“How?” he asked.

“I don’t know Ross. That night, of the dinner, she was wearing another ring that flashed something in my mind.  Then after dinner, when she spoke to me, it felt like she was trying to tell me that…”

Demelza paused, hesitant to tell Ross what Elizabeth had said but if they were going to move forward, everything that she doubted needed to be confronted.

“Demelza? What did she say?” he said.

She looked at him but didn’t know how to find the words that didn’t make her sound like a paranoid, jealous wife. Demelza decided to hold back the real issue that was bothering her to focus on this jewelry instead.

“My turn to ask a question Captain Poldark. What did that ring stand for?  Were you and she promised to each other?  Did you marry me out of guilt?” she rambled on not giving him a chance to answer. 

Taking a deep breath, she sat back, taking her hands back from Ross, clasping them in her lap. Ross sat quietly and let Demelza finish; everything she’d clearly been holding in for weeks finally coming to the surface. He gave her a moment to settle down before giving her the answers she sought, whether she wanted to hear them or not.

“I’ll tell you but you must promise me to let me finish explaining everything and remember that all this is in the past, alright? It has nothing to do with us now.  Promise me?”

He waited until she agreed.

“Yes, Ross.”

“Fine. I took the ring from Elizabeth the day I left for America.  We never had a formal agreement. It was more like a youthful promise.  Neither of us thought that I would be gone for so long or that I would be thought of as dead.”

“So if you came back sooner you would have married her then?” she asked.

He gave her a pointed look because she had already broken her promise to let him speak.

“Sorry,” she said.

Ross moved closer to her so their shoulders touched.

“I did keep the ring through the war; it seemed to give me a reason to fight to survive. It was the promise of a future despite the fact that we were young and didn’t really know each other.  Elizabeth had been the most beautiful girl in school. All of us had crushes on her but I was the lucky one to grab her attention.  I guess you could say she was my first love; something that one idealizes as perfect but often untouchable.   And as to your question about marrying her if I came back from the war earlier, it’s pointless to wonder about a ‘what if’ that can never be answered.”

“But it is possible?” she persisted.

“Yes, Demelza it’s possible,” he relented.

“I see,” she said, her head bowed.

“However, it doesn’t matter what the possibility could have been.”

“It does Ross if you are wondering if you’d be happier with her. If you’re envious of Francis for having what you don’t.”

Tears were on the brink of appearing but she forced them back.

“You’re wrong Demelza. Francis has nothing that I want.  You know the reason I forgot about that ring?  It’s because when I tossed it aside the day Francis and Elizabeth were married I was ending that part of my life.”

“That’s not what I heard,” she said.

Now he was curious who was telling her tales about his life.

“Heard? From whom?”

Demelza looked at him but didn’t reveal who had been gossiping about him.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s just that you seemed to still have feelings for her even after we were married.  Is that so?”

“Yes. I had feelings for her.  I have feelings for her now. As a friend and a fond remembrance of my past.”

Without looking Ross, Demelza nodded, her biggest fear confirmed.

“I see,” she said.

Ross reached for her so that she could face him.

“No, you don’t see Demelza.  You don’t see because you can’t remember our lives together before your accident, can you?  So how can you assume what we had when you don’t know?”

His voice was tense, angry almost. He hadn’t meant to sound so impatient but this part of their relationship was the one thing that he found maddening: the constant resurrection of Elizabeth into their lives.  Ross had accepted her being gone and married to Francis years ago.  Yet somehow, every time something unfortunate happened, she seemed to be there.  Was that sheer coincidence or did Ross somehow, subconsciously will her to be there.  His mind tried to understand why that part of his life couldn’t get cleanly put away.  Ross didn’t consider Elizabeth anything more than a person from his past.  He needed Demelza to see that as well. He had been staring at the ring when he felt a slight shaking of the bed and realized that Demelza was crying.  Bringing her gaze up to look at him.

“Demelza, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.  Please, my love, you must believe me,” he begged.

She didn’t seem to hear him as she kept weeping softly. Ross pulled her to him and hugged her, letting her cry.  He had a feeling that this was not just about a ring, or Elizabeth or even him. It was about Demelza and her inability to remember their marriage whether it be good or bad.

“Ross, I am trying so hard to get my memory back. On that you’re right that I have no basis for judgment about our marriage or your feelings for Elizabeth during that time,” she said between sobs.

“Demelza, she has nothing to do with my feelings for you. Then or now. Once we were married, and I fell in love with you, my one focus was you.  I tried to make you see that she was a ghost of a love and nothing more,” he explained.

“I want to believe you, Ross,” she admitted.

“Thank you.”

“I think what is troubling me now is not the Elizabeth of your past but the woman I met at that dinner party. The present-day Elizabeth,” she said.

Ross wanted to ask her what she meant but stayed quiet; he could see from the look on her face she had more to add.

“I’m sorry. I’m not making much sense, am I?” she said.

“Well frankly, no,” he answered.

“I know. I think what I’m trying to say is that I’m upset by Elizabeth now because of the feelings that have been growing in me now.  For you.  And before you say anything stupid, it’s not just since the mine office Ross.  But since you’ve brought me back. Since we’ve been living and working together as a couple.  I find myself falling in love with you,” Demelza confessed.

“Demelza…” Ross started to say.

“Let me finish before you say anything else. Please.”

He sat back against the headboard and dropped the silver ring on the bedside table before taking her hands and holding them loosely.

“Alright,” he said.

“You have to understand that this…love…is not a memory of what we had before my accident but is new. I admit I didn’t like you much at first despite finding you attractive.  Over the course of my time here, my feelings for you have grown and now…now I know that I love you.  I love this Ross Poldark.  And because of that, I don’t like the fact that Elizabeth seems interested in you.”

Ross smirked at her words; not because he was flattered but because he was glad that his wife had fallen in love with him just as he had done with her all those years ago.

“You’re jealous,” he said.

“I am not!” she cried.

“I think you are. And may I say I’m glad.”

Now it was her turn to look at him and see if she could decipher what he was getting at.

“Tell me, Ross, why are you glad? And again, I’m not jealous!”

“I’m glad because you’re feelings for me mirror mine for you when we were first married. And if you could fall in love with me now, then what’s to say that your memories of our love aren’t there to be released when they’re ready.  All I care about is that you love me now.  Just as I have loved you always.”

With that, he pulled her down to lay prone on the bed and looked at her face with a smile.  Demelza reached up and brought his face down to hers.

“Kiss me, my love,” she whispered.

And he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes a pseudo cliff hanger but the chapter was running on....I might continue in the next one....  
> And I apologize for the delay in this one. The story is twisting and turning a bit from my original plot. Hopefully in a good way.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross and Demelza continue their reconnection. And Jeremy's illness resurrects a tragic event from their past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I own nothing but the idea and any errors, omissions or missteps are strictly of my own doing. Thanks to WG and DH for this extraordinary world

They awoke just as night was falling to the sound of Jeremy’s cries. Demelza moved out of Ross’s arms, still naked as she lost her shift somewhere in the night.  She searched around the bed until she finally found it on the floor remembering what had happened after she asked Ross to kiss her.

_The pain and fatigue of her travels melted away the more he kissed her. She helped him remove her clothes before laying down so that soon she was naked for him to gaze upon and love. Holding her hand out to him, he joined her on the bed.  There was no hesitancy on Demelza’s part to join with Ross again. Her body and mind needed him in a way she hadn’t expected. It was as if she was missing a piece of herself and now it was within her reach to reclaim it. She wondered if this is what Ross felt that day in the mine. Did he ache for her to the point of almost crying out? With the desire for her husband in overdrive, she moved over his body and took control.  Ross looked up at Demelza wide-eyed; this was something new yet he found it exciting.  It seemed that his wife was determined to get what she wanted and Ross was more than happy to give it to her._

_With some easy maneuvering, Ross undid his breeches all while keeping his eyes on his wife. Her skin was flushed and her nipples were taut, enticing him to lean up and take one in his mouth. Demelza moaned at the contact, wriggling her body in an attempt to get his lower half naked as well so it would be available to her. With Ross latched to her breast, she raised her hips up so he could move the fabric out of the way, releasing his engorged body. Letting go of her, Ross struggled to push his breeches down but before they were completely off, Demelza took hold and brought him to her center, slowly sliding on him._

_Ross groaned and laid back, forgetting his clothing for the time being. With a deliberate rhythm, Demelza started to move, rising and contracting her sheath as Ross held onto her waist.  She sped up, her breath now coming in short pants. Needing to steady herself, she placed her hands on Ross’s chest, her palms flat against his own erect nipples. She bent down and gave him a kiss before moving her mouth to his neck where she licked his pulse point. Pushing Ross to the edge, he lifted his hips into her, almost touching her womb; it was enough to set Demelza on the path towards climax. Trembling, her body started to spasm as moans came from deep within her. Fearing she might collapse, Ross sat up and grabbed her.  The new position impaled her even further on his member as his arm wrapped around her securely. Demelza held on to her husband’s shoulders as she rode out her orgasm just as Ross’s release began. The force of it seemed to reach up into her belly, heating her to the point of giving her chills.  It lasted only a minute but felt unending as though Ross would never be emptied and Demelza never filled. Finally, their breathing and bodies began to return to normal but neither wanted to let go. Demelza withered a little in Ross’s arms, her legs, which were tensed from holding her up, started to ache and give way but she didn’t care. With feathered kisses on his shoulder, Demelza sighed in contentment as she allowed Ross to gently move them to lie down.  Finally divested of his breeches, Ross pulled the covers over them and they fell asleep still somewhat connected and happy to be so._

Now as she rose to answer her son’s call, Demelza looked at the man who had captured her heart for the second time in her life and wondered what was this hold he had on her? The thought was fleeting because at that moment she was happy.  She dressed quickly and went to tend to Jeremy.  She’d talk to Ross later but for now, she let the contentment she felt guide her.

*~*~*~*~*

Ross woke up to thoughts of Demelza and their encounter. He panicked for a moment at not finding her next to him then remembered that he thought he heard Jeremy crying.  Sitting up he looked around the room and saw that her clothes were missing. She must have gone to their son, he thought.  Now at ease, Ross relaxed against the pillows, thinking on what had transpired between them and smiled.  This wasn’t how he was expecting to the end the day after finding his wife but it was certainly a pleasant surprise.

_When he first lay next to her, kissing her softly, visions of their first time returned.  It had been too long since he had seen his wife this way; not since that night, she came to him in that blue dress.  Then, when he laid her on the bed, naked and innocent, they were unsure of the step they were taking whereas this time there was no doubt that the lovemaking they were about to engage in was fully and completely mutual. Yet for Ross, it was as if he were seeing Demelza for the first time again. He had been nervous when he kissed her that she was pushing herself into something she wasn’t ready for despite her prompting.  Unlike their tryst at the mine office which was strictly a result of a physical need that could no longer be contained, this time they were coming together out of love.  There was, however, a definite similarity between this coupling and the night all those years ago. Both were set in motion by Demelza.  Then she came to him after he pushed her away; now she drew him to her because she had decided she was in love with him. Both times she gave him everything and he took it. Now, with her newly found, yet old, love for him, he was ready to give everything back to her starting with deciphering the meaning of the ring and Elizabeth’s part in her accident; except his wife clearly had other ideas for them on this afternoon._

  _From her first request to kiss her, she took charge. She wanted him as she had the first time but now instead of letting him guide their coupling, she was going to show him just what she knew of love. Ross was extremely aroused by her natural way of lovemaking just as he was that first time. When he had gotten her clothes off, and she swung over his body he didn’t know what to do first. He had wanted to kiss and worship her but she had other ideas. Kissing him hard, Ross took the hint that time was of the essence and she wanted him now.  He fumbled with his breeches when he felt the heat from her core. Pushing them out of the way, Demelza didn’t wait for him to be totally rid them but took his body in hand and completed the connection between them. Ross watched her face as she bent over, kissed him and started to make love to him. Suddenly the feelings he recalled of the night she came to him in the blue dress faded as new ones took hold, her body working effortlessly on his to the point of release. When she started to tremble, Ross gathered her close and held her as she broke and drew his body further into hers as he joined her over the edge. He kissed her gently as he laid them down, finally shedding his breeches before covering them with the quilt. Their bodies remained wrapped in each other, safe and secure._

Now as he felt the bed empty Ross realized how much he had missed her.  He swung his legs over the side and found his discarded breeches. Slipping them on, he rose and stretched, turning to look at the rumpled bed. He wondered if what happened earlier was the first real step of them becoming one again.  He knew that the emotional bond he felt with Demelza, which had been there since she returned was felt by her as well. But to Ross, it was even something more. It was a reaffirmation that what they shared was stronger than any boating accident, or ring, or cousin.  He found a clean shirt and was about to put it on when the door opened.  Demelza walked in with a smile that was not only bright but mischievous.

“My love? Is everything alright? Jeremy?” he asked.

“Jeremy is fine Ross. Prudie is giving him some supper and then will give him a bath.”

She spoke as she crossed the room, her hands unlacing her bodice again.

“Demelza, what are you doing? I thought we were going to try and figure out why this ring and Elizabeth have affected you so,” he said.

“Ross, there is no rush to do that tonight is there?”

She reached him as her corset fell to the floor. She took the shirt from him and with her one hand on his chest leaned up to kiss him while her other hand worked on his breeches again.

“Demelza…”

“Ross…”

“What are you doing? You can’t possibly want…”

“Can’t I?”

She stepped away, untied her skirt and let it drop before pushing his breeches down. Then taking his hands she led him back to bed.

“It seems my love that I want to make up for lost time,” she said sweetly. “Do you have any objections?”

As she lay down, he crawled over her so that they were face to face and toe to toe.

“No, my love. You’ll get no objection from me,” he said, as his hand slipped under her shift, setting them in motion again as he kissed her.

*~*~*~*~*

As it turned out, Jeremy’s fussiness continued for the next few days. Demelza was sure it was teething as she was told by Prudie that Jeremy was acting just like Julia did that first year when she was cutting a new tooth.  Ross wasn’t so sure and didn’t want to assume it wasn’t something more serious so he called for Dwight.  Demelza thought he was overreacting but that was because she didn’t remember what happened with Julia’s illness and death.  That fact irritated Ross. 

“Demelza I don’t think calling Dwight as a precaution is overreacting. What if you and Prudie’s assessment of his condition is wrong?  Neither of you is a medical expert,” he said perhaps a bit too harshly.

“Ross, I didn’t say I was any kind of expert.  I’m just going on instinct.  There doesn’t seem to be anything else off with Jeremy except his teeth,” she said.

“Yes, but what if it’s not just that? I couldn’t deal with another illness or  the loss of another child. I told you that when said you were expecting,” he said his temper rising. 

He paced the room, his mind going into the past; to those nights of worrying and praying.  He couldn’t understand how Demelza didn’t think to call Dwight at the first onset of Jeremy’s discomfort.  If she was such a good mother and her instincts were such, she’d have sent for the doctor right away.

“Didn’t you think that maybe you were wrong? He’s running a temperature, Demelza! Maybe he’s been exposed to something other than just teething!  Have you forgotten what it was like after you went to Trenwith?!  The illness that took over you and Julia?  I won’t have that again, Demelza!”

Ross was yelling now, leading Demelza to shrink away from him.  She saw the look on his face and it was obvious he was not going to let the issue drop.  For the first time, she was afraid of him because he didn’t seem to understand that she didn’t remember. 

“I don’t remember,” she whispered in a small voice. “I don’t remember any of that. I’m sorry. Please don’t me cross with me.”

 “Demelza,” he started to say.

“Ross? Is that why you are mad at me for not calling Dwight sooner?  Because I was to blame for Julia’s death?  Tell me!”

She was on the verge of crying as she wrung her hands, desperately fighting the urge to lunge at him. Realizing what he had just done, he went towards her but she moved away.

“No but…”

“You are. Do you seriously think I would put our children in harm’s way?  Did you really think that with Julia?

Ross saw how irrational he was being and knew he needed to clarify what was going on in his head.

“Demelza, please, let me explain…  At first, when you and Julia fell ill, I did think that maybe…”

He paused when he saw the hurt in her eyes; he was mucking this up terribly so changed his tactic.

“But then Dwight explained that it was impossible that you carried it from Trenwith and you couldn’t have known you had already contracted the disease before you went there. I was mistaken.”

Ross took a breath and made another attempt to reach for Demelza.  She let him take her hand  but kept him at an arm’s distance.

“Well, that’s good to know Ross. I’m glad that you realized I didn’t set out to infect her or myself,” Demelza said with more than a touch of sarcasm.

“Demelza I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean…that time was so painful for me…for us. I don’t understand how you can’t remember it.  Especially with Jeremy sick now.”

“Ross, I don’t know why my memories are slow in returning.  Perhaps it’s because I’m not worried about Jeremy that I can’t recall Julia’s illness,” she said.

“Yes.  I know logically you’re right it’s just that, I couldn’t bear it if something happened to Jeremy…”

“Do you think I could?” she asked.  “I may not remember some things, but I know a mother’s love for their child. He’s such a part of me, Ross.  I can’t put it into words.”

“I know that.  I can see it. I’m sorry, my love.  I truly didn’t mean to imply…”

Ross’s manner changed, softening Demelza’s attitude as well.

“I wish I could remember Julia. And what happened to her. What was she like?”

Ross led Demelza to sit on the settle when Dwight appeared in the doorway.

“Excuse me.  Am I interrupting?”

Demelza jumped up to greet him.  Ross sat back, relieved and frustrated that they could possibly be on the brink of another breakthrough in Demelza’s memory when Dwight arrived.

“No.  I’m that glad you’re here Dwight. Ross seems to think that Jeremy has some fatal illness. Can you please go check on him?  I’ll come up directly,” Demelza said.

“Fine.  No need to rush, I’m sure I can manage,” Dwight replied. 

The doctor made his way upstairs, familiar with the rooms, leaving Ross and Demelza alone in the parlor.  Ross turned to his wife and took her in his arms.

“I keep forgetting Demelza, that your memory is still missing pieces.  I suppose the fact that you and I are back to where we were before your accident, I assume that everything else will fall back into place as well.”

Seeing his regret at jumping at her for things neither of them could control, she agreed.

“It’s fine Ross.  I know you get frustrated with me not remembering things quick enough.”

“I don’t mean to.”

“I know.   Perhaps having Dwight come here would be a good idea.  Then I could talk to him about our situation as well.”

Ross looked at her with a quizzical look. What was she about?

“What situation?  Demelza is something amiss?  Are you unwell?”

His eyes scanned her body looking for a sign of what she might be talking about.  In the meantime she wasn’t prepared for his questions but catching his gaze she began to surmise what he was thinking. With a coy smile, she had to clarify her intent.

“No, Ross it’s not that.  I’m not with child if that’s what you think.  I meant we could talk to Dwight about my memory and see if he could perhaps guide us on that best way to determine what might have made me go off in the boat that day.”

“Oh,” he said. 

Demelza saw the look of disappointment on his face and had to admit she understood.  Now that they were starting a new marriage, a child, while not coming at the ideal time, wouldn’t be unwanted.  Unfortunately, that was not the case. At least she didn’t think so.  In truth she hadn’t thought of the consequences of their renewed and frequent coupling; she was too wrapped up in enjoying it.  She went to her husband and touched his arm.

“Although if it turned out that a child was coming I wouldn’t be upset.  We will just have to wait and see what fate brings us, won’t we?”

Ross looked down at his wife. Her face was bright, happy.  Despite her lack of memory, she was still Demelza.  And he loved her.  She tilted her head up to kiss him when Dwight appeared. He coughed to make his presence known.

“Sorry,” the tall doctor said as he walked into the parlor.

The couple separated, Demelza smiling shyly at being found in this situation. 

“Dwight, how is Jeremy?  Ross here is fretting where I am sure ‘tis just his teeth breaking through,” she said.

Sitting down at the table she looks from Ross to Dwight and sees a look pass between them.

“What is it?” she asked them.

Dwight shot a glance at Ross, knowing where his friend’s uneasiness stemmed from.  Demelza knew that they were hiding something from her but thought better than to ask what it was now.

“Well?” Ross asked, not even trying to hide his impatience. 

With a look to Demelza, Dwight told Ross exactly what was wrong with Jeremy.

“He’s teething Ross.  Demelza was right.  He’s cutting not one, but two teeth, which is why he’s so fussy.  It’s also why he seems feverish.  What your wife has been doing is just as I would do.  Let him suck on a rag soaked in cold water and rub just a bit of brandy on his gums to numb the pain. He should be fine in a few days once the teeth break through.”

Demelza smiled at Dwight, grateful that her motherly instincts were right this time.  She glanced at Ross who couldn’t help but smiled in response. 

“It seems I should trust you more Demelza,” Ross said.

“T’would appear so, Ross,” she said, keeping the smugness out of her voice.

Ross went to grab the rum and some glasses for them while Demelza sat with Dwight. The trio was silent, each waiting for the other to speak.  Finally, Demelza broke the silence.

“Dwight?  I was hoping that I---I mean---we were hoping  to speak to you about finding a way to help recover my memory,” she said.

The doctor stared at Demelza, not quite sure what she was asking. He was not a doctor of the mind so any advice he offered would be far from official.

“I don’t know how I can help,” Dwight said.

“Things keep coming back to me in pieces.  Pictures and random words for instance.  I want to put them together, but my mind won’t let me.  Can’t you help?  Help me make the connections?”

Ross listened to his wife and heard the uncertainty in her voice again.  He knew that his outburst earlier had something to do with her change in demeanor so he needed to rectify his behavior by helping her through this.  He knew now that she was determined to get well, not for her sake but for his. Ross could see in Demelza’s eyes that she was feeling guilty about her inability to recall one of the most devastating events of their lives and that was because of him.  He should have known better than to assume Jeremy’s illness would jog her memory about Julia.  In truth, did he want that to be what she remembered next?  The answer to that was no.  What he did want was for Demelza to remember what Elizabeth and that ring had to do with her disappearance.  Everything else could wait to return. And if it didn’t, they could go on just as they were now.

“Dwight, what Demelza is trying to ask about is that ring she found.  Remember I showed it to you.  Is there a way to help her remember what it means?  With regards to her accident.”

Dwight took a gulp of his drink and looked down.  He wanted to help his friends but was not sure what he could do.

“Ross, you know I’d do anything I could to help you. Both of you. But I’m not sure what or how” he said.

Demelza’s hopeful smile faded with his statement.  Ross reached across and took his wife’s hand, holding it gently, trying to offer her comfort.

“We shouldn’t have asked,” Demelza said, the disappointment clear in her voice.

“Demelza, I’m sorry.  What I’m about to say is something I’m sure neither of you wants to hear,” Dwight said.

Ross and Demelza waited to hear what that was, now both of them feeling unsteady.

“You may have to accept the fact that Demelza might never fully recover her memory.  Where she is now could be the most progress she’ll make.  Which, from what I can see, is not a totally bad thing, is it?”

He smiled at his friends because he could tell that they had reached some kind of accord in their marriage.

“No, Dwight, it’s not a bad thing at all,” Ross said. 

Demelza was surprised at his immediate response. She was sure that he was still unhappy that she didn’t remember things but was he telling their friend that he would accept life as it was now?

“Then take my advice. Leave it be for a while.  Go on living as you have been and let things progress.  I believe that whatever triggered Demelza’s memory loss was something that was so upsetting to her that she is still trying to protect herself from it  So, if as you think, it has to do with Elizabeth, why would you even want to resurrect that?’

Ross felt Demelza tense at the mention of Elizabeth’s name, fortifying his own belief that his cousin in law was a key to his wife’s accident and current condition. However, he also believed his friend’s advice that some things should be left alone, at least for the time being.  He and Demelza had a ways to go in rebuilding their foundation; that should be their focus.  With that they might find the answer they’re looking for without trying.

“Perhaps you’re right Dwight,” Demelza said.  “Ross and I are content at this moment.  I shouldn’t go looking for trouble where there is none, should I?”

She took a sip of her drink then rose.

“I think I’ll go check on Jeremy,” she said.  “Thank you, Dwight.  I’m sure Ross can see you out.”

Demelza walked out of the room leaving the men alone.  Ross gulped his drink then poured another.

“I know Demelza says she’s fine with leaving things be, but you and I both know she’s lying.”

“Why would she do that?” Dwight asked.

“Because of me,” Ross answered.

“You?  What did you do now?”

Ross paused before answering, slightly put off by his friend’s tone that he had said or done something unnecessarily stupid.  Which of course, he had.

“I might have lost my patience about Jeremy’s illness but that was because I immediately thought about Julia.  Do you blame me?”

He waited as Dwight looked at his friend, a look of silent reproach on his face.

“What do you mean?”

Ross averted his eyes from Dwight’s, embarrassed at his actions.

“It’s possible I gave Demelza the impression that I blamed her for Jeremy’s illness.  And Julia’s.”

Dwight said nothing.  He stared at Ross, not quite believing what he said.

“You didn’t?  Ross, how could you? You know that Julia’s death had nothing to do with Demelza or Trenwith.”

“Yes, I know.  And as soon as I said it, I regretted it.  Maybe I was hoping that if I shocked her it would jostle her memory about Julia.  She doesn’t have any recollection of her Dwight,” Ross said, the hurt clear in his voice.

“I know.  But that was not the way to bring those memories back,” the doctor said.

“I realize that now.  So that’s why Demelza is pushing to remember.  To please me,” Ross said.

“I see.  Well then, the best advice I can give you is to apologize for being an ass and let her take the lead in what she’s comfortable with.  Demelza will know better than anyone what her mind is ready to accept or reject.  Is that clear?”

With that Dwight downed his drink and stood.  Picking up his bag, he started for the door when he saw Demelza coming downstairs.

“Well?” he asked.

“Jeremy?  He’s fine.  He’s still a little warm but nowhere near as bad as he was earlier.  Thank you, Dwight.”

She went to the tall doctor who proceeded to kiss her hand.

“I trust you’ll be able to manage alone?” he asked

“Yes.  Now that Ross believes in a mother’s instinct.”

Dwight and Demelza both give Ross a warning look to not question her again.

“Both of you can just stop your gloating.  I will listen to Demelza in these matters. Is that what you want to hear?” Ross said.

“Yes Ross,” Demelza replied coming to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Dwight nodded at his friends and took his leave.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it.”

Ross walked him out and watched him ride off before returning to Demelza. He found her in the kitchen, humming as she started supper.  He came up behind her and placed a kiss on her neck.

“Judas, Ross!  You gave me a fright.  Now, what if I had the kettle in my hand? That could have ended badly,”  she said, allowing him to continue his gracing her skin with kisses.

“It would have been worth it for a taste of you,” he said between pecks.

They continued like that for a few minutes before Demelza pulled away so she could finish cooking.  Putting the pie in the oven she wiped her hands on her apron then turned to Ross.

“Are you alright?” she asked him.

Ross had sat down at the table, honing a blade when the question caught him off guard.

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“I know you were hoping Dwight would have the magic answer.  I did as well. But maybe he was right in that we should just leave things alone for now,” she said joining him at the table.

“I know that’s the logical thing to do, Demelza. It’s just that this thing with Jeremy scared me.  If it was something more serious than just teeth, I didn’t want to go through that alone.”

“Ross, you wouldn’t have. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Now it was she who took his hand and held it.

“I know that my love.  What I meant to say was that I would need you to be strong. As you were when Julia…”

His voice cracked at the mention of their daughter’s name. He could still feel her body go limp in his arms as she passed peacefully away.  Demelza saw that he had left her temporarily, his mind going elsewhere.  She assumed back to that time of Julia’s death.  Perhaps now was the moment they could talk about their daughter.

“Ross?” she said softly. “I know you want me to remember that time, so help me.  Tell me what it was like.”

Ross looked into his wife’s eyes and saw that she was desperate to know about that horrible time in their lives.  He just wasn’t sure he could relive it. He’d rather help her remember the happy times with their daughter.

“Demelza, there is no need to recall those days.  It’s enough that you know how sick both of you were and that Julia just wasn’t strong enough to fight,” he said quietly.

Demelza felt him pull away slightly, so she moved closer to him, now linking her hand with his while the other slid over his shoulder, kneading it as a sign of comfort.

“Alright. But can you tell me one thing?  Did she suffer?  How ill did we both get, Ross?”

He turned his head to glance at her again, a feeling of déjà vu coming over him as it was so similar to the morning they rode to the cliff to say goodbye to their child.

“You were both extremely ill, my love. Dwight prepared me for the possibility of neither of you making it through the night. But you’re such a  fighter Demelza, you never gave up.  Julia was just too small. I don’t think she inherited your strength; I think she was cursed with my weakness in such matters.”

For the first time that night, Ross was the one that sounded defeated and lost.  Demelza was not prepared to deal with this side of him, so she was at a loss as to what to do.  Tapping into that instinct she praised herself for earlier, she leaned on his shoulder and spoke.

“Ross, I’m not that strong. If I were, I’d had found a way back to you sooner.  Or not let something drive me away.  And you are certainly not weak.  You have fought wars and survived; fought society when you married me and survived; fought for me and…well, we will have to see if you survive,” she said with a smile.

Ross smiled as well at his pragmatic and optimistic wife.

“See that’s what I mean Demelza.  Your strength is that you take a grim situation and find the positive in it.  Even when Julia died, you were able to see the positive in Geoffrey Charles recovering.  Whereas I…”

He paused, not wanting to revisit that part of the plague again. That was something that was better left forgotten. 

“You what Ross?” she asked.

“Never mind.  Julia was more like you than I,  Demelza.  She was happy and beautiful. She loved the sea and that overgrown mongrel,  Garrick.  I wonder if she had lived if she would have your fiery red hair.  She already had your feisty nature.”

The mood had clearly lightened from where the evening had started, with Ross and Demelza both enjoying the easiness of the conversation.  The couple exchanged a soft kiss before Demelza rose to check on their supper.  Satisfied that the pie still needed some cooking time, she spun around back to Ross, who had taken a glass of ale in the meantime.

“I imagine there is one more thing Julia got from me,” she said.

“What might that be?” he asked, downing his drink.

“Her love for you,” Demelza replied with a smirk.

Ross broke into a grin, the worries from earlier seemingly minor now.  Rising to meet her halfway, he slipped his arms around her, caressing her back.

“Yes, my love.  She did inherit your magnificent sense of good judgment.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter up. It took several detours before the final outcome as well as being derailed by surprise gremlins.   
> Thank you to those still keeping track of this and all my stories. Thank you also for reading, sharing, commenting and supporting. It truly means the world to me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross and Demelza visit the Trenwith Poldarks. And revelations come in the most unlikely way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I own nothing, and any errors, omissions, etc. are mine and mine alone.

“Ross, are you sure I look alright?  It’s been so long since I paid a social call, I’m not quite sure what’s expected.”

Demelza spoke as they rode slowly to Trenwith.  It was the first time since before Jeremy was born that they visited his ancient family home.  As Ross looked over at his wife, the memory of that last visit rose and was less than pleasant.  He remembered vividly the harvest festival and his behavior that night; how he practically ignored Demelza and for some reason, found his focus and eye trained on Elizabeth.  Looking back on that now, he could see why his wife, who had just gone through the ordeal of a trial with him, felt out of sorts.  Not only did she feel his attention at that time centered on his cousin’s wife, but he was so self-involved in surviving the noose that he never picked up that she was with child again.  How could he have been so blind then?  How could he make amends now?

“Demelza, you look lovely.  This visit is to see Aunt Agatha, not garner compliments from the family. Besides,  you look beautiful to me and that is what should matter the most,” he said.

Demelza gave him a small smile as Ross reached across and gave her hand a squeeze as she held Caerhays’s reins.

“It does matter to me, Ross.  It’s just that after the last visit with your family, I got the feeling some were none too pleased with my return.”

There she said it. Demelza said what had been at the heart of her uncertainty for weeks; that Elizabeth was sorry about her return and seemed to prefer that Demelza never was found.

“Let’s not dwell on that again.  I’m sure after today’s visit, things will seem clearer my love.  Perhaps even jogging your memory as to what happened that day you had your accident.  And hopefully without any semblance of Elizabeth in the events.”

Nodding in wishful agreement, Demelza turned her head back towards the path and saw Trenwith in the distance. A knot formed in her stomach and a flash of another visit came to mind.  A visit at winter.  And they didn’t ride, they walked on the snow-dusted walkway to the front door.  She remembered Ross’s arm holding her firmly as they were greeted by a woman.  Not Elizabeth.  Verity? And she remembered how awkward she felt.

“Ross, did we ever visit here in the winter?  I seem to remember it being cold one time when we walked over.  Did that happen?”

His heart leaped at the idea that another memory was coming back to the surface.

“Yes, my love.  It was Christmastime right after we were married.  Do you remember that?”

Ross’s voice was hopeful so Demelza was wary to dampen that spirit.

“Not exactly.  Just bits of memories.  Walking here, being greeted by someone, not Elizabeth…”

“Verity my dear, welcomed us that day.”

Demelza searched his face as if by looking at him, she’d be able to siphon the memory from his mind to hers.  Nothing came to her but as they got closer to the front gate, trepidation did rise at the thought of facing Elizabeth again.  Demelza still had residual insecurity from their last meeting despite the strides she and Ross made in their marriage and relationship.  The cloud of Elizabeth still hung heavy over Nampara.  What Demelza was worried about was how any revelation that included Elizabeth would affect Ross and in turn, affect their relationship.  She didn’t have time to dwell on that as the gate loomed in front of them.  Trotting their horses through towards the door, the sound of the gravel beneath the hooves seemed to have a steady rhythm that was soothing to Demelza’s ear.

As they reached the front of the house, Ross and Demelza slowed their horses to a halt. Ross dismounted first then raised his arms to catch Demelza around the waist. He held her close a moment longer than needed before bending his head to her ear and whispering reassurances.

“Remember, Demelza, no matter what, I love you.”

He pulled up and away from her face, smiled then held her cheeks gently before kissing her.  Unbeknownst to them, Elizabeth was watching from the turret room above and saw this display of love between husband and wife.  Ross offered his arm to Demelza and led her to the door that was once again opened by Verity.

“Ross! Demelza! I’m so glad that you came. Aunt Agatha has been anxiously awaiting your arrival.  She’s gone through two rounds of tarot cards in the past hour,” Verity said, leading them into the great hall.

As she did during her first visit to Trenwith, Demelza took in the sights around her in wonder. However this time, Ross didn’t leave her side to gaze at Elizabeth. Instead, he led her around the room as she looked at the family portraits and pointed out those of his father as well as himself, Francis and Verity as children. 

“Ross?  I never realized how much Jeremy looks like you as a child,” she said.

“I suppose.  I never really thought about it,” he replied shyly.

Leaning against him, Demelza said softly, “Think he’ll be as much trouble as you too?”

He gazed down at her with a grin.

“Let’s hope for both our sakes, he’s taken after you.”

“Now that could be just as bad,” she said brightly.

Again Ross was moved to kiss her, this time on her forehead in his common gesture of love as Elizabeth peered over the banister at her guests.

“Never, my love,” he said warmly.

The couple was focused on each other so they were oblivious to anything going on around them until a voice called from the parlor.

“Is that Ross and his little bud?  Why are you leaving them to stand there? Bring them to me, Verity!” the old woman called out.

“Coming aunt,” Verity said as she stifled a giggle. 

Taking Demelza’s hand, Ross followed his cousin into the parlor where his aunt was seated by the fire where a small table was covered with her ever-present Tarot cards and a glass of port.  Walking directly to the old woman, Ross let go of Demelza briefly to greet the matriarch of the Poldark clan.

“Aunt.  You’re looking well.  How are you?” he said.

The old woman smiled and took his hand in both of hers.

“My boy, I may look as old as my years but don’t feel a day over ninety.  You are looking better than the last time I saw you at your bud’s funeral.  But I suppose her return is the reason for your revived spirit,” she said. 

Then looking past him, Agatha nodded towards Demelza.

“Come here my girl,” she said, holding her arms out to draw her near.

Demelza approached Ross’s aunt slowly with a passing glance to her husband.  He gave her a wink and smile which did nothing to ease her nerves.  Coming to stand by Agatha, she knelt down so that she was on the same level as the woman.

“Well then, you look no worse for wear from your ordeal, my dear.  As a matter of fact, I’d say you’re glowing.  Has that nephew of mine been treating you well since your return?” she asked in her gravelly voice.

Blushing and bowing her head, Demelza replied.

“I imagine you can say that.  Ross has been so kind to me since I’ve come back.  So patient…”

She didn’t get to finish as Agatha snorted at that last statement.

“Ross? Patient? Well then, you must have worked some miracle on my nephew.  Patience was never a virtue of his,” she said.

Demelza looked up at Ross, amused at this woman’s insight.

“That is true, Miss Poldark,” Demelza said.

“Please my dear, call me Aunt Agatha.  You are my nephew’s wife and I’m sorry we didn’t get to know each other better before your accident.”

The older woman was sincere which helped to ease Demelza’s fears.  Verity brought over a glass of port for her while Ross poured a brandy for himself.  He then rejoined the women, bringing a chair for Demelza.  Holding it for his wife, he put his hand on her shoulder and gave her a kiss on the cheek, which warmed his old aunt’s heart.

“You certainly have changed my nephew Demelza.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so taken with a woman, not even Elizabeth.”

Ross and Verity exchanged a look while Demelza tried hard to ignore what was just said.   Feeling her stiffen, Ross squeezed her shoulder to let her know he was there for her.  He was about to say something to his aunt when she leaned forward to speak directly to Demelza.

“Between you and me, bud, I never thought that one was meant to be his wife.  Just foolish childishness if you ask me.  Ross’s heart would always find a woman to match his.  Thankfully he found you. We should be grateful for that my dear,” Agatha said, taking Demelza’s hand and giving her a smile.

Ross was struck by the warmth and kindness Agatha showed his wife remembering that their visit the first Christmas they were married was more of an inquisition than a social call.  Overcome with emotion, Ross spoke for both he and Demelza when he walked to his aunt, took her hand and kissed it.

“Thank you, Aunt.  And you’re so right about Demelza.  She is my heart,” he said in a low voice.

The three of them stayed in a comfortable silence when footsteps were heard behind them.  Demelza rose and turned with Ross’s hand on the small of her back as they watched Francis bound through the hall.

“Ross!” Francis said. “I’m so glad you could make it.  It’s been too long. And Demelza, you look no wonderful. Clearly being home has agreed with you.”

The fair-haired cousin shook Ross’s hand and clapped him on the back before kissing Demelza’s hand a polite kiss.

“Thank you, Francis,” she said politely.  Then looking around asked the inevitable question. “Where’s Elizabeth?”

“Oh, she’ll be down presently.  I imagine she’s seeing to Geoffrey Charles,” Francis responded, unconcerned that his wife was still not here to entertain their guests. 

Demelza said nothing but stayed close to Ross. Verity felt the need to play hostess for the time being and rang for tea.  Francis pulled Ross aside to talk to him leaving Demelza standing awkwardly with her glass in hand not quite sure which way to go.

“Demelza, come and sit by the fire while we wait for tea.  Tell me, how are things at Nampara?  Is Jeremy well?”

“Yes very well. He’s cutting a few teeth but other than that, he’s been wonderful,” Demelza said.

While all the pleasantries and polite conversation were fine, Demelza found herself wanting to talk more about rumblings she heard regarding Ross and this trial. Verity’s sweet demeanor was hard to ignore, and Demelza thought Ross’s cousin might the right person to ask about this event without being scolded or judged.  The women were perched on the settee, waiting for tea to arrive when Demelza found she couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Verity, can I ask you something?” Demelza said slowly.

“Of course. Anything,” the Poldark cousin said brightly.

The redhead was about to ask her question when the Trenwith housekeeper arrived with tea.  Francis looked up expecting to see Elizabeth but there was still no sign of her. Verity saw that her brother was perturbed by the absence of his wife and offered to go check on her. Francis told her it wasn’t necessary.

“Elizabeth knows we have guests.  I’m sure she’ll make an appearance shortly. In the meantime, Verity can you pour while I take Ross into the study?”

Ross and Demelza exchanged glances as Verity tried to brush aside Francis’ annoyance at Elizabeth’s lack of propriety.  Coming to his wife, Ross bent down to give her a peck on the cheek, and murmured in her ear, “I shan’t be long my love.”

As he stood up, he saw Elizabeth standing in the entryway of the parlor, a look of displeasure on her face.  Demelza turned to see what caught his eye and saw the brunette staring at her, hands clasped at her waist.  Demelza suddenly felt chilled even though she was seated near a blazing fire. Ross was reluctant to leave the scene, not quite sure what would ensue but didn’t want to keep Francis waiting. 

“I’ll leave you ladies.  I’m sure Francis is becoming restless waiting for me,” Ross said exiting quickly, now wanting to see what his cousin wanted so he could return to Demelza.

  He passed Elizabeth with a polite nod, making no other gesture of greeting. Silence flooded the room until Verity spoke to break it all while she kept pouring the tea.

“Elizabeth, my dear we were beginning to worry about you.  Is Geoffrey Charles alright?”

Without missing a beat, Verity handed Demelza a cup and walked one over to Aunt Agatha, who appeared to have fallen asleep.  She left the cup on the table in front of the old woman, knowing full well she was faking her slumber so that she could take in the conversations going on around her. Elizabeth strode into the room as if floating on air, her step smooth and light.   She let her gaze follow Ross as he walked out of the room, then went to the settee where Demelza sat.

“He’s fine Verity,” Elizabeth said with a tone.  Redirecting her attention to Demelza, she smiled and said, “I’m so glad you and Ross were able to come for a visit Demelza.” 

Her sweetness didn’t fool Demelza in the slightest.  In fact, it sent a prickly feeling down her spine as if someone had walked on her grave.  More than that, Demelza was sure that she’d seen that expression before from Elizabeth.  Shaking the thought she took a sip then replied.

“Thank Ross for finally taking a day off from the mine,” Demelza said.

She stirred her tea and kept her head bowed as Elizabeth sat down.  Verity handed her sister in law a cup then took a seat as well. 

“Oh, I’m sure you did much to persuade him Demelza. You do seem to have some hold on him,” Elizabeth said coyly.

Not quite sure how she was supposed to answer, she said nothing.  The women kept sipping and saying nothing until Verity remembered that Demelza had wanted to speak to her about something.

“My dear, what did you want to ask me before tea arrived?” Verity said innocently.

Demelza looked over the rim of her cup at Verity with wide eyes. She did want to ask her about Ross’s trial but not with Elizabeth in the room.

“Tis nothing Verity.  It can keep,” she said softly.

Verity was puzzled then realized that the presence of Elizabeth must be what was making Demelza reluctant to speak.  Seeing Ross’ wife becoming distressed she thought of a way to relieve her.

“Demelza? As it’s been a while since you’ve been here, would you like to take a walk in the garden?” Verity asked.

Surprised by the offer, Demelza was grateful for Verity’s foresight to make the suggestion.

“I don’t know. What if Ross…” she started to say but was cut off by Elizabeth.

“Oh, you’re worried about Ross coming to look for you?  I’m sure I can send him to find you.  Besides, it seems that he has a way of tracking you down even if you’re lost,” she said, the bitterness in her demeanor very clear now.

“Elizabeth!” Verity cried, not quite believing her sister in law comment. 

Agatha slowly opened her eyes at this point, watching the women through lowered lashes. Verity led Demelza out to the grounds through the side door.  The tall redhead seemed to loom over Ross’s petite cousin as she walked beside her.  She kept her hands at her sides, grasping the folds of her dress, the ever-present nerves making a reappearance.   Strolling in silence, it was only the chirping of the birds and the breeze rustling through the trees that seemed to make conversation.  The women had reached a small clearing where the chicken coop was housed before either spoke.

“Demelza, something is clearly bothering you. Please tell me what it is and perhaps I can help?” 

Verity’s voice was gentle and kind.  She reached out to touch Demelza’s arm in support.  Feeling as though she could trust this woman with her fears, Demelza spoke.

“I have heard vague references to Ross being on trial for some deed. And lately, I have had dreams of being in a courtroom, with crowds of people.  So this must have happened. Did it?”

She tried not to sound scared but couldn’t help the shaky tone to her voice.  She turned to Verity and waited for an answer.

“My dear, Ross was on trial last year.  He was accused of vile, terrible things but he was acquitted so that should be all that concerns you,” Verity said diplomatically.

“But why? What had he done?”

Demelza was insistent and was not going to be satisfied until she had the whole story.

“Demelza, what’s the good of bringing it up now?” Verity asked.

“It might help me to remember that part of my life.  Please,” she begged.

Verity saw the desperation in her cousin’s eyes and knew she had to tell her the truth.

“Alright, I’ll tell you what I know. But please don’t allow yourself to get upset.  This is in the past. You and Ross should focus on the future,” she said.

“And we are. But without knowing my past, I can’t clear my head for the future. Can you understand?”

“I do my dear,” Verity said, squeezing Demelza’s hand.

“During the time of the putrid throat, Ross was in a terrible way.  After Julia’s death and with not knowing if you would live or die, he practically went mad.  There was a wreck on the beach and in those dire times, the townsfolk did what has been done for centuries and that was to collect what had been washed up on shore. Well, some saw an opportunity to get back at Ross by accusing him of leading the mob and allowing someone to die.”

Verity stopped at that point to allow Demelza to comprehend this and ask questions if she had them. She saw tears welling in her eyes and knew that the young woman was thinking about the child she lost that she could not remember.

“So Ross’s actions were because of my coming to Trenwith and bringing the sickness back to our house?  I’m surprised he doesn’t hate me. Perhaps I should have stayed in France,” Demelza said, tears falling silently.

“Demelza! That is absolute nonsense.  You know that your tending to us here was not the cause of Julia’s illness or yours. These things just happen.  Ross did not blame you. In fact, he was so wracked with grief at the loss of Julia that I think if anything had happened to you he would have….”

She paused, not wanting to say what she believed in her heart.

“What Verity? Tell me,” Demelza said.

She wiped at her eyes and stood her ground.

“I think he wouldn’t have cared if he had hung for what he was accused of.  He would have been lost beyond redemption.”

Demelza couldn’t believe that the man who seemed so strong would succumb to grief like that.

“Verity, you can’t be serious,” she said.

“I am my dear.  I saw how he was after losing you in this accident.  He was inconsolable and if not for Jeremy, I don’t think he’d have survived.  You are not only the love of his life Demelza, you ARE his life.”

The tears returned and this time Demelza did nothing to stop them. The smaller cousin came towards her and wrapped her arms around her waist. 

“He loves you, my dear.  That is a rare commodity that you need to hold on to.  Don’t let anything or anyone put doubts in your head about that,” she said firmly.

Demelza looked down at her cousin and knew exactly what she was referencing.  Verity must know about her insecurities regarding Elizabeth.

“That’s easier said than done sometimes, but when you are competing with a love that was so important…”

“It wasn’t Demelza.  That’s what you must realize. If it was so important, she wouldn’t have married my brother.  And Ross would never have fallen so completely in love with you. That relationship was never meant to be.  I’m sure about that. You should be too.”

“I want to Verity, truly I do but it’s hard especially since something is lingering about her and Ross.  If I could see clear to what that was, I could allow myself to believe.”

“Trust in yourself and your husband,” Verity said.

The words rang in Demelza’s head as if she’d heard them before and it must have shown on her face because the next thing Verity was, “I said the same thing to you when you came for your first Christmas with us.  Nothing’s changed.”

Demelza suddenly had a vision of herself in this same house, in the same parlor but at night. Candles bathed the room and she was standing across from Ross with music in the background.  And she heard singing.

“Verity, was there music that Christmas?” Demelza asked.

Verity’s eyes widened and a smile crossed her face.

“Yes, my dear there was! Did you remember something?”

“I don’t know. I see myself wearing something red. And I hear singing,” she said slowly.

“Oh Demelza, yes! It was Christmas Eve.  You were wearing a dress that we ordered when I came to visit.  The singing was you. You sang for our guests.”

The excitement in Verity was contagious as Demelza’s face broke out into a grin even though the details of that night were far from explicit.  Yet she could feel and see herself in that room, staring at Ross. 

“I see bits of it and I feel being here but sometimes I wonder if I’m making it up because I want to remember so badly,” Demelza said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

Verity reached for Demelza’s hand and held it.

“No, my dear you are not making it up. It happened.  I don’t know if I should say this, so I apologize if I’m being presumptuous but I got the impression that Ross saw you differently that night,” Verity said.

Demelza shook her head, unsure of what she meant.  She said nothing but kept looking at her cousin. Verity smiled sweetly and continued.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say Ross truly fell in love with you that night, Demelza,” Verity said.

She hoped that her words would be of comfort to Demelza but they seemed to prove just the opposite.  Demelza’s face fell as though she’d just heard the worst news in her life.  The tall redhead pulled away from Verity and walked down the path further away from the house.  Unsure of what she’d done, Verity called after her.

“Demelza!  Please, I didn’t mean to upset you,” she cried as she scurried to reach her.

Stopping and turning around, Demelza’s face showed the trace of tears when Verity reached her.

“I’m sorry.  I thought you’d be happy to know that what you remembered actually happened.  What have I said?” Verity asked.

“It’s nothing.  I am grateful that some memories are returning.  I just didn’t realize that Ross didn’t love me until then.  I suppose I thought when he said he fell in love with me it was sooner rather than later.  So it makes me wonder why it took so long.  Was there something about me that kept him from loving me?  Or was he still holding feelings for Elizabeth?  Just as she told me,” Demelza blurted out before she could stop herself.

Verity had no idea where this change of mood came from but she was unsure how to reverse it. There was an uncomfortable silence between them until the sound of footsteps came closer.

“There you are.”

Ross appeared through the brush with a smile for the ladies as he strode towards them.

“Ross!” Verity said, glad that it was him and not another Poldark.

“I was missing my wife and came in search of her,” he said going to Demelza and taking her hands.  He failed to see the distress on her face immediately.  It wasn’t until he saw the concerned expression that Verity gave him that he focused on Demelza.

“What have I missed?” he asked.

He spoke directly to Demelza since it appeared the issue had something to do with her.

“Demelza?  Is something amiss?  Are you unwell?”

Ross moved his hands to slide up Demelza’s arms holding her firmly in his grasp.  She kept her head bowed, ashamed to look at him for fear she’d see pity in his face and not love.

“I feel fine Ross.  Verity was just telling me about your trial and it upset me, that’s all,” she explained as calm as possible.

“You’re lying Demelza,” he said flatly.

Her head shot up to see a smirk on his face with a knowing look. 

“How do you …?” she asked.

“Demelza, you might have just returned from being away for months but before that, we were together for ten years.  When you live with someone that long you tend to learn what they are feeling and doing. So I know that it is not just the story of my trial that has you distressed, it’s something else.  Now please tell me what it is,” he replied.

Demelza moved away and around Ross so that her back was towards him.  She saw an imperceptible nod from Verity which silently told her to just tell him.  Verity, now feeling like an intruder, made her excuses.

“I should be getting back and seeing to dinner.  Besides, I don’t like to leave Agatha alone too long.  Take your time getting back to the house,” she said.

Verity started walking back to the house with a brief glance over her should at her cousins.  She hoped that Ross told Demelza what she needed to hear.  Demelza watched her go as she felt Ross’s arm touch her back.

“Now will you tell me what troubles you, my love?” he asked.

Demelza took a deep breath then spun to face him.  As she looked into his warm brown eyes, she remembered the nights they’ve spent together in the past few weeks and wondered if the facts of the past mattered in their present lives. Did it matter when Ross fell in love with her?  He loved her now.  But if his love was still tenuous only a few years ago, could it flounder again under other circumstances?  Did what Elizabeth kept intimating about Ross’ love--an all important first love--still holding steady even up until the accident mean something?

“Ross is it true that you truly fell in love with me at our first Christmas together?”

She started to walk back towards the house, the need to move becoming overwhelming.  She was anxious about what he was going to say.

“I told you I wouldn’t lie to you.  So yes, I fell in love with you that night,” he said.

He felt rather than heard her suck in her breath at his confession and his hand immediately grabbed hers had brought her to him.

“But I loved you before then.  It’s hard to explain without sounding like I am making excuses.  I knew I loved you for a long time.  Perhaps a year before we even slept together.  What that night of Christmas did was make me see that I was **_in_** love with you.  As a husband should be with his wife.  When you sang that night, it was as if there was no one else in the room. You were bearing your soul to me and telling me how you felt and that in turn opened my heart to realize that I felt the same.”

Ross said nothing more but lifted her face and kissed her.  She couldn’t resist him this time, no matter if they were out in the open on Trenwith grounds where anyone could see.  Her hand went up to his cheek and caressed it as her mouth opened to let his tongue meet hers. The continued for a minute longer before parting, their eyes closed, their breath mingling.

“Thank you, Ross.  I always knew that we had a most unusual relationship. I suppose the way we fell in love should be unusual as well. Now, I think we should go back before people start talking.”

“Let them talk. It wouldn’t be the first time I was fodder for gossip,” he teased.

“No.  You did marry your kitchen wench,” she replied.

“Yes, I did. Thank god.”

He offered his arm which she took willingly as they walked across the grass.  Again as they shared words of endearment, Demelza’s eyes glanced up at the house to see Elizabeth once more watching them.

“Ross, I think Elizabeth is bored,” she said.

“What makes you say that?”

“She seems extremely interested in what we are doing,” she said and gestured towards the house.

Ross followed her line of vision to see the brunette staring at them, a plastered smile on her face.

“I see. Perhaps I should find out what interests her so much. Then maybe we can put together the pieces of the puzzle that have to do with your accident.”

“Do you think today is the time to do such a thing?”

“If nothing else, I can find out why she seems so preoccupied with us.”

Ross looked from his wife to Elizabeth, not quite sure what he was looking for. However as he watched Elizabeth turn away from the window, Ross got the sense that his former attachment perhaps was not as pleased with current circumstances. 

“What is it that you think is going on, Demelza?”

“Well, I think that’s clear Ross. Elizabeth is jealous.”

*~*~*~*~*

When they reentered the house, Ross and Demelza were laughing and sharing a private conversation.  Demelza’s arm was linked through Ross’s her head close to his shoulder. They stood in the great hall enjoying each other’s company when Verity emerged from the parlor they were in earlier. 

“Demelza, would you like to freshen up before dinner?  Perhaps lie down for a while?  I’ve had the rooms made up just in case you felt the need,” Verity said lightly.

Demelza smiled at Ross’s cousin who started towards the hall that led to the stairs. She was glad that Verity was staying close by because her presence was a welcome one.

“I would like that very much, Verity. Thank you,” she said, then turned to Ross.

“What about you? Care to join me?”

Her smile was shy but she gave him a knowing wink; he was not expecting such cheekiness from her in his family home.  Ross came closer to her and murmured low so only she could hear.

“I don’t think that’s very wise right now, my love. You take a rest while I keep Aunt Agatha company.  If you’re not down shortly, I might come up and get you,” he said, returning the same smile and wink.

Demelza giggled as he took her hands and kissed them.

“Well then I shall wait patiently,” Demelza said.

“Demelza!” Verity called.

“Try and stay out of trouble, Ross.  I’ll be down shortly. I don’t want to leave you alone too long,” Demelza said.

Ross saw uncertainty cloud her eyes again.

“Have no fear my love.  The worst that could happen would be a bad hand of tarot cards,” he quipped.

She touched his cheek then left to find Verity.  Ross watched her exit, his gaze traveling the length of her retreating body which fueled desire and love.  He had half a mind to join her if only to just lay with her in his arms but he knew that was impractical and inappropriate at this moment.  When he heard the women’s voices fade as they made their way upstairs, Ross went to rejoin Agatha but was stopped by Elizabeth.  She had come from the side door that led to Francis’ study so quietly that he hadn’t heard the door open or close.

“Ross? Where’s Demelza?” she asked a little too brightly. She then pretended to look around the room for her.

“She’s gone to lie down. This has been a tiring day for her. She’s not used to such excursions or riding,” he explained as he led the way to the parlor.

Agatha was dozing in the corner, so Ross tried not to disturb her as he poured himself a brandy.  He gazed out the window at the slowly darkening day as the sun set so he was not aware of Elizabeth approaching.  She stopped just shy of reaching him, her focus on the man who she regretted losing and who, at this moment, needed to see that this life they’d condemned themselves to could be amended.

“How’s Demelza managing, Ross?” she asked as she came to stand next to him.

Ross doesn’t turn to her but kept his eyes focused on the scene outside.

“She’s fine Elizabeth,” he said.

“That’s a relief. I thought that night we came for dinner she seemed a little lost and out of sorts. At the time I assumed it was because she was still recovering from her-- adventure. Then I thought it was more about her remembering what she was before and that perhaps she’d come to terms with the fact that Nampara was not where she belonged.”

Elizabeth poured herself a small glass of port and looked to Ross for some reaction to her statement. She knew that what she said was harsh, but she believed in her heart that Demelza’s accident was fate telling her that she should leave Ross and go somewhere else where someone of her background and birth was better suited.

Ross, on the other hand was just curious as to the purpose of Elizabeth’s discussion.  Was she saying that Demelza should never have come back?

“Elizabeth what are you talking about?  Nampara is Demelza’s home. Jeremy needs her; more importantly, I need her.”

“I’m sure you could find another scullery maid and nurse for Jeremy,” she said coolly.

He looked at this woman and wondered if she was the same person he thought he loved a decade earlier because right now she seemed to be a stranger.  Ross wanted to end this conversation.  He downed his drink and moved to leave when he felt Elizabeth’s hand on his arm.

“Ross you have to know that we, you and I, were robbed of the chance to be together.  You knew those months that Demelza was gone I was waiting for you here. Hoping that you would take the opportunity to right the wrong we were subjected to and be with me.”

Ross could not believe what he was hearing and thought for sure he was imagining the bitter and deluded tone of his cousin’s wife.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking Elizabeth but that was never a possibility.  And I don’t remember you ever showing any concern of any kind for me or Jeremy, while Demelza was gone.  Frankly, I certainly never entertained the thought of making any overture to you. You’re married to my cousin for goodness sake. I would never betray that trust,” he said. 

Ross was becoming extremely agitated at the direction this conversation was taking but didn’t know quite how to end it. Ross looked quickly at Agatha who seemed to still be asleep.  He wished that she would wake up to hear this nonsense that Elizabeth was saying. He was tempted to pour another drink but thought better of it; keeping his wits about him seemed the logical thing to do.  Ross certainly didn’t want a repeat of that scene during the harvest festival where he made a fool of himself.  He moved away from Elizabeth going to restoke the fire but undeterred by his seeming indifference, Elizabeth went on.

“Ross, admit it.  You never loved Demelza.  She was just a convenient bandage to help heal the wound of our misfortune.  I should have been strong enough to not marry Francis but I couldn’t see my way to do that.  You know I’ve always loved you.”

She came closer t him, her face inches from his, a smile on her face. 

“Elizabeth where is this coming from? I thought you were happy with Francis.”

She laughed bitterly and answered.

“Do you really think I could be happy knowing that you were stuck in a loveless marriage of obligation?”

Now he really did have nothing to say.  He just wanted to see Demelza and take her home. Their visit here was over.

“You are very much mistaken Elizabeth and perhaps when you are calmer we can discuss this rationally. For now, I’m gathering my wife and taking her home.

“No Ross you can’t!  Not until you admit you still love me.”

Surprisingly Elizabeth showed some forced restraint as she said this through clenched teeth obviously not wanting Agatha to hear. That was well and good but someone did hear: Demelza. Unable to relax in a home that was not her own, she came back downstairs to find Ross and happened upon this conversation.  Demelza’s stomach churned as bile rose in her throat.  It wasn’t what she happened to hear now, it was that she heard the same thing once before.  Her failed memory made it impossible for her to remember when or where and that was what was upsetting.  She needed to put some space between this scene and herself and so decided to return to her room, hoping that Ross would soon come to her. Then she could ask him about the memory she just had. Demelza moved away from the door and started to walk down the hall when she felt lightheaded.  Closing her eyes she didn’t see Francis approach so she collided with him.

“Demelza!  Is something wrong?  You look pale,” Francis said.

Before she had a chance to answer, Demelza collapsed in Francis’ arms.

“Demelza! Ross come quickly. It’s Demelza!”

Francis’ voice carried into the parlor, alerting Ross as he struggled to lift Demelza up into his arms.  Just as he pulled her up against his chest, Ross threw open the doors and saw his cousin holding his wife.  Any thought of Elizabeth and her nonsensical admissions were forgotten when he saw his wife limp in Francis’ arms.

“Demelza!” he cried, reaching Francis and his wife in two strides. 

Francis passed the woman to his cousin, quite shaken by what had just occurred.

“Francis, what happened?” Ross asked as he cradled Demelza in his arms and walked slowly out of the parlor towards the great hall where there was room for them to breathe.

“I don’t know.  I came upon Demelza standing outside the room. She appeared to be waiting to enter when suddenly she turned and fell against me. Shall I call for Dwight Enys?”

There was a true concern in Francis’s voice as he followed Ross.  Presently Verity joined them, not quite sure what she was walking into.  Elizabeth, unable to avoid the interruption of her time with Ross came to see what the fuss was about but didn’t offer any help.  Agatha, now awake from the commotion, reached for her cane, walking past Elizabeth to offer whatever help she could.

“Goodness, Ross what’s happened?” Agatha asked.

Verity ran to his side as he continued through the hall to the stairs, taking them two at a time. 

“I don’t know.  She seemed fine earlier.  What could have caused this?”

The worry in his voice carried to Verity as she looked at Demelza lying in Ross’s arms.

“Ross, I have no idea what could have upset Demelza so.  Here, let’s get her to bed and I’ll get a cold cloth for her head.”

The cousins walked swiftly down the hallway to the bedroom where Ross pushed open the door and placed his wife on the quilted coverlet.  Taking up space next to her, he held her hands and brushed her face with his fingers, calling to her softly.

“Demelza? My love, please wake up,” he pled. 

Fear ran through him as visions of her lying feverish and unconscious during the putrid throat came flooding back.  He leaned down and kissed her cheek. It felt cold and her skin was pale. Paler than he’d ever remembered seeing it and suddenly he was scared.  He was about to ask Verity to summon Dwight when Demelza stirred beside him.

“Ross?” she said weakly.

“Oh my love,” he cried. “Stay still.  You gave me a fright.”

“Did I?  I’m sorry.  I don’t know what happened,” she said, pushing against him to sit up.

“Demelza, hush now and lay quietly.  Can you tell me what happened?” he asked.

Lying back down, Demelza looked into his eyes and saw that she had frightened him. She didn’t mean to and honestly, she has no idea why she fainted. That wasn’t part of her constitution. 

“I don’t know.  I came downstairs to find you and then I felt faint.  Perhaps it was lack of food,” Demelza said lightly.  She didn’t want to broach the real reason she was upset; at least not here in this house and in this company.

“You haven’t eaten much, that’s true.  I know we promised we’d stay for dinner but would you rather we go home?”

Demelza was surprised that Ross would suggest leaving so soon, but she was secretly glad.  She no longer felt comfortable and wanted to go home to Nampara and Jeremy.

“Would you mind terribly?  If I am coming down with some illness, I don’t think I should stay here on the off chance of spreading it.  Besides, I want to see how Jeremy is.  I don’t like leaving him for long periods,” she explained.

Ross nodded in total agreement with her.  He needed to get away from Trenwith not only because Demelza asked to leave but because he wanted to clear his head from all Elizabeth tried to impart to him.

“As you wish my love.  I will make our apologies and have the horses brought around. Are you able to ride?” he asked, rising from the bed.

Feeling a bit stronger, Demelza sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed.  Taking a few deep breaths, she put her hands on her cheeks and pulled herself together.  What she heard or thought she heard would be dealt with later. For now, she would find the wherewithal to get home to Nampara.

“Yes, Ross.  I can ride if we go slowly. Give me a few moments and then I’ll be ready,” she said.

She stood up and swayed, sending Ross to her side.

“Demelza are you sure you wouldn’t rather stay and rest?  If you’re not up to dinner with the family, I’m sure Verity can bring a tray up here,” Ross said.

He held on to her firmly until he was sure she wouldn’t fall.

“Sorry.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I feel silly being so helpless.  Please let’s just go.  I really want to go home,” Demelza said.

“Alright.  I’ll tell Verity and then come get you.  Do not move, is that clear?”

Ross was insistent and Demelza knew better than to fight it. 

“Yes, Ross. Very clear,” she said as she sat back on the bed.

He gave her a light kiss and left her alone so she could make sense of what she witnessed. Whatever it was, she was sure now that Elizabeth was not pleased to see her return. The question still remained, what did she have to do with her accident, to begin with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me. This chapter took longer to get up than intended due to real life and an unforeseen block in my mojo for this story. But the vibe is back and I hope the next chapter won't take as long to post. In fact, it is started as I split this one in two because it was rambling on and on.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross and Demelza return from their visit to Trenwith and connect on many levels. And Ross finally hears what Demelza thinks happened the day she disappeared.

They arrived back at Nampara just as the sun was setting, weary and spent.  Once the horses were set in their stalls, Ross helped Demelza down and with his arm around her waist, led her inside. They held onto each other when they walked into the parlor where impulsively, Ross spun Demelza in his arms and kissed her.  The connection was immediate and passionate, fueling Demelza to respond by grasping his coat and holding Ross close to her. Ross’s hands found their way into her hair, weaving through her tangled tendrils, his fingers massaging her scalp.  Demelza moaned, the pressure of his touch releasing some of the tension she carried back from Trenwith.

“Ross,” she murmured as he moved his mouth from her lips to her neck.

“Demelza,” he responded.

“Please, we need to talk about something,” she said. 

Pulling away from him, Demelza kept her hand on his chest as her breathing steadied.  With a light parting kiss, she stepped back and smiled at him.

“Demelza, what is it? Something has definitely affected you.  Please tell me,” Ross said following her to the settle.

“I will. But first, can you get me a glass of port?  I think I might need some Dutch courage as you often call it,” she said. 

Getting comfortable, she watched as Ross poured two glasses and brought the decanter to set next to them on the small table by the fire.  He sat down and handed her the drink, his eyes never leaving her face.

“So tell me. Did something happen at Trenwith to make you so upset that it caused you to faint?”

Ross asked the question but was not quite sure he wanted to know the answer.  The fact that she collapsed near the room where he and Elizabeth were speaking worried him. He wondered if she might have heard the conversation and debated asking her just that when Demelza spoke.

“I think it was just the stress of the day and lack of food Ross. Nothing more,” she said.

“Are you sure? What else did you and Verity discuss besides that first Christmas?” he asked.

Demelza took a sip of port, formulating an answer in her head that would satisfy Ross but that would also answer questions that kept coming to mind.

“Nothing much, Ross.  She told me about the trial and the charges against you.  Is it true that because of my illness you got reckless and pillaged a shipwreck?  Was that one more thing I’d done to upset you?”

She let her fingers trace the etching in the glass while she waited for him to respond. Ross peered at his wife, wondering where she got the idea that anything she had done drove him to that fateful night.

“Demelza, that time in our lives was perhaps the darkest we’d ever faced.  Julia had just died, you were fighting to live and the only person I blamed was me.  If I had been able to keep Carnmore solvent;  if I had listened to you when you tried to explain about why you believed Verity deserved happiness; if I had the forethought to see that Francis could betray us, none of it would have happened.  There wouldn’t have been the breach between our two families which made you feel you couldn’t tell me about going to Trenwith to tend my cousins during their illness.  So no my love,  nothing you did was the reason I was on trial.”

Demelza nodded as she tried to believe what Ross was saying and he knew she doubted his words.

“Tell me Demelza, what else is going through that mind of yours?”

Ross’s words seemed stern but there was a hint of humor in their tone.

“Nothing Ross. It’s only that Verity said…”

“Again my cousin has put ideas in your head. What did Verity say?”

Ross looked at her, annoyed that Verity would even bring up such a topic.

“Demelza how did all this come up?  The trial? What happened during that time? Did Verity mention it?”

“No Ross. Don’t blame her.  I’ve been having dreams,” she confessed.

He sat back, unbelieving that she hadn’t told him before now that she was remembering things.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Or ask me about it directly?”

“I was afraid you’d be angry that I didn’t remember more…” she said.

Ross took her hands and held them, rubbing them lightly with his thumb.

“Never Demelza.  I know your memories are coming in pieces.  I understand that.  Do I wish that you’d remember all of our lives? Yes. But some memories should be forgotten forever. That time and the trial is one of them.”

Demelza saw that this was not a topic Ross wanted to discuss or remember but she couldn’t keep all the feelings she had bottled up much longer. She needed to know if any of the doubts she had were rooted in truth. More importantly, were the things that Verity said about Ross’s state of mind at the time of his trial real or imagined. And if they were real, if Ross truly and fully loved Demelza, then why would Elizabeth believe there was still some hope for her?

“Ross, Verity said that if something had happened to me you wouldn’t care about the outcome of the trial.  Is that true?”

He searched her face and saw the look of concern and sadness in her eyes.  How could he tell her that Verity was absolutely right? Without Julia or Demelza, life wouldn’t be worth living.  He also promised her that they wouldn’t keep any secrets from each other.

“Ross?” she asked again.

“Probably. Alright, yes. Demelza, you were, you are, the love of my life. At the time, if I’d lost you, after just losing Julia, I would have nothing left.  Thankfully, you were going to recover and I had something to fight for.  You. And as it turned out, Jeremy as well,” he said.

“Jeremy? What do you mean?”

She was confused by his statement so Ross went on to explain.

“You were already expecting him at that time,” he told her.

“Was I?”

“Yes, my love.”

“Oh,” she said, a touch of sadness in her voice.

Ross saw that the revelation upset her and move swiftly to soothe her feelings.

“It’s fine.  It’s in the past, Demelza.”

“Still, Ross…”

“Let’s not go back there.  I’m more interested in why you fainted,” he said with a smile.

She hesitated before answering, triggering Ross’s intuition that she did know something of his conversation with Elizabeth.

“I’m not sure, “ she said softly.

“Really?”

Demelza looked up at him and saw that he didn’t believe her statement.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that there is still something you’re not telling me,” Ross said.

He turned to pick up the decanter and pour another glass of port, giving her time to concoct an answer.

“I’m telling you what I can.  I came downstairs to look for you and heard voices so I waited.  Perhaps Francis startled me,” she said.

“Perhaps,” Ross said, humoring her.  “However, I think it more likely that it had something to do with Elizabeth, again.”

She was surprised that he brought up his cousin in law or that he had any notion that she was essentially eavesdropping.

“Ross I don’t want to…”

“What?”

“I don’t want to upset you by saying things against Elizabeth.  Especially since I’m not sure if they are real.”

“Demelza,” he said, moving closer to her,”You are more important to me than anything or anyone else.  If something upset you to the point of fainting, I want to know. Besides isn’t Elizabeth why we went to Trenwith in the first place?  To see if we could determine what she had to do with your accident?”

“Yes Ross,” she said.

“So tell me,” he insisted.

She took a breath so she could put her thoughts in order. She didn’t want to sound like a jealous wife even if that is what she was.  Looking into Ross’s eyes she spoke.

“I heard you and Elizabeth discussing your relationship. And me.  It seemed to me that she still has very strong feelings for you Ross.  Is that right? Did I hear that?” she asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

“I won’t lie to you Demelza.  Yes, Elizabeth was trying to make that assumption,” he said.

Demelza pulled away from him, a chill running through her as the memory of Elizabeth saying something similar came to mind.  Without realizing it, she voiced this thought out loud.

“So maybe that _is_ what happened,” she whispered.

Ross heard her muttering and moved back towards her.

“Demelza what happened?” he asked.

“Her saying that she wanted you back,” Demelza said. “That is what I heard isn’t it?”

“That’s not the only thing.  Yes, she implied that in so many words but did you hear my answer?”

“No I didn’t,” she admitted.

“If you had you would have heard me tell her she was mistaken and that nothing she could say or do would take me from you,” Ross said.

Demelza let out a sigh, grateful for his answer.  

“I’m happy to hear that Ross except that…”

“Except what?  Demelza clearly you want to tell me something and are holding it back. Please tell me,” he said.

“Alright.  When I heard Elizabeth speaking to you her voice sounded familiar,” she started to say.

“Familiar?  How?”

Demelza struggled with all the things going through her head. Not just about this recent incident at Trenwith but everything since she returned. The jumbled memories; the growing feelings she had for Ross; the desire to completely belong in Nampara and his life.  Without realizing it, she started to cry, the tears falling gently, softly.  They were barely noticeable until she lifted her hand to wipe her cheek, mumbling the thing that was foremost in her mind.

“As if I’d heard it before.  I think Elizabeth may have said the same things to me once before. Right before my accident.”

She spoke so casually that neither she nor Ross realized at first that she just had another memory breakthrough.

“Demelza? What did you just say?” Ross asked.

He leaned close to her, putting his finger under her chin and tilting it towards him. Demelza saw that he wasn’t angry with her but rather concerned.

“I think Elizabeth was here. That day I got in the boat,” she said softly.

“Demelza are you sure?”

“I don’t know Ross.  Her voice at Trenwith earlier was so much like the voice I keep remembering from that day,” she said.

“Wait. Are you telling me you’ve had memories of this before?”

Demelza nodded and bowed her head.

“Yes.  At least I think so.  I just remember a woman was here. Now I think it was Elizabeth.”

Again, there was silence while they digested what was being said.

“And I remember the ring.”

Ross’s eyes widened as he stared at her.  Still, she didn’t look at him but now twisted her hands in her lap, knowing that if she told him what else she remembered, he would not be happy. 

“The ring? The one I took from Elizabeth?”

“Yes.”

“What else Demelza?  Tell me,” he said as he stood up.

He needed to walk off some of this energy that started to course through him.  His adrenaline was racing at the idea of Elizabeth having anything to do with Demelza’s accident.  Or any other negative actions since her return.

“Ross, I’m not sure I can…”

“Yes, you can. Please, tell me,” he said.

“She must have seen it somewhere in here because she told me…”

“What did she tell you?”

“I can’t Ross. Because if it’s true…”

“If what’s true Demelza?  Tell me!”

He was practically shouting now, making Demelza not only scared but angry that he was turning this into an inquisition of what she did or did not recall. Demelza felt tears gather again but refused to let them fall. She decided instead to pour herself another port and walk around the room to work off some of the anxiety she felt.  Her back was turned to her husband so she didn’t see the rage that was rising in his own body.  Now the conversation he had with Elizabeth earlier as well as things Dwight has said over the past few weeks all made sense.

“Go on Demelza. There must be more,” Ross said.

 His tone was still tense as he fought to keep his emotions in check.

“I’m not sure, Ross.  I’m tired of talking.  I’d rather not discuss this anymore right now.”  

She waited for him to say something but nothing came because, in two strides, Ross was across the room, taking her in his arms. He looked at her briefly before crashing his mouth to hers, kissing her hard, leaving no question as to his feelings. They stayed like that for a minute or so before needing to break for air.

“Then let’s not talk anymore, Demelza”

 Their breath was ragged as they touched their foreheads together, seeming to take strength from each other. Touching his face, Demelza lets her hand drop to grasp his and led him through the parlor.  Their path was blocked by the appearance of Prudie.

“Back so soon?  Is something amiss?” she asked, looking from one to the other.

The couple put some space between them, trying to appear as casual as possible.

“Everything is fine Prudie. Demelza was tired and wanted to leave early.  Nothing more,” Ross explained.

The servant wasn’t quite sure she believed her master but didn’t make an issue of it.  She knew better than to question Ross Poldark when it came to his wife.  Or anything for that matter.

“’Tis just that I thought there might be something else wrong with the maid,” she said.

Demelza turned to Ross for a clue as to what the older woman was going on about. 

“I thought mayhap she was feeling poorly because of the babe.”

“What?” Ross cried.

“There is no babe, Prudie. And I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t say such things again,” Demelza said firmly.  She glanced at Ross who was now questioning Prudie’s statement.

“Demelza?” he said quietly.

She raised her eyebrow and nodded slightly towards the old woman, indicating she didn’t want to discuss anything else in her presence.  Taking charge of the situation, she brushed past Prudie towards the stairs, the initial intent back in her mind. 

“Ross, I’m going to check on Jeremy,” she said over her shoulder.

“Won’t you be wanting some supper?” Prudie asked.

“No thank you, Prudie.  I just want to see Jeremy.  If I’m hungry later, I can manage.  Why don’t you go off and find Jud.  Go to the village. Ross and I will be fine here,” Demelza said sounding like the mistress of Nampara.

Prudie was confused as she’d never heard the maid speak to her like that even before her accident.  Looking to Ross for approval, he smiled, knowing full well what Demelza was doing and agreeing with her tactic wholeheartedly.

“Demelza is right, Prudie. We just want to have a quiet evening here after the day at Trenwith. Go and don’t worry about coming back at any particular time. Understood?”

While he spoke, Ross directed her to the kitchen and watched as she scooted through to the yard, leaving without hesitation.

“Thank you Cap’n,” she called out.

In a moment she was gone and Ross closed the door behind her.  Surveying the scene in the kitchen and determining that it was not in enough disarray to attend to at the moment, Ross left it to go find Demelza.  Taking the steps two at a time, he heard her voice coming from Jeremy’s room.   He followed it until he came to stand by the slightly open door and listened as Demelza sang softly to their son.  Wanting to see the scene, he pushed the door open slowly and walked towards her, putting a hand on her shoulder.  Without turning around Demelza raised her hand to touch him and they stayed like that, in a silent familial connection while she finished.  Ross’s emotions churned.  He looked at his wife and son and wondered how he could ever contemplate having any other kind of life.  Only Julia would have made it perfect but that was not to be. So, as Demelza reminded him on more than one occasion, he would treasure what he did have and take whatever life had to offer.  She, being paramount in his life. Demelza pulled away to give Jeremy a kiss then rose and turned to him.

“You’re a wonderful mother Demelza,” Ross said.

“Thank you.  Ross,” she started to say. “What Prudie said about a babe, I’m sorry it’s not…”

“I know my love,” he replied as he held out his hand to her.

“How do you know?” she asked as she was drawn into his embrace.

“Because if you had any thought that you were with child, I think you would have told me first,” Ross said.

He leaned down into her and nuzzled behind her ear, his tongue grazing the skin there, making Demelza gasp.

“Yes…I would,” she managed to say.  “Ross…I…”

She paused as she felt his mouth slide down to the point between her neck and shoulder, his teeth grazing the skin while his lips sucked gently.

“Yes Demelza,” he murmured.

“I think we should continue this in our room.  I don’t want to wake Jeremy,” she said.

Pleased that they were of the same mindset, Ross bent down and swept her up into his arms, carrying her to their bedroom.  Stepping down carefully, so he didn’t trip or drop her, Ross focused on Demelza’s face, now flushed with anticipation.  Her eyes were wide, the blue-green of her irises diminished by the dilated pupils.  She smiled and moved to kiss him just as he put her down. Ross looked at his wife; the love he had for her far outweighing the physical desire running through him. He knew that if she had no longer wanted to share his bed, he’d love her just as deeply with every fiber of his being.  It was then he also realized that whatever he thought he felt for Elizabeth was not love.  Infatuation? Probably. Admiration? Of course.  Idolization? Certainly.  But not love.  Not a love that was real and would sustain a marriage through thick and thin.  Suddenly he heard his wedding vows again, reminding him of their meaning and importance. Now, as he looked at his woman standing in front of him, he understood the difference between reality and fantasy.  What he felt for Demelza was real.  More real than anything he’d imagined with Elizabeth.  Ross was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t feel Demelza’s hands on his chest at first. 

“Ross?”

Demelza’s voice brought him out of his trance so that his gaze dropped to meet hers.  Her eyes were bright with a smile that matched the one on her lips.  Ross said nothing.  The need to show his wife how much he loved her was his primary focus.  Without a word, he slipped her riding jacket off her shoulders, laying it on the chair of her vanity.  He then bent down to kiss her gently, trying to impart the emotions of his love rather than the ardor.  Demelza responded in kind, her hands grasping his lapels but Ross had other plans for her.  Tonight, more than their other couplings, was to be about love. Not that their recently revived physical relationship wasn’t based on their love for each other; it was just that Ross needed to make Demelza see that what he felt for her was more than the need or appetite that brought them together in the first place.  It was necessary, after all this talk about and by Elizabeth, that his wife knew exactly why she was his wife as opposed to any other.

Ross carefully moved her hands from his coat so that he could slip that off as well before turning his attention back to her.  Finding the ends of the lacings, Ross started to undo her corset, pulling the string slowly through the grommets until the garment opened to reveal her thin shift.  He kept his focus on the task at hand but he felt Demelza’s breathing become shallow, almost panting.  His fingers grazed the neckline of her shift, where he felt her heartbeat pounding and gooseflesh appear.  Ross still didn’t look at her until he pushed the corset and shift off her shoulders, leaving her breasts bare for his touch.  As he slid his hands across the smooth skin of her chest, he raised his head to look at her.  She was flushed, her lips parted as her tongue peeked out to lick them.  He kissed her again, this time teasing her mouth with his own tongue as a moan left his lips to meet hers.

“Ross,” she said, her voice gravelly and low.

“Ssh, my love. Don’t speak.  Let me love you,” he said.

Demelza could do nothing but nod before leaving a light kiss on his lips. Her hands were at her sides, even though she itched to touch him.  With a newfound shyness, she lifted them to his waist and held him there briefly as he worked on the fasteners of her skirt and petticoat.  Quickly they fell to the floor in a pool around her feet. Again, the memory of another night and another dress falling way from Demelza’s body came to his mind.  With that vision in his mind, Ross looked at Demelza, hoping she remembered that night as well.  She gave him a small smile but he couldn’t tell if she was transported back to that night as well or was just anticipating what was to come.   Not wanting to dampen the mood he was working to create, Ross brushed any second thoughts aside and went back to the task of making love to his wife.

He stepped back to give himself room to discard his own clothing, making quick work of his waistcoat and vest.  He then slipped the braces off his shoulders and was about to pull his shirt out of his breeches when Demelza couldn’t stand still any longer.

“Please Ross, let me,” she said, almost pleading.  “I want to touch you.”

As she went to help remove the linen shirt, Ross saw that she was trembling and wondered if the stress of the day was catching up with her.  He helped her lift his shirt up and over his head, dropping it on the floor as well.

“Demelza? Are you alright my love? You’re shivering?”

He put his hands on her arms and rubbed gently as if warming her from the cold.

“I’m fine Ross it’s just that, you’re taking too long.  I need you,” she said.

Now she pulled him towards her, her mouth clamping to his as her hands kneaded the muscles of his back. Ross gave in to her for the moment until he remembered he wanted this night to be all about her.

“Demelza,” he said, struggling to get a breath.

Pushing away from her, he saw her confusion and immediate doubts return.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Nothing my love it’s just…”

He paused, unable to find words to explain so he decided actions would speak louder.  Reaching out, Ross tugged the thin shift so that it the material slipped down her body.  With barely a touch, he let join the other clothing in the pile around her feet.  Demelza’s skin immediately took on a pink hue prompting Ross’s own body to react. She was beautiful.  He pulled her towards him, her soft and supple chest, meeting his hard and rippled one.  This time when he kissed her it was with determination, the niceties of gentle society done.

With their lips connected, Ross guided her back to the bed, pulled the quilting out of the way and lay her down. As he came to lie beside her, he caressed her body with a gentle hand, deliberately avoiding her most intimate parts. Covering them to avoid getting chilled, he started with her face, his fingers brushing the hair out of her eyes as his thumbs traced her cheekbones. Raising himself up slightly he kissed her lips so softly that she wasn’t sure he actually touched her.  Next, he moved to her eyes as they fluttered closed and he placed kisses there. Then he slid to her temple and felt her pulse beating in time with his own. 

For her part, Demelza fought to stay still, the attention Ross was paying her was something new.  Since her return, their lovemaking was heated and intense as if they needed to capture lightning in a bottle or it would disappear.  Tonight, Ross seemed to be relearning who she was which made her want to do the same.  With a bit of force, she turned so that she was lying on her side facing him.  He did the same as this allowed them to fully share this experience which was beginning to feel like their first time all over again.

“You are so beautiful, Demelza.  It’s hard to remember you as the malnourished urchin that fell into my life all those years ago,” he said with a smile.

He leaned forward and kissed her shoulder then moved to nuzzle her neck.

“Are you having memory loss too Ross?”

He leaned back and saw the smirk on her face; this was a sure sign that she was letting the tension of the day go and enjoying their time together now.

“Only when it’s to forget the unpleasant things, my love.  Like how you were abused before I found you.  Or should I say before we found each other,” he said.

Ross let his hands wander down her body, finally indulging in her curves.  Demelza took her leg and threw it over his hip, ready to move this encounter along when she came in contact with his still clothed lower half.  Seeing that Ross was now preoccupied with paying homage to her breasts, she rubbed her leg against his hip hoping he’d feel the barrier.  Since he didn’t seem to care, she did what he avoided by bringing her hands to the buttons of his breeches and flicking them open with expertise.  Ross was still focused on her now erect nipples which had Demelza wriggling under the covers, pushing her chest further into him so he didn’t immediately feel her hand open the placard and slip her fingers around his hardening manhood.  Demelza wondered if she was doing something wrong until she heard Ross moan her name and push into her massaging hand. 

“Demelza,” he said against her rapidly heating skin.

“Yes Ross?” she asked innocently.  Meanwhile, her hand moved steadily around his body, making him the one to squirm.

“My dear, if you keep that up there will be no reason for us to continue.  And I’ve so much left I want to do,” he explained.

Demelza stopped momentarily to look into his eyes and saw the glint of mischief in them.  She withdrew her hand and Ross divested himself of his clothing.  Now naked under the covers with her, he pulled her flush against him, the result of her ministrations pressing against her lower abdomen.

“It seems my love, that my treatment, of you, hasn’t been unwelcome after all,” Demelza said.

“Far from it.  So why not let me return the favor,” he said.

With another kiss, Ross let his hand slip between her thighs, parting her womanhood with his fingers, feeling her already slick with arousal.  He kept his eyes trained on her face to watch her reaction to his loving.  Her lips were parted, letting out small breaths while her own vision was boring into his. Knowing that his wife wanted him as much as he wanted her fueled his desire to give her as much pleasure as he could. He lightly fondled her, cherishing her, treating her body with a reverence that gave Demelza pause.  It was as if she were some delicate being and he was afraid to show her the passion they’d experienced in the last weeks.

“Ross, please stop teasing me,” she finally said, her hand joining his, pressing him harder against her heated center.

Ross did not want her to rush this and moved both their hands away from her body.  He then wrapped his fingers around her thigh and brought it back over his hip, opening herself up to him.  His member brushed against her groin, sending a chill up her spine.  Demelza reached for his hand and linked their fingers bringing them to lie on her hip.  With a kiss, Ross slipped into Demelza, her warmth welcoming him as she sighed. 

“Yes,” she whispered when he was fully situated in her, his first thrust slow and steady.

“Demelza,” he said.  “I love you.”

“And I you,” she replied her hips starting to move in rhythm with his.

Needing to get leverage, Ross rolled them until she was underneath him, her leg still wrapped around his hip; the other bent with her foot firmly planted on the mattress.  They continued to stare at each other, a silent communication flowing between them; Ross giving Demelza all of him and her taking it just long enough to return it.  Needing to feel him closer, she pulled her hand out of his grasp and clutched his back, looping her hands over his shoulders so that there was no space between them. Ross did the same so that they appeared to be one body.  It hindered his movements but he didn’t care. At this point, all he wanted was to feel his wife’s body flush against his so they couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.  As they continued their lovemaking, both could see release approaching in the other’s face. Demelza’s cheeks turn pink and glistened with a fine sheen of perspiration, while Ross’s breathing became erratic and his moans turned to groans of pleasure with each connection to his wife.

As he reached deep inside her, touching her womb, Ross felt her body start to contract, sending him the signal that he should join her.  With his head buried in her neck, his lips close to her ear, Ross began to let go.  He lifted his head up when he heard Demelza gasp so he could watch her face to see if she was ready to go over the edge with him. With a final look at each other, their bodies trembled as their climaxes merged.

“Judas,” she said as she hid her face against his chest waiting for her body to calm down.

She relaxed her legs but kept him in her embrace, peppering his face with kisses and wriggling in such a way to keep them connected.  Ross finally slipped out of her but remained in the cradle of her pelvis allowing himself to be coaxed back to her.  With his head on her chest, Demelza ran her fingers through Ross’s hair moving it off his brow so she could look into his eyes.  He smiled up at her, his fingers touching her cheek until he rolled to the side and brought her with him.  They lay like that, entwined with each other, each in their own thoughts.  Demelza was feeling content but even more, she felt the time was right to tell Ross what she remembered of the day she left.

“She said you kept it because you still loved her.”

The words came out so naturally that it took Ross by surprised.

“What do you mean?”

“Elizabeth.  I remember what she said,” she explained.

Ross sat up to see her face and determine if she was telling the truth. 

“You remember?  The exact conversation or just what you think happened?”

“The exact conversation.  Or rather, her exact words,” she said.

“Tell me.”

“I don’t know if you’ll believe me, Ross.”

“Demelza, tell me.”

He was insistent and she was tired of carrying this burden alone.

“Alright. Her exact words were that you may have cared for me at the time but I should remember that you still kept a part of her with you.  That ring I suppose.  And that a part of your heart would always belong to her and the love you shared.  So I might have your attention now, but that would fade eventually.”

“My god, Demelza.  And you believed her?  Is that what drove you to go out that day?”

“I don’t know if it was just that Ross but was she right?  Was I a substitute for her and that you were only waiting for a way to be with her again?”

Demelza fought the urge to cry by focusing on her husband and the love they just shared but she still needed to know the answer to the one question burning in her mind.

“Is what she said true?  Do you still love her?”

He rolled over her and kissed her again.

“Does that answer your question, Demelza?”

Their breath was ragged as their foreheads touched, seeming to take strength from each other.

“No Ross. Because wanting me and loving me are two separate things,” Demelza said.

Her voice was flat and matter of fact. Ross rose up and looked at her.  He saw she wanted reaffirmation of his feelings.

“Not for me, my love. I wouldn’t want you as I do or need you as I need air if there wasn’t love.  I love you more than I can put into words. If my actions since your return haven’t proved that, then I’ve failed as a husband.”

Ross was sincere in his confession which reached Demelza in a way she couldn’t fight so she did the first things he felt.  She kissed him.

“You haven’t failed as a husband Ross. Not from what I can see,” she said against his ear.

“Well, you don’t remember what I could be like before you were gone, Demelza.  I wasn’t always the most attentive person. But I hope that I’ve rectified that. Especially towards you,” he said, kissing her again.

“I’m glad to hear it, Ross.”

He wrapped her in his arms as she laid her head on his chest.  Demelza wriggled in his embrace, curling deeper into his side and threw her leg over his, bringing her knee precariously close to his groin.  Ross smiled against her head, relishing the closeness. Ross felt her breathing slow down which told him she was falling asleep.  He placed another kiss on the top of her head and tried to close his own eyes but when he did, visions of what he imagined transpired that day of Demelza’s accident between her and Elizabeth came rushing to his mind. 

Could what Demelza recounted finally be the answers they were looking for?  Could Elizabeth, a woman he had admired and at one time thought he loved, be that cruel and selfish?  He didn’t know why he was surprised after the conversation at Trenwith earlier in the day yet he found it hard to believe.  What Ross had a hard time coming to terms with was Elizabeth treating someone he loved in such a manner.  If she had loved him as she claimed only hours ago, why would she do all she could to impart the worst kind of hurt on him? 

He heard Demelza sigh and looked down at her.  The peaceful expression on her face enhanced her beauty.  Her red hair, now wilder after their activities made her appear younger than her years.  Anyone looking at her now would never know all she had lived through in her short life.  His chest tightened as he thought about how much he loved this woman and how grateful he was that she returned to him.  He was even more appreciative that the renewed love they found seemed stronger than before which made him determined to find out the exact circumstances of Demelza’s disappearance.  Gently, he reached over and brushed her cheek, hoping not to wake her.  She let out a soft moan and murmured his name against his chest.

“Ross.”

“Ssh my love, sleep.”

He settled against her and pulled the covers tighter as if to shield them from outside world.  More importantly, he knew it was essential that he to go directly to the source and ask Elizabeth point blank what she did that fateful day.  Ross needed to find out for himself if he had been mistaken all these years about the type of person Elizabeth was.  Or wasn’t.  Had he been keeping the memory alive of a love that was built on deception and blind faith? If it were true, then what did that say about him and his own judge of character?  Kissing his wife once more he closed his eyes and willed sleep to come.  The morning would come soon enough; then Ross would sort through all this new information and hopefully find out the truth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up. I blame, life, work, the need to make it right and a bit of waning mojo where writing is concerned. Hopefully the result doesn't disappoint as we go into the final stretch of this story.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross and Demelza deal with the aftermath of their visit to Trenwith. Ross gets advice from Dr. Dwight and finally confronts Elizabeth about what happened the day Demelza disappeared.

Ross rose before dawn, dressing as quietly as possible so that he didn’t wake Demelza.  The day before had been taxing on both of them and their bedtime adventures put them in a deep slumber.  It was the first time in as many weeks that Demelza slept soundly in Ross’ arms, not tossing and turning with fitful dreams.  He returned to the bed to sit down and put on his boots when he felt it move. Twisting around, he saw his wife, red hair falling over her eyes, sitting up holding the sheet loosely at her breast.

“Where are you going?” she asked with a gravelly voice.

She leaned against the headboard, now using one hand to push the fringes off her face so she could see him clearly.

“To talk to Dwight. Then I’m off to Trenwith.  We end this mystery today, Demelza,” he said firmly. 

As he bent over to put on his boot, her warm body pressed against his back.  She wrapped her arms around his torso so that and even through his waistcoat he felt her nipples harden.  He closed his eyes while Demelza placed kisses on his cheek working her way down his neck that was still exposed. 

“Demelza,” he whispered.  “If you continue I will miss my chance to meet Dwight before he sees patients.”

“You can see Dwight anytime Ross.  It’s still early and Jeremy won’t be up for another hour. Wouldn’t you rather come back to bed?”

Unable to resist her any longer, Ross dropped his boot and pivoted around to properly kiss her, pushing her down on the bed beneath him.  Demelza smiled against his lips as her hands wove into his hair.  With Ross working his way down her neck to her bare chest, she let out a soft moan, thoroughly enjoying her husband’s attention.  Suddenly, Ross stopped, sat up, and returned to the task of putting on his boots, leaving Demelza breathless and naked on their bed.

“Ross!” she cried.

“Let that keep you content until my business is done. For as much as I’m enjoying your attempts at seduction---again---I really must take my leave of you,” Ross said.

He stood, finally turning around to face her. The vision in front of him could only be described as a temptress. Demelza’s flame red tresses were splayed out on the bed, leaving her upper body open to his gaze. Her eyes were beacons, shining with passion and filled with love. He really could have stayed behind and made love to her once more before the day began but this needed to be done.  He walked to the dressing table so that he could check himself in the mirror.  Demelza smiled at him, knowing full well what she was doing. She wanted to keep the playful mood going so she rolled over in such a way that the sheet slipped away from her body to reveal her perfectly formed rear.  She leaned her chin in her hands as Ross concentrated on tying his stock.

“Well I’ll be waiting for you my love,” she said.

Then she stood up and pulled a nightgown over her head, her eyes never leaving his.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you my love, but I’m finding it quite amusing.”

“So now I’m amusing?” she said walking up to him.

“Always.  In addition to being brilliant, beautiful, caring and putting up with me,” he said.

 “Thank you, Ross,” she said kissing him.

She moved in front of him to sit at the vanity and began brushing her hair.  He stood behind her, putting on his coat, watching her in the mirror. Their eyes met, making them both smile.  There was a palpable shift in their relationship; an ease that was missing before last night seemed to return.  It didn’t matter to either of them that Demelza still did not remember all of the past because the present was all that mattered.  Ross bent down and placed a kiss on her shoulder.

“I’ll be back shortly,” he said as he walked out of the room.

“I’ll be here,” she said.

*~*~*~*~*

“Explain this to me again?  You said you were visiting Trenwith when Demelza fainted because she remembered something?”

Dwight poured tea for them since it was still too early for liquor by most standards. Ross took it politely even though he would have liked to fortify it with some rum.  Sitting at Dwight’s table, he stared at his friend, hoping to get clarification on just what might have happened to Demelza that would make her recall so much of the day she had her accident.  Ross wrinkled his nose as he sipped the tea then started to explain as best he could.

“I believe so. Demelza said that hearing Elizabeth speak reminded her of a conversation from the day of her accident.  When we got home she was able to relate very clearly what she believed happened.  And if it’s true, Dwight, then I have been blind to who Elizabeth is.  Perhaps that is why I have doubts about what Demelza is saying,” he said.  “I can’t believe I’ve been a fool all these years to hold on to feelings for someone who could be so cruel.”

“Then what is it you want from me, Ross?” Dwight asked.

“I don’t know Dwight.  Reassurance that Demelza is truly remembering what she says happened?  And that my thoughts about someone I loved couldn’t possibly be correct,” he said.

Dwight shook his head. He knew what Ross wanted him to say but he couldn’t do so without more information, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Ross, let’s forget her memory for a moment and tell me how she is physically.  Was she hurt when she fainted? Did she have any other symptoms?”

Ross raised his head to look at his friend and smirked.

“She appears to be fine.  She said it was lack of food and the stress of the day that caused her lightheadedness but I would like to make sure it’s nothing more serious,” Ross said.

“You seem to have some thought about what might have been ailing her,” Dwight said.

“Well, Prudie intimated that perhaps Demelza was with child.  Is that possible?”

Ross felt foolish asking such a question but at this moment he had no idea what was the truth or what was not.

“Again, I couldn’t state for certain without examining her but you, more than anyone else, should know if it’s a possibility.  Is it?”

Now it was Dwight’s turn to smirk at his friend as he saw a faint blush rise on his face.  He had embarrassed the staunch Ross Poldark with a passing comment about his intimate life.

“I suppose it is,” Ross answered, pointedly staring at his teacup.

Dwight enjoyed making his friend uncomfortable as it was such a rare occurrence.

“I see. So is it safe to assume that you and Demelza have resumed somewhat normal, marital relations?”

He stood to put his cup in the sink then turned to look at Ross, waiting for his response.

“You could say that.  Dammit, Dwight you know I’m not one to discuss my personal life with anyone. Not even my friend and physician. But yes. It is very possible that Demelza might be with child considering our _resumed_ relationship.”

Dwight laughed before rejoining Ross at the table.

“I’m glad Ross.  I told you that patience would be the key to bringing your marriage back to where it was.”

Ross nodded and smiled.

“That’s just it Dwight. It’s not where it was.  As a matter of fact, you could say it’s different than it was.  Perhaps it’s even better because we came back into it with open eyes and hearts.  I can honestly say that my love for Demelza is purer now than it was before, without any hindrance of past shadows.”

The doctor could see the change in his friend and was pleased. He hoped that Ross’s quest for the truth did not reveal something else he might not be able to deal with; especially if it included Elizabeth. 

“It seems you’ve made great strides my friend.  You and Demelza.  If you want, I’ll ride back to the house with you and examine her,” Dwight said.

He moved around the room gathering his medical kit and coat.

“Actually I’m not going back home.  I’m going to Trenwith to find Elizabeth and speak with her.  I need to find out what part she had in all of this.  She won’t lie to me,” Ross said with confidence.

“I hope you’re prepared with what you find out,” Dwight said.

“Why?” Ross asked. “Do you know something more?”

“Only what I told you after that dinner party. About what Demelza felt towards Elizabeth.  I think whatever she’s related to you is the truth as best as she can remember.  And I do think that Elizabeth has a part in this.  I’m sorry.”

Dwight finished dressing and opened the door, waiting for Ross to join him. Presently Ross drained his cup and rose to meet Dwight. 

“I appreciate your honesty, Dwight.  Demelza will know that I’ve sent you to check on her, so there is no need to pretend you were just passing by. If my meeting at Trenwith goes smoothly perhaps you can join us for dinner,” Ross said walking to his horse.

“I appreciate the invitation but I think you might need time with Demelza after you find out what happened the day of her accident.  I will let you know what my diagnosis is,” Dwight said, mounting his own horse.

“Thank you for everything.  I best be off,” Ross said.

He swung up onto Darkie and kicked her into stride, making his way up the cliff towards Trenwith. Dwight watched him depart then spurred his own horse on to Nampara.  He didn’t know what he could do for his friends but he hoped that whatever he could offer would help them through the next part of this situation. 

*~*~*~*~*

Ross waited in the parlor for one of his cousins to appear, anxiously pacing the circumference of the room. For reasons unknown to him, he was nervous.  He didn’t know if it was because of what he might hear or what he might not hear that set him on edge. All he did know was that he wasn’t leaving until he got to the bottom of Elizabeth’s endless connection to his life but more importantly, he needed to know the connection to his wife and the accident that took her away.  He poured himself a drink, not caring about the time and stood to look out the window at his family’s estate.  His mind drifted back to the night he returned from the war, descending upon this house and into the midst of his cousin’s engagement party which changed the life he thought he’d have.  At the time he was sure that he would never recover from the pain of rejection. Lucky for him that changed a few weeks later when Demelza fell into his life a disheveled, beaten, starving brat.  While she had everything going against her, the one thing she had, which Ross was in desperate need of, was hope.  Coming to Nampara, which itself was as broken and bereft as he was Demelza lifted both of them out of the darkness into the light. In the weeks she was lost in France, he had experienced that same blackness of his soul. So when she returned, he vowed to never let that kind of shadow ruin what they built between them.  He also couldn’t understand how Elizabeth, the woman he first loved and who taught him about heartache, would have any part of this accident. He was trying to make some sense of this when Verity entered.

“Ross, what are you doing here? Is Demelza alright? I was worried about her yesterday,” Verity said coming towards him.

He took her hands and kissed them before speaking.

“She’s fine. As a matter of fact, she’s better than ever.  Whatever happened yesterday caused a breakthrough,” he said.

Verity broke into a smile.

“Do you mean her memory?”

“Yes.  In a way. That’s why I’m here. Are Francis and Elizabeth about?” he asked.

His cousin gave him a questioning look.

“Francis is. I believe Elizabeth went riding,” she answered.

Ross hid his disappointment by bringing the glass up to his lips. He had hoped to see Francis and Elizabeth together to clear the air so he and Demelza could move on.

“Do you know how long she’ll be gone?

Verity was now concerned about Ross wanting to see Elizabeth.  She couldn’t understand why and was sure that no good could come of it. Whatever the reason, it had to be important.

“I don’t know. My dear, why don’t you sit down and I’ll find Francis for you.  Would you like tea?” she asked

Ross held up the glass for her to see and responded.

“No tea. Thank you,” he said.

“Very well, then.  I’ll send Francis to you.”

Verity exited the room, leaving Ross alone again. It was then he noticed how bright the room was with the morning sun; it was a contrast to his current mood which at the moment was most definitely gray. He knew that whatever transpired would change the relationship between himself and his family and probably not for the better.

“Ross!” Francis called, walking briskly into the room.

Ross turned and put the glass down, walking across the parlor to meet him.

“This is a pleasant surprise, cousin. I was sorry you couldn’t stay last night.  I hope Demelza is recovered,” Francis said.

“Yes, she has. It was just a tiring day. Verity told me Elizabeth is out,” Ross said, taken aback by Francis’s overt kindness.

“Is she? I didn’t know,” Francis replied.

“Verity said so. You’ve no idea where she is?” Ross asked.

Francis moved to where the liquor was and poured a drink for himself.  Holding up the decanter to Ross, he silently asked if he wanted another. Ross shook his head, realizing he needed to keep his wits about him.

“Lately Elizabeth does as she pleases.  As a matter of fact, she has been changed since Demelza’s accident. It’s as if she felt the loss as keenly as you,” Francis offered, taking a sip of his rum.

Ross felt a chill up his spine and he had no idea why. Yet he had a feeling that it had something to do with why he was here and what Demelza had told him. Absently, his hand went to his vest and his fingers toyed with the ring in his pocket. He didn’t know why he brought it nor did Demelza know he had taken it.  He thought that if he showed it to Elizabeth, she’d reveal her hand and intentions. Ross circled the room again to stare out the window.  His patience was wearing thin.  He wanted to confront his cousins and go home to his wife and son.

“Francis, has Elizabeth mentioned anything about the day Demelza disappeared?”

He kept his back to the room, not quite sure he wanted to see Francis’s face when he answered.

“No. Why?” Francis asked.

“No particular reason except that Demelza seems to remember a visit from Elizabeth. She thought it was that same day,” Ross said casually.

Francis came to stand next to him at the window.

“Is Demelza’s memory returning?” he asked.

Ross was about to tell Francis what Demelza recalled when Verity returned.

“Ross.  Is that the breakthrough you mentioned earlier? Has Demelza remembered something about her accident?”

The male cousins turned to look at her, Ross’s curiosity piqued as it seemed that Verity knew something more than she was revealing.

“Why do you ask?”

“Because I think I remember Elizabeth being out that day for quite a while.  She didn’t return until right before the news of Demelza’s disappearance was known,” Verity said.

Ross’s fingers closed around the metal in his pocket, convinced more than ever that Demelza was recalling exactly what happened that horrible day. Francis turned from his cousin to his sister, trying desperately to catch up.

“Really?” Ross said thoughtfully.  “Do you mind if I wait for Elizabeth?  I need to talk to her about that day.  I’ll take a walk around the grounds to pass the time.”

He didn’t wait for a response but left through the side door, his mind formulating the approach he would take when he saw Elizabeth.  He just hoped his anger stayed in check because it was becoming clear that this woman he thought he loved was not who she seemed.

*~*~*~*~*

Demelza was in the garden with Jeremy, attempting to prune the rose bushes.  She found that tending to her flowers was not one of the things she remembered.  Still, she worked as best she could to try and give them some semblance of order while humming to herself and keeping an eye on Jeremy who lay on a blanket next to her. Garrick kept close watch of the young Poldark and the boy seemed to enjoy the attention, cooing at the mongrel.  Demelza was so focused on her task that she did not notice the presence of a woman hidden behind one of the trees on the path. 

Elizabeth rode over that morning, leaving her horse a few yards away so that she could walk to Nampara, hopefully unnoticed.  There she stood, just outside the stone gate, watching Demelza go about mundane chores but in Elizabeth’s mind, the scullery maid was living the life she should have had.  Tending Ross’ son, a son that could have, should have been hers.  She adored Geoffrey Charles but would have been happier if Ross was his father rather than Francis.  As long as she lived she would never understand how this simple slut of a kitchen maid had managed to get Ross to marry her. Well, she answered that question herself. Demelza must have seduced Ross and then guilted him into marrying her, taking away any chance of his going back to Elizabeth and whisking her away from his cousin. 

The ache of disappointment was strong as she remembered the day she visited Nampara when she was sure she would finally get what she deserved: Ross.  Little did she know that her speaking plainly to Demelza would send her into a boat and out to sea.  When she heard about the mishap, she hid her glee at the news, not wanting to seem cold or callous.  Often during Demelza’s absence, she made the pretense of needing time alone so that she could ride over to Nampara to catch glimpses of Ross while he worked the fields or just meandered around his estate.  Elizabeth had wanted to approach him and see if the love they had could be rekindled but was not quite sure how to go about it.   She was convinced that it was divine intervention when Demelza was lost, thereby correcting the mistake that was made years before.  Some higher being seemed to know that Elizabeth belonged with Ross. Otherwise, why would that ring reappear after so many years? Or why would Demelza have vanished for months, under the guise of amnesia when quite possibly she too saw the error of her marriage and chose to stay away?  When Elizabeth heard that Demelza was rescued she was skeptical of the validity of the tale.  However, there was no denying that the woman who was found was Demelza, but she did not believe that the insipid girl didn’t remember Ross or her marriage.  Elizabeth was convinced it was another game the trull was playing to gain Ross’s sympathy.

Elizabeth was tempted to go up to the redhead and make her understand once and for all that she did not belong here or in Ross’s life.  That perhaps she should return to France and the life she started there, leaving Ross with people who loved him, namely herself.  Or perhaps she could start a rumor that Demelza had another husband in Roscoff; that might drive the girl away. She straightened her back and began to walk the path towards the house when she heard the sound of hooves approaching.  A lump formed in her throat thinking it was Ross but turned to see Dwight Enys.

“Mistress Poldark what are you doing here?”

Needing to come up with an excuse, Elizabeth lowered her gaze while she thought.

“I was just out riding when my horse seemed to go lame.  I hoped I’d find Ross here to help,” she said.

Dwight did not quite believe her story; something in her demeanor was awkward.  He couldn’t explain why, but he did not trust Elizabeth Poldark.

“Well that’s unfortunate timing as I believe Ross was on his way to Trenwith when I saw him earlier,” Dwight said.

Elizabeth’s head shot up to look at the doctor, her face suddenly bright with expectation.

“Really?  Then I should be on my way home,” she said quickly turning to return to her horse.

“What about your horse?” he called after her.

“I’m sure he will be fine. It’s not that long a ride and I will take care.  Good day, Dr. Enys,” she said.

Without looking back, Elizabeth reached her horse, carefully mounted him and pulled on the reins to guide him home. Dwight watched her depart noticing that she was driving her horse hard, clearly no longer worried about his being lame.  He became concerned about Demelza but saw that she was still working in her garden, cheerily humming and seemingly in fine form.

“Demelza!” he called.

Demelza turned at the sound of his voice and waved.

“Dwight, what brings you here?”

She brushed her hands on her apron and picked up Jeremy as she went to greet him.

“It seems Ross was worried about your fainting spell yesterday and wanted me to check on you. I hope you don’t mind,” he said, coming through the gate.

“That was unnecessary.  I was just tired and hadn’t eaten much yesterday.  I feel fine today,” she said.

Jeremy started to fuss so she bounced him on her hip until he settled down. Demelza’s nose wrinkled when she realized her son needed a changing.

“It seems Master Jeremy here needs tending to. Come inside and I’ll have Prudie make you some tea while I take care of this one,” she said nodding towards her son.

“Thank you.”

They walked together into the house through the kitchen, surprising Prudie.

“Prudie, can you put on some tea for Dr. Enys and bring it to the parlor?”

Demelza spoke and walked, taking a clean cloth from the line to change Jeremy.

“Go inside Dwight and I’ll be down shortly,” she said.

Dwight watched her leave then thought he better tell her what he saw outside. He caught up with her at the stairs and stopped her.

“Demelza, did you know Elizabeth was here?”

Demelza was on the first step ready to go up when she stopped and descended to face him.

“What? When? Where?” she asked.

He could see she was worried at that news, the pink in her cheeks fading until she looked pale.  Dwight stepped closer to her, fearful that she might collapse again.

“Demelza are you alright?”

“What did she want? Did you speak to her?”

“Briefly. She said her horse went lame and she was hoping to find Ross. When I told her he was actually at Trenwith, she departed quite quickly, her horse seeming to make a miraculous recovery.”

“I imagine so.  Dwight, why do you think she was here?”

Jeremy started to fuss again, most likely sensing the tension in his mother.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you take care of Jeremy and then we can talk.  And I can examine you,” Dwight said.

“Yes.  I’ll be down as fast as possible.”

Dwight put his bag on the table and took out a few instruments.  He looked around the room at the home that Demelza had created and smiled. He knew that Ross didn’t expect to have this life with a woman like Demelza when the war ended.  Yet it was clear that whatever disappointment he came back to was healed by his finding and marrying Demelza.  Dwight only hoped that Ross realized it as well, no matter what was going on at Trenwith.

*~*~*~*~*

Elizabeth barely let her horse come to a stop when she dismounted and handed the reins to Tabb. Brushing her skirt down, she entered the house, taking a few deep breaths to steady her nerves.  She peeled her gloves off and carefully unpinned her hat, leaving them both on the table in the great hall. She heard faint voices coming from the parlor but didn’t recognize Ross’s until she leaned against the door.  Putting her hand on the knob she turned slowly and opened the door.  As she did both Francis and Ross came into view but neither of them seemed too pleased to see her.

“Elizabeth!  Finally.  We’ve been wondering where you were.”

Francis spoke first but her eye was drawn to Ross.  He was still so handsome.  Her hand itched to reach out and touch the stray curl that dropped over his eye but she kept her hands clasped at her waist just as a demure lady of society would do; for that is what she was and that was what she needed to portray to Ross.  She turned on her best smile and went to her husband, even though her attention was still geared towards her cousin in law.  Holding her hands out, Elizabeth let Francis take them and kiss them gently.

“I’m just been our riding my dear.  I didn’t realize I’d been gone so long that I made you worry,” she said.

Turning to Ross she held her hands out again but this time he didn’t make the effort to take hold of her. Elizabeth was surprised but tried not to show it. 

“Ross, what brings you here?” she said brightly, ignoring his coolness.

Ross was not taken with her.  In fact, as he looked at her now, he wondered what had been so fascinating about her that she held his attention for so many years.   The woman who stood in front of him was not the sweet girl of sixteen he left behind when he went to war.  This woman seemed to have a hollow look in her eyes and the smile she projected was not warm but brittle.  His hand went to the ring again and Ross knew that no matter what Elizabeth related about her visit to Demelza, there was nothing left of his love for her.  That was as cold as the metal in his pocket.

“Actually Elizabeth I came to see you,” he said.

“Me?  Why?” she asked.

Her face broke into a wide smile that Ross found uncomfortable.  He knew she expected him to respond with some sort of flattery but that was not going to happen. So he decided to just address the matter he was there for in the first place.

“This,” he said pulling out the ring.

Elizabeth gasped while Francis moved closer to see what Ross had in his hand but didn’t get the connection to his wife.

“Ross…I…” she stammered.

“What is that Elizabeth?” Francis asked.

“It’s a token cousin,” Ross answered. “One I took from Elizabeth before I left for the war.  One I kept with me all that time but that I tossed aside the day you were wed.  I had forgotten about it all these years until Demelza showed it to me.  It seems she found it and on the day that she had her boating accident, Elizabeth saw it as well.  Isn’t that right Elizabeth?”

Ross turned to look directly at her. He saw the color drain from her face as it became clear to her that he must have learned of her visit to Nampara. 

“I don’t know what you are getting at Ross.  I don’t remember seeing that ring since you took it from me,” she said.

“Are you now the one suffering from amnesia?” he taunted.

Elizabeth was taken aback by his harsh tone.

“Ross I don’t understand what you are intimating.  Are you suggesting that this ring had something to do with Demelza?”

Her innocent routine did nothing for Ross’s mood.  It just made him more determined to get to the heart of this and end his visit.  He needed to see Demelza.

“Yes, Elizabeth. That is exactly what I’m saying,” he said moving towards her.

“Can someone please tell me what is going on?” Francis asked.

Ross and Elizabeth looked at him then back at each other.  Elizabeth tilted her chin up and waited for Ross to respond.

“I will.  It seems that Elizabeth went to visit my wife the day she had her boating accident.  It also seems that she saw this ring and in some deluded state, told Demelza that the reason I had it was because I held out hope that she and I would one day be together again.  Isn’t that right, Elizabeth?”

He turned to her now and stared at her.  Ross saw her twisting her fingers to the point of them turning red.  He knew now that what Demelza related was the truth. 

“Ross, I only meant that you must have cherished the ring to keep it. That’s all. If Demelza was stupid enough to interpret that another way, well, what do you expect from someone of her background and lack of schooling.  In truth, why else would you still have it?” she said.

Both Poldark cousins were speechless at the coldness of her statement.  Francis was not as surprised as Ross but still, he didn’t expect his wife to show her true feelings for Ross’s wife.

“As a matter of fact Elizabeth, I thought I had sold it when I needed money to get back on my feet.  I forgot that I just tossed it away until Demelza told me about where she found it.  So no, Elizabeth, I didn’t keep it or cherish it. To me it was s symbol of a love that was never meant to be,” he said.

“Ross, I’m surprised that you believe all that.  I thought Demelza didn’t have any memory of the past. Why does she suddenly remember this?  Aren’t you just a bit suspicious?” she asked.

“Suspicious of what Elizabeth?” he asked.

“That your wife has been lying about losing her memory.  That it’s all been an act.  How can you love someone who doesn’t remember you?  I know that I would never forget you,” she said.

“Really?” Ross replied.  “You certainly forgot me long enough to marry Francis.”

Elizabeth was not expecting his retort but it was not going to force her to regress from what she felt.

“What did you expect me to do Ross?  I was not going to be a spinster,” she said.

Francis snorted at her answer which confirmed what he suspected all these years: that his wife settled for him when her first choice seemed unavailable.  Elizabeth glanced at him but offered no apology. She turned her attention back to Ross.

“Perhaps what I said to her that day made her realize that she didn’t belong here or with you,” she said.

Then she walked to the cupboard and poured herself a port.  With a smirk, she turned and looked at the men.

“What the bloody hell did you do Elizabeth?” Francis asked. 

She shrunk at the sound of Francis’s voice; he’d never taken that tone with her.

“I didn’t do anything Francis except go to speak to the girl.  I can’t be blamed for her taking a boat out into the sea and the weather changing. I’d put that down to bad luck.  Or fate,” she said.

Ross and Francis exchanged glances as the fairer cousin gave the darker one a sympathetic look. Ross smiled sadly in response. There was nothing to say.  Clearly, Elizabeth had a fixation about Demelza that neither of them could understand. Ross surely didn’t know how to combat her hatred of his wife.  Nor would he cater to her by telling her tales that she might want to hear about their past.  He had no feelings left for this woman except perhaps pity.  Ross walked to Elizabeth so he could say what needed to be said once, with no questions or confusion.

“Elizabeth, I don’t know why you felt the need to go to Demelza with these thoughts but if you believed that by driving my wife away, I would reclaim our past, you are sorely mistaken.  You chose Francis long ago and while I might have been broken at the time that pain lessened once I met Demelza.  She taught me what true love is.  Love is not feeling the need to possess and own.  Love is a balance of give and take.  Love is seeing yourself through another’s eyes and becoming a better person because of it.  So you see, Elizabeth, whatever you thought we had, it wasn’t love.  I’m sorry for whatever part I caused in directing your life’s path but Francis was the right choice.  He could give you the kind of admiration and marriage you were born to have.  That is something I couldn’t do.  So please, stop trying to relive the past and take a hold of your present and make a future.  Just as I have and will.  I’m sure if you gave it a chance, you might even find happiness.”

In a gesture of kindness and closure, Ross kissed her hand.  Elizabeth said nothing but he didn’t expect anything.   He then walked over to Francis and gave his cousin a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Francis said quietly into Ross’s ear.

Ross pulled away to look at his cousin and shook his head.

“There is nothing to be sorry for.  If anything, I should be apologizing to you,” Ross said.

“How so?”

“Perhaps if I had been more aware I could have stopped this situation from getting out of hand. You don’t deserve this cousin.”

“Well, I don’t know if anything would have changed for me, Ross. But I am glad you have found contentment,” Francis said.

“Thank you,” Ross said.

With a final look to Elizabeth, whose face gave away nothing, he turned and left.  As he walked through the great hall, surrounded by the images of his family, Ross felt a sense of peace he hadn’t experienced before.  Letting out a breath, he gathered his gloves and hat and strode to the front door, only to be stopped by Verity.

“Ross, I heard what Elizabeth did and what you said. I’m so sorry.  I had no idea,” she said.

“How were you to know, my dear?  How would any of us have known?  If Demelza hadn’t been lost and come back with amnesia, we might never have known the truth,” Ross said.

As he finished this statement, he realized the importance of it.  The words came back to him as he said them.  Demelza’s accident was possibly a blessing in disguise. For if he hadn’t almost lost her he wouldn’t have found her again. Nor would he have had the strength to finally put the past in the past.  The thought warmed him and made him want to get home to the person who had resurrected him and who meant more to him than he had admitted before. 

Verity saw her cousin’s face grow distant and knew where he had gone.

“Go, Ross.  Demelza is waiting for you,” Verity said, gently pushing him towards the door.

Ross took her hands and kissed them.

“Thank you.  You must come and visit us soon,” he said.

“I will. Now go home.”

He smiled at her then took his leave.  As he waited for his horse to be brought around, he felt the ring in his pocket and pulled it out to shimmer in the sun. He held it up and was tempted to toss it off a cliff on the way home.  Instead, he put it away, deciding that it was Demelza’s to do with as she pleased.  He owed her that much to take the past and rid them both of it.  Mounting his horse he smiled and trotted down the path and out of the gates.

“I’m coming home my love,” he said softly and spurred his steed towards the life and woman he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any errors in this are mine alone and I attribute to all the excitement about S4. I wasn't going to post this yet, but we are so close to the end, I couldn't wait any longer. The last chapter came to me this morning and will go up shortly. Hopefully before my vacation to the see Poldark country in person. Thanks as always for sticking with me on this and all my stories.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross and Demelza come to terms with all that has happened including Elizabeth. And set forth on their course for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing and need to expressly thank Winston Graham, Debbie Horsfield and the originator of this idea @shiparker for everything.

Ross rode home with a sense of freedom he hadn’t known in a long time; perhaps for as long as he had been back from America. It was not just freedom but relief.  It was as if he had been suffering from a fever and now, finally, it had broken and he was cured of it and all the disease it carried.  He could kick himself for taking this long to realize the truth, wasting precious time, years even, with the one woman who could ever be his soul mate and lifelong love. 

Elizabeth had mentioned divine intervention in her ramblings about the ring.  Maybe she was right in that a higher authority might have played some part in the path all their lives took.  Even the cynic in him had to believe that Demelza Carne was dropped into his life for a reason and perhaps even by someone looking out for them both.  A smile came to his face as he rode along the cliffs towards Nampara.  How many times had he taken this route in the opposite direction on some family business with the hopes of finding Elizabeth?  And how many other times had he ridden or walked along here with Demelza by his side?  She asked for nothing, not even to be married to him. He had made that decision by himself, thereby bringing her into this tarnished life of his, never giving her the full love and attention she deserved.  How foolish has he been?  To think it took losing her both physically and emotionally to shake him out of this Elizabeth bubble that surrounded him.

As he neared the house Ross thought he heard music.  Putting Darkie in his stall, he entered through the kitchen and followed the melody.  Ross stood outside the parlor to find Demelza singing and dancing with Jeremy in her arms.  He watched the scene that was so reminiscent of the early days of their marriage when he would spy her doing everyday chores, absently humming some folk tune.  That was only six years ago but it seemed like a lifetime.   He walked into the room as Demelza turned around, stopping short when she saw him. Her face turned crimson as she smiled shyly with embarrassment.

“Ross! I didn’t see you there,” she said putting Jeremy down in his cradle.

“You seemed to have another man on your mind,” Ross said moving towards her with a glance at his gurgling son.

Demelza laughed as she walked into his open arms.  She laid her head on his shoulder before he tilted her chin up to gaze into her eyes.  He studied them, noticing how much the blue in those orbs mirrored the Cornish sea, not only by color but by their clarity and purity. There was no hiding the emotions that churned behind them.  All was revealed on the surface.

“Ross, is everything alright?  How did things go at Trenwith?”

Ross noticed how her voice went soft.  Softer than it was a few moments before when she was singing to their son.

“Yes, my love. Everything is fine.  I will tell you all about Trenwith in due course.  But for now, let me just enjoy you.”

With that, he leaned down to capture her lips with his.  The kiss was filled with tenderness but Demelza remembered how they left things that morning and so threaded her fingers through his hair and held him firm.  Her mouth becoming more insistent as her tongue snaked out taste him.  Ross also remembered the state he left his wife in but did not want to start something they couldn’t finish.  The kiss lasted for a few glorious moments before it was interrupted by the sound of their son’s wail.  With a laugh, they broke apart, their heads coming to lean against each other, catching their breath.

“It appears the other man in your life has claims on you, my dear,” Ross said.

He walked over to the cradle and picked up his son, giving him a peck on the cheek before handing him off to Demelza.

“I’m sorry Ross.  I imagine he needs feeding and changing.  Let me try and get him settled and then we can resume our ‘discussion’.

He smirked at her inference but knew that he had to tell her what happened at Trenwith before they moved on.

“Demelza, I think we need to talk before anything else.  See to Jeremy and then perhaps we can take a walk,” Ross said.

Demelza suddenly felt uneasy at his tone.  She worried that whatever happened this morning at Trenwith would prove more concerning than the memories she shared with him yesterday.  Could Elizabeth have said something to disprove what she was almost certain had happened the day she was lost?  If that was the case, then why was Ross so warm towards her?  Her mind was swirling with possibilities that she didn’t hear Ross calling to her.

“Demelza?”

She came out of her thoughts to gaze up at her husband.

“Yes?” she answered.

“Jeremy is waiting,” he reminded her.

Her son also sought her attention by tugging at a lock of her hair and squealing.  Pulling his hand off her curls, she swung him onto her hip and walked out of the room.  Demelza looked over her shoulder at Ross to see him pouring a glass of port, his other hand holding the ring.  Now she did wonder what happened and why he still held on to that piece of the past.  Needing to find out, she hurried upstairs to change Jeremy, taking a moment to check herself in the mirror as well.  Feeling anxious she took her son to the kitchen where she fed him before asking Prudie to mind him for a while. 

Walking into the parlor, Demelza saw Ross sitting by the fire, playing with the ring.  She held back a moment to watch him so that she could determine his mood.  Expecting to see some kind of regret on his face, she was not prepared to see the smile she’d seen so often directed towards her.  Thoroughly confused she moved towards him, her footsteps drawing his attention. 

“Ready my love?” Ross asked as he jumped up to greet her.

“Yes. But why do we have to walk Ross?  Can’t you tell me what happened here?”

“I prefer we have complete privacy. What I have to say needs such surroundings,” he explained.

Demelza pulled away from him, convinced that what he had to say was not going to be positive for her memory or marriage.

“Ross, please.  If there you are trying to spare my feelings by taking me on a walk only to tell me that seeing Elizabeth and talking with her about that ring has made you realize that our marriage was a mistake, then please stop.  No matter what decision you’ve come to, I will accept it.”

When Demelza finished she cast her eyes downward, focusing on another ring: the plain gold band that bound her to Ross.  Twisting the metal she started to work it off her finger when a pair of strong hands covered her own bringing them up to his lips.

“Demelza, I don’t know where your mind is going but believe me when I tell you I’ve realized nothing more than what is right in front of me.  But come, let us take a walk to the beach.  There is someplace I want to show you that I believe is the perfect spot for us to talk,” he said with a grin. 

Still feeling a bit shaky, Demelza nodded then took Ross’s hand as he led her out of the room.  They paused in the hall so that Demelza could gather her shawl before going out into the midday sun for the short walk to Nampara beach.  Ross looped her arm through his and smiled down at her as they started down the path.  They walked in silence as Ross led the way to the cove.  Demelza kept glancing sideways at him, trying to determine just what he was planning.  For his part, Ross kept her hand tight in his grip, at one point linking their fingers and casually rubbing her wedding band.  This was not lost on Demelza which made her heart start to beat rapidly in her chest.  Her mind tried to visualize different scenarios as to what might happen when they reached their final destination but nothing came.  She was about to ask Ross outright what he was about when she found they had reached the cave where the natural holy well could be found.

“Ross what are we doing here?” she asked.

Ross helped her over the rocks to the small grotto where the water pooled. It was deemed a sacred place by those who believed and stood next to the endless well that reflected nothing but blackness.

“Do you remember how we used to come here in the early days of our marriage? Before Julia,” he said.

Demelza looked at him, searching his face in hopes that she could remember those days.

“I don’t remember. Why are you telling me this Ross?  Are you determined to remind me that I am not the wife you once had?”

She started to become upset and Ross realized that he was approaching this all wrong.  He didn’t intend to make her doubt their relationship now; he was hoping to show her a place that was special to them. He pulled her close to his chest.  Even in the darkness he saw her eyes shimmer with unshed tears.

“No, my love. I’m sorry. You’re misunderstanding why I brought you here. It has nothing to do with the wife you were but more about the woman I love now,” he said.

Demelza was now thoroughly confused but said nothing.  She could see that Ross had more to say.

“You know some of the elders in the village consider this a holy place, as sacred as church.  And that this well and the natural font are blessed so that those tasting the waters get their prayers and wishes answered.”

She turned around to look down at the crystal clear water and the well.  The contrast between them was striking.  Demelza reached out and dipped her fingers in the font, bringing them to her lips to taste.

“Oh, it is sweet.  Not like sea water at all,” she said with a smile. 

She then dipped her fingers in again and touched them to his lips.  Ross looked at her before snaking his tongue out to taste what she offered. The small connection lit the fuse that was like a smoldering ember between them.  Without hesitation, Ross held her hand and took the fingers further into his mouth. Demelza let out a gasp, the heartbeat that had calmed now revved up again.

“Ross,” she whispered.

“Hmm…” he said.

“Stop.  Please,” she said.

Ross did as she asked because her voice sounded upset.

“Demelza, what’s the matter?”

“If you don’t stop I might want to do something that is totally improper for Mistress Poldark of Nampara.”

His face broke into a grin before grabbing her to give her a hard kiss.

“You are certainly a contradictory woman, Demelza Poldark.  This morning you had no qualms about rolling around on our bed, stark naked, clearly trying to seduce me.  Yet here, you suddenly find yourself shy?”

“Ross, this morning we were in our bedroom, alone and in private.  Here anyone can walk by.  I have enough people talking about me as it is, I don’t need to add loose woman to that, do I?”

Ross looked down at her and saw that she was serious. As much as he hated to admit it, she might be right. While Nampara Cove was private property it didn’t mean that villagers didn’t wander down here occasionally.  He never put restrictions on his property or the beach. Once again, her common sense came to play, even if it wasn’t welcome.

“You’re right.  I didn’t bring you down here to have my way with you. There’s plenty of time to do that later after we take care of the matter at hand.”

With that Ross reached into his pocket to retrieve the ring that started this travail and held it up for her to see.

 “Why do you still have this? Why not give it back to Elizabeth?”

“It wouldn’t have made a difference, because it wouldn’t change her or her thoughts. You were right, Demelza. She was at the house that day you went in the boat. She did try to convince you that I didn’t love you and that this ring was a symbol of my love for her.”

“Isn’t it?” she asked, not sure she wanted the answer.

Ross was stunned that she still had doubts about his feelings for her.

“No. It was a symbol of a love I realize now never existed. A false idol, so to speak.”

“Then why keep it?”

“I didn’t think I had.  I thought I threw it away or sold it. Clearly, I forgot about it,” he explained.

Demelza looked from it to her husband and back again. Tentatively she took it from him and ran her fingers over the metal.

“So what do we do now, Ross?”

He smiled at her warmly and answered, “We send it to a place where the past will stay in the past.”

“Where?”

Ross brought her back to the well.

“Here, my love. Drop it down this well. It will never be found or come between us again.  Then give me your hands,” Ross said.

Moving closer to the abyss, Demelza looked back over her shoulder at Ross, who nodded his approval. Holding her hand over the well, she dropped it, letting the silver disappear into the black hole. Once out of sight, Demelza did as he asked and gave him her hands.

“Demelza, marry me,” he said.

“Ross, we are married. Aren’t we?”

She wondered if perhaps her accident had nullified their marriage. Ross laughed at her concern.

“Yes.   Very much so. I just thought after all that has happened and how we were married, to begin with, that you deserved a proper proposal and wedding.”

“Ross, that’s a lovely idea but I don’t need that. You have shown me how much you love me in the short time since I returned.”

“Yes, but I want everyone to know how I feel and what you mean to me.”

“What does it matter what others think?” she said sounding very pragmatic.

“After all that’s happened you should be honored as Mrs. Ross Poldark.”

“I am, my love.”

“It’s not just that.  I want to say those vows to you in front of God and everyone because I now know the true meaning of them.”

Demelza’s face softened as she pulled her hand out of his grip to touch his face.

“Then say them to me now.  Here.  This is a holy well, isn’t it? What better place to vow our love than in God’s natural wonder.”

“You are brilliant.”

“No just sensible. So shall you go first or shall I?” she asked.

 “I will or else I’ll forget what I’ve been holding in my heart for quite some time,” he said.

“Alright,” she said softly.

Her heart was beating so hard she was sure he heard it over the lapping of the ocean.

“Demelza, I know that you believe that my love for you is cemented in the memory of a past love. But oh my dear, you are so wrong.”

Bringing his hand up to caress her cheek, Ross smiled down at her, his eyes filling with tears to match Demelza ’s.  She covered his hand with hers as he continued.

“I love the woman standing in front me now.  The woman who loves our son.  The woman who makes me laugh without trying. Who questions nothing and just does acts on things she believes in.  As you’ve tried to ingrain in me, you are not the wife who left.  But you are the wife I want and need.”

The tears flowed freely now as Demelza wept.

“Ross, I want to be that woman.  I want to be the wife you need.  For I love you as I never thought possible. I don’t know if it’s the same love I had for you before this all happened, but I know that it’s a love that will last for as long as we live.”

He kissed her then, sealing their vows and their future.  Pulling away, they stared at each other, silently agreeing to the vows they just recited when he lifted her hand and kissed the ring on her finger.   Raising his head slowly he looked at her, his thumbs brushing her cheeks and wiping away her tears.

“Someone said that divine intervention played a part in all this and I have to believe that is true.  For whatever you want to call it—fate, karma, destiny—I now know that you were meant to come into my life. Perhaps it wasn’t the most auspicious meeting but it certainly set the tone for our relationship.  Unpredictable, earthy, real, true.  I am forever grateful I went to the market that day.  Who knew when searching for items to rebuild my life, I’d find the most important thing of all. You.”

“Ross, you take my breath away.  I was only going to promise to not keep anything from you again. And that while I can’t remember the past, I promise to make you happy in our future. But how am I supposed to compete with the words you just said to me?”

“There is nothing to compete with, my love.  We are equals in this marriage.  You are as much a part of Nampara and my body as the blood that runs through my veins.  Nothing in my past or future is as important as you,” he said.

With that, he drew her into his arms, worked his hands into her hair and kissed her. Without hesitation, Demelza opened her mouth to receive him, the love and want she had for him seemed to overflow.  They parted when the need for air became unavoidable and smiled.

“Let’s go home Demelza so we can continue this properly,” he said.

“Yes,” she whispered.

*~*~*~*~*

They were almost home when a rider coming from the direction of Trenwith approached them.  As they crossed the path they saw that it was Francis.  Ross hadn’t expected to see him after this morning’s confrontation so he assumed that the reason for the visit was to deliver some kind of bad news.  He hoped it wasn’t about Agatha or Geoffrey Charles.

“Ross, why is Francis coming here?  Come to think of it, you didn’t exactly explain what happened at Trenwith this morning.  Please don’t tell me that my situation caused another rift between our two families,” Demelza said.

“Not necessarily.  What happened this morning did cause a break but not between Francis and myself,” he said.  Ross didn’t want to go into the details of his break with Elizabeth.  It was no longer important.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Now leave it be.”

They stood by the stone wall in front of their house waiting for Francis.  Ross put his arm around Demelza’s shoulder and kissed the crown of her head in reassurance.

“Ross!” Francis called when he was still a few feet away. “I hope I’m not intruding but I needed to speak to you.”

He dismounted and left his horse to graze in the yard.

“What is it?  Has something happened?” Ross asked.  He moved towards Francis to meet him.

“You could say that,” Francis said. 

He gave a cursory nod towards Demelza as came to face Ross who turned to look at his wife.  They were both unsure as to Francis’s meaning and so waited for him to explain.

“Ross, again I want to apologize to you and Demelza for my wife’s unseemly behavior.   I had no idea Elizabeth was so fixated on you. Both of you.  If I had known I’d have stopped her in some way.  But that’s no longer an issue,” Francis said.

Ross and Demelza exchanged a look before Ross asked his cousin what he meant.

“Elizabeth has gone to visit her mother and then she will be taking an extended holiday.  Possibly to America.  So, you won’t have to worry about her intruding on your lives anymore,” he said.

“Francis I don’t know what to say.  I never intended for any of this to happen,” Ross said.

It was Demelza who spoke now, expressing her remorse at the turn of events that now led to another Poldark marriage to crumble.  She went to Francis and touched his arm in a gesture of thanks.

“Demelza, never have I thought that any of this is your fault.  I hope my cousin could see that as well. What Elizabeth did was irreprehensible but if I was honest with myself, not surprising.  No matter how much I might have loved her, she wasn’t prepared to accept the life I could give her.”

Now it was Ross’ turn to offer sympathy to his cousin.

“Francis this whole situation is like a bad Shakespearean tragedy.  We can all look at what might have been but that would be a waste of time.  I learned that the long and hard way.  Perhaps this time apart will help you and Elizabeth find your way back to each other.  Just as Demelza and I did,” Ross said.

Francis gave a wistful smile, his eyes moist with unshed tears.

“You might be right Ross.  But at this moment just worry about yourself and your wife,” he said.  “You deserve some peace and happiness.  I should be getting back to make sure things are settled.”

“Thank you,” Demelza said.

The fair-haired Poldark cousin took her hands and kissed them.  Demelza lowered her eyes as Ross came beside her and put his hand on her shoulders.  When Francis looked up he saw his cousin and his wife and smiled.  With a slight bow, he turned and left.  As Ross and Demelza watched him ride off their bodies relaxed, the weight of Elizabeth suddenly lifted.  Looking up at her husband, Demelza grinned.

“I think we should check on Jeremy, don’t you?” she said.

“Yes.  Then maybe we can continue our talk,” Ross said.

“Yes, Ross. Whatever you say,” Demelza said.

They walked back into the house, keeping their connection by holding hands.

“I liked the cove, Ross.  Maybe we could go swimming there some time,” Demelza said as they entered the house.

“That’s possible.  However, I usually swim…naked,” he said.

Demelza didn’t respond immediately, a smile coming to her face.

“Really?  And no one says anything about that.”

“About what, Demelza?  Swimming? You sound surprised but you already knew that I swim in the cove naked.”

Now it was Ross’s turn to smile at Demelza.  With a cocked eyebrow and tilted grin, he waited for her to say something or question what he meant. 

“Ross? I don’t…” she started to say.

“I know you don’t remember but I do.  I remember a time you watched me swim one morning after...”

He paused and gave her a moment to try and recall the day.  Demelza shook her head, not understanding what he was talking about until a vision of Ross in the pristine water came to mind. The sun was warm on her back as she peered over the edge of a cliff through the wildflowers.  His hair and skin shimmered as the water dripped down his body.  Without realizing it, Demelza shivered and Ross felt it. 

“How do you know I saw you?” she asked.

Her voice was shaky; she was afraid to hear the answer.

“In truth? I saw your shock of red hair over the blades of grass and flowers.  It was hard to miss,” Ross replied.

Self-consciously Demelza reached up to brush that same hair out of her eyes.  Ross lifted his hand to stop her.

“Don’t Demelza,” Ross said.

“Don’t what Ross?”

“Don’t try and tame that unruly mane of yours.  It’s what I love about you.  Your hair is free and untamed.  Just like you,” he said.

“I see. Then I suppose I should tell you that I do remember some of what you said about the swimming.  I just didn’t realize it was you in saw in my mind,” she said.

Ross wrapped his arm around her waist as she tilted her head up to gaze at him.  Her smile was mischievous which worried him.  Demelza knew that the revelation that she remembered something of the past pleased him but she didn’t want to get his hopes up that it meant something more.

“Ross, don’t get too excited about this.  It was just a faint memory.  I still can’t remember everything,” she said with a tone of apology.

He bent down and kissed her softly.

“I know my love. But still, every new piece of information brings you closer to me,” Ross said.

“I hope I’m getting closer to you, recalled memory or not,” she said.

“Oh you are love, you are,” he said with a smirk.

They stared at each other, knowing that the next steps in their relationship would be another turning point.  Demelza took Ross’s hand as if to lead him somewhere but they were interrupted by the raised voice of Prudie coming from the kitchen.  She let go of him, giving his hand a squeeze before exiting to see what was transpiring in the other room. 

“Sorry.  Let me see what is amiss and then we can continue.  Perhaps have supper?” she asked.

“Perhaps,” he answered as food clearly the last thing he was interested in.

Ross stayed behind and poured himself a brandy, his mind playing over the last twenty-four hours.  It was as though he and Demelza, as well as he and Elizabeth, had come full circle. Not only regarding the relationship between him and Demelza which seemed to be starting fresh but with the foundation of history, but his connection with Elizabeth as well.  Finally, that tie was severed, long past when it should have been, but cut nonetheless.  Ross thought he should feel more.  More regret, more sadness. And he did feel those things yet not towards the situation with Elizabeth but towards his wife.  He regretted not seeing what he had all along and felt sadness for the love he withheld from her as well as himself.  If he learned anything from this whole event it was to not take for granted anything that life hands you.  Ross passed the piano as he went to pour another draught and sat down to wait for his wife’s return.  He leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes, letting his body relax as he drifted off.  Thoughts of Demelza playing the instrument with Julia by her side, giggling, filled his mind. He was happy then just as he was happy now. Truly happy.  The words he spoke on the beach were from his heart; he didn’t care if her memory never returned.

“Mistress asked if you could put Master Jeremy down while she tended to things.”

Prudie’s voice jolted Ross, visibly shaking him.  It took him a moment to comprehend what she was saying before he stood up to face the servant.

“Things? What things?” he asked.

“She didn’t say.  Only to take the child,” she said, passing the boy to his father before leaving.

Ross looked down at Jeremy and bounced him to keep him calm, wondering what exactly his wife was up to.

*~*~*~*~*

With Jeremy settled Ross decided that he could use a washing after the long day.  Going into his bedroom, he noticed the covers were turned down and that the room was bathed in candlelight which gave it added warmth, despite the sunlight streaming through the window. Yet there was no sign of Demelza.  Stepping towards the bed he noticed a vase of bluebells on the night table, memories flooding his mind of the last time he’d seen a sheaf of them and feeling that same tinge of guilt as thoughts of their beginning come to mind.  He sat down to take off his boots when the door opened and Demelza appeared wearing the blue dress. He was shocked, stunned and immediately aroused.  He couldn’t believe what he was looking at.  She was beautiful.  More beautiful than the first time she wore the same garment. With his eyes fixed on her, Demelza came to him silently.

“I hope it’s alright that I tried this on again,” she said softly.

“Yes, of course Demelza, but why?  You said you didn’t remember that night nor did you want to.”

“That’s true. I did say that.  Then I thought why not make a new memory with this. One where there is no question or shame,” she said.

Once again she was speaking with common sense and truth even if she was wrong about one thing.

“I was never ashamed, Demelza. Just full of guilt for using you and not having the courage to admit my feelings.”

Ross stood up and kissed her then, as he wished he had that first time.  They parted, their heads touching.

“And the bluebells?” he asked.

“Are to remind us that love doesn’t have to fade if it’s properly tended to,” she replied.

He paused, the words having a familiar ring and wondering why she would recite them.  He didn’t have a chance to ask her about it or obsess as she started to undo the buttons of his vest.

“See I may not remember the exact past but I do remember what I’ve been told since my return,” she said.

Ross’s heart swelled and the words that filled him needed to be said.

“I love you, Demelza.”

There was a pause while Demelza continued to undress him. She slid the vest off his shoulders and neatly folded it to put on the end of the bed. She then reached up and kissed him with all she had. Her hands tangling in his hair as her mouth opened, allowing her tongue to push against his for entrance.  Unable to resist touching her, Ross wrapped his arms around her torso, his fingers toying with the lacing of the dress. Demelza shivered at his touch as a moan escaped.

“How do I get out of this Ross?” she asked, her voice clearly shaky.

Ross pulled away before turning her around so that her back was to him. His fingers ghosted along her spine teasing either side of the closure. Demelza’s head lolled to one side, giving Ross access to the part of her that he loved to tease.  Lowering his head his mouth latched on to the skin between her neck and shoulder.

“Ross,” she whispered.

“My love.”

“What will people say about us behaving like this when it’s still light out?”

“Demelza since when do we care what other people think?” he whispered in her ear.

The smile she had faded as his hands opened the back of her dress, exposing it to his gaze and the chill of the air. Her skin broke out in gooseflesh which became more visible as his hands slipped into the dress, freeing it from her body. The silk slipped to the floor with a rustle, leaving Demelza naked to her husband's eyes. Ross moved closer and wrapped his arms around her as he did that first night but this time without any hesitancy to touch or feel her. His hands caressed her, going over the plane of her body, feeling every angle and curve.  Demelza’s breath caught in her throat, her mouth felt dry, the need to see and kiss him overpowering. Again she spoke.

“Ross, please,” she said pushing against him to turn in his arms but not before she felt his own arousal, hard and firm.

“Please what Demelza?” he teased as his mouth continued to graze her skin.

“Please take me back to that night. The night I wore this dress for the first time,” she said against his lips.

Searching her face, Ross saw that she wanted him the same as she did all those years ago.  And just like then, there was no fear but determination and desire, both powerful aphrodisiacs.  Doing as she asked, he bent down and carried her the few steps to the bed, laying her gently on the covers.  The vision of Demelza from their first night together came streaming back except now she was his wife, not his servant and she was more beautiful than ever.  Childbirth had not hindered her body but made it softer, curvaceous.  Her red hair splayed around her was a far cry from the straggling curls that once fell haphazardly from her ribbons.  But more than anything, her eyes shone with a combination of lust and love.  He had come to recognize that look over the years but never had it appeared as vibrant as it did tonight. He surveyed her body while he began to remove his own clothing; the task seeming to take longer than normal.  Finally, when his breeches fell to the floor and he stood naked for his wife’s perusal, she smiled.

Demelza moved up the bed, her breasts swaying slightly as she lay against the pillow, enticing Ross even more.  Seeing his body react sent a wave of pleasure through Demelza, creating an ache which began to swell in her womb and flowed to her core.  She rolled to her side, hoping that the pressure she felt would ease if she pressed her thighs together.  Propping her head on her hand, she appreciated Ross’s body a little longer before he joined her on the bed, his hands immediately going to her waist and pulling her towards him.  They grazed their noses before indulging in a kiss.  Tongues dueled and lips sealed as their hands took stock of their bodies.  Their lovemaking took on a new yet familiar rhythm, at least to Ross. As if sensing that this was going too fast, the couple pulled apart to look at each other. 

“Demelza, you are amazing.  And if you never remember the past, it won’t matter because I love you more today than I ever thought I would,” Ross said between placing light kisses on her face.

She said nothing because she knew that if she tried to speak, she would completely fall apart.  Demelza had known she loved Ross almost from the time he found her in Roscoff.  She couldn’t tell if it was old love or love at first sight, but it didn’t matter.  It was a love that had taken her soul and held it tightly.  With a sudden need to feel him closer, Demelza slipped her arms under Ross’s and pulled him flush against her.  The soft hair of his chest excited her already erect nipples as his hardened member was caught between their bellies.  As she maneuvered her body, Demelza made it clear that she wanted and needed him to enter her now.  With no further prompting, Ross rolled them until Demelza was beneath him, her legs falling open for him to fill that void. 

With a smile and a kiss, his body slid easily into her waiting warmth that was already wet and ready to receive him. Ross thrust against her, his groin pressing flush against Demelza’s, connecting his heated flesh with her swollen core, making them one body again.   The friction as they moved was forceful, more so than any of their other previous joinings.  Demelza’s skin turned pink as her eyes stayed trained on Ross’s.  Her lips were parted as small puffs of air escaped mixing with Ross’s own breath.  The need to taste him had Demelza pulling herself up and Ross down so they could indulge in another kiss.  If nothing else, she would never tire of kissing him. 

“Demelza,” he called as he looked down at her.  He knew the end was impending and wanted her to fall over the edge with him. 

“Ross,” she said pushing up against him. “I love you.  I love you.”

With a grin and another kiss, Ross ground against Demelza once more and let go.  His seed filled her as if to brand her as his own, more so than even their first time; for this was truly and purely an act of love.  Ross looked down at his wife and saw tears falling.  He started to pull away but Demelza held him fast.

“My love, are you alright?” he asked.

Ross was concerned that he had hurt her in some way.

“Have I hurt you? You seem upset.”

“I’m fine my love. I’m not upset. I’m happy. Because I finally feel like I am home,” she said with a grin.

Ross smiled at her and she started to giggle which confused him.  He lifted himself up to move, making space for her in the crook of his arm but she did something he didn’t expect. Demelza lay on her back with her head on his sternum, the sheet brought up to cover her breasts and just enough of his lower extremities to keep them from catching a chill.  They lay quietly for a while, the bodies and breathing returning to normal.  Ross’s arm lay over her ribs, his hand covering hers, the two of them tracing the ring on her finger.

“Do you remember when you came home one of the first nights we were married? And you told me to stop doing chores because you had other plans for me?”

Ross moved around to look at her and saw the smirk on her face. She reached up to bring him down to her, so she could kiss him.

“I was so happy then. Just like now.”

“Demelza, you remember?”

“I think so. Did that happen, Ross? Or am I imagining it?”

“It happened my love,” he said full of emotion.

He kissed her again this time bringing her up and into his arms.

“Demelza, why won’t you marry me in the church?”

“Because I don’t need it, Ross. Burying the past and hearing you tell me you love me are all the vows I need.  Besides, it will make a great story to tell our children when they are older,” she said.

Her words were not lost on him.

“Children?”

She lifted her head up to look at him.

“Yes. It seems Prudie was right.  I am with child again,” Demelza said.

She broke into an enormous smile that soon turned to laughter.  Ross pulled her up to lay on top of him, his hands holding her face, much as he did that time long ago when she told him she was carrying Julia.  And as he did then, he brought her close to him and kissed her, their lips meeting with love and promise.

“Past, present, and future, you are the love of my life.  And any child that comes from that will be a blessing,” he said, tears now falling down is own cheeks.

“Then let’s hope we are blessed many times over,” Demelza replied as she started the path to passion again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter hopefully bringing the story to a satisfactory conclusion. It's been an emotionally charged, fully satisfying ride. I do have an idea for an epilogue but that probably won't happen until I return from visiting the source of all this. Cornwall is calling and I hope to come back with new ideas, thoughts and appreciation for this Poldark world. As always, thank you to all who have followed this and every story. There are more to continue and start anew.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new venture for me spawned from a need to make Ross feel a little bit of pain and shiparker's love of angst. We need Ross realize how much he loves Demelza. After the last episode, it's clear he does....now I'm just going to play with that a bit. 
> 
> No worries to those following my other fics. They've not been forgotten. But this one needed to get out.


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